Chapter 19 : Chapter Nineteen. Camilla.
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Despite what anyone will tell you or whatever you may read in some romantic comedy, waking up in some guy’s bed after a night of drinking is not something that gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Quite the opposite. But, of course, it does depend on the guy, and your current situation with him.
I rolled over, my head resting on a full, slightly damp pillow. I grimaced when I realized why the pillow was wet—my eyes were leaking. Some may call crying a birth right, but ever since Sirius Black came into my life, I’m going to have to call it a weakness. I fervently wiped my eyes, sniffling. I didn’t know, until then, that you didn’t need to be awake to weep. I rolled over again. The bed smelled of sweat, sex, and the soap that the house elves use.
With slight relief, I discovered I was quite alone. In a room I didn’t recognize, however, this didn’t satisfy me very much. I closed the curtains, and rubbed my arms, trying to gain some warmth. I’d been sleeping only slightly covered by the thin, cotton sheets. My mind flew into frenzy as I attempted to relive the past few hours.
I saw Lily dance down the stairs, still looking shaken, but hiding it. I’ve always had an excellent judge of character, and therefore can usually tell when people aren’t being themselves. Sirius greeted her, and the two talked for some time. My fingers ached, and I looked down to note that I’d been gripping the back of my chair with a vice grip. My knuckles looked cracked and dry. I let go.
Students buzzed past me. Mute floated down the last step and jumped into Remus’s arms. I grimaced. They looked too happy. My stomach knotted, and I felt my heart thump for a few beats louder. I had to make this all right. It was all my fault that they were in these situations.
I hopped off my cushy red armchair—which took quite a bit of effort, as I’d quite literally fallen into it—and glided across the room. I already knew, or at least thought, that this wasn’t how I wanted Sirius and my relationship to happen. I didn’t want to go down as just some random slut in his book. So I walked up to him as soon as he pointed Lily in the right direction.
My eyes followed the redhead for a moment, and landed on Molly. There had to be something done to that bitch before anything else could occur. I could literally feel my anger and hatred boiling for her. Lily, despite how I just screamed at her, is one of my best friends. They all are.
I couldn’t allow this to happen.
Before I could stop myself, I was by Sirius’s side. He was looking at Lily and James. Lily had grabbed James’s arms and was trying to persuade him, I assumed, to sleep with her. He looked shocked and nervous and excited all at the same time. I smiled, despite myself. Then I noticed Sirius’s eyes were on me now.
“Oh, uh, hi,” I laughed. He didn’t. He merely stared at me, and then turned so that his eyes were focused up Molly, who was glaring bullets at one of my best friends.
His attention returned to me, his face completely bemused, “There’s something not right about that girl…”
As he trailed off, my eyes jerked to Lily, who had finally won, it seemed, and was pulling a stricken James up the stairs. Momentarily, I felt rather annoyed and expectant. Why was I so mellow when it came to this dare? Why didn’t I care if Lily was going to win right now, before me? My mind returned to the task at hand, and I faced Sirius, “You mean Lily?”
“No,” the tone and inflection in his voice made it seem like it was obvious, and what I’d said was preposterous. “ Molly.”
“Oh,” I whispered. In my mind, I cursed the witch, but of course, in reality, that would get me expelled. No, the revenge had to be covert, just scrupulous enough to avoid punishment, and just disastrous enough to teach her a lesson on blackmailing people. My mind blazed with the scheme, just childish enough to capture her by surprise and maybe embarrass her. All I needed to do was recruit the troops and rally them up!
We said at the same time. He laughed a bit and motioned for me to continue. I smiled, “I have an idea.”
I’m sure that my eyes twinkled just a bit while saying this, and I image my face twisted into an expression of a purely devilish smirk. He lifted his eyebrows, his lips forming a rivaling, identical smirk. “I’m listening?”
“It was all for a bet?” Sirius’s eyes aren’t wide, they aren’t angry, they are just apprehensive. He doesn’t even seem hurt. And for a moment or two, I feel myself get rather annoyed a hurt that he isn’t the least bit emotion about it. Instead of flaring up, he takes it in stride. I watch his eyes looked to the ground, and it’s almost as if I can hear and see the thought process.
He’s upset, but he probably knew something was up. A group of four girls doesn’t just randomly decide to hook up with four boys. Life isn’t that fair. He’s angry, but he understands the thrill of dares and the absolute gratification one gets when they’ve won those immaculate bragging rights. He’s relieved, because now he doesn’t feel so bad about the rush of his affection. He knows that the relationship had a deadline all along. He’s embarrassed, because he actually had feelings for me. But at least they’re gone now.
I grimace. Gone. Then my head spins as I realize that I thought all those things, and he could be thinking something totally different.
I looked around the room, seeing Molly with two other girls that I’d never bothered to get to know. The fire was still blazing in the hearth, and I wondered if everyone would be getting ready to head to bed soon.
“Are you mad?” I ask, the first time I’ve let my voice sound like this. It’s vulnerable and hopeful and afraid. I didn’t like it, and scowled. Sirius shook his head, still looking at the ground.
Then he stood up.
“I’ve got to tell the others. Moony is going to flip, and I can’t even begin to imagine what Wormtail’s face is goin’ to look like when he finds out that the only girl to ever kiss him is only doing it for a bet…” My eyes grew wide, and I turned on him so fast, my strawberry blonde hair whipped a bit.
“You can’t! Not yet! Look, I do not know if you realize this, but the ‘or else’ that I didn’t specify is not exactly something I want any of them to go through! I don’t care for me. I understand if you never want to talk to me after tonight, let alone sleep with me,” I sniffled. Lying through my teeth until now, I let out the only truth I was positive of, “But, they’re my best friends, and I can’t let anything happen to them!”
“So, in order to help your friends, I have to allow my own to get hurt? I don’t think so, Milla,” I cringed. He chooses now to create a nickname? That’s going to haunt me for life. Milla.
And just like that, I was transported to yet another memory of Ken and me. We were sitting on the big, plush red sofa just a few feet away from where I was standing with Sirius now. Ken wrapped his arm around me, sniffing my hair, inhaling, and letting out a long, “hmmm.” I cuddled into him, burying my head into the crook of his shoulder. He was so warm and soft.
Ken rubbed my shoulder with his thumb, and I giggled, this moment feeling something akin to heaven.
“I love you so much,” Ken whispered. I looked up at him; his were eyes twinkling because of the fire. I ran my hand up his arm to his hair, and ruffled it a bit, smiling and kissing him quickly. He chuckled, “I’m waiting.”
“So am I,” I sighed. He looked at me, his eyes very confused.
“Millie, just tell me you love me, and get it over with.”
“Because it’s what couples do, for crying out loud,” He chuckled again.
“Well, we’re not average, and we’re not jumping on any bandwagons, so I think that you should stop pressuring me,” my voice was laced thickly with false sweetness. He scoffed.
Ken stood, “Well if you aren’t going to say it, then maybe you don’t feel it? Maybe I’m wasting my time?”
“Maybe you’re overanalyzing things?” I countered. Ken straightened his shirt absentmindedly and picked his cloak up from the side of the armchair. I sat up a bit straighter on the sofa.
“Maybe this whole thing was a severe lapse of judgment?” He mumbled. I locked eyes with him.
“Maybe you should go?” I spat.
“Maybe you should stop being a bitch?” He tossed over his shoulder, and then continued to walk to the staircase that led to the dormitories.
“Wait, just like that? You never give up that easily?” Incredulous, he stopped. When he turned to me, I was already halfway off the couch, sauntering over to him slowly.
“Maybe I don’t want to fight tonight,” I sighed, and quickly ran a hand through my—then—dark brown hair.
“Do I want to know why?” He asked, not catching on.
“Maybe,” I smiled. His eyebrows furrowed together, and he stared at me for a moment longer than he usually did before replying.
“Well, Ken,” I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Maybe I love you too?”
He put his hand on the small of my back, and locked eyes with me. His face was dark with love and lust, and I inhaled sharply. He guided me closer to me, his face an inch apart from mine, before his lips—
“Hello? Earth to crazy plotting maniac?” Sirius waved a hand in front of my face, disrupting the fantasy. My eyes closed, blinking back tears. Then they opened and I locked eyes with a different guy than the one I’d been thinking about—trading amber eyes for gray ones. “So, I think that I’m just going to help you right now, and then I can tell them first chance I get.”
“Right,” I nodded. “All right, well I think that Molly just needs a good kick in the rump. Nothing too drastic, but nothing to simple, know?”
He smirked, his eyes dancing with delight and mischief. We set to work, thinking up trillions of different schemes and pranks.
After conspiring for about ten minutes, Sirius took action. A simply flick of the wand, and Molly’s skirt and stockings were transported to the Headmaster’s office. I smirked as Molly strutted right up to George Marin in nothing but her purple, frilly panties. A snicker escaped my lips just as Sirius let out a bark of laughter. I looked at him and, in sync, we high-fived each other. It was a moment between friends, I grinned.
Suddenly there was laughter and whispering everywhere. Everyone was gawking at Molly, who remained oblivious (did she really not notice the draft?).
A shriek sounded as Molly listened to George, whose eyes were glued to her legs, and looked down as well, seeing at last what we’d done. Her eyes flew up, wide and humiliated. For a moment, I felt bad. But then my mind went zooming back to the scene I’d just exited of Lily crying and Mute crying and Elsie being weird. And I didn’t have it in my heart to be sorry for this girl who’d threatened the people that’d stuck with me, despite my bitchiness.
Molly’s eyes flew to mine. I was still smirking, just obvious enough for her to know that I’d done it. She stormed over to me, her humiliation being replaced by fury.
“Where are my clothes?” She spat. I laughed.
“Well, just forget about telling James about that dare, and you can have them back,” I offered. She bared her teeth, her eyes becoming slits.
“You’re blackmailing me?” Her voice held an immense amount of pure malice and disbelief.
“Doesn’t feel so nice, does it?” I patted her on the head, and she looked as though she was going to attack me. Sirius put a hand on my back. I hadn’t remembered he was there, but suddenly I felt comforted and smiled up at him, returning to the sweet girl that I’d been when I’d met him—back then, it was spurious sugariness, but now, I was pleased to note that it was sincere.
Molly looked from Sirius to me, and then stormed up the stairs to the dorm, huffing on every step and muttering obscenities. I watched her go, barely noticing all the laughter that was coating the common room.
Sirius didn’t lift his hand from my back, but lifted it to my shoulder, turning me around and embracing me gently. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes, clinging to him. And he was squeezing me tightly.
I laughed and stepped back, looking around at the damage. I saw a ton of girls whispering, a few guys laughing. I looked past them, and caught the eye of Ken, who was holding hands with Kendra Rollins as she gossiped to some sixth year. He smirked at me, and nodded in recognition of pure genius. And I beamed back.
“You don’t have to do this,” I whispered. He chuckled, as if what I was proposing was absurd. He shook his head, my mind flickering back to his speech about how he wanted to. “I know that chivalry isn’t dead, Sirius, you really don’t have to prove that you’re a gentleman by being a whore.”
Another bark of laughter came from deep in his throat. His lips were still kissing m neck, and I could feel his tongue leaving a fiery hot trail on my skin. I closed my eyes. I’d been waiting for this, and now it was going to happen. I was going to find out if he deserved his reputation.
We paused for a moment and reached to the table by the bed, both taking a few sips of firewhiskey. Don't ask me why, but it tastes really good before sex.
Sirius’s hand crept to my belt, unbuckling it quickly. I hadn’t remembered putting on the belt, but did know that I needed it. All the worrying and scheming had worm me out, and made me lose weight. I looked rather frail these days—which helped with the acting dainty crap, but in retrospect was just unhealthy.
His hand snuck into my knickers, and I knew he didn’t plan for this to be extremely romantic, but then, neither did I.
I let my hands travel to his lower half, and whipped off his trousers quickly. He kicked them off with his feet, and then returned the favor. He didn’t bother unbuttoning my shirt; he just slid his hand up my waist, to my chest, under my shirt, and rubbed his hand over my bra a few times. It wasn’t exactly arousing, but I didn’t mind.
I slipped my hand into his boxers and he groaned. It was the first immediate, sincere reaction I’d gotten from him ever since he’d snuck me into this room. He hadn’t told me where it was, because according to him, “it’s a secret.”
I touched him and wiggled against him as he touched me. My lips worked over his, the first passionate kiss. My mind flew, and I realized that I didn’t actually want to do this. So I faked it—don’t tell Sirius.
I grinded against him, letting him know he should continue and get it over with. He understood. A moment later, he was with me, in that way. I responded. And we moved together.
I won’t detail it exactly, as it wasn’t romantic, and it wasn’t even what most would consider real lovemaking. It was just sex.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair, last night completely coming back to me. No wonder Sirius wasn’t here, he’d gone back to get ready. To leave me here, in this strange room, that only had a bed in it, and nothing else.
I grabbed my pants, put my belt through the loops, straightened my bra and shirt, and slipped my feet into my shoes. I combed my hair quickly with me fingers, and licked my lips.
When I opened the door, a few students were passing me by, their weekend clothes on. They didn’t notice me, and I shut the door carefully, stepping away from it slowly. I looked around, trying to account for where I was, and remember this spot, just in case I ever wanted to revisit that strange room.
“Milla!” I heard from behind me. I turned around to see Elsie flying towards me, her shoes making clattering noises on the stone floor. “Whatcha doing here?”
I looked back to the door, my finger pointing at it. But there was no door. I stared at it, dumbstruck. Where the wooden entrance and brass doorknob had been, there was simply matching gray stone.
“Right,” Elsie laughed. I assumed things with Peter had gone well last night. “Well, c’mon, let’s go. Mute needs to talk to us.”
She pulled me to the dorm. I didn’t even realize we were there, until I sat down on my bed, feeling my warm comforter underneath me, my fingers sliding over it softly. Last night was a blur, and I had a wicked headache.
Mute had dark circles under her eyes, and was fiddling with her fingers. I observed her, thinking back to about a month and a half ago, when I’d announced the dare. I remembered the lively, single Mute, with long brown hair, and dark, knowing eyes. I remembered the excited, love-stricken Mute, the one who had discovered more in Remus Lupin than even I could have guessed. And now, this new Mute, with sullen expression and sad eyes, this new girl was a new memory.
“Before you start,” I told her. Mute’s eyes fluttered up at me. Lily was sitting on her bed, holding her knees to her chest, and rocking back and forth. Elsie was twirling her hair on her finger. “I need to tell you guys something…”
Okay. So, Camilla and Sirius's sex scene was a disappointment, I know, but I didn't want them to have a beautiful experience, as terrible as that sounds. I just needed her to 'win' quickly, and him to help, and get out of the picture. So, I hope you don't mind that too much.
I had a review ask me if we could see more about Ken and Camilla together, because she didn't feel like Ken did enough wrong, or that they had a strong relationship, so that it why they have that in this chapter, and I thought that Camilla needed that beautiful moment of closure. So, yeah.
All right, please review! And if you want to hear a few songs that I think go with Camilla and Sirius's relationship, you can check out my xanga, there's a playlist there. Xanga.com/LileeMaria. Also, listen to the song 'Show Me Love' by T.A.T.U. (It's the theme song for the entire story, and inspired me a bit in the beginning to write it.
Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed (I know I'm really behind on answering them all, but I promise I will!)
That being said, please review!
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