I was never sure of existence. There’s something about the way I acted in school that makes me so different to other people around me, I still do. I think, I have time to breathe, I observe, I look around and take in what I see. Sometimes people are so self absorbed that they don’t even notice the most obvious things, the things that are in fact right in front of their faces. There was a time in my life when I was in a midst of uncertainty. I was quite young, thirteen or fourteen, but soon after when I was fifteen and I thought I was sure of myself, my father passed away.
I decided not to tell anyone because I knew that all I would get would be false sympathy, no one knew him like I did and no one had him like I had known him. I never even told Ron or Harry, they’re my best friends and we’re supposed to tell each other everything but there are some things I cannot muster to say. Sometimes I think people will judge me if I tell them. I throw myself into books and essays because I have nothing else to throw my energy into.
I knew that once he’d gone, I knew who I was. I never wanted to do anything with my life except fade away into the background, and I never realised what I wanted. Until that one day when I realised I was totally, hopelessly and head over heels in love with Ron Weasley.
Okay, I admit, I was stupid trying to make Ron jealous by using Cormac. I’ve never done that before and I only did it because I was so painfully hung up on Ron.
Ron was someone who I looked at and immediately felt safe with him; I strived to be around him. When we’d walk next to each other I would cry inside and almost reach out to hold his hand. My heart would beat ferociously and my breath would hitch in my throat, I could do it, I could do it this very second. And of course I wouldn’t.
Ron and I had that painful kind of love, the love which ached in your body, a dull ache punching your organs and filling you up with cotton wool, numb to anyone but yourself.
I remember the day I first kissed him; I thought I was going to be sick, honest! Harry thinks it was when we were talking about house elves, before the Battle of Hogwarts. It was actually in the tent when Harry was fast asleep.
He had come in from fishing for some dinner but Harry and decided to go to bed without supper. I had waited up for him listening to the radio to find out any news. He walked in and dumped the fish in the sink.
“How many fish do we have?”
I asked, picking away at the hem of my dress.
“Enough for today and tomorrow,”
He yawned, not acknowledging me. I got up and decided to help him.
“Harry has gone to bed,”
I told him and Ron nodded. I took the fish from him.
“Go and get some sleep,” I nodded towards his bed.
Ron did not move, he didn’t not say anything he looked at me. I put down my fish and looked at him, his face was pale and he kept gulping loudly.
“Ron…” I stammered and Ron’s body shifted uncomfortably. He took his hand away from the side board and moved in towards me. His hands tilted my jaw tentatively and he passionately kissed me, pushing my backwards towards the cabinet. I kissed him back, it wasn’t the most romantic situation but it was Ron, and that’s all that mattered to me.
I love Ron with all my heart. He’s my husband now, we got married a year after the battle. Too soon some said, but we’ve proved them wrong. We now have two gorgeous children Hugo and Rose – we’re trying again, hopefully soon we’ll be blessed with a third.
I never thought Ron and I would actually become a couple, there were so many times when I thought I had lost him forever but he always came back to me, even after Lavender he came back to me. I don’t think we could ever be apart now, after all the tears and tantrums and messing around it’s us for life. That’s what we decided.
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