Chapter 7 : Chapter 7.
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Chapter Image By .kapowi (tda)
Hearts Then Tears
Ron is staring at me, and his eyes are making me feel a little claustrophobic. I mean, Ron is one of my really good friends... but him constantly staring at me, it's... different. It's kind of weird. But, I have to admit that I kind of like having his attention. I feel like blushing, but I won't.
Harry and Hermione are talking about something... I think about Voldemort... or something evil and dark.
We are on the train ride home. I don't have to think about my breathing this time, and I’m relieved to be relaxed.
"So, did you like it, did you enjoy yourself?" Harry had a big grin on his face.
"Uh, what are you talking about?" I should have been listening.
"The Weasleys..." He said, looking at me weird. Of course! What else would he be talking about?
"Oh, obviously I loved it there. Maybe next Christmas I could stay again...?" I move my eyes around the small cart, looking towards Ron with my eyebrows raised. Inviting myself without permission, I am getting quite good at it.
"Yes." Ron said quickly and matter-of-factly. I look at him, a smile glued to my face. He turns a deep shade of red. I can't help but giggle a little bit, he looks a bit funny all red.
Life is getting sweeter, and I'm really liking the way things are panning out.
January Monday, 4 PM
"How was your Christmas?" it asked me as I walk down an empty corridor.
"Can you not talk to me?" I snarled back.
"Jacqueline, what's wrong with you?" it asked.
I turned and stared at it with immense displeasure.
"What's wrong with me? Me? No, no, no, you have it backwards, it's what's wrong with you! You are one messed up person. I know that you have been through a lot, but so have I! You are just... disgusting." I... I don't know how I said it. Then again, I really had nothing else to say.
He just stares at me. I want to keep yelling at him. Louder and louder and louder. Maybe then he'd get the message. Understand what I have been feeling inside of myself this whole time.
He looks away for a moment.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I don't mean to be... the way I am... I can't help it.”
"I know that, but, Draco, next time why don't you actually think before you act? It will probably help you out a lot more than you think." I take a deep breath.
"I have to go now.” I turn away and start walking. He is following me. He wants to say something... I think.
I stop in my tracks.
"What do you want?" I ask without facing him. He walks in front of me, sighs, and runs his fingers through his bangs.
"You are my best friend. I don't show it well and I am sorry," he takes my face in his hands. "I just really love you, Jacqueline, and I can't lose you." he said it so quietly. He starts leaning in closer to me.
But no, he's dating Hermione so he won't do anything. He is a lot of things, but he isn't a cheater.
He just said that he loves you,
As a best friend.
He never stated that fact. It may be more.
He brings my hands around his neck and then he hugs me.
Tears start to form, they want so badly to fall everywhere.
Why am I crying? I knew he wasn't going to kiss me. Absurd if he had done such a thing. But, was I hoping?
It's because you've waited so long for him, and now you know he's truly not yours. He never will be yours.
I squeeze him back, only for a moment, then pushed him away while I wipe my eyes.
"Thanks." I said almost in a whisper. I walk away quickly. He won't be mine. That is... okay, I am okay.
January Tuesday, 12:30 PM
I took small bites of my sandwich and for some odd reason they tasted... better. The air had such a sweeter scent and everything was just... a little nicer.
"Hey," Ron said, smiling, as he sat next to me.
"Hi." I said, turning to stare at him.
He isn't eating as viciously as he usually does. I concentrate on his eyes, they are a very mesmerizing blue. His shoulders seem strong, his fingers are slim. I stare at his lips, wondering if he's a good kisser.
Oh my god.
Am I seriously checking out Ron right now?
I turn my attention back to my breakfast quickly, ignoring the thoughts I just had. I'm blushing and I can feel the warmth spreading over my cheeks.
Ron Weasley. He isn't the least bit ugly, he is quite attractive I must say... but... he's Ron and I am me... this is odd.
I hurry up and finish my food, get up, say my goodbyes and leave.
I think... I think I have a crush on Ron.
January Tuesday, 3:30 PM
Ginny is talking about how Harry really does love her (And let's face it, we all know he does. I mean really, hasn't she been paying any attention? Girls are literally the most clueless beings.) while we make our way through a thin corridor.
Should I tell Ginny about my predicament with her brother? I mean, they are siblings and out of anyone here she will know what's best, right?
"Hey Ginny," I begin with my hands already starting to get clammy.
"Yeah?" She had no idea what was coming, my throat started to close a little and I felt so nervous.
I stop walking and turn to face her. She is so going to laugh or... or do something to make me regret talking.
"I like Ron." I say in a whisper. I turn away from her and start walking again.
“Excuse me? Why are you whispering, I couldn't even hear you!” She's right by my side, and taking a deep breath my reply (a little bit louder) “I like Ron?” My face felt red, and my skin felt uncomfortably warm.
Still by my side, she is quiet for a moment. I take another agonizing deep breath.
"I think he likes you too." she said so matter-of-factly. I look at her and she is smiling. I open my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
"You should go talk to him!" she pushes me forward, and I almost fall. So clumsy, I need to do something about that.
Maybe I should. I tried to tell her thank you before I went on my mission, but again my mouth failed me. I start to walk to the Gryffindor Common Room... where else could he be?
January Tuesday, 4 PM
There he is, relaxing on the couch with his eyes closed. For some reason I feel as if I am going to vomit everywhere, wouldn't that be great? In, out, in, out. I haven't ever experienced a crush before... and even though I guess Draco counts (because I had butterflies in my stomach from him, as well) there wasn't much before or after him.
Just walk up to him and act normal. I mean, what isn't normal about this situation. Girl likes boy, typical.
Wait... do I straight out tell him? Or do I bring up something unrelated to what I have to say? Or do I bring up something completely related to what I have to say, then say it??
Whatever, I'll just tell him. For the first time I feel like I don't like courage, but for some reason I feel... confident.
Walking towards him was weird, my legs felt jiggly and as I sat down next to him I said, "Hi," quietly. His eyes open, and as he looks at me, I can see myself in his pupils. It feels a bit tense and awkward.
I close my eyes and sigh.
This is the moment.
"Ron," I begin.
"I have to tell you something,"
"Yeah?" It might just be me, but I thought I heard a bit of hope in his response.
I turn to look at him. It isn't awkward anymore because he's Ron and I'm Jacqueline, and we're good friends. Maybe we will be more than that.
"I like y-,"
"All I need is you," she cries through her sobs.
The things that happened in the last few moments were confusing and hurtful and... they were just plain wrong.
Let me break it down to you, if you're not catching on to what happened: Hermione burst through the door in tears, she ran to Ron and... basically sitting on top of me, she grabbed at his face, kissing every part of it she could and I guess that is the end of something that never even began. And the beginning of something that was meant to be before me.
And I hate her so much. And I don't like her at all. She simply is pure evil.
I remember him pushing her away at first, but then she was telling him how much she loved him, how they were meant to be. He gave in (of course he did, he never thought she would give him the time of day. This is his dream come true) and I left. I went to my bed and I just cried and cried, screaming into my pillow until I knew that my throat would hurt in the morning. And the rest of my day was spent in a room that carried my anger with it.
She hurt me again.
And I hate her.
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