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Chapter 18 : Chapter Eighteen. Mute.
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We were back in the astronomy tower, on the couch, snogging. I hadn’t introduced the concept to him yet, but I was pretty sure, if I wanted anything to happen, I would have to say something soon. He ground his hips to mine, and I let my hands tangle into his hair. Remus was so free tonight, it actually came to my mind whether or not he had given up on the notion that we couldn’t be close together. But since we still had all articles of clothing on, I assumed nothing had changed.
“So I’ve been thinking,” I told him. He was nibbling on my ear, extremely gently, so he would break skin of course—he was terrified of hurting me. He stopped momentarily.
“Oh yeah?” He asked before returning to his ministrations. I laughed and nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck and keeping them there, staring up at him with widened eyes.
“Yeah, and I’ve decided that you’re a big boy. You’re seventeen. And I think we could handle it if we had sex,” it all came out in one breath, closing the argument for me with a heave. I was so embarrassed to be saying this, my mind still focused on the incident earlier.
Remus stared into my eyes. I could feel his heartbeat—alerting me that, despite everything he believed about him being such a monster, he was truly just as human as I was. He sucked in a breath and collapsed onto me. His voice was muffled by my skin, “Mute, I’ve told you. We can’t!”
I knew he wasn’t angry at me, but simply frustrated at himself. Because regardless of what he would tell me, I knew that Remus, merely by being a teenage boy, was craving sexual contact. And I was all too happy to give him some, if he’d let me.
The strange part: I didn’t know if it was only for the dare. Because as much as I wanted to finish it—I honestly didn’t care who won—I didn’t want it to end. I loved him too much to let him go, and I loved him way too much to explain that I only used him to win a bet. He’d be heartbroken.
“Please?” I asked, whispering.
“Why do you want to so badly?” He cleared his throat, which tickled against my collarbone. I giggled, and he gave a soft smile.
“I’m a teenager, I love you, and I want to?” I told him evenly. He nodded, as if my argument was valid. But I knew he loved me and wanted to, I just didn’t think he wanted to enough. Maybe with some convincing? But I wasn’t that manipulative, or confident. “Do you not want me?”
“Oh Merlin, Mute, how could you even assume that?” He breathed. I let my eyebrows float up, giving me my innocent, yet truly confused, expression. “I want you…so badly.”
He kissed me again. I licked his bottom lip before gently pulling away. Remus played with a piece of my hair that was grazing my cheek. I touched his hand, “Then be with me.”
He rolled over a little so that he was on top of me. And all of a sudden there was this huge, enthusiastic gust of heat. I don’t know how to aptly describe it, Remus just seemed like he was exploding. All of the tension, all of the self control, the discipline—gone. He pushed towards me, against the couch, devouring my lips with his own, moving his head in every which way to get better angles. I moaned, running my hands through his hair.
Remus twitched his finger a bit and then my shirt was undone, just like that. I froze, staring at the shirt and then into his shiny, almost burgundy colored eyes. He wasn’t the same reserved boy I had talked to this afternoon anymore.
He growled and marched forward, his hand resting on my hip, and then on the small of my back. I clutched his shirt, hanging on just to keep him at bay. His lips avariciously consumed mine, I felt him nibble on my lip. I rushed a hand to his neck; he felt like he was burning up. His hips bucked towards mine, and I could feel him.
“Re…” He let me breathe for a moment, and just as I was going to tell him that maybe he was right, he kissed me again, hungrily. His hand caressed my chest, stroking my stomach and breasts. I could feel his tongue dart in between my lips, could taste all his want. Another growl, and more weight was with me. I lurched forward to meet him, and when we had the smallest bit of mutually induced contact, it was like a surge of lightening. And his grunt was the thunder.
His hand left my breast to touch the waistband of my pants. I hesitated, but then I felt him slide them down. And I helped. As soon as my pants were around my ankles, Remus’s hand trailed upward from my ankle to my thigh. I gasped at the rough tenderness I could feel in his touch. He moved his hand ever so lightly, and I just about lost it. I gasped, cried, shook, everything.
He had this devilish smirk on his lips. I kissed him.
He moved his hands again, and I bit down on his lip. He growled and charged forward, ramming his pelvis to mine. All the breath I had in my body caught in my throat. I looked up into his eyes. They were angry.
“Remus,” I called out to him. I wasn’t loud, but didn’t whisper. He just looked into my eyes. He rammed forward again. “Oh, oh!”
He exhaled, “mmmm…”
“Fuck!” I shrieked. He bent his head down and quickly located my pulse point on my neck. He sucked on it, and I could feel him tongue lapping at it every now and then. I could feel his breath on my skin. “Oh…fuck.”
I reached my hand out and grabbed onto one of his belt loops. How could I be feeling so much without there being any real contact between us. I moved my hand over the button of his trousers, unbuckling them. His breathing hitched, and he froze. I shoved his pants down quickly, putting my hand directly where I figured it would most be appreciated. I wasn’t wrong.
Remus started snarling. His whole body shook violently, which made my shake. I wrapped my arms around his waist and then pulled him with all my strength. His arms gave out momentarily, and he wasn’t supporting himself anymore, he was just on me. I found myself panting lightly from all the warmth. Remus finally said something, “Merlin and Agrippa!”
I smirked and ran my fingernails over his spine, going up and down softly, not pressing any harder than a light breeze would. He shuddered. Then there was a buzzing. Just a dull sound.
All of a sudden the animalistic part, the desire, the ardor, everything was back in seemingly ten fold. Remus charged forward, his breath hitching, and my body tensing. We moved together for a few more minutes, and then I laid my finger gently on the band of his boxers. He froze. Everything was still. I pulled them down without any hesitation.
As I quickly dared to explore a bit, Remus seemingly lost his patience. He growled deeply and took control. I still heard that buzzing from just a moment earlier, and pulled Remus down a bit to investigate. He was mumbling to himself, “Please, please, oh, Gods, oh, shit please no, yes, Merlin….”
I couldn’t make sense of anything of what he was saying. I could hear the simple words, but it sounded as if he was speaking a different language, something very foreign.
“Remus,” I kissed him to get his attention too. His eyes bore into mine, the same dark burgundy color filling his irises. It startled me. He looked demonic. I whimpered, “Please, just do it. I want you to.”
He wavered, pausing to stare deep into my eyes again. I tried to look as serene and confident as I could, but all I could think about was how uncomfortable I thought I was. I knew he loved me, but a strange mix of self-consciousness and guilt washed over me. But love overcame everything, and I was sure that if we kept going it would work out.
Then the guilt kind of overpowered my lust. Which was a very unsettling feeling while being practically naked and pressed against a sexy, adventurous werewolf. He was so adorable, even in his animosity, his demonic, thrilling, terrifying mode. I let my hand wander and tangle into his eye length sandy colored hair. He rocked his hip gently.
“Just stop.” I said evenly. He looked more than a bit aghast. One moment I’m tempting him, singing the sexiest siren song I can muster and the next I’m admonishing him?
He moved away from me. We sat on different sides of the couch. I buttoned my shirt.
“I knew this would happen,” he sounded heartbroken, like he’d just been cut from the little quidditch league. “I’m so sorry. I told you I couldn’t control it…”
He trailed off, and I finally was the least bit secure in my appearance after I’d readjusted my pants and fixed my hair. He had pulled on his boxers and trousers, but left his shirt off. I was tempting to run my hand over his chest, but I refrained.
“Remus, don’t blame yourself. I loved it! But, I couldn’t do that to you,” I sighed.
“What are you talking about? You weren’t doing anything but…well, you weren’t doing anything but good! And I should be the one apologiz,” I cut him off harshly.
“No. I would have. Oh Merlin…Remus take a deep breath. Good, now just hear me out, okay? Please don’t get mad, don’t hate me. Because I love you more than I could ever, ever explain!” I started to continue, but he cut in quickly.
“I love you too, Mute,” He grinned to himself.
“No, Remus, you won’t after…Remus, I have something I need to tell you.”
“Okay, shoot,” He incited.
“Okay, well, you know when we returned from the holidays? Well Camilla had been broken up with, you know Camilla, the bitch who is ensnaring Sirius Black, probably as we speak, well she hatched this horrible dare.” I paused, cleared my throat. “And it was that we had to seduce a guy that was assigned to us. Or else.”
Remus snapped his head up, his eyes, no longer that brilliant shade of enticing claret, bore into mine.
“And we signed a contract,” I continued. “And, you were my person, Remus. That’s why…but then I got to know you. And I love you more than I could have ever expected!”
I started to go on, but he cut me off.
“You…you used me? You used me for a fucking dare?” He looked murderous.
“It was like a bet, you know? Oh, Remus, no not like that. No, she bullied us into it. Please, you have to know,” He cut me off.
“All this time, the pressuring of sex. I thought maybe, maybe you cared for me too much? Or you were curious…I was. And now. It all makes so much sense, perfect sense.”
“Remus, please,” I started.
“And it was all just trying to win a bet. I get it now. Fuck, Mute!” He yelled.
“No you have to know, though. I love you so much, please! I’m only trying to tell you the truth. I don’t even think about that fucking bet anymore when I’m with you,” I’m telling him so much truth laced with so many lies. Whatever it would take for him to believe me.
“What do you expect me to do, ignore the whole premise of our relationship? You only wanted to date me because you wanted to win! And I fucking bought into it!” I shuddered as Remus pounded his temples with his fists, shut his eyes tight.
"I can't believe this," He groaned. A few minutes passed. Silence.
“Can you forgive me?” I cried. Tears were streaming freely down my cheeks.
“I don’t know, Mute, maybe we should fucking bet on it?” He picked up his shirt and cloak and stood from the sofa, his gaze leaving mine.
He left. And I was there, alone.
So much for the truth…
You honestly don't know how long I've waited to use the 'maybe we should bet on it?' line. Seriously, since like chapter five!
Remus has found out, but will he tell the others? Will the others succeed before it's too late?
I don't know... ;)
Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, faithfully or sporadically, it's all amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who follows the story, who answers the review questions, who takes the time to analyze why the characters are making the choices they are, why they are acting the way they do. It's all so amazing, and I'm so honored to have all of you involved in this strange little fantasy of mine.
That being said, please make my day and review! =)
Review Question: If you were any of the girls, do you think you could go through with the dare knowing what you know?
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