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Without a Prayer by confusedlover
Chapter 1 : Secrets
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 8

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beautiful chapter image by .showmetheLOVE @ tda!

“Hey Gin,” I beamed as I nestled myself on to the Gryffindor table’s long wooden bench hip to hip with my sweetheart.

“Hi Dean,” Ginny greeted me as she met my gaze, turning immediately from her conversation with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

I leaned in to plant a light kiss on her pale cheek, engulfing myself needlessly into her floral perfume as I did so. “How has you morning been so far?”

“Fine. Same as usual, I guess,” Ginny replied as she reached instinctively for her goblet of pumpkin juice, only to return it hastily to its location after noting that it contained no form of liquid.

“Here,” I suggested, taking her cup in a kind manner while reaching toward the center of the table for a large, refilling pitcher of the pumpkin-based concoction. “Allow me.” I poured the goblet up near the rim and then carefully handed it back to Ginny, careful not to accidentally drip the sticky drink onto her black school robes.

“Thanks, Dean,” she offered politely. She began to munch on the breakfast that littered her white plate and I decided it best to fill up as well. Piling various breakfast foods onto my eating necessity I began to hungrily consume the delicious makings, gradually losing myself as well as Ginny along the way. She turned back to her older brother and my friends within a few minutes of our silence, and even though I was slightly disappointed that she did not wish to start up a conversation with me, I let it pass by. I liked her, and allowing myself to become saddened with Ginny’s actions was all to be expected. When you have expectations, you must be prepared for the dramatic blow of positive disappointment.

After a reasonable fifteen minutes of eating, I turned toward Ginny, mentally preparing myself for out possible departure.

“Ginny?” I questioned hesitantly, hoping that she could hear me address her even as my voice appeared to be defeated and low. “Would you mind if I walked you to class today? We have twenty minutes or so until classes begin, but it takes awhile for us to walk around the castle.”

“Sure. I would love that,” she replied, slowly pushing the face of her palms down onto the smoothed oak table so that she could arise with ease. Stringing her leather bad over her right shoulder- a Christmas present from Harry- she kept my gaze and waited for me to stand up as well. I did as she wished and we hopped pleasantly out of the Great Hall.

“You have Divination next, correct?” I asked Ginny, trying to simply spark up a conversation that both of us could enjoy with decency.

“Yes, I do.”

“That is what I thought,” I replied incoherently as we trudged up the first set of stairs that would lead us up to the first floor.

“You look beautiful today, Ginny. Just as always,” I complimented, taking in her appearance more accurately now that we were on both of our feet.

Ginny’s pale cheeks immediately heated, resulting in her long fingers to readily work to hide the violent change in color that her cheeks had undergone in mere seconds. “That is nice to know.” She smiled then, her upper lip curving toward the bright sky above us, and her white teeth absorbing the light that the squared corridor possessed.

“Do you want to hang out tonight?” I pressed, hoping for nothing but a sweet confirmation. The two of us had not been alone for awhile. Ginny was either studying for her O.W.L. exams or hanging out with her chattering girlfriends and I always seemed to be left alone to find excitement with my own hobbies. This was not a bad thing of course- opening room in my schedule to do things that I excelled in and found addicting- but Ginny was my girlfriend and the fact that we did not hang out often was slightly unsettling.

“I am sorry- I have to work on a Charms essay that is due tomorrow morning. I would have gotten it done sooner, but Harry has been helping me with my defensive abilities and other things are just so much more important. Why do we have classes anyway? They just take up too much necessary time. Harry agrees with me. The only lesson that he cannot get enough of is Defense Against the Dark Arts. He absolutely loves that class and all that it offers him mentally. I wish that I could enjoy something with true value that much,” Ginny rambled.

“Oh, that is alright,” I hesitantly replied, not entirely sure whether or not she remember the question that had aroused such a dignified response. “I understand.”

“Maybe we can hang out on Saturday. It is a Hogsmeade weekend and it would be fun to do a little spring shopping for a bit.”

“But we would have to get back by half past four. We have Quidditch practice at five and Harry would kill us if we were late,” I argued. I was not angry with her request; actually, I was more than happy to see that for once she was the one that was trying to make our relationship work. But I did pressure her to see my reasoning with open eyes.

“Oh, yes, I almost forgot about that. Yes, we could easily make it back here before five. On Sunday Harry is going to work with me on some more defensive techniques. I am so going to get an O on my Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.” Ginny’s eyes lit up naturally and a broad grin eased onto her pleasant face. “He is really a genius, is he not? I have never met anyone as smart as him.”

I let that last comment slip by, and instead tried to focus my entire comprehension on placing one foot in front of the other as our walk progressed. We were on the third floor now, passing by the library and on our way to another staircase that would put us up yet another floor higher.

“Do you know what Harry told me the other day while I was flying? He said that he has never seen any chaser as flexible as I am. Can you believe it? He thinks that out of everyone, all of the chasers at least, that I have the most flexibility. I wonder whether or not that includes professionals. I sure hope it does,” Ginny absentmindedly continued to go on with her own little chat. She obviously had not thought through things before she had spoken. Even though her fascination was evident throughout the entire conversation I tried to ignore the constant ache that something was not right with the way that she worded her thoughts. I was a chaser as well, and even though I would never wish for Harry to call me the most flexible chaser that he had ever seen, it was starting to bug me that Ginny received the compliment. That seemed to be that last thing that she needed from her own Quidditch captain.

I had given her the open chance to change the subject to more breathable topics, but she had simply carried on with her rambling about how much of a star Harry was. I had purposefully laid out the opportunity for her to once again gain my approval, but she had failed to seize it. That should have done it for me. I should have realized that she did not feel that same way about me as I so cautiously did for her. But the let downs were not enough. Not when Ginny’s flirty ponytail swung continuously with her bouncy steps and most definitely not when her vibrant blue eyes sparkled with such a blinding force. My brain was fogged and hazy and I could no longer depend on it to think straight. I was suddenly sure of nothing and I feared that the common sense that I had built up for so long would leave me all before I had the chance to even attempt to begin recovery.

“That would be amazing, would it not? Being compared to a professional?” I inquired, not able to bring myself to change the subject when such a beauty seemed to enjoy the topic so much.

“It sure would,” Ginny responded as she entwined her hand with mine.

I was not expecting this profound act of affection, but I welcomed it freely. Maybe she really does possess deep feelings for me? Perhaps everything that I had observed over the course of this school year and previous were indeed there, but not as powerful as my own effects? It was possible that I had taken things a bit too far mentally. None of my assumptions were guaranteed to be entirely truthful.

The next few passing moments of our walk were taken up in silence. Ginny and I graced our fingers gently and nothing in the world had ever felt so completely natural. At least, nothing that I could remember. We walked laughingly by the Charms classroom on the fifth floor and carelessly passed by several knights in silver armor.

We continued to file the way up to the North Tower with hearty grins on our bright faces. We still had two floors to advance to and just over ten minutes before a deafening bell would chime to announce the start of class.

I could not help but recall that listening to Ginny ramble and babble as she had done before always caused such a reconsideration of what I was so certain of to wash routinely over me. Every sentence that she ever exhaled, every word, every sound, every syllable had always screamed the name Harry Potter. She was quiet now for once, but the abnormal absence of her resonating voice helped me to comprehend everything on a clearer level. We had been dating ever since the first month of the school year now, and in those many months our conversations had been more about The Boy Who Lived than anything else.

To my utter horror, I realized that all of the thoughts that I had just recently questioned again and rejected did have absolute power and might to be confirmed. The proof was hanging there in our confined silence and denying just that would be low for me. It had taken me awhile, but I had finally figured Ginny Weasley out.

“Dean? We are here,” Ginny observed, focusing her eyes on the ceiling where a wooden square stood out in a profound manner.

“Yes, we are.”

Ginny’s hand detached itself from mine and the immediate collection of cold and emptiness filled its warm shell. A devastating effect.

“I will see you at lunch. Alright?” Ginny questioned, nearly hounding me for a response to fill her impatient gaps.

“Of course,” I mustered, hurt and disturbance still coursing through me due to the realization that would and had began to change my life.

She gathered the front of my black school robes in both of her muscled fists and pulled my headed down to level out with her own. Her soft lips tumbled over mine and I was suddenly uncomfortable. We had kissed before- many times before- but with the weight of humiliation on my sturdy back things were from this point on different. Ginny pulled away after a few more seconds, smiling as if we were both experiencing the happiest moments of our lives. The sensation of her cold lips lingered nonetheless.

“Bye,” Ginny forbid with ease, smirking slightly at the dumbstruck expression that I offered. Without a doubt thinking that she was the cause.

“See you around,” I sounded, although I was uncertain as to whether a retreating Ginny could pick up my response.

I turned to walk back the way that we had come. The constant reminder of a new form of knowledge failed to disperse through my continuous attempts. That kiss that Ginny had pressured was nothing. It was a lure- a ploy- but it was meaningless to her and now to me. I knew of a secret, one that she had tried to keep hidden, and its contents were extraordinary yet heartbreaking at the same exact time.

A/N: I hope that you enjoyed this. One more chapter and this story will be complete. Please leave a review. I love to hear what you think and whether it is good or bad, influential or destructive, it will be appreciated beyond anything in the world. Thank you for reading.

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