Chapter 13 : Chapter Thirteen. Lily.
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At the moment, I know how to polish a broom, why divination class is considered a sleeping drought, which teams are going to the Quidditch World Cup, and who won the last six cups—seven if you count the previous year’s Wimbourne Wasps victory, which James says I shouldn’t because, and I quote, ‘they have weak chasers who merely sit on their bloody brooms till the cows come home, griping about how much their beaters suck, while not even bothering to score, and simply letting their seeker do all the bleedin’ work’. I’m now fluent in the masculine ways of the world.
And what’s really pathetic is that this is probably the worst and best times of my year thus far. I’ve been drilled constantly about quidditch, a sport that I’ve never admired nor cared for at all, I’ve been put through vigorous physical training, going around the pitch at least twenty times a day, and I’ve had to endure three hours of the last Cup being replayed upon a huge white projector screen. How it is even remotely considered the best? I’ve gotten to know James a lot better.
He’s truly an individual regardless of his obligation to the lot of them. He is so loyal to Sirius and the other two that he would take an unforgivable for them. And he enjoys reading his books, regardless of length, at least three times to ensure that the information has sank in. The kid is deep.
I sighed and hummed a little as the air came out of my mouth, billowing with the wind that came in a huge gust, blowing my hair every which way. I heard the crunch of leaves to my right, and smiled. Here he comes, I thought.
I ignored the urge to turn to him, instead allowing him to sneak up on me like he wanted to. I caught quickly a glimpse of Camilla suddenly bolting away from where she and Sirius had been sitting. It confused me, how hurt she looked. I doubt she even noticed I was here.
A sudden hand on my shoulder actually did alarm me, as I’d been completely distracted from his presence. I gave a small scream, completely unplanned, and turned around quickly. His face was bright and smiling. He had the tiniest of pimples upon his nose, which I didn’t doubt would be gone by tomorrow, as that’s how we handle skin problems. James’s glasses were askew, crooked and barely resting on the bridge of his slightly long nose. I sighed to myself, amazed that I’d developed even the slightest of feelings for him.
It didn’t affect the dare though. No one had won yet, although according to Elsie, she and Peter came very close last night. Yeah right, little Pete?
Don’t get me wrong, I wish her the very best of luck, but I have to be honest and say that I don’t at all anticipate for her to win. Not that I’m saying that I will, I think that I won’t actually.
“Hey,” He elongated the word. I smiled back at him. “How are you?”
“I’m decent, thanks,” I told him.
He cleared his throat and popped something into his mouth. “So, I think we should try the flirting and kissing today. You know, get it over with.”
His confidence astounded me. I cleared my own throat, feeling my mouth get very wet all of a sudden. Gross, what if I had a ton of saliva in my mouth when he tried to kiss me? Oh Merlin, please don’t let it happen!
I looked into his eyes for a very long moment that seemed to stretch like a rubber band before snapping and pulling me back into reality. He wanted to kiss me, and flirt with me, and I had to seduce him. Why did this all seem so important right now?
“Whatever you think is best, professor,” I mocked him, to which he gave a small chuckle of approval. He moved closer.
“Let’s see where your level is,” He muttered before cupping my face with his hand. I inched closer to him, licked my lips, and then swallowed, feeling my throat suddenly all too dry. He leaned in closer, making me suck in a sharp breath. He whispered seductively, “Relax.”
I exhaled just before our lips met. The kiss was familiar, and I was reminded with drunken memories of the night just a few weeks prior to this moment. Our lips overlapped, and I wanted to show just how well I knew how to snog, so I pressed against his lips, moving against them rapidly. He broke the kiss and licked his lips. He tasted like a sweet candy with a tad bit of something unidentifiable.
“Okay, how about we move onto flirtation, and double back. By that time, perhaps it will work out on its own?” His voice sounded reproachful. Had I done something wrong? Perhaps been too hasty? I knew that putting that much pressure upon him would drive him away. Am I really sober, because I could have sworn that the drunk kiss was better?
“So, how is this flirtation that you hint at?” I was sarcastic without a purpose, so rather imbecilic, in my opinion. He grinned and caught a strand of my currently wavy red hair in his fingers while some other strands danced in the breeze. He inched closer, acting like he was examining the hair, which kind of disturbed me, except for the fact that I was getting goose-bumps from his proximity.
“How is it or what is it, Evans?” He smirked. I felt my cheeks become florid, and I tried to hide my face a bit.
“You know what I mean,” I blushed.
“Nah, basically we’re just going to ensure that this,” he pointed to my increasingly red cheeks, “doesn’t happen every time you attempt to conversate with a guy.”
“Conversate is not a word, Potter, the actual word is converse.”
“Yes, yes, that’s all well, but do you actually understand what I’m talking about? I mean, personally, I find the whole rosy cheek thing endearing, but some blokes find it a bit too…I don’t know. But the point is, since I know it’s not Remus, I don’t know which fish we’re trying to catch, so we’ll just have to meet standards.”
I wanted to tell him that the guy, or fish, I was attempting to catch was one who thought the ‘whole rosy cheek thing’ was ‘endearing’. I wanted to let him know just how pointless this whole thing was. But I couldn’t.
“How are things with that Hufflepuff you’ve been seeing?” I asked, attempting to make conversation with him. He’d been talking about Chelsea since before we’d started this silly project, but I had the feeling she was just a replacement for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not conceited, but she has dull red hair and blue eyes, she laughs the same way I do, and she refuses him just a little less than I did.
“Chelsea?” He remarked as though he didn’t really care all that much. I nodded with mock interest, amused and curious, but on the inside regretful and jealous. “She’s adequate. I’m not speaking to her much these days.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I feigned sympathy.
“No, it’s fine, I s’pose. We didn’t get on as well as I’d figured we would,” he sighed and shifted his weight, laying down on the grass, even though it was covered with frost from the night prior and really wet.
“So, about the lesson. Are we going to get to it?” He laughed at me softly, leaning on his elbow as he sat up, and looked at me. James nodded, and I scooted over a bit.
“Firstly, let’s just skip the flirtation. I think that whoever you’re trying to impress probably already fancies you, so the blushing like wild won’t matter. Kissing is the difficulty.”
“Great,” I mumbled, irony seeping through my tone.
“What experience do you have?”
“Well, basically two muggle blokes I met at my sister’s engagement party, and you.” He looked unsure of me, which is confusing in itself.
I remember kissing the other two blokes better than I remember James and my first kiss. For obvious reasons, I’d omitted the fact that the bride was my sister while at the wedding, considering I hadn’t been maid honor, or even a bridesmaid. The first was named Rusty, and he was very sophisticated, probably aged in his mid-twenties. His face had golden stubble and his grin was sideways.
Rusty had come over to me, cheap alcohol floating in his breath. He had gripped my wrist and just pulled me in. My first kiss was a drunk who gave me no choice in the matter. But I didn’t mind. It was surprising, sure, but it was only a year ago, and I was relieved to get it over with. No one wants to kiss a lip virgin, or at least that’s what Camilla had told me not a week before the ceremony.
After Rusty puked mere inches in front of my open toed shoes, I grimaced and walked away. Of course, I walked into the arms of Galen Alexander, Vernon’s second cousin twice removed, literally. He wrapped his arms around me, his form excellently slim, yet firm. Rather fit, if I do say so myself. He asked me if I was all right, which resulted in me confessing all this hatred for the bride, to which he responded with his own contempt for the groom. I’d never thought that a conversation about hatred could drive two people to snog, but weirder things have happened. Like the dare, for instance.
James nodded, his eyes squinting in the noon sun. I sighed and wondered when this would be over, and whether or not I was making any progress.
“Well, let’s just go back to it then,” he said, grabbing my shoulder rougher than he had before.
“What,” I began, but was cut off. He swallowed another piece of toffee, which I hadn’t even realized that he had been holding. He pulled me to him, as I said, rougher than the first kiss. His lips moved over mine, and I responded very quickly. He cut it.
“Whoa, all right then, er, how ‘bout we just…how ‘bout you just not do anything and I’ll kiss you?” I nodded—my mood and self-esteem fluctuating lower and lower. He leveled his face to mine, looked in my eyes, and gave a soft smile to encourage me. Then he pulled me to him. I stayed motionless, as he told me to do. His lips moved over mine softly, slowly. It felt kind of strange with me not kissing back at all, but I let him have the moment, and then decided that it was enough.
I overlapped his lips with my own, moving at the same pace. He seemed to smile satisfactory in the kiss, and we kept going. I inhaled from my nose, taking extra care not to make too big of a noise. He seemed to appreciate it or something, because in a moment he did the same. We sat there; his hands cupping my face and shoulder, my hands stupidly place at my sides, twiddling with the grass between my fingertips.
We finally part, panting ever so lightly. I felt very good, and my lips felt a bit…swollen? No other word seemed to encapsulate such a feeling. I rubbed them together and let my tongue dart out a bit to wet them, knowing another kiss was coming soon.
“You’re getting there, Evans,” I nodded to him. This time, I place my hands on his neck and guided him towards me slowly, smiling slightly. He chuckled just before our lips met. I don’t know why, but I moved with the faster pace again, cursing myself for the lack of concentration.
"That's not how you kiss someone," He breathed. I sighed, my cheeks flaring a bright red, my eyes cast downward. "Go slowly...enjoy it."
I smiled a little and nod, muttering an apology.
“Don’t be sorry, Evans, I understand that you probably don’t have that much experience,” He cleared his throat and leaned forward, but I hung back.
“What’s that insinuating?” I asked, my tone halfway to angry. He cleared his throat again, sighing, and running a calloused hand through his dark brown hair.
“Nothing, I just guessed, sorry,” He stuttered, and leaned in again. I rolled my eyes. “All right, Evans, one more round.”
“Call me Lily,” I whispered as we leaned in towards each other. The sun was in the highest point by now, and many people were in the Great Hall eating their lunches. I was enjoying James.
We connected and I sighed into the kiss, something I probably wouldn’t have done with anyone who I hadn’t kissed at least three times already. James put a hand to my chin, supporting it, or acting like he was. Then his hand traveled lower, and I felt it on my shoulder. Then it was on my back, just resting where my bra was, as he used the touch to pull himself towards me more.
A noise went in the air that was a low squeak. I grimaced slightly when I realized that it was me who had made it. Then he kissed me again, and I wasn’t as angry, as now I had justified cause. He scooted closer so that we were even closer. I felt us going horizontal, my brain on overdrive, and his hands on my lower back. I worried for a moment whether someone was watching, but as his tongue grazed my lip I let the thoughts disappear. My lower half burned with some kind of emotion and I felt myself give out the soft, low squeak once more.
James responded with his own sound, a sort of guttural noise that made my stomach explode with pressure and butterflies. His tongue danced inside my mouth, grazing over my teeth and gently massaging my own. It was ecstasy.
Then he was on top of me, his hands everywhere, and his hips pushing forward, grinding slowly against my own. We swayed a bit before I let my arms fall and we were on the ground, his body covering my own. It was a sudden shift and caused me to let out the air I’d been saving. I cursed mentally, pushing him away to breathe. His mouth trailed to my jaw and neck, where he started sucking gently. I giggled and swatted at his arm, but couldn’t deny how sweet and sensual this moment was.
He chuckled against my throat when he heard my giggle, and then softly whispered in my ear, “Enjoy it.”
I shivered, my heart turning to mush, my body limp and relaxed under his seemingly expert touch, though I knew he’d only had two serious girlfriends. His hand got tangled up in my red hair, and I could feel the other resting lazily upon my hip. After he seemed satisfied with nibbling and kissing my neck, his face came up again, looking into my own. His eyes were a dark brown, no longer the light hazel, seemingly filled and coated with some dark emotion. His lips resembled how swollen my felt, and I smiled as he leaned in once more to capture my lips again.
We probably looked a bit silly, on the ground snogging with our bodies totally connected, our minds only on the main objective our lower halves was pleading for. I moaned again, embarrassed, but comfortable enough with it, as it seemed to edge him on. He continued to kiss me, to ravish my mouth with his own.
“We have to stop,” I whispered as he continued his ministrations regarding my jaw and neck. I heard him groan and wanted to keep going, to make him make that unearthly, remarkably pleasing sound. But I knew we looked like a pair of rowdy, hormone-driven students who can’t be trusted with the privilege of being unsupervised outdoors. He nodded and gave me one last peck on the cheek before rolling onto his side and sighing.
Without all the weight of his body, mine felt very empty, much too small to be trusted by it. I missed the sensation that his weight set coursing through me. I missed having him near me. I sighed at my own pathetic whisperings. He let out a sigh as well, breathing, his chest going up and down in a steady rhythm that I watched for about thirty seconds as it rose and fell, before finally he turned to me, his eyes calculating and curious. I shrugged for no apparent reason and then sat straight up, slowly. He followed suit and together we watched a few birds fly over the lake as the sun glared down upon our skin, his rather tan while mine was very fair and easily burnt. I swallowed, realizing that my throat was dry.
“Shall we go in for some water?” I asked, clearing my throat quickly before speaking. My voice sounded a bit weak, but he chuckled and nodded, the expression on his face portraying that I’d ‘read his mind’. As we began walking to the castle, going up the hill, his cheeks grew extremely flushed and he seemed very uncomfortable. As I began to wonder whether or not I should talk to him, we entered the courtyard.
The fountain was still going, as always, spurting water from the birds and angel situation upon the stone. James looked at it and grunted, picking up his pace.
“I’m just going to go up to my dorm rather quick though, if you don’t mind,” he mumbled and sprinted away from me when we’d reached the entrance hall. I watched him run away towards the grand staircase, barely catching one before it began to move and shift. His run was a little awkward, like he had ants in his pants, but I didn’t think too much about it.
I walked into the great hall just in time to see Elsie getting her ear whispered into by Peter. He seemed very happy that she giggled, smiling to himself like he couldn’t believe his luck. It was one of those moments that you witness and know that something special has occurred, but I knew it wasn’t the something special, because Elsie didn’t look up smugly when I passed. She simply looked up and found my eyes, smiling softly before returning to Peter.
Mute and Remus were snogging lightly at the very end of the table, much to the dismay of the professors, who sat there and watched (some of them) for a few moments before turning away and shaking their heads. Students all around me buzzed and whispered, smiled and ran to the other side of the table to see their friends and stuffed their faces with the delicious food provided on this day by the house elves. All was well.
James walked in ten minutes after I had found a seat next to Trisha, away from the snoggers and the giggling duo. Camilla and Sirius weren’t here, but I knew they wouldn’t have been together, simply because of the way Sirius’s face looked hurt when Camilla ran away earlier. I sighed, feeling actually pity and sympathy for the bloke.
James walked down the opposite side of the table, sitting directly across from me. Molly and Trisha greeted him, but surprisingly didn’t actually try to direct his attention elsewhere for the first time in a long time. In fact, Molly even looked a bit miffed.
“Lily,” He greeted. I relished the way he said my name, knowing that when he did I turned to absolute putty in his hands. Whether this was good or bad was immaterial.
“James,” He smiled when he heard my voice. I returned the smile, taking a bit of a cucumber sandwich.
“So, when should we continue?” Trisha, I saw, looked in James’s direction when he said this, and it made me the taddest bit worried that the meaning behind James’s words would be taken seriously, which in all honesty, it should be. We were planning to meet up and snog, but the whole school inferring that, regardless of the truth behind the inference, was just embarrassing.
“Later. I’ll meet you in the common room,” I told him. I had to accomplish a few personal matters, such as talking with Mute in attempts to make peace, and also to complete a few assignments from both transfiguration and arithmancy that I’d been neglecting.
“Sounds great,” He chuckled, digging into his own lunch, gulping down pumpkin juice.
The hours passed slowly as I tried to focus on my schoolwork, only to be constantly distracted by the roaring thunder known as chatter in the common room. The next quidditch game was coming, an opportunity, James said, for me to impress the certain someone with my knowledge of what’s happening during the game. I held back, of course, the information that the ‘certain someone’ would be on his broom during the game.
I walked over to the staircase that led me up to the girls’ dormitory. I sighed, weighing my options, deliberating within my mind on the point of attack, the surest way to victory with Mute. Finally, I swallowed my pride and made my way up the stairs.
“Mute?” I called.
“Yeah?” She said excitedly.
“Wow, you’re excited!”
“I think tonight’s the night, Lily!”
What?! No! It couldn’t be. Well, at least now she wouldn't be mad at me anymore. This meant I had to step up my game though. If she was going to do it, then I would have to first.
James and I had gone far on the grass, imagine how far we’d go if no one could see us? If we didn’t have any weird limitations? My throat went dry, and I had to face up to the fact. I was going to give myself away like a cheap floozy to James Potter to win a dare. But the bragging rights would be worth it in the end. Hopefully.
I smiled at Mute, asking a few generic questions, such as what she was wearing, where they would go, and a few personal questions. I went over to my dresser and took out the contraceptive potion I’d made when we had signed the contact. It had taken a while, and I had to steal the ingredients in order for dear Slughorn not to find out, but in the end it would definitely be worth the risk. They prevent pregnancy and contracting any sort of STI.
I handed her a vial, managing even in my rage of jealousy and fit of emotion, to try and be a good friend and watch out for her. She took it, smiling, and then excused herself to go brush her hair and get ready. I used this as my escape cue. The sound of her brushing her teeth was my escape music, to which I bounced around the dorm and gathered everything I would need—only the potion and my wand—and I changed into a loose fitting outfit that still hugged me generously.
I raced down the staircase and appropriately into James’s arms. He was sitting on the back of the couch, his legs firmly planted on the floor, and his attention focused on Sirius, who was telling him about the newest addition to the Hufflepuff team, the alternate, Chelsea. James chuckled, not affected in the least bit. I smiled at his demeanor.
When he saw my fly down the staircase, he turned and grinned. “Time?”
“Yeah, I need you, really important, let’s go.”
His countenance immediately shifted, enjoyment replaced with distress. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, really. Now stop badgering me, and simply follow.” I pulled him towards the staircase leading to the dorms. Then he opened his dormitory door, the large frame creaking when we entered.
I looked around, studying the appearance of the seventh year boys’ dormitory. It wasn’t at all different from the girls’, excluding the posters of celebrity men and the excessive amounts of makeup scattered over surfaces. I turned around to face him.
He had been studying me, his eyes fixed upon me like one scrutinizing an ant farm. I gave a small smile, clearing my throat, and beginning to speak. “So I just…er…found out that my someone…has loads of experience. I’m kind of…lacking in that department, if you catch my drift.”
I began to continue, but he interrupted, “Wait, Evans, please don’t even suggest it.”
“James, please,” I begged, using to sleaziest tone I could muster. Degrading myself had never felt like this, like it was all right. I shuddered and began thinking of ways to seduce him.
“Lily…I would love to, really, I would. But you’re not ready for that, and you don’t want me to, I know that. And deep in your heart, I know that you want your first time to be something memorable. You just started to really snog today, I mean, that’s a big step, Lil,” he stopped.
“Lily, if he loves you, he’ll understand.”
“I know. But I want to be with him,” I sighed, laying my hand to my forehead. I sat down on the bed closest to me and put my wand next to me, the feeling of it in my pocket entirely awkward.
James looked agonized, and it was then that I felt horrible for the lessons. He was helping me date another guy, when it was apparent that he still had feelings for me. I looked down, my eyes almost brimming with tears, but I refused to let it make me cry.
“Lily. I can’t help you be with some other guy. I won’t.”
“But James, I know that deep down he wants me to be with you,” I said it. Then my mind screamed at me. It was the most disturbing comment I could have possibly made, and his face showed my concern.
“What?” He stuttered and gaped like a fish out of water, his mind flopping around on the deck for the right words. He looked to the ground, “Lily, how…what does that even mean? Why would he want you to sleep with me?”
“Because I learned quidditch rules, scores, teams, players. I learned so many frivolous facts about stupid sports. I didn’t need to learn how to flirt for him, because the whole rosy cheek thing is endearing.”
“And this relates to me…?”
“Because it’s you, James!” I shouted. His eyes flew up, wide. “It’s always been you, I just couldn’t let you know. And I want to be…with you.”
He lunged forward and strangely for a moment I thought he might strike me. It was better. His lips came crashing down on mine, and we fell backward onto the comforter that was messily scattered towards the bottom of the bed. I responded with enthusiasm, moving my lips over his at his pace, making sure not to kiss with too much force, but all the while keeping the intensity behind it.
Together we flipped a little so that he was on top of me, and together we pushed ourselves up more onto the bed so that our legs weren’t hanging out the edge. We moved over each other, touching and kissing.
Wow. This is the longest chapter I've ever written! I really hope you liked it! It took three days to write, but I think it's worth it, and I know I said 3800 words, but it went over 4,000. Lol. I know, I know, you're all very angry about that...
PLEASE leave a review, especially for this chapter, as I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Best wishes!
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