Chapter 12 : Not What?
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“Granger,” I heard, “Granger, Granger, wake up!”
“What?” I said with my eyes still closed.
“We are having dinner today with some friends of mine,” he said, “you need to get up and get ready.”
“But you’re just now waking me up, why do I need to get ready?”
“It’s almost four,” he told me.
“You didn’t come home till like five this morning,” he told me.
I sat up, “my head hurts,” I said rubbing my temples.
“Were you drinking last night?”
“And you care because?”
“You can’t drink when you’re pregnant,” he said, “you told me that.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I told him opening my eyes, “that is why I went out last night.”
I looked at him, his face full of confusion.
“You aren’t pregnant?”
“Yesterday I had a miscarriage.”
“It is basically a natural abortion,” I told him.
“You said you couldn’t have an abortion,” he said even more confused.
“I can’t have a forced abortion,” I told him, “if it happens naturally I can have one.”
“So we aren’t going to have a baby?”
I took a deep breath as tears began to fall from my eyes. I tried to wipe them away, but they were falling too fast.
“Why are you crying?”
“I always wanted a child.”
“So you wanted to have my child?” he asked.
“Not at first,” I told him, “but now that we have gone through all of this.”
He had now walked around the bed to sit next to me.
“Draco,” I said through the tears, “can I tell you something I have never told anyone?”
“Remember that night a month ago, when I woke up crying?”
“Yes,” he said.
“I never told you what the dream was about.”
“In my dream, you told me that you choose me on Halloween because you loved me.”
Draco said nothing.
“I was crying because when I heard that, it made me realize that all of those years you tortured me at school, all those times I was crying in my dorm, was wasted,” I told him, “during school, when everyone thought I loved Ron, I didn’t.”
“You didn’t love that Weasel?”
“Not the point.”
“So what is,” he asked.
“It was true that I was crying about the boy I had a crush on,” I told him, “but the boy I had a crush on wasn’t Ron, it was you.”
He had now stood up and began pacing the room. He didn’t say anything, just paced.
“Draco, please say something,” I said, tears still pouring down my face.
He held his hand up for me to be silent, still pacing. I watched as he walked back and forth, thinking. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know. A few minutes of silence went by before he looked at me. He took a deep breath before turning and leaving the room.
“Draco please!” I yelled after him as I stood up.
I sank to the floor with my head in my hands, tears falling violently from my eyes. I looked up at the door he had pulled shut behind him as he left. I stood up and walked slowly to the desk that was set up in the room. I pulled out a fresh piece of parchment, quill and ink.
I was happy to hear from you last week. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was happening. And I am sorry I waited till the before I left to tell you about that night with Malfoy. But you have to understand why I did it.
It was to protect Ron. When I told him I was leaving him, he was so angry. He did hit me that night. I don’t blame him for it. I would have too. I never told him about that night because I knew that it would have ruined him. He never deserved what I did to him, and I regret it every day. I never told you because I knew that he would find out.
Today, I made one more terrible mistake. I told Draco something I have never told to anyone before.
A month ago I woke up from a dream. In my dream Draco told me that he loved me. He said that was the reason he choose me to dance with on Halloween.
I never told you, but that night made me remember how I felt for him at school. At school I never told anyone how I felt about him because I knew how Ron felt about me. I do love Ron, but I loved Draco before I loved Ron.
And today, I told Draco how I felt about him at school. It was a terrible mistake and I wish I could take everything back. I am sorry I have never told you this. But I hope that in telling you this you understand why I have done the things I have done.
I folded the letter up and walked over to the owl that Dotty had gotten for me while I wrote the letter. I tied the letter to its leg and let it fly out the window. I didn’t know how Ginny would take what I wrote. But I knew that she needed to know. She deserved to know.
I got ready for dinner in a dark green floor length dress. Dinner was served later tonight than any other night so far. I walked to the Dining hall where Draco, Narcissa, Lucius, Crabbe, and Goyle were already sitting. I sat next to Draco, who had not looked at me since he left our room earlier. We ate dinner in complete silence. The silence, no matter how I felt about Draco’s parents, it was uncomfortable.
“Miss?” Dotty said after popping into the quiet room.
“Yes?” I said turning in my chair to face her.
“There is a tall red man waiting at the door for you.”
“A tall red man?” I asked quietly.
“Yes,” Dotty said, “he is waiting at the front door. I didn’t know where to take him.”
“Just take him to the library,” I told her, “I will meet him there.”
Dotty disappeared with a small pop, leaving the room in silence.
“What is he doing here?” Draco said, breaking the silence.
“I didn’t invite him,” I told him, “if that is what you are implying.”
“Why else would he be here?”
“I don’t know,” I told him before standing up and walking to the door of the room.
“Don’t walk away from me,” Draco said loudly.
“Then walk with me,” I said before opening the door and leaving the room.
AN: there will be a little bit of a wait before the next chapter. i just started a new semester at school. so i will be a little busy. i will update as soon as i can. thanks for reading, let me know what you think of the chapter.
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