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I Believe by Hearts Then Tears
Chapter 3 : Chapter 3.
 
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I Believe

Hearts Then Tears

Chapter 3.



The hours passed so quickly I could feel them, and it hurt. Each day Christmas came closer, and each night I stayed up thinking about my parents. Maybe things had changed, maybe dad was better. But could he really be better? It has only been a couple of months... maybe I'll write mum, maybe she'll give me some profound fairytale of how my father has up and turned his life around, “for us” she would say.

December Monday, 3:30 AM

Light roamed through the dusty window. It seemed like a good time to open my eyes, so I did.

Could I stay here forever? No one could say anything rude to me because they would think I was ill, and everyone would give me gifts and wish me luck. It would be wonderful. I want to stay here forever.

I wonder if God is real. I mean, someone had to come up with this world. Someone, something, anything.

I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

"God, help me. Help me through this time of weakness. I am so vulnerable. I need you, whoever, whatever you are." I didn't care if anyone heard me, because truthfully it was a cry for help. And anyone willing to help me was a face I wanted to see.

No one knows how I feel inside, the sadness that haunts me like a rainy day in July. No one knows what I see, what I saw, felt. No one knows. And truly, I don't want anyone to. For them to see, to know, to feel, would make them me. I wouldn't put that on anyone. Because my life was simply hell. And hell isn't something someone should go through while still on Earth.

I put on the smile for my friends, family. I can't fake forever, but trying for them, is worth it... I think. Not that I completely fake everything, I am happy at times. But I feel overwhelmed with sadness and it's bullshit.

Maybe I should try and start talking with a counselor.

I turned on my side, putting my hand under my head, staring at the wall.

What if it could all go away, what would life be like? It would be so nice to start over. For everyone to just have a clean slate, and a picture of what was... but not what will be... isn't that a beautiful thought?

A tear fell down my face, I wiped it away quickly.

If he loved me could life somehow get better? Would all my other problems and annoyances leave me? Would I then discover happiness? Because now that I no longer have the option to be with him (I guess it always sat in the back of my mind) I feel as if that was the only thing holding me together. A steady friendship, a small crush, his warmth in the dark.

If only I knew the answer... but that would cost luck of some type, and to my misfortune I have never and most likely will never have any type of luck.

Why would God give me this fate? I did nothing. Was it a past life? Were my past actions what gave me this destiny?

I turned on my back with a sigh. There is so much to think about while you're alone.

Maybe the devil sneaked up into Heaven and moved my life around, putting different events together. I like that theory better, I shouldn't blame God. He has the world to take care of.

I heard footsteps, a squeak of the door and some more footsteps. I closed my eyes, I realised from my few days here that I like to hide from people. I think that might be a factor to why I want to be here forever.

Whoever came walking in, stopped mid step.

"I heard you fell down stairs," he whispered.

I nodded.

"It hurt. I thought stairs were softer." sarcasm seems to always help me out.

"That was stupid, Jackie." he walked toward me, sitting down on the bed. His hand caressed my arm, and even though I wanted to be as far from him, my body couldn't help but relax at his touch.

"No one said I was smart," except everyone who did, I could feel him giving me these thoughts through some type of telepathic method.

Looking up at him, he no longer stared at me, but the bruises I could feel on my forehead and his lips bent down in a frown. What's up with people frowning because of what I say...

"Someone said that you took something..."

"And who was that?" I snapped, furious that he had to find out.

"Zabini." my eyes opened, a glare set on my face.

"How the fuck did he find out?"

"So you did!" he looked shocked, then upset. He moved around a bit on the bed, was he uncomfortable? with me? I have only seen this happened once before, and it was in a completely different setting... but he was definitely uncomfortable.

"How the fuck did he find out, Draco... tell me. " I repeated slower and with more anger in my voice.

"He and Eliza are, well, a thing." he shrugged, and took his hand away from my arm. He began to play around with a piece of string on the sheet.

"They're dating?" not too surprising but still... surprising.

"No. They just," I put my hand up. I understood.

What was I supposed to say? That it was true? Even though I basically already blurted that one out with my defensive exterior...

"Why'd you do it?" he asked. He wasn't looking at me, anymore. His eyes were searching someplace else for something else. I'm not sure what.

"Why do you care?" why would he care?

"You’re my best friend." his words hurt me, I felt like he just dropped a brick on my chest. I was his best friend, and he didn't show it at all, if we're going to look at the past week as a prime example.

"You sure about that?" I could feel the nasty look on my face.

He nodded, leaning down and hugging me (not receiving much back).

"Draco Malfoy what are you doing?" It was McGonagall, her footsteps almost inaudible.

He stood up, quickly. "I was just-"

"Leave, please!"

He turned to look at me, his eyebrows looking for something to say. Then he left.

"Jacqueline, get to bed." she whispered and left the room instantly.

December Wednesday, 7 AM

Today, I had to leave this place I grew so fond of. It pained me, but I did and I didn't look back.

December Wednesday, 9 AM

As I walked through the long halls of Hogwarts I couldn't help but notice the stares, frowns, grins, absolutely every different type of expression was thrown at me. It didn't bother me much, just not knowing what they knew. And that they possibly knew more than I did. I reached the Fat Lady and whispered the password. She asked if I was alright, to which I replied “I am fine.” walking into the common room.

I spotted Eliza. My stride being strong and quick, I was in front of her in an instance. “We need to talk,” she gave off a vibe that she wasn't interested at that moment and so I raised my voice an octave “Now.” and headed towards the Girls Bedroom, hoping that when I went to face her she'd be there.

As I did so, she was shutting the door. Her arms crossed, and her eyebrows raised, she was ready for what I had to say. My palms were sweaty. The only other person I had ever confronted was my father.

“So, you are dating Blaise Zabini, huh?”

She looked at me with wide eyes. "Who told you?" the way she asked made me scowl.

"He told Malfoy, and not only about that, but also about my little mishap..." my eyes looked her up and down. Oh, if looks could kill.

Her hands went up into the air and she turned around pacing from one bed to the next.

"I knew I could never trust him!" she whispered loudly to herself.

Shit. Now she's going to tell Blaise that Draco told me! Goddammit. I have to plan these confrontations beforehand. Never been much of a fighter.

"He only told Malfoy." she turned to look at me. "How do you know that?" she asked, confusion filled all throughout her face.

"Well he said that only he and Zabini knew so I figured..." was my reply.

She smiled, completely forgetting that I had a point to this whole conversation.

"Alright. Oh, and can you keep the thing about me and Blaise a secret?"

"Can you keep quiet about me and... what happened?" she nodded, "Deal." put her hand out, I took it and we shook. "Deal” I repeated after her.

She started to go back towards the common room, and I sighed. “what happened, Eliza? I don't remember a thing.” when she turned back around to look at me I knew she could even feel the embarrassment and shame on my face.

“No one told you?” I shook my head no. “Well, I guess that makes sense. I had to tell Dumbledore what we took. He confiscated everything I had. Some parts are a little fuzzy, but we were heading upstairs to go to bed, we barely ate any dinner and you were hysterical, when the stairs began to move... you lost your balance and went down. Good thing you didn't fall right off while the stairs were separated, your shit would've been fucked up. But a few bruises and some heartache, a couple days in the Hospital Wing... and here you are. Sorry the ride wasn't as smooth as I expected. You have some demons, girl. Don't run away from them. Destroy what destroys you.”

Destroy what destroys you.


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