Chapter 2 : Chapter 2.
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Chapter Image by EnyaL (tda)
Hearts Then Tears
December Tuesday, 7:30 PM
Some say I’m quiet, some say I’m loud, some say I’m shy and others say I talk a little too much. I come off as different, unique in a way. Most say I cannot cry. Am I that tough? Is anyone really that tough to the point where they don't cry? Well, I am not anywhere close to being that strong. I wish I was. What I would give to be like that.
The things Hermione said kept repeating in my head, like a broken record. Did he say it because he did, in fact, love her? Or because he wanted to hurt me more? And why would he want to hurt me? I did nothing wrong, all I ever did was give him my eternal friendship. And how would he even know that could hurt me?
Well, either way, what can you expect from a Malfoy?
I wondered if anyone would come looking for me. Probably not. They hadn't already and dinner was almost over.
Finally my sobs had come to a stop, and silence filled the room. My breathing became calm, and even. This pain wasn't worth it, he was not worth it. He could have anyone he wanted and he chose her. Not me.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Eliza said something once, when she was in one of her crazed states of anxiety and stress, about feeling much better. Well, I want to.
December Thursday, 4 PM
My eyes were huge, and the look on Eliza’s face was funny. I couldn't budge, this is what she meant? I never would have taken her for one to be a junkie (or a druggie, or whatever it is she may be) but here she was offering me some muggle drugs... this was her way of feeling better? I didn't want to, I couldn't and I wouldn't. This is not who I am, not even close to what I was thinking... what was I thinking?
"Well?" she asked, "You want some or not?"
What was I supposed to say? I mean the right answer would be no, but this feeling of pain was, surprisingly enough, overwhelming and quiet frustrating. I wanted it to stop, even if for a moment. And this would stop it, right? She almost guaranteed it in her little spiel a few moments ago. I just looked at it, what would happen to me once I decided to take it?
"What's it called?" I asked quietly, my hands tightly intertwined. Only a few moments in this tense situation and sweat was already building up in between my fingers.
"Xanax," her eyebrows raised, "Makes ya feel weird, in a good way... the best way." she ended her statement with a little giggle, and then reached her hand out trying to hand it to me. I was reluctant. My hand met hers and took the pill, examining it with my finger tips.
"What do I do with it?" I eyed up the pill. Eliza took a step towards me, showing me the pill in her hand she instructed me to follow her lead: then she put the pill on her tongue, shut her mouth, and swallowed. She moved back, a grin on her face.
I remember everything my family, friends and even I have said about how bad drugs were (are) and how I would never touch them. I knew, but in a time like this, I don't know if I could help myself. Well, I couldn't. I don't know if I wanted to abstain that little want in the back of my head, either. So, I didn't. I dragged it up to my tongue, dropped it down, closed my mouth-
What about the side effects? What if I become addicted to it? What would happen?
"I don't care." I whispered confidently to myself, and then I gathered some saliva in my mouth and swallowed the little pill with ease.
I didn't want to open my eyes. What was supposed to happen? I was a mix between afraid and alive.
December Thursday, 4:45 PM
I could feel Eliza’s eyes on me, as if she was just waiting for something to happen, I did not know what. Suddenly I started to feel some type of way, such a new feeling I couldn't even describe it to you now. We started up a silly conversation, and I couldn't stop laughing. My arms wrapped around my stomach and I fell over. Laying on the ground I couldn't stop thinking “I didn't always feel this light, did I?” and I couldn't filter anything. I just went with my body, and my mind was as wobbly as my legs were.
We stayed, for the most part, where we started. Time sort of stopped existing for awhile. I can't remember when we started to make fun of girls like Hermione Granger or when we went down for dinner. I can tell you I remember Draco staring at me, and I couldn't break his gaze, then I was running away with Eliza to cry on her shoulder about my troubles, all the while keeping her in the dark.
Then there was... something like... sleep. I felt hazy, and suddenly, I was dreaming.
December Friday, 6 AM
My eyes fluttered open and right as they did I wished they had not. All I saw was pure white, and it felt like I had just witnessed an explosion up close. In reality, I was admitted at the hospital wing.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to rid of the horrible colour printed on the back of my eyelids. This feeling was odd, trying to recollect the events from after I took the pill were extremely hard. I couldn't differentiate the time, and what happened when. I could barely hold on to a moment, thinking about it all seemed like a dream.
And then it hit me, like a chair to the face, something must have happened for me to get here. I began to scan my body, I felt tense and when I went up to inspect my head with my hands I felt utter pain. Bruises caressed my skin.
I wonder if they know what happened... or how it happened... and if they did who would know? Would my parents be informed, or would I be expelled? What would mum say...
A loud sob escaped my lips, I couldn't help myself. I quickly brought my hands up to cover anymore noises to be made. Why didn't I say no? None of this would have happened!
What even happened...
"Jacqueline," I knew it was Dumbledore, his cool, smooth voice sounded so familiar now.
I didn't answer, how could I? Filled with embarrassment and shame, I rolled over.
"Your choices were irresponsible, it isn't like you to do that." I heard him walking over to me.
"Tell me, why did you do it?" I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
"He loves her," he seemed like a father to me, and somehow I felt as if I could tell him everything. Especially right now.
"And this he you speak of is..." ssssssss, he kept it going, almost as if he was trying to guess but he had no idea where to start.
"Draco. Draco Malfoy." I finished his sentence.
I could almost hear a frown forming on his face.
"No. I understand that it was a stupid reason, over a boy! But, Dumbledore, I can't bear this pain! Oh, it is awful. If you felt what I was feeling, what I am feeling,"I held a painful expression, and finally opened my eyes after a moment of silence. I could see the sadness in his.
"I know," I turned away from his stare. He didn't know, he couldn't. "Jacqueline, you cannot do these things. Do you understand?"
I took a breath. It felt wonderful, until... until time didn't exist and my life was black. I felt like I wasn't even present in my own body.
A beautiful nightmare. That's what it was.
"Yes." I wasn't lying... I don't think I was at least. It was a one time thing, right? Yes, it had to be. I would make it one.
Authors Note: If you ever feel the need to turn to drugs, please don't. Personally, I have been there and I have done that. Sobriety is the best thing to happen to me, and the road to get there was a long and tiring one. Stay lifted, and thank you for reading.
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