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Chapter 1 : Denial
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”You just have to be kidding me?” I almost shouted at Ron, who looked at me with wide eyes, not ready for my reaction. Though, one would think that he would be used to it by now. “Can’t you ever try to do your own homework, without any help what so ever? I wonder what grades you would have if I had never helped you.”
Ron blushed, and looked around in the Gryffindor common room, hoping for help from his friends, but thankfully, Harry played deaf at the moment. I put my hand on my hip and looked at him, expecting an answer.
“I take that as a ‘no’?”
“Oh.” I moaned, you'd think that after all those years that he would have learned. But then again, it was Ron that we were talking about. “I’m going to the library, do not follow me!”
I hung my bag over my shoulders and hurried out of the room, and flew down the stairs.
The library was quiet, and calming. I found it being the best place in the whole castle, not only because of the unlimited amount of books, but also due to the privacy.
I chose a book from one of the shelves, one that I had never read before, and I sat down at my usual spot in a corner to the right. Trying really hard to focus on the book, it wasn’t successful, all I could think about was how stupid Ron actually was. Did he really expect me to help him with everything, for the rest of his sodding life?
So ungrateful, I hardly ever got a ‘thank you, Hermione’ for anything I did for them.
That I had ever had a crush on him was a total mystery for me, that immature, ungrateful, talking-with-his-food-in-his-mouth, bloody dork.
I sighed as I knew that my frustration over Ron would have faded until tomorrow, for that was how it always was.
I could get really angry with him, but it would pass.
Harry had been spending less and less time with everyone as he and Ginny finally hooked up, which didn’t help the strained, simply friendly, relationship between me and Ron, he could really be a pain in the ass.
Who did I have on the days that we fought? Looney Lovegood? Cho Chang? Sure, but they were no fun. After what I had been through, what we had all been through, I needed to have some fun in my life. I closed the book, and started thinking about what I could do to spice my life up, I needed to take to drastic actions, or else I would go mad.
I got more and more depressed, as I found that everything that I wanted to do was against some rule in this sodding school, and I was no rule breaker. I let my eyes drift around my spot in the library and saw and old magazine lying on the floor, and rolled my eyes as I picked it up.
Quidditch through the years was the headline, it was a timeline over Quidditch players and games. I was about to put it back on the floor as I got my idea.
It was about time that I learned how to fly.
I had a huge grin on my face as I walked up to the Gryffindor Tower, told the Fat Lady the password (Chocolate Frogs) and then I proceeded to search the room for Harry, he or someone he knew, other than Ron, could teach me, I was sure of it.
When my eyes found him, I gladly hurried up to him. He was sitting next to Ginny, no surprise there.
“Harry! Just the one I was looking for.”
“Okay? What’s up, ‘Mione?” He looked at me, half eager, half terrified.
“I want to learn how to fly!” I said eagerly, and he and Ginny both started laughing, uncontrollably, making me glare at them. Idiots. They didn’t take me seriously.
Upon seeing my serious and hurt expression, Ginny sobered up.
“Are you serious about this, Hermione?” She gasped as I nodded. “But… But you are terrified of flying!”
“After going through what we have been through, I would say that flying can’t be that bad?”
I tried, and Harry nodded slowly. I doubt he even took the words to him, he never spoke of the war, no one did. I felt so alone but as always; I pushed the feeling aside and concentrated on the conversation I was having.
“OK, I’ll talk Madame Hooch, and see what I can do, you know, that neither I or Ginny will have time, due to Quidditch practise, right? So it might be someone from another house or such. If she agrees, and only if.”
I nodded happily, praying that she would say yes.
Ron came to join us, he too looking as if he would burst into laughter when Ginny told him what we had been talking about.
“I’ll show you.” I muttered, it surprised me that they had so little faith in me, had I not proven myself a good witch in the war?
The war… I shivered. I tried so hard to just forget about all of that, pretend that it had never happened, just like everyone else did. Good luck, Hermione. No that would never work for me. I was too aware of my pain, too aware of the huge hole that he people that had been murdered had left behind them.
“Oh, I’m sure you will.” Harry laughed, and then they proceeded to laugh and describe their mental pictures of me trying to fly, and falling. I snorted and left for the Girls Dorm, at least none of the boys would bother me.
After I had taken a shower, and dried my hair, I looked in the mirror. My hair was smoother than it had ever been, my curls tamed. I praised Merlin that I had bought the book of Hair & Make-up spells. It had helped me a lot.
Now that I was allowed to use magic, I had learned so many more spells at home, they would really come in handy.
I studied my body in the large mirror, I had curves, but in my own opinion I was far from beautiful.
My hair had grown longer, it was reaching my bellybutton, in smooth waves.
I frowned at my reflection and walked to my bed.
My thoughts were hard to turn off that night, as I could only think of the war, as so many nights before.
I would hear the screams, and the sobs. I would see the faces of the dead, the wounded and the deatheaters.
It seemed impossible to run from the images in my head.
And Malfoy. His face haunted me the most, his cruel face as much as the hollow shell of what his face had once been that he had wore on the battle of Hogwarts. I felt mixed between that hate I had felt for so many years and pity.
Don’t pity that foul git I reminded myself, and put my pillow over my head as if to tune out the screams that I knew very well that I wouldn’t be able to keep out. They wouldn’t leave no matter what I did.
Slowly I drifted in to a dreamless sleep.
“Hermione, have you seen by potions book?” Ron asked me as we were just about to go to that very lesson. I had been wrong the other night, the frustration and anger had not gone away. I suddenly felt obligated to break something, to hit something, but I remained calm.
“No, Ronald. I have not.” I snapped at him, who muttered something that sounded like ‘PMS much?’
I was surprised he even knew the word PMS. I pushed my way through the mass off people who wouldn’t exit the common room, and heard Ron’s voice snap something at me, but didn’t stay long enough to hear what he had to say.
I walked alone towards the dungeons, with a heavy bag over one shoulder and cursed loudly when it broke and my books fell to the floor. I dropped to my knees to get gather them up again, muttering foul words under my breath as I did so, when I noticed someone’s shoes infront of me. Slowly I looked up at the black dressed figure, to stare in to the eyes of Malfoy.
“See you are where you belong, Granger.” He smirked down at me as I sat by his feet, and I felt my anger start to boil inside of me. I finally had all the books and stood up furiously, he still towered me.
“Shut up.” I said with an unsteady voice, and he noticed that for his eyes absolutely glowed of cruelness, his eyes that haunted me and had done ever since the day at the Manor. He stepped closer to me, but I held my position, I refused to back away from him. The truth was that he scared me, but I didn’t want him to know that, for if he knew, he would use it against me. “I would like it if you stepped out of my way, Malfoy.”
“And you think that I would obey you? No, it’s the other way around.”
I stared at him in disbelief, and then I shook my head.
“Me, obeying you, Malfoy? Have you hit your head?” I smirked at him, as he grew angry at the fact that he didn’t get to me, but he did get to me. I was just good at pretending.
“It’s in your nature, Granger. Always there to please Potter and Weasley, and the teachers, lets not forget them…”
“I would never want to please you.” I interrupted, and blushed slightly at how wrong that sounded. “Now…” I begun, and looked him furiously in his silver orbs, “Would you mind?”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. ‘Would you mind?’ No, Mudblood, I would not mind.”
Some things never change, do they? But I appreciated that then, I needed it then. Something that felt normal. Fights with Malfoy.
“Get the hell out of my way, Malfoy, or I swear to Merlin…” I threatened and he chuckled darkly.
“You swear what, Granger? You’ll curse me?” He looked deeply amused. He took a step forward and whispered: “I would like to see you try.”
Then he turned and walked away.
What just happened?
That cruel, sick, disturbed, disgusting, beautiful, Slytherin stayed on my mind for the next three hours. Wait… Beautiful? Since when did I think of Malfoy as beautiful?
It was awkward enough between me and Ron as we were sitting next to each other in D.A.D.A, without me glancing over at Malfoy every once in a while.
And after three hours of constant peaking over at his direction, Ron had enough.
“What in Merlins name are you looking at all the time?” He said in a loud voice just as I glanced over at Malfoy again, and I snapped my head away, but I knew that Malfoy had caught me staring, for our eyes met for less than a second. I saw that many students had turned their heads to listen in on our conversation.
“Nothing special.” I muttered, and Malfoy snorted three seats away. “It’s really nothing at all.”
Ron looked doubting at me, then he put his hand on my shoulder as if to comfort me.
“You were thinking about… It, weren’t you?”
It, always It, never ‘the war’. I needed to talk about it, not just briefly touch the topic.
“No, Ronald. I was not.” I was finished with my essay, so I shook his hand off and walked quickly away from him and up to the professor. I handed him the essay and then I left the room as fast as I could. I felt like I was about to suffocate in that small, dry room.
Finally out of the wooden door, I saw in the corner of my eye that Malfoy was on his way out as well, I picked up my speed, trying to get as far away from him as possible before he even noticed that I was there. I heard him walk fast behind me, and I tried to walk even faster.
Why am I practically running from Malfoy?
The whole thing seemed so ridiculous, but I did not slow down. I felt…strange looking into the face that haunted me in my dreams, and I would do anything to stay away from his eyes, they seemed to see all the way into my soul. Atleast that was how I had felt earlier.
Finally I rounded the corner that led me to the stair to the seventh floor.
“Miss Granger!” I heard a voice from behind me, it was not a males voice however, it was Madame Hooch’s voice.
“Yes?” I smiled at her, and I noticed that Malfoy had slowed down so that he could eavesdrop on us. It bothered me beyond belief.
“You wished to learn how to fly? Or so Mr Potter said?”
“I would like that very much, Madame Hooch.”
“Fair enough, I shall find someone to help you. Tomorrow at pitch, one o’clock, someone will be there to help you.”
“Oh, Thank you so much! I am very grateful!” I said, and she nodded curtly before she turned and walked away.
“Mr Malfoy.” She greeted, and he nodded politely at her.
How did he end up so far behind?
I turned to walk, when I heard a coughing sound behind me, drawing my attention to it. I turned even though I knew very well who had caused it.
“Need help to fly, Granger?” He smirked. How I would like to wipe that smirk of his face. “A member of the golden trio can’t even sit up on a broom?”
“I…” I was at loss of words. “Not that it’s any of your business, Malfoy, but I can sit up on a broom!” I spat his name out like a foul word. He eyed me curiously, and I waited for the punching line.
“Then why do you need help?”
I looked at him shocked, and blushed at the actual reason, Malfoy was a seeker, it would sound so stupid in his ears, and I knew it was stupid too. I had been flying on the back of a dragon, a broom should be a piece of cake.
“None of your business.” I said fast and turned and walked quickly away from him. Leaving him behind me to look after me, determent to find out why I was scared.
“I’ll figure it out, Granger, I always do.” He shouted after me, and I gave him a rude hand gesture.
I knew that he was right. Prat.
[I've gone back and edited this chapter a bit, I really hated it, so hopefully it's a bit better now. A bit less grammar mistakes and such, I hope you like it! - Cathyyy]
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