Written in response to Indigo_Seas' "Quick! Write a Story!" Challenge
Sirius Black: Matchmaker Extraordinaire
Hello there! Sirius Black, here, with an incredible tale that I engineered myself. Okay, maybe it isn’t exactly "incredible"…but it sure was one hell of a ride.
It was my seventh year at Hogwarts…
“Oh, Lily!” I called in a singsong voice, approaching the redheaded girl in the library. Lily Evans stiffened visibly. I simply loved the effect I had on her. It was a Friday afternoon and classes had only let out an hour ago.
“Sirius,” she replied curtly, not looking up from her book.
“Aw, don’t be like that!” I whined, slinging myself into the seat beside her. She rolled her eyes. I could barely believe she was still trying to concentrate on her school work. With me around? Who was she kidding? I laughed to myself. This was Lily Evans though, she could be incorrigible.
“You know…there’s a Hogsmeade weekend coming up tomorrow,” I hinted, intent on completing my mission. Lily looked up and raised an eyebrow. I smirked. She was so cute when she looked apprehensive. However, Lily Evans was most definitely off-limits. She was James’s, though she didn’t know it yet.
“Let me guess,” Lily said dryly. “Potter wants me to go with him.”
“Well…yeah,” I said, upset that she had jumped to the correct conclusion.
“Tell him that I said no,” Lily replied without giving it any thought. She laughed, turning back to her homework. “Also, tell him that he should do his own dirty work.”
“Please, Lils!” I whined, losing all self-respect on my best mate’s behalf. Surprisingly, she ignored me, even though I had used the nickname that I knew would grate on her nerves.
After several moments of silence, I finally frowned and stood, letting my shoulders droop histrionically. I sighed loudly for Lily’s benefit and walked slowly away from the table. I thought I heard her laugh as I exited the library.
“She said no?” James asked pessimistically as I reentered the common room, crestfallen. He looked disappointed and I felt bad that I had failed my mission.
“Sorry, mate,” I said, sprawling out on the plush carpet in front of the fire.
“But…this year is different!” James argued to no one in particular. “I’m more mature! I’m Head Boy! I’m smart, funny, charming, friendly--”
“Yeah, and totally modest,” I muttered. James narrowed his eyes and went back to staring into the fire.
Remus, who sat in a nearby armchair, chuckled in agreement, his eyes on a large tome before him. I frowned, why did everyone have to read all the time? I didn’t mind it every once in a while…but it got boring really quickly.
“Moony, let’s do something,” I said, trying to interrupt his reverie. “Please, I’m bored out of my mind.”
Remus just laughed again.
“Ask Peter, he mentioned that he was bored as well.”
“Fine. Be a prat,” I grumbled, standing and beginning my search for the fourth member of the Marauders.
It was a short search. I spotted Peter in the corner of the common room, sitting at one of the large tables.
“Hey, Wormtail!” I said happily, hopping up to sit on the table in front of him.
“Careful, Sirius!” Peter exclaimed, throwing himself forward to cover something on the table. I looked down. There were hundreds of chocolate frog cards lying in neat rows in front of my friend.
“What are you doing?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m alphabetizing, if you must know,” Peter said, slightly irked that I had interrupted the delicate process. I groaned in exasperation, rolling my eyes dramatically.
“I don’t know what’s worse: that you’re alphabetizing your chocolate frog cards, or that you have enough that you can alphabetize them,” I grumbled, standing again and returning to my place by the fire.
Half an hour later, I was still trying not to die of boredom.
“Hey, James?” I asked, breaking the stoic silence that had befallen our group. James made a small sound of acknowledgement. “Let’s have a snowball fight,” I suggested.
It was November, not late enough to be studying for exams, but not early enough that the grounds were barren of snow. True, there wasn’t much, but I was determined to have a snowball fight, make a snowman, or generally do anything to get out of the castle. I was fairly certain I was going to get cabin fever, or possibly die.
“Padfoot, why don’t you do your homework?” James asked irritably. I assumed Lily’s repeated rejection of him caused his surly mood.
“I don’t have any,” I replied fairly confidently. I actually didn’t remember if I had homework or not.
“Yes, you do,” Remus interjected. “We have a Potions essay to finish for Slughorn and you've barely started it.” Why did he always have to remember my homework? I supposed it was so that he could remind me about it at the most annoying times. Leave it to Moony.
“Oh…you’re right,” I was upset that Remus had decided to involve himself in this. After a moment, I continued, “a technicality. I have all weekend to finish it. Please guys, I think I’m literally dying of boredom.” I shot Remus a look so he wouldn’t explain, for the thousandth time, that someone cannot actually die of boredom.
“Fine. Let’s go, Padfoot,” James grumbled, standing from his armchair and stretching.
“Dinner’s in an hour anyway, come on Moony, Wormtail.”
“I’m going to pass tonight, guys,” Peter called from his corner. “I want to finish alphabetizing these before dinner.”
“Party pooper,” I called back, leaping to my feet happily and following Remus and James out of the common room. Normally, I would have convinced Peter to join us, but tonight all I cared about was doing something to alleviate my boredom.
“What’s the plan?” Remus asked quietly, as we walked through the hallways. I was glad that we had determined that we would take turns planning our escapades. I couldn’t think of anything really fun to do tonight. It was James’s turn to come up with the plan anyhow.
“I’m voting on freeze tag if we can find enough people,” James said as we stepped outside into the chilly air. I grinned wildly, not even caring that we had left our cloaks in the common room. I was free.
“Excellent,” I agreed. “Let’s go recruit.”
The others nodded and I sidled off to find people to participate in our game.
Wizard freeze tag is only slightly similar to Muggle freeze tag. In wizard freeze tag, if the person that’s “it” tags you, you literally stop moving completely until one of your teammates undoes the jinx. It’s pretty complicated, actually. There are spells that you have to cast at the beginning of the game so the jinx is set on the players from the moment the person that is tagging touches them.
Anyway, I was looking for people to recruit to play when I spotted her. It couldn’t have been more perfect. I assume that Lily had retreated to her spot by the lake to avoid me if I had chosen to return to the library. She unknowingly had walked right back into my path. I grinned and walked up behind her.
“Hi again!” I exclaimed, tapping her shoulder. She jumped and let out a little shriek. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You sounded like a puffskein being stepped on!” I gasped between raucous laughter. Lily didn’t look amused.
“What do you want Sirius?” she growled, standing to glare at me.
“Whoa…I just wanted to know if you’d play freeze tag with us…” I said, stepping back from her angry look. I admit, it threw me off for a moment.
“Oh…well, I suppose so," Lily replied. I could tell she felt bad for being cross with me.
“Great! Help me recruit, the game should be starting soon,” I grinned and flounced off to continue my search. I was so energized, it was amazing.
Ten minutes later, I met back up with Remus and James who had finished recruiting as well. I did a quick head-count and was pleased to see that there were sixteen of us, plenty for a good game of freeze tag.
James pointed his wand at himself and whispered the Sonorus charm.
“Hey everybody!” James said, his magically magnified voice echoing through the grounds. Instantly, the assembled crowd was quiet. James smiled. “Quietus,” he said.
“Now that I’ve got everyone’s attention…we’re here to play freeze tag!” A collective shout of excitement rose from the crowd. “So, I’m going to remind everyone of the rules. They’re pretty simple so you’d better be able to remember them. If the person who has to tag people tags you, the charm that we set up in the beginning will cause you to freeze. That means that you won’t be able to move, no matter how hard you try. The person who is “it” has to try to tag everyone else on the field so that there’s no one left to rescue the people who are frozen.”
I spotted a few people near me jumping up and down excitedly. Their excitement was infectious, I grinned broadly as James continued.
“Now, to unfreeze someone, you have to do a series of wand movements. Like this,” James demonstrated a ridiculous-looking wiggle with his wand directed at Remus. A few people laughed. Someone spoke up.
“I am not doing that!” Jeremiah Tines shouted from the edge of the group. I turned to him, annoyed that he was being such a git.
“You’ll do it if you want to play, prat," I shouted to him, causing several people around me to laugh. I smirked. Go me. Jeremiah looked sulky, but didn’t leave the group. James sighed and continued.
“I know it looks stupid guys, it’s supposed to. This is a classic game though, I didn’t make up the rules,” he said, addressing the group again. “So…let’s choose the person who will be 'it.' Everyone form a line.” I grinned and hopped into the line, facing James.
James pointed his wand at the line and mumbled a spell for selection. A brunette girl a few people away from me suddenly glowed orange before the color faded.
“Okay, you’re 'it,' Amy,” James said, addressing Amy Heron. “Can you leave the line, please?” Amy nodded and stepped towards him. James finished casting the freeze tag spells on the remaining players including himself. “Ready?” he asked.
A chorus of agreement rose from the assembled players and a bang like a gunshot erupted from James’s wand.
“Begin!” he shouted, running in a random direction, avoiding Amy.
Mayhem ensued as I dashed towards the lake, sprinting past Amy with only a few feet between us. Snow crunched under my feet as I dashed away. I looked back when I was far enough away, just in time to see Amy tag Remus. He shone blue for a moment and then stopped moving completely. I laughed, thinking that it was too bad that I was a loyal friend and couldn’t leave him frozen there.
“Ah, Moony…” I murmured as I doubled back to go to my friend’s aid. Amy was running towards a group of people several yards away so I felt safe enough to unfreeze Moony.
Several others were standing frozen around me. Amy was fast.
I pulled my wand out and did the ridiculous motion that James had demonstrated. Remus flashed blue again and regained his ambulatory skills.
“Thanks, Sirius!” Remus exclaimed, hurrying away. I turned to continue fleeing and noticed Amy a few feet away from me as she tagged Lily. I rolled my eyes and ran to unfreeze other people. However, just as I was about to unfreeze Tina Strayer, Amy tagged me.
I was frozen. I couldn’t believe it. My eyes darted around, searching for James or Remus. I couldn’t see them from my angle, but Lily rolled her eyes when she met my gaze. I would have smiled if I could.
Out of nowhere, James ran towards us, making a predictable beeline for Lily. I mentally groaned when Amy snuck up on him and tagged him, which I had also seen coming.
Twenty minutes later, the game ended. I was shocked as the freezing charm finally wore off. It was very rare for someone to actually win at freeze tag since the odds were automatically against the person who has to tag everyone.
Amy accepted congratulations from everyone as they wandered into the school for dinner. I approached her, grinning.
“Good job, Heron,” I told the Hufflepuff as I grinned. She smiled.
“Thanks, Sirius,” she replied, still panting a bit from running so much. “I’ll…see you later,” she said awkwardly, smiling again and hurrying towards the school. I laughed to myself and set off to find James and Remus. They were nowhere in sight. Confused, I approached Lily by the lake.
“Have you seen James or Remus?” I asked, causing her to jump yet again. She turned and glared at me.
“No, I haven’t seen them,” she replied haughtily, which slightly annoyed me. I changed tactics.
“I saw James get tagged when he was trying to unfreeze you,” I said slyly.
To my surprise, Lily blushed.
“Yes, well…um…I haven’t seen them,” she said quickly, picking up the schoolbooks that she had left by the lake.
“You know…he’s different this year,” I said, lobbying for James while I had the chance. Lily looked doubtful. “He really is. He’s so much more responsible and serious than he’s been in previous years.”
Lily nodded, looking thoughtful. I felt very accomplished that I may have put a seed of doubt in her dislike for James.
“See you later, Sirius,” she said, turning to head for the castle.
“Bye, Lily,” I replied, grinning and sprawling on the lawns to watch the sun set behind the clouds. It had been a good day.
I arrived late to dinner and shoveled food into my mouth, trying not to look too pleased with myself.
“What’s got you so happy?” James questioned as we headed up to the common room.
“You might see tomorrow,” I replied mysteriously, skipping ahead of my friends. Peter’s nasal laugh followed me down the hall and I laughed with him, stopping to let the other Marauders catch up.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” James asked as we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. I pretended not to hear.
“Mandrake Roots,” I said, addressing the Fat Lady who swung forward on her hinges to admit us to the Gryffindor common room.
I knew James had dropped the subject for the night, so I grinned mischievously and didn’t bring it up again. After twelve games of Exploding Snap with Peter, I begged exhaustion and wandered up to the dorm room for bed. My last thought before drifting off was: Oh, James is in for a good surprise, indeed.
We woke up early the next morning. I was the last to be ready and they had been heckling me since I rolled off of my bed.
“Padfoot! We’re going to miss the carriages!” James screamed at me, though we were only a couple of feet away from each other.
“Keep your pants on! I’m ready, I’m ready,” I grumbled, running a hand through my unruly hair.
“Finally!” Peter muttered as we dashed out of the common room to the Great Hall for breakfast.
I ate quickly, not wanting to hear James’s rant about time management again.
Twenty minutes later, we jumped out of our carriage and onto the crowded streets of Hogsmeade. I sighed. Small icicles covered the village and every shop window sparkled with Christmas merchandise. I loved the Christmas season.
“Where to first?” Remus asked quietly, glancing up and down the street.
“Zonko’s!” I spoke up. Peter spoke at the same time as I did, voting for Honeyduke’s. James said that he could care less and I imagined his vote would have been to find Lily. I grinned to myself.
“Zonko’s it is, then,” Remus said as Peter looked dejected and followed our group up the high road.
Zonko’s was bursting with every practical joke you can imagine. I headed straight for the barrel of dung bombs since I had noted earlier this week that my stash was running low.
I didn’t notice the time passing, but when I glanced at the ornate clock on the wall, I realized I had been in the shop for almost an hour. Glancing around, I also realized that the other Marauders must have moved on.
“Prats…” I muttered. I paid for my purchases and exited the store, glancing around for a sign of my friends.
Suddenly, feeling a bit stalked, I noticed Lily sitting on a bench across the street. She was reading a book, as usual.
“Evans!” I called, hurrying towards her. She looked up to see me and sighed. She probably felt as stalked I as I did…
“Where are your friends?” I asked curiously, glancing around for Lily’s posse.
“Marlene is sick. Amanda and Kayla are mad at me,” she said, looking back down at her book. I snatched it away from her. I knew I was being obnoxious, but I wouldn’t get answers if she continued to read.
“Hey!” she shouted, annoyed. I smirked.
“Why are they mad at you?” I asked, prying.
“I don’t know! Just because they are,” she growled, making a dive for the book that I held just out of her reach.
“Well, you can come with me then,” I said, smiling infuriatingly at her. Oh, and she looked infuriated. I laughed at her anger and explained myself. “I’m looking for the guys, they abandoned me in Zonko’s.”
“What, did they finally realize what a prat you are?” she asked angrily. Her comment might have offended someone less poised than me, but I just continued to laugh.
“No, they got bored,” I answered. “Come on.”
I turned and walked off towards the Three Broomsticks where I imagined they would be. The temperature had dropped and I shivered a bit. Happily, I heard Lily’s footsteps following me down the street. I turned and waited for her to catch up.
“Now that wasn’t that hard, now was it?” I said and she glared at me. “I’ll even give you your book back if you promise not to run off the second you have it.” Lily sighed dramatically.
“Fine. I promise,” she held out her hand and I dropped the book into it.
We continued down the street and I held the door for her into the Three Broomsticks. I had been correct. The Marauders were sitting at a table towards the back of the pub and sipping mugs of what I assumed was butterbeer.
“Hey guys!” I called, steering Lily by her shoulders to the table. James jumped up and stammered a “hello” while the others tried not to laugh outright at him. He pulled out the empty chair besides his, blushing slightly.
Surprisingly, Lily smiled and sat in the seat James had offered her.
Feeling successful, I ordered two butterbeers from the landlady and returned to the table. I felt proud that the Marauders were accepting Lily so well. I hadn’t heard one overly obnoxious comment yet. Though I assumed that was because they were afraid James would murder them if they screwed up Lily’s seemingly temporary friendship with him.
“So…what will you do now?” I asked Lily as the landlady took our mugs away. She flushed scarlet.
“Um…well, if none of you mind…I can always spend the day with you guys. My friends are sick,” she said, giving me a look that clearly said not to tell the other Marauders that Amanda and Kayla were angry with her. I wondered why they were mad but shoved that curiosity away. Obviously, Lily did not want to talk about it.
Remus and Peter smiled as James quickly explained that they would be happy for her to join them. Remus left us as we exited the pub, explaining that his supply of ink was running low and he needed to buy more. Peter nodded as Remus spoke.
“I’m heading off with Remus, guys,” he said. “I broke my last quill on Thursday and have been borrowing them since…”
I rolled my eyes at their weak excuses. They obviously wanted James and Lily to be alone.
“You heading off too?” James asked me, his voice holding an obvious hint. I glanced at Lily who was blushing and twirling the tassels of her scarf around her fingers.
“Yup,” I replied, grinning broadly. “I’m heading for the Quidditch store. I’ve been wanting to look at the new broom forever!” I exclaimed. Lily looked up at me and I winked, sauntering in the opposite direction than them.
I stopped when I was out of their sight and turned around, sneaking through a few alleys to see where they had gone. I hummed a spy-tune for my own theme song, laughing to myself. I tried a dive roll that I had seen in a Muggle movie once and collided with a wall. I groaned in pain, swearing not to try something so stupid again, though I knew I would forget that promise to myself soon enough. Standing, I continued my search.
I peered into several shop windows before I spotted them in one of the six bookstores in Hogsmeade. I went inside and hid behind an bookshelf, peering through the books to spy on my best mate.
“Have you ever read this?” Lily asked, holding up a book that I couldn’t see.
“I’m not sure, it looks familiar though,” James commented, peering towards her thoughtfully and pushing his glasses up on his nose. I smirked. James had probably read it. He had read half the library in the past six years. Between James and Remus, I’m sure the librarian always knew where most of the library was: the Gryffindor common room.
“It’s about early charm work in the twelfth century,” Lily explained. “There’s also a brief biography of Tedalus Grimweed, the founder of most of the modern-day charms that we use.”
Yup, James had read that. I remembered him explaining the book to me while I tried to zone out one evening.
“Oh, yeah!” James exclaimed. “It’s a great read, if a bit hard to get into,” he said. I smiled at the impressed look on Lily’s face. I silently cheered James on, hoping he wouldn’t let his ego get the better of him. Lily turned away, replacing the book on its shelf. When she turned back to James, there was a blazing look on her face.
“Sirius was right…” she murmured. “You have changed…” I smiled widely, having no problem taking credit for this. I was so proud of myself.
James looked down at Lily and placed his hands on her shoulders.
“Does this change things between us?” he wondered aloud. Lily nodded, closing her eyes and rising onto the tips of her toes. She kissed him very lightly on the lips and then drew back, assessing his reaction. I tried not to snort with laughter. James stood in the exact same position as when she had first kissed him, his lips still puckered in a ridiculous looking fish face. Lily laughed and hugged him, shocking James out of his moment of happiness. He held her tightly against him and laughed with her, grinning wildly.
“So, Lily…” James said. Lily made a noise of acknowledgement, her head tucked under his chin. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked nervously.
Lily pulled back and nodded, smiling up at my best mate.
“Finally!” I said, with a whoop. After about five seconds, I realized that I had spoken aloud and James and Lily were staring through the books at me. James glared and I guiltily rounded the aisle and looked at him sheepishly. Lily began to laugh which lightened the tense atmosphere in a second. James laughed with her and I patted him on the back.
“I’ll give you guys time alone now…” I said, still smiling. “Congrats, mate!” I said, winking and leaving the store. I glanced back in time to see James kiss Lily once more before they returned to scanning the spines of the books around them.
Later, no one but Lily would give me credit for hooking them up, but I never really cared. James’s happiness was infectious and I couldn’t worry about getting credit for it or not.
Lily began to spend time with the Marauders, we all became close friends and stayed close when we graduated from Hogwarts.
Now, I’m here in their home. They’ve made me a godfather. Little Harry is adorable, though he babbles incoherently and waves his little arms at random moments. I can’t wait to watch him grow up. I’m going to be the coolest godfather ever.
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at comedy, how'd I do? I loved writing for Sirius. I hope you liked it, reviewing only takes a moment. Thanks so much for reading.
Edited as of 7-22-12
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