"When love is not madness, it is not love.”- Pedro Calderon de la Barca
A few streams of light flooded from in between the dark maroon curtains covering the window and onto the lump of sheets and comforter in the bed across from it. A few steps away a rather thin blonde continued slathering foundation onto her face. Every once in a while she was glare at the lump with pure hatred etched across her features and then turn away and continue primping herself for the day ahead. The lump twitched as the blonde slid a crisp white shirt over her black bra and rolled up the waistband of her skirt so its bottom just barely covered her bum. She began running a brush through her bleach blonde hair, turned towards the lump, and began to (yet again) glare at it angrily.
“Oh for the love of Merlin!” cried Lily as she burst out of the bathroom door, straightening her head’s badge, “Jess! Wake up! Morning Jordan.”
The blonde stuck her nose up in the air and grabbed her bag from her bed. She smacked into Lily’s shoulder as she stormed out of the room as quickly as her stilettos would let her.
“Someone’s not happy camper this morning,” Lily smirked as she continued over to the lump and began to poke it, “Jessie! Time to get up!”
The lump groaned and Lily yanked the comforter towards the foot of the bed, “Jess, up now!” she said in a rather bossy tone as Jessie groaned and hugged her pillow. Her loose curls were sticking up all over giving her a rather wild look. She shut her eyes even tighter against the rays of light penetrating the room, as she curled up into a ball and snuggled into the pillow.
“Jessie! You have approximately thirty minutes to get up, get dress, eat breakfast and arrive to class on time!” Lily said as she picked up a rather thick textbook and deposited it into the bag resting on the top of her trunk. Jessie groaned and muttered something unintelligible.
“I don’t care Jessie and it will not kill you to see Sirius.”
Jessie whimpered and began to attempt to smother herself with her pillow. Lily marched over and yanked it out of her hands, “Get up,” she stated smacking Jessie’s head with it and throwing it on her own bed, out of Jessie‘s reach. Jessie’s blue eyes blinked open and she frowned as she sat up and slid off her bed, “ I hate my life,” she muttered as she walked into the bathroom pouting.
Approximately fifteen minutes later Jess walked back into the room showered and dressed. Her curls were tamed and held back from her face by a headband and to Lily’s excitement she had actually put on a pressed shirt. Lily pulled Jess’ robes off their spot on her bedpost and threw them at the yawning blonde.
“Come on then let’s go get some breakfast.” Lily said holding out Jessie’s bag to her. Jessie took it with a sigh and followed Lily down the stone corridor, taking care not to trip on the steps and fall flat on her face, “Where’s Mary?” she asked yawning and rubbing her eyes.
“Oh she left about an hour ago. Luke needed help on his potions essay.” Lily answered, sighing.
Jess raised an eyebrow and Lily continued, “Which most likely means they’re snogging somewhere.”
“Lovely” Jessie responded dryly as they walked into the great hall. Jess groaned as she realized who they were walking towards.
“Lily!” she whined, stomping her feet like an angry child, “Must we?”
Lily rolled her eyes, “Jessie you are being stupid, the world is not going to end just because were going to sit by the Maurauders. James is my boyfriend and your best friend and we are going to eat breakfast with him.”
“Don’t you dare but Black me! He’s been in love with you,” Jess let out a rather high pitched sound that sounded like a cross between a yelp and a groan, “Since forever, so his attitude towards you is not going to be any different than it has been for the past week. Now come on, there are waffles.”
Jessie moaned, “Fuck waffles,” and followed Lily over to the boys where she wedged herself between Remus and James and began to pile waffles on her plate.
After trading hello’s and good morning‘s (with the exception of Jessie to Sirius) Lily and James began discussing the graduation plans they were turning in to Dumbledore later that day and the other boys continued their quidditch discussion as they stuffed their faces. Jessie sat quietly (for once) as she stuffed her face with waffles. Every couple seconds she would glare at Sirius.
“You know what you need Jess.” Sirius said suddenly. Jessie looked up from her plate of surupy goodness and narrowed her eyes into slits, “What Black? To slit your throat and drain your body of every single drop of blood?”
“No! Whipped cream!” Sirius said excitedly picking up the can next to him. Jessie’s eyes went from slits to saucers and she smacked the can from Sirius’ hands ( it flew under the table), but not before he had done some damage with the can of whipped dairy product.
Jess looked down at her plate and whimpered, there was whipped cream all over. She banged her head against the table not once but twice, “I hate you Black.”
“What all I did was add a little spice to your breakfast!” Sirius exclaimed innocently eating his eggs.
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I don’t like whipped cream!?” Jessie yelled at him, hands on her hips.
Sirius abandoned his breakfast and crossed his arms, “You do so like whipped cream! You ate a whole can in one sitting at James’ house over the summer!”
“Well maybe I don’t like it anymore!” Jess retorted.
“Yea?” Sirius yelled back.
“Okay five year olds let’s settle down!” James said quickly shoving Jessie back down onto the bench. Jessie stuck her tongue out at Sirius and he returned the gesture. James cleared his throat and the two went back to their plates of food.
“Prat.” Jessie muttered.
“Ice bitch.” Sirius muttered.
“Delay is the deadliest form of denial.”- C. Northcote
Jessie slid into her seat and let her book bag crash onto the table. She hugged her arms around the bag and rested her head on it, shutting her eyes.
“What are you doing?” Lily asked sitting down next to her. She placed her History of Magic textbook on top of the desk and crossed her arms.
“Preparing for class.” Jessie yawned snuggling deeper into her book bag.
Lily rolled her eyes, “Just because it is History of Magic doesn’t mean that you can sleep through the period.”
“Lils,” Jessie said blinking her eyes open, “ I’ve been sleeping through this class for the past six and a half years. What makes you think I am going to stop now?”
“My faith that one day you will mature.” Lily said patting Jessie’s head, “Ah! Nice of you to show up to one class today!” Lily smirked as Mary slid into a seat behind the two girls.
“I’ve only skipped one class today!” Mary retorted indigently, “ And that was Charms; and it was for a good cause.”
“Was Luke chocking and you had to dislodge the item with your tongue?” Jessie murmured, wrapping her robes around her tighter.
“Jess you are disgusting.” Mary said blushing, “For your information I had to finished my Potions essay.”
“Thought you two were doing that this morning.” Lily giggled.
“Oh shush both of you, class is starting” Mary said embarrassedly, busying herself with unpacking her bag for class. Her cheeks had turned a lovely shade of cherry red.
Binn’s began droning on and on about this and that and a bit of the Troll Revolution of 1551; his ghostly form sinking in and out of the chair he sat in. To no one’s surprise he didn’t notice the four boys who had just snuck into the classroom and sat down next to Lily, Mary and a soundly asleep Jessie. Sirius slid into the only open seat available, next to Jess and smiled, “Excellent. Just how I like her- Unconscious.”
The group all gave Sirius looks and he looked at them innocently, “What?” he asked. James smirked, “You like her all the time, conscious or not.”
Sirius glared at him and laid his own head down on his bag, “I hate you lot.”
“How cute,” Mary smiled, “You two look so adorable asleep together!”
Sirius reached into his bag. Without opening his eyes he backhanded a crumpled chocolate frog wrapper in Mary’s direction. It bounced of her forehead and Mary muttered something about “Bloody quidditch players.”
A few minutes later Sirius was sound asleep as well. James smirked and pulled a camera out from his bag. After casting a muffliato spell over the group her leaned over and snapped a few pictures of Jess and Sirius. Lily raised an eyebrow, “James really,” she said as he stowed the camera away again.
“We’ll put them in their wedding slideshow.” James grinned and the rest of the group chuckled.
“Aww! It’s like the ones we have of you and James! They‘re so cute; there‘s Lily chocking James, Lily punching James, James with a broken nose from Lily who is laughing in the background, James in a cupid outfit professing his love to an irate Lily…” Mary said smiling dreamily at them. Remus slapped a hand over her mouth and Mary’s eyes widened.
“What pictures?” Lily asked crossing her arms.
“Golly gee, the Goblin rebellions sure are entertaining!” Mary said hurriedly turning her attention to Binns.
“It’s the Troll rebellions Mary! And I will find them!” Lily said turning back to her notes.
“Optimism is denial, so let’s face facts and move on.”- Anonymous
“Five more minutes mummy.” Jessie muttered swatting Lily’s hand away. Lily sighed and shifted her bag onto her shoulder more, “Jess! Wake up! Class is over!”
At the words class and over Jessie’s eyes blinked open and she stretched her arms over her head, “Oh. So, Lily darling, my dearest and favoritist and bestest friend- what did we learn today during the magical adventure that is History of Magic?” she rubbed the cheek that had been against her bag in order to ride her face of the angry red lines across it from laying on the fabric.
Lily rolled her eyes, “You can borrow my notes to write the essay later.”
“See this is just one of the many reasons why I love you Lils!” Jessie smiled as she stood up. Her bag conveniently collided with Sirius’ head as he sat up.
“Oops! My bad!” Jess said innocently and after grabbing Lily’s arm tightly; she ran pell-mell towards the exit.
“Did she just start a fight with me and then leave before finishing it?” Sirius asked confusedly rubbing his head.
“Yea, she did.” Remus answered as the boys headed towards the door.
When the Marauders reached the common room the girl’s had sprawled themselves out in front of the fire. Jessie was snuggled up onto half of her favorite sofa, yet again, asleep.
“Didn’t she just wake up?” James asked as he sat down on the floor at the foot of Lily’s chair.
“Yup.” Lily said turning a page in the textbook she was skimming, “She didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Can I ask why?” James said.
Lily ruffled James’ hair, “No.” she said simply and continued reading her book.
“Why?” James whined.
“Because James, it doesn’t matter.”
Lily sighed and leaned down and whispered into James’ ear, “Present company.”
“Merlin, James you are thick.”
“I resent that.”
Lily rolled her eyes, “That’s why I can’t tell you.” she said slowly, as though she was talking to small child.
“Because I’m thick?”
“No James. The reason I whispered to you is why I can not tell you.” Lily said exasperatedly, “Sweet Merlin what do they feed purebloods growing up? Because judging by the way you, Jessie and Sirius act it was obviously a diet lacking in the essential nutrients for brain development.”
The portrait door slammed shut and the awake members of the group turned towards it; Jordan walked in head held high and skirt barely reaching her upper thigh, as she sashayed by the group. She harrumphed at the sight of Sirius and marched up the stairs to the girl’s dorm with a flick of her hair, swinging her hips even more than usual.
“Shit Pads, what did you do to her?” James turned and asked Sirius who was smirking to himself and shaking his head.
“Told her how I really felt.” Sirius laughed, “The words fuck off may or may not have been used.”
“Yes!” James jumped up in the air and pumped his fist. He began doing some sort of jig and kissed Lily soundly on the lips, “Finally!”
“James darling as much as I love you, I do sometimes fear for your sanity and well… what… what was that.” Lily asked.
James scoffed, “ My Sirius- has- finally- seen- the- light- and- told- little- miss- easy- to- go- fuck- herself- dance.” he said proudly.
“If you think that one was bad you should have seen his Lily-said-yes dance.” Remus commented stretching his arms over his head.
James turned to him, “There was nothing wrong with my Lily-said-yes dance! I was excited! Thrilled! Elated! I had to express my joy somehow!”
“Right, because there was nothing wrong with you prancing about the room like a two year old on happy pills screaming Lily said yes in a high-pitched voice and swinging from the bed poles, after you bounced up and down on my bed!” Sirius said.
“I did not!” James cried indigently.
“Sure you didn’t babe.” Lily said returning to her book. James scowled and loosened his tie.
“And if you think his Lily-said-yes dance sounds bad, you should have seen his Lily-loves-me dance” Sirius added grinning at his best friend.
“Do you people only exist to embarrass and torture me?” James muttered as his cheeks turned pink. Lily chuckled and ruffled his hair.
“Yes Prongs, that is my sole reason for breathing. Anyways, moving on from James’ unique expressions of joy and euphoria, why are you lot all so happy I told Jordan to fuck off?” Sirius asked.
James and Remus grinned sheepishly, “Well Sirius.” Remus said, “Jordan is a bit superficial and she tends to… uh…”
“What Remus is trying to say in a mature and non-prattish sounding way is she is a stuck up bitch who cares more about making sure half her ass shows when she bends over than anything else.” James stated.
Sirius rolled his eyes.
Jessie’s eyes blinked open and she yawned, “Hello.” she said to the group as she sat up.
“Here Jess is awake. Let’s take a poll,” James said as Jessie looked at him questioningly, “Everyone who thinks Jordan is a bitch raise your hand.”
Everyone’s hands shot up in the air [even Sirius’] and Jessie waved both of hers around wildly.
“I get two because I hate her most and I‘ve come up with the most ways to murder her slowly and painfully.” Jessie shrugged in response to the entertained looks of her friends.
“So Jess,” Lily smirked (ignoring Jessie‘s rather psychopathic confession), “Did you hear?”
“Sirius told Jordan to leave him alone the other day.”
Jess glared at Lily who was smiling at her bemusedly, “No I didn’t have a clue. That is lovely.” Jess retorted slowly, gritting her teeth.
“Don’t you wish you could have heard that conversation, you know been there? Had a front row seat?” Lily asked innocently, her eyes twinkling with laughter.
“No.” Jess said shortly, “I’m going to bed.” she muttered and marched up the steps.
“What was that about?” James asked frowning, “I would have loved a front row seat; I‘d have even brought along some popcorn, maybe even a choclate frog or two. And a comfortable chair.” Across from him, Sirius was staring at the carpet, his brows furrowed. He cocked his head to the side and stood up.
“I think I’m going to turn in as well,” he said brushing invisible dust of his school slacks.
“Correction, you’re going to annoy Jessie.” James smirked.
“I am not!” Sirius cried indigently crossing his arms and pouting like a puppy whose squeaky toy had been confiscated. He turned to Remus, who raised an eyebrow.
“I am not!” Sirius turned heel and left his skeptical friends, muttering about “people who have no faith in me what-so-ever.”
“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.”- Mark Twain
Fuck my life. I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately, but seriously- Fuck. My. Life.
He loves me.
Okay, all brain function needs to cease. Well, maybe not all of it, just the thinking bits. I know! I will go to sleep! But how to fall asleep. Let’s count sheep! Yay!
One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep. Four sheep. Five sheep. Six sheep… hey that one is pink! Haha! Seven pink sheep. Eight pink sheep…
He bloody loves me.
Ahh! Brain shut up! I need my mummy…
Rodrigo! Rodrigo make the bad thoughts go away please?
Jessie, you need to accept it.
What are you a shrink? And I have, I just don’t want to think about it. It makes my head hurt.
You can’t repress it, you have to deal with it Jessie.
Yes I can, repress it, I mean.
He bloody loves me!
Told you that you couldn’t ignore it
I hate it when you’re right.
I know, so what are you going to do about this?
Nothing. Ignore it and hope it goes away.
Honey, that is not going to work.
Well then Mr. smart cricket, what do you think I should do.
For starters you should admit you love him as well, and then you should most likely inform Sirius of this mutual love, and then the two of you should probably rid yourselves of the giant cloud of sexual tension that’s been following the two of you for years.
How about no? Because for starters cricket boy, I do not love him! And there is no sexual tension what-so-ever between Black and I!
And Lily and James aren’t going to get married.
Leave the disgustingly cute, fairy tale couple out of this!
But seriously Rodrigo, he loves me. I thought he really honestly hated me. I mean I really fucked up and… he… I mean how could eh not hate me? I mean, he fucking loves me, like loves me, loves me.
Because like he said, he’s been in love with you since he put flobberworms in your hair.
I remember that. They got tangled in my hair and some of them fell down the back of my dress. It made me cry. And then I hit him and made him cry. And then James felt left out so he started to cry. It was great.
Jessie stop trying to change the subject; you are really not dealing with this situation properly at all. Ignoring the issue and being bitchier to Sirius are not going to make it all better.
But I can try!
And it won’t work. You want to know something funny Jessie?
Most girl’s are usually ecstatic when they find out someone really truly loves them.
Well, I am not most girls and don‘t talk like that it makes me want to puke.
Very, very true.
It’s so cliché. So, so cliché.
Black and me. It makes me want to hurl. Boy and girls are friends when little. Boy and girls hate each other. Boy and girl fall in love and live happily ever after. Ugh, gag me.
The only reason you are refusing to throw yourself at Sirius is because its cliché?!
No reason to sound so horrified Rodrigo. And that is not the only reason, I also simply don’t love him. Plus you don’t fall in love with the first boy you kiss.
Correction the only boy you’ve ever kissed.
Let me know when you’ve gotten out of this deep, deep pit of denial you’ve made.
“Oh, I have loved him to much to feel no hate for him.”- Jean Baptiste Racine
I know, I know it was short yet again; but I liked ending it there. Thought it was fitting to let Rodrigo have the last word for once. So did you guys like it? hate it? I know it was a bit of a filler chapter, but at least you got to see how Jess handled the knowledge that Sirius loves her [not very well.] So leave a review PLEASE, and let me know you concerns, questions and any favorite quotes. Thanks for reading!
Write a Review My Brain and Black: Drowning in Denial