“I hate school.” Gwen complained loudly as we walked out of transfiguration class. “McGonagall is insane. Two rolls of parchment on animagi by Wednesday, I’ll never get that done.”
“Gwen,” I started gently. “You have five days, you could easily get it finished in one.”
“But it’s Friday,” she complained.
“I can help you if you want. We could probably be done in an hour if we really worked.” I suggested.
“That would be wonderful Mandy. Thank you so much. What would I do without you?”
Gwen’s eyes sparkled with excitement.
“I have no idea how you would survive if you didn’t have me.” I joked.
She sent me one of her playful glares before crossing her arms and pretending to be mad at me. “That’s not nice.” She pouted. “I would do just fine without you.”
“Sure you would.” I rolled my eyes. “If you didn’t have me you-”
My sentence was suddenly cut off when I collided with something hard. My books scattered across the hallway. Oh great. My books were getting trampled by people who didn’t even care. They all saw my books but instead of picking them up they stepped on them. I hate people.
“I’m sorry.” A voice said.
“It was my fault.” I answered without looking up. I faked a smile to try to keep up my perfect illusion.
“No, it was my fault. I should’ve been watching where I was going.”
I looked up, curious to see who I had run into. My face betrayed nothing but on the inside I was in shock. I had run into the infamous Sirius Black. One of the four Marauders, the biggest prankster Hogwarts has ever known, wanted by almost every girl in the school, and known to break as many hearts as he can. Was he actually being nice to me? Me? the perfect girl who never breaks any rules or is it an illusion, just like me.
I shook my head. “It was my fault.” I insisted.
Amusement shone brightly in his grey eyes. I was amusing him, he didn’t really care. I was just amusing.
“Fine, it was your fault.” He smirked as he held up his hands in defeat.
I faked a smile. Then I sighed before getting down on my knees to collect my books and save them from anymore damage. The hallway was almost completely empty, the bell was about to ring for the start of the next class.
“You can go Gwen, I think I can pick up my books by myself. I don’t want you to get another detention.” I smiled at her.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.” She walked away without a second glance.
I breathed a sigh of relief forgetting for a moment that Sirius Black was standing right in front of me, watching my every move.
“I really am sorry.” He said sincerely, looking me in the eyes.
I looked away Quickly, I don’t like to look into people’s eyes for too long. You’re eyes are the key to your emotions and I don’t want anybody to see any emotion in my eyes.
“It’s fine.” I answered automatically.
“You’re lying.” He whispered after a moment.
I forced myself not to look up in shock, that would have given me away.
I pulled my face into an innocently confused look before glancing up at him.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I smoothed out the crinkled pages of my
defense against the dark arts book and unsuccessfully attempted to wipe of the footprints.
He got down on his own knees and helped me gather my ruined books.
“Thanks.” I told him glancing at his eyes for a second.
He held my books out for me to take but when I went to grab them he wouldn’t let go of them. What was he doing? I looked at him questioningly.
“Why won’t you look me in the eye?” he asked seriously.
“I don’t like looking people in the eyes, it makes me feel uncomfortable.” I answered.
“Am I not allowed to have something that bothers me?” I asked a little annoyed. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?
“You’re allowed to but I thought you were perfect. If you’re perfect nothing can bother you so if something bothers you, you’re not perfect.” He smirked as though he had just figured out a big secret. He didn’t know me, he never would.
“I never said I was perfect.” I told him giving my books a tug. His grip tightened, he wasn’t letting go.
“I never said you did but other people say you are. You’re slow to anger, you never lose you’re cool, you never say anything bad about anybody, you’re nice to everyone but not too nice that you’re annoying, you’re modest, good at everything, have perfect grades, a loving family, you help everybody you can, and you always put others before yourself.” He listed. “I’d say that’s being perfect.”
I glanced at his eyes to see pure amusement. “Nobody is perfect.” I pulled my books harder. All I wanted to do was get away from him.
“Nobody is perfect.” He repeated. Then let go of my books making me stumble. He caught my elbow stopping me from falling. Slowly he lowered his face closer to mine. “Look at me.” he whispered. I stubbornly kept my face turned away from him. I couldn’t let him see my eyes, I couldn’t let him see my emotions.
“Look at me.” he said again.
I cleared my eyes the best I could.
“Nobody is perfect.” He repeated again once his eyes held my own in an unbreakable grip. “But you can pretend to be.”
He let go of my arm, turned on his heel and walked away. I was shaking, my eyes were wide and filled quickly with tears I couldn’t let fall. How could he see through me so easily? How could he know I was pretending just by looking at me? How could I let my emotions get control of me? I’ve been able to hide them so well for years and now suddenly I can’t hide anything. No, he didn’t see through me. He was just guessing. He had no idea what was going on inside my head, but it was the closest anyone had ever come to figuring it out. He was just trying to scare me. I’m a game to him. I’m the perfect girl that he wants to break but he can’t break something that’s already broken. He can try but he won’t succeed. I won’t let him get to me. I blinked my tears away and took a deep breath. I won’t let my illusion be ruined by one person. I won’t let him ruin everything I’ve worked so hard to keep.
Taking another deep breath I turned around, walking away from the class I was supposed to be in. I needed to get away. I needed out of there. It was too hot, I was suffocating. Everything seemed so close. The halls were getting smaller and smaller. I was trapped and I wanted out. I ran. I ran and I didn’t stop until I was in a hallway I never been in before. There were no pictures there. It was dark, really dark. I could barely see anything. It looked like nobody had been in this hallway in years. My ragged breathing slowly steadied. I was completely alone, just the way I liked it. I leaned against the cold stone wall. Slowly I turned my head so my cheek was against the wall. The cold felt good against my burning skin. My eyes closed as I slid down the wall to the floor.
The silence was comforting, the darkness a sanctuary. I knew nobody could see my unshed tears, nobody could hear my silent screams. I could be myself and nobody would ever find out. The silence couldn’t tell my secrets and the darkness couldn’t show the world my flaws. A true smile found its way onto my lips. I was happy. In the shadows of my mind I could be anybody I wanted to be. In the darkest corner of my head a little voice whispered that everything was going to be okay. As long as I had silence and darkness everything was going to be fine. If only it could stay that way forever. Then I could be truly happy.
“Where have you been?” Kenna demanded to know as soon as I stepped into the common room.
“I wasn’t feeling very well. I went to the hospital wing.” I lied.
“Are you okay?” Rhyannon asked concerned.
“I’m fine.” I answered trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
“Could you help me with that essay now?” Gwen asked. “I don’t understand any of it.”
she put the end of a sugar quill into her mouth. I tried not to roll my eyes.
“Of course.” She smiled at me. I smiled my fake smile back at her.
I sat next to her on the only couch in the Ravenclaw common room and opened my almost unreadable book. We spent two hours writing that one essay. Maybe McGonagall really was insane. It didn’t help that Gwen was, to put it lightly, an idiot. I had to explain everything at least three times before she began to understand it. I still don’t think she managed to remember any of it. It’s a miracle that she made it past her first year.
“We’re finally done.” Gwen exclaimed excitedly.
I don’t get it, how can she be so hyper so late at night.
“Yeah, finally. Can I go to bed now?” I asked tiredly. I was exhausted and didn’t want to deal with Gwen’s hyperness.
“You don’t want to stay up with me?” she asked looking hurt.
“I wish I could,” I lied, “but I’m just so tired. I have to get some sleep. I’m not like you.” I smiled. “I can’t function on two hours of sleep a night.”
Gwen smiled back at me. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight.” I whispered anxious to get away form her.
“Goodnight.” She replied cheerfully. “Thanks again for helping me with my homework.” She titled her head to the side.
“It was nothing.” I answered sweetly.
If only she knew what was going on behind my smile.
AUTHORS NOTE: i hope you're enjoying this story. i like it so far although i don't really know where it's going. i'll figure it out as i go along. i'm awful at grammer so i'm sorry for any grammer mistakes. i'll get the next chapter out as soon as i can but i would really like it if you reviewed and told me what you think.
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