Chapter 15 : Help... Alex… Lions
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Chapter 15: Help... Alex… Lions
Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away
weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away
Aweem away, aweem away, aweem away, aweem away--
“Wake up, girls!” Alex sang. “We have empty minds that need filling.”
“Bloody hell,” Ellie shouted over the noise, “she’s found the Tokens’ record!”
Oh, please, no.
“How is that possible?!” I cried. “We put every single bleeding charm we could on that monstrosity so she wouldn’t find it!”
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
“As a matter of fact I sent for a new one.” Alex waved four wands at us. “And no one is turning it off because I have these.”
Kill me now. Since turntables don’t work at Hogwarts, we use a spell to play our muggle albums. Unfortunately, we need a spell to turn them off, too, and I’m not that skilled when it comes to wandless magic.
It was so loud I couldn’t think. Ellie was wrestling with Alex for control of a wand, while Lily was huddled in the corner trying to block out the noise with her pillow.
“ALEX!” I shouted hoarsely. “What did we do to deserve this?!?
I lied in agony for a few seconds before I decided to take action. I looked around the room for the source of the sound, but she hid it well. Okay, Plan B.
Come on psychic senses, show me the album.
Nothing. Damn, she’s good. Alright, Plan C.
Plan Q… er, let me think of one.
“Give… me… the… wands!” Ellie panted.
“N-n-never! You will learn to love it, in time.”
She must have charmed the track to repeat itself, because The Lion Sleeps Tonight was still playing on full blast, and Lily was still in the corner muttering about her happy place. Ellie climbed on top of the bed and leaped onto Alex’s back, forcing them both down on the ground again.
Aw, cheese-puffs. I need help.
Without even bothering to get dressed, I darted out the door, down the stairs, back up the other stairs and slammed open the door to the boys’ dormitory. James shot up and accidentally knocked his glasses off his nightstand, which resulted in his crawling around the floor like an idiot in search of them.
“Help... Alex… lions.” I huffed.
Remus slowly rose from his slumber, sitting up in his bed to look at me.
“Adrianne,” he said slowly, yawning, “do you have any idea what time it is?”
I paused to ponder his question. “No, why?”
“Because it’s 5:00 in the bloody morning, that’s why!”
“Holy crabs! Is it really?” I grabbed the clock sitting on the table adjacent to the doorway, and sure enough, it read 5:03 AM.
Mental note: kill Alex O’Leary.
“Sorry Moony, but now that you’re up I really need your help because Alex is blasting the stupid lion song andidon’tknowhowtoturnitoffandshe’sbeingreallymeanandit’s5inthemorningand…”
Sirius let out a loud snore, interrupting my tirade. He hasn’t flinched since I ran in. Neither has Marty, for that matter.
“Okay, calm down.” Remus soothed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Now what is that mean old Alex doing to you?”
“She is blasting that sodding song and won’t give us back our wands!” I stomped my foot on the ground to make my point.
He stared at me for a second, before declaring, “Yeah, I’m going back to bed.”
James then stood up, straightening his glasses. “Don’t bother getting up,” he said sarcastically, “I’ve got them.”
He marched back over to his bed, muttering about “the kids these days” and how they’re “out of touch with society.”
I ignored him and dragged myself over to Remus’ bed.
“Moooooonnyyyyyy!” I cried. “I neeeeeeeed your heeeeeeelppppp!”
“Not gonna happen.” He said as he pulled up his scarlet linen sheet set.
“And you call yourself my friend.” I looked around the room. “James? Sirius? Marty?”
No answer, again.
“Well I’m not going back in there.” I sat on the ground between Sirius and Remus’ beds, legs crossed, arms folded, scowling at the helpfulness of my friends, or lack thereof.
This isn’t so bad. Sure, the ground is cold, hard, and not to mention dirty, but it’s better than that warzone across the way. Aw, who am I kidding? This blows.
So… options: 1.) I sit here until breakfast. Yeah, not sounding too great. 2.) I go back up to the dorm. Nnnnnnnno. 3.) I go sleep on the couch. Actually that’s, wait, no. I’m too scantily clad to be seen. 4.) I go to the dorm, put on some clothes, THEN go sleep on the couch. Ugh, but I really really don’t want to go back up there. YAWN. 6.) I steal clothes from that wardrobe… all the way on the other side of the room, Jeeze! 11.) Aw, screw it. I’ll go get dressed. YAWN. In five minutes.
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
Oh, no. I know what this is. This is my impending doom; someone coming to drag me unwillingly out of my soft, warm, and surprisingly squishy bed. Let’s see, judging by the lightness and the frequency of the steps, my mysterious party pooper is… Lily.
I burrowed my face into my squishy pillow, preparing to put up one hell of a fight. My pillow yawned.
I was perplexed.
“What the bloody hell is wrong with you four.”
Oh, she’s quick.
“Have you any idea what time it is? Well, I’ll tell you, it’s… where’s your damn clock? Oh, well. But I can tell you that you missed all of potions, and are now well into your free period; so I suggest you get up, get dressed, and get to lunch. McGonagall will have all four of your arses if you’re so much as one minute late to Transfiguration.”
She turned around and slammed the door behind her.
After a few moments of silence, (the message took a bit to set in) I heard someone shoot up out of bed and yell, “Oh, for the love of all that is holy!”
I opened my eyes, and saw that I was not the only one on my bed; Sirius Black had his arms around me, and was still fast asleep. Upon further inspection, I concluded that this was not, in fact, my bed at all.
Okay, brain, let’s try and remember. You and me together, here we go. Last night, weekly female spa celebration, tiredness, sleeping.
…well, that’s helpful.
Sirius pulled me closer to him, still fast asleep. You know, maybe I could just–no, I have to get up. Oh, but it’s so cold.
“Come on, Sirius,” I yawned, “we’ve got to wake up.” I tried to pull myself out of his embrace, but he held on tighter. I don’t blame him, though; I am soft and cuddly.
“No, don’t go.” he mumbled. “Five more minutes.”
I lied back down. “Okay, sound’s good.”
Remus stormed over to us. “Oh, no you don’t. You two are getting up, we are all getting up.”
James groaned at the idea, but began to drag himself out of bed.
“Calm down Moony,” Sirius said with a yawn, “we don’t have class ‘till after 1.”
“But this one takes hours to get ready,” Remus said, trying to pull me out of Sirius’ arms, “so she’s getting up now.”
“Moony, noooooo,” I cried, “I have plenty of time to get ready! Just let me sleeeeeeeep.”
“Come on Addie,” Remus threw me over his shoulder, “you too, Sirius. Get up.”
Several minutes of fast, high-pitched whining later, James, Remus, Sirius, and I were all up and moving.
“Well, I’ve got to take a shower,” I announced, “so I will see you darlings later.”
“Addie, wait—” Sirius handed me his sheet.
I looked down.
“I’m practically naked, excellent.”
“Yeah, you might want to cover up, er, avoid an embarrassing situation.”
“Thank you.” I grumbled, wrapping the fabric around my shoulders. “Meet me in the common room?”
James yawned. “Looking forward to it.”
I hate my hair. I hate it with the white hot intensity of a thousand sun-burned turtles. It’s so darned knotted!
“OW! OW! OW to the tenth power!”
I can’t believe it’s already November. Pretty soon we’re going to be headed home for Christmas and the Annual Christmas Eve Party at Aunt Rosa’s house, who, coincidentally, is James’ aunt, too. Actually she isn’t really my aunt; she’s my father’s cousin, and then she married James’ dad’s brother. So James’ uncle married my dad’s cousin, and that is why we both go to Aunt Rosalyn (who isn’t really my aunt) and Uncle Vinnie (to whom I bear no real relation)’s Christmas Eve Party!
It’s arguably my favorite day of the year, that party. Christmas is fun, sure, but the night before? Even better. And did I mention that Rosa is one hell of a cook? The hors d'oeuvres are divine.
But seriously, I cannot believe that it’s November. Just think, only two months ago, Colin and I were mere friendly acquaintances. Ever since that day when Lily poisoned me with her “facial enhancement products,” speaking of which I’ve been rather busy plotting her demise. I just need a duck, some twine, and a crap load of almonds. Anyway, ever since that day we’ve become really good friends. It’s funny; I almost forgot that he had invited me to hang out with him, and the blokes were “deeply wounded (emotionally, of course)” by my choice to spend time with a person other than themselves.
“Addie, hurry the hell up!”
That’s my cue.
I wonder how many steps it takes to get from this door to the Common Room. Let’s find out, one, two, three, four…
…sixteen, seventeen, eighteen!
“Honey, I’m home!” I greeted the boys, “And it takes eighteen steps to get from here to my dorm, in case you were wondering.”
“Finally! I’m on the verge of starvation.” James’ voice was muffled by the scarlet colored rug he was lying on. Don’t ask me why he choose to lie, face down, on the floor when there was a perfectly good loveseat lying forgotten two steps away from him; that’s just James.
Sirius and Remus were sitting in armchairs like normal human beings, the latter skimming through his Potions book.
“I can’t believe we slept in.” he sighed.
“That reminds me,” I skipped over to the loveseat and pounced on it. “I know for a fact that I fell asleep on your floor. So do any of you happen to know how I ended up with you, Sirius?”
I stretched my arms up, over my head and let out a long suppressed yawn. “Because I’m at a complete loss.”
The boy let out a crooked smile. “Well, you know, I woke up and saw you curled up on the floor, Love. So being the gentleman that I am,”
James scoffed. “Ha! And I’m Mary Poppins.”
Sirius’ jaw dropped.
“Are you questioning my gentlemanliness?” He said with mock indignation.
“Pad, you’re about as gentlemanly as my Great Aunt Bertha.” Remus laughed.
“Yeah, if ungentlemanliness was a virus,” James added, “you’d be six feet under.”
“Alright, enough with the unimaginative analogies!” He complained.
“So anyway, being the nice, kindhearted person I am—don’t start—” Sirius warned, index finger pointed firmly in James’ direction, “I dragged you into my bed. And I was going to be chivalrous and sleep somewhere else, but you wouldn’t hear of it. You just refused to let go of me and practically begged me to stay with you. I can’t blame you though,” he laughed, “I mean, I am pretty damn sexy.”
Alright, time to be witty and hysterical. Should I go for the clever insult route, or should I just go with it? Hmmmmm, go with it.
I ran over to Sirius and sat in his lap, throwing my arms around his neck. “And I am so truly and utterly in love with you, my darling.”
He looked me straight in the eye. “Adrianne,” he smiled, “you’re sitting on my bladder.”
“Way to ruin the moment, Pad.”
We finally made it to the Great Hall for lunch and sat down in our usual seats next to LAME. I was filling my plate with various forms of nutrients when I felt someone tap my shoulder.
A truly tiny girl dressed in blue robes stood behind me. She held out a wand and whispered, “You dropped this.”
Oh, would you look at that. It’s my wand. Ha, when did that happen?
“Thank you, darling!” I smiled at her. “And what may I ask is your name?”
“Roxanne.” She blushed.
James was the first to sing.
I’m sure you could guess what happened next. Simultaneously, Remus, Sirius, Lily, Alex, Ellie, and even Marty, and I joined in.
“You don’t have to put on the red light! Those days are over, you don’t have to sell your body to the night. Rooooooooxannnne!”
“I think we scared her.” Lily said, watching as Roxanne ran back to the Ravenclaw table. “Poor girl.”
“She should get used to it. This won’t be the first time a group of strangers serenade her.” James chuckled.
“Maybe we should send her something?” I suggested.
“Yeah, let’s buy the girl a drink.” Sirius said sarcastically.
“No, Addie’s right.” Remus agreed. “I feel bad.”
“Why don’t we just—”
“Shut it, Marty.” James interrupted.
“Hey, leave Marty alone!” Alex yelled.
“I’ve got it!”
Ellie took out a sheet of parchment from her bag, along with some ink and a quill, and began writing.
We’re so sorry if we made feel uncomfortable in any way. You are now officially an honorary member of the Marauder & Co. Inter-House Good Ol’ Fashion Friendship Gang. Actually, you are the first official member of the Marauder & Co. Inter-House Good Ol’ Fashion Friendship Gang. Please take this warm, delicious, one-of-a-kind Gryffindor biscuit as a token of our most sincere apology.
Those Singing Gryffindors
She then folded the letter into a makeshift envelope and, as promised, slid a biscuit inside. We all watched as Lily levitated it over to the Ravenclaw table and into Roxanne’s lap.
“Okay, when she looks over remember to smile and wave.”
We did just that, and after seeing eight over-the-top smiles and various waves of the hand, poor little Roxanne’s face lost all remaining color and, well, let’s just say she left the room.
“Worked like a charm.” James said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. “Whose bright idea was that, again?”
“Oh, you’re one to talk, Potter.” Lily argued.
You know, over the past couple of months, Lily and James have gotten along brilliantly… well, maybe not brilliantly… and they’re not really showing it now but nevertheless! I mean they’re not at each other’s throats anymore, well, Lily’s not at James throat… as much. Oh, you know what I mean! Overall, they are getting along better than I thought they would be.
It has been an interesting couple of months. First, Marty blew up the potions classroom, then some Hufflepuff was taken away by the Ministry on four counts of high treason. And of course, I’ve become very good friends… with… Colin… who is… pointing… at his… pants…
I looked down.
Oh! I have a letter!
Red, you have got to work on your social skills. You lot nearly scared that poor girl to death.
I grabbed a writing utensil and some ink and scribbled my own response under Colin’s, my handwriting looking quite barbaric compared to his neat script.
Hey, excuse me for trying to have a little fun. How was I supposed to know she’d react that way? I mean her name is Roxanne, Colin. ROXANNE! What was I supposed to do, sit there and let the perfect opportunity pass me by? I don’t think so.
I folded the parchment into an intricate little triangle and sent it back to the Ravenclaw. Not two minutes later did the same triangle land softly in front of my plate.
I understand completely, Red. So where were you this morning? Slughorn was pining for his favorite student.
Colin Douglass was watching me intently with a smug smile plastered across his face. I shot him a playful glare before I scribbled my own message.
Oh, shut it. I’ll have you know that Lily Evans is now the favorite in our class.
Very well, but you didn’t answer my question.
I took a moment to contemplate my answer.
I was at the ministry this morning, testifying in Janet Macron’s treason case. What’s your excuse?
I don’t need one, bonnie. I was in class.
I looked back up at the Ravenclaw table and the empty place where Colin had been sitting. My discontent did not go unnoticed by the girls at my right.
“He’s coming this way.” Alex mumbled with a wry grin.
I grabbed one of the gleaming golden goblets that lay untouched on the table and used it to check my reflection. This sudden action caught the attention of my Y chromosome friends, who were previously preoccupied in a precocious discussion of the pros and cons of certain Quidditch plays.
“What’s wrong, Add?” Remus laughed, “Did Steve McQueen finally answer you letters?”
“Don’t you dare joke about that, Remus Lupin!” I warned, experimenting with various up doo’s. “Steve will come to his senses.”
“Woah, woah, take it easy, Fuzzball.” James said, amused, “The man was only asking a simple question. What’s got your knickers in a twist?”
“If I were to guess,” Lily mused, “I’d say that it was due to a certain someone who just happens to be sauntering over here. But, that’s just my opinion.”
Sirius leaned back behind the row of Gryffindor heads to get a good view of the “certain someone” who was, in fact, sauntering over to us.
“Ah no, what’s he doing here?” he complained. “Addie, I don’t under–”
All three Marauders suddenly stopped moving. Thank you Lily, and your skills at Defense Against the Dark Arts.
“Are they alright?” said a distinctively Irish voice from behind me.
I turned around and came face to face with the most beautiful pair of brown eyes I had ever seen.
“Who, them?” No, they’re fine! Just… tired.”
“Anyway,” Colin chuckled, “would you mind granting me the honor of walking you to your next class, bonnie? I didn’t get to see you in potions this morning.”
My face lit up, “I’d love to, but lunch isn’t over—”
Before I could finish my declarative statement, the occupants of the Great Hall began to disperse.
“Never mind then.” I said. “You have excellent timing, sir.”
He offered me his arm, and I took it, and we began to walk to the Transfiguration classroom.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not,” Colin began, looking a bit off, “but there’s a trip to Hogsmeade scheduled for this Saturday.”
Oh Merlin, is he going to ask me to go with him to Hogmeade? On a date? Wait, what if he doesn’t want it to be a date? What if he thinks we’re going as friends but I think it’s a date and it’s really awkward? Or what if he thinks it’s a date but I think that he thinks it’s not so I don’t? What if he doesn’t ask me at all? What if he’s just pointing out the fact that there’s a trip to Hogsmeade on Saturday? Oh, don’t I feel like a moron. But what if he does want to ask me? What should I wear? What’s the forecast for Saturday? Oh no, he’s staring at me. Did he ask me something? Has he been talking this whole time? Oh Godric, he has perfectly square teeth. Should I tell him that? IS THAT A GOOD COMPLIMENT? He’s still looking at me!!
I brushed my hair out of my face (which I had decided to leave down since I was able to use my curl relaxer crème this morning) and said very calmly, “I’m sorry, what was that?”
By this time we had stopped walking.
“I said ‘would you like to go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend.’” Colin repeated. “That is, if you don’t already have plans.”
Mental victory dance! Umm, alright, err, what should I say? Damn it brain, say yes, YES.
“I’d love to.”
“Really?” he smiled.
I nodded, trying to conceal my overexcitment.
“Er, great! I’ll pick you up at noon?”
“Okay.” I replied.
“Great, great.” He nodded. “I’ll see you later then, bonnie.”
“See you later, Col.”
I walked into Transfiguration and could hardly stop smiling as I took my usual seat at the third row table on the left. The rest of the class consisted of some serious mental squealing.
A/N: School sucks, plain and simple. I have been so uber busy lately (and for that, I apologize), but now that I’m on Christmas Vacation, I hope to get several more chapters finished. And now, after several days and weeks and months, Chapter 15 is finally finished. Now, God knows when this will actually be up for public viewing (well, you do, since you’re reading this now) but hopefully by the time you are reading this note, Chapter 16 will be in the queue. I really am sorry about the super long wait, and I’m going to try to update more frequently, but to be honest, I’m not making any promises. So happy belated holidays, and now I’m going to open another word document and have at it.
Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it!
Credit is given where credit is due: The Lion Sleeps Tonight is sang ever so wonderfully by the Tolkens, and Roxanne is a truly spectactular tune of the Police. Oh, and Steve McQueen was a great actor, probably most widely known for his role in The Great Escape.