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Hold Back The Tears by rachm34
Chapter 9 : Chapter Eight- Black To The Bone
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 38

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Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, Maddie, Mary, and Tyler.... The rest belongs to the lovely J.K. Rowling.

Feed Jose.

                                               ~Chapter Eight~


I remember when I was 13 and my favorite uncle died. I cried for a constant three days, those of which Tyler was by my side continuously. After the three days had taken its toll, I had been able to move on and get back into the flow of things. I went back to being my old laughing and carefree self.


I think perhaps the reason I was so strong back then, was because of Tyler. He was by my side, whether we were talking or just sitting in silence.  He was always there to reach over and squeeze my hand encouragingly as he helped me push on. He would be the first one to wipe my eyes free of tears, or brush my hair away from my face when I was crying. That had been the point in my life where Tyler’s friendship to me begun to mean everything to me.


Why couldn’t it just be easy?


 I think someone ought to have written a book about how to move on. Because at this point in my life, I’m not sure when to know when that point will be.


My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the dormitory door. It was mid afternoon on Sunday, the day after the first Quidditch game. The weather was grey, but it hadn’t yet begun to rain. My stomach grumbled, I’d skipped breakfast and never bothered going down to lunch because I was finishing up my homework. Now, I was just lying on my bed, with my face pressed against my pillow.


“Come in,” I called. I watched as James trucked into the room carrying a tray of food.  I hoped it was for me. I also felt a rush of gratitude towards him at his thoughtfulness. He also had his broom tucked under his arm; I chuckled realizing that it was the only way for him to get in here. He looked quite calmed and composed compared to how excited I’d seen him yesterday at the match. I sat up adjusting my position on the bed. He came in and handed it to me.


I surveyed it quickly seeing that he had brought me a nice big red apple, a glass of water, a cookie and some caramel pudding. My stomach rumbled again. I knew that it would appreciate James like I did.


“Hey,” he greeted me with a slight grin. “ You weren’t at lunch or breakfast, I just wanted to make sure you were still alive in here,” his tone was joking. I gave him a wan smile.

“Sorry, “I shrugged.  “Sadly enough I’m still here,” there was a bitter edge to my voice. I glanced at him, and realized how serious his expression was. I tried to add some light to my last statement, by adding, “I was just doing my homework and didn’t feel like coming down.”  He still was looking at me in a concerned manner as he responded.

“You need to eat Madison,” James scolded me. “It’s not very good for you to not eat. I’m sure your parents tell you that at home. No offense, but even I’ve noticed that you’ve lost quite a bit of weight.”

“Thanks Mum,” I snapped at him. I had a feeling that Remus had made him come and check up on me; he knew I couldn’t handle it on my own. “Where’s Remus? Did he put you up to coming to check on me?”


“He’s resting. He just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I understood why James had said that Remus was resting so carefully, he must’ve been talking about Remus’ transformation. As I understood, morphing into a werewolf took a bit out of you.

“His transformation’s soon isn’t it?” I asked curiously.

“This Wednesday,” he began normally until he fully took in what I’d just said. Obviously Remus had never told any of the other marauders that I was in on this secret as well. “Wait a second,” James paused. “How did you know?”


I smiled slightly at the look of sheer panic on his face. “He told me in first year. He was my best mate before Tyler. But don’t worry I’m the only one to know other than you guys and Ty. I also know how you’re animagi,” I told him in a disapproving tone. Sure I thought it was great that he and the three other boys had decided to become animagi. I just realized the consequences and knew how dangerous it must be for them.

“Yeah, well, we were just trying to help him,” he told me defensively as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. I looked down at him. He was sitting on the floor next to my bed. “It’s good that he can trust you,” James told me softly. I smiled. I was glad Remus had trusted me too. Remus sometimes had a bit of a trusting issue. It was quite understandable however.


“So you better not let Lily catch you up here. She’ll have a fit,” I grinned as I tried to change the subject to something more light-hearted. My grin turned almost devilish as I clearly hinted towards James’ love for Lily. She also lived in my dormitory. To my dismay, he didn’t take the bait.

“Maybe I should go then,” he told me. I didn’t want him to leave yet but I wasn’t going to say anything.“ I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Eat your food,” he commanded. I took a bite of my apple. It tasted refreshing and delicious. I crunched the bite in my mouth.

“Like this?” I asked.

“Very good,” he grinned before he ruffled my hair. I made a face at him. He was being too overprotective.

“Don’t force me to eat James. Tyler wouldn’t do that,” I informed him.

“Then, learn how to eat yourself,” he snapped back somewhat jokingly. He stood up to watch me for a second before he looked around my dormitory.  “So,” he said with another ruffle of the hair. “Are you really okay?”


“No,” I replied bluntly. He came back over and sat next to me on the bed.  He offered my shoulder a slight squeeze and smiled in encouragement for me to go on.

“Talk to me,” he urged.

“I feel so…” I spluttered out as I struggled to find the right words. It was on the tip of my tongue and I was about to continue when Lily came in. She looked somewhat flustered and upset. Her red hair was tumbling down her back in a mess of a braid.


  “Remus said I’d find you here Potter,” she rushed out. “Sirius and Regulus are fighting downstairs in a corridor,” she babbled. “I don’t know what it’s about, and they haven’t progressed to using magic yet but I have a feeling someone is going to kill someone. They just sort of started going at each other, throwing a couple punches and yelling. Normally I’d have been able to restrain Sirius fine myself, but I’ve never seen him this mad,” Her voice was just a rushing gasp as she spoke. Her eyes were wide. She looked scared. 

 “Potter, you two are best mates; you have to help. Please, I don’t know what he’s going to do to himself. One of them could end up killed!” Without a second thought or replying to what she had just told him, James sprung up from his seat on my bed in an instant.

 “Bullocks,” He growled feeling his pocket for his wand. He clenched it tightly in his right hand. “Thanks Lily. I’ll try to stop him. For God’s sake! What the hell is he fighting for?” He said more, but half of his words were lost as he ran out of the room, calling over his shoulder.


“I better go help him Lily,” I told her springing up to follow James. “I want to see what’s up.”

“Good luck," she said with a smile and then paused. The crease between her brows deepened as she took me in. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked me softly, her mouth turned down with worry.

 “I’ll be fine. You know this whole bit with Tyler and whatnot is hard,” I told her.

“Well if you need anything I’m here,” she smiled. “We’re friends aren’t we?”


“Yeah we are,” I told her gratefully even though the two of us hadn’t talked in a while. Sometimes we used have some great boy talks or just talks about life but that was mostly back in fifth year. She and Tyler used to chat a bit and study together; I knew she understood what I was feeling. I never had been very close to a girl who was a good friend in my life; it had always just been Tyler. But maybe that was my problem, and the answer to why I was broken.


I tried to catch up with James quickly but seeing as he was already halfway down the hallway, looked impossible. I broke into a run.


“James, wait,” I called his name. I flinched as I could hear shouting around the corner. James didn’t listen. “Wait, don’t wait up for me. It’s okay, really. Go save Sirius’ arse. He needs it more than I do,” I was glad that all the ground work we did for Quidditch last year was finally paying off. I wasn’t out of breath.


We rounded the corner to see that a small crowd had gathered. There were a few frightened first years who weren’t accustomed to fights of any kind. I wonder where all the professors were but I bet no one wanted to get them, they were way to involved in watching such an animated fight.


The older students were used to seeing fights happen. In fact, brawls between Sirius and Regulus were almost becoming a regular attraction. Those ones, the older ones were the more rowdy ones who were shouting encouragement. Some were watching in amusement but this seriously (I promise it’s not a pun) was no laughing matter.


 Sirius shouted at his brother.


“Don’t you dare sink that low Reg,” he cried out angrily. “I thought you at least had some good in you,” he exclaimed. “I never thought you were pure evil until now!” Sirius was standing a few feet away from Regulus holding his hands out in front of him warily for protection.


“Well older brother,” Regulus snarled mockingly. “I guess you never even took the time to know me,” he hissed advancing on Sirius. “You wanted nothing to do with our family- the noble Blacks. Instead, you just molded into the prefect little Gryffindor, complete with your stupid posse of boys.” He made to punch Sirius in the nose and Sirius shrunk back. I was surprised at how defenseless he was being. He looked truly agonized. I realized why Lily had been so upset.


Some blood trickled from one of Sirius’ nostrils, but he hastily wiped the blood away with the back of his palm. He stared angrily at his younger brother.


He suddenly stared at Regulus through his heavy lashes; Sirius’ hands were balled into tight fists at his sides. Suddenly something shifted behind his eyes, fury was fuelling him now. Not pain. He ducked once more away from a punch that missed him.  When next he spoke the words were so soft and so gentle that they only seemed more dangerous.

“At least I’m not a killer.” He hissed. Slowly he walked towards Regulus, step by step. The tension was tangible, no one dared breathe. In a swift movement Sirius had Regulus pinned to the wall, holding him down by the scruff of his collar.

“I never wanted to be one of you.” He yelled feverishly. “I at least though that you had some sense Reg… I thought you were different.”


He paused, cold hard fury radiating from every inch of his body. “But you’re just like the rest of them. You’re another murderer,” And with that he turned his back and began to walk away. He didn’t have to take two steps before Regulus was behind him again, fists raised in the air.

 “Stop it right now,” James chose the right time to intercede. I wasn’t sure how far they would get.


James glared an absolutely murderous glance at Regulus. If looks could kill, that one would have certainly sent Regulus to hell. He stepped forward ready to take control. He went to grab onto Sirius’ shoulders. Sirius gave up when James restrained him gently. His shoulders sagged sadly and he looked angrily at his brother with a mixture of hurt, terror and anger.


“Break it up you two,” James said softly his voice still ringing with authority. “Get back to your common room Black,” he glared at the younger boy. “Before I give you a detention.”


Something within the room seemed to shift, it suddenly became colder. Regulus sent a hardened icy glare at James before nodding. He turned away slowly with one last line.

“I meant what I said before,” he told Sirius. James’s grip on Sirius’s grip tightened as he felt his friend tense. He would need to prevent him from snapping back.


“At least I’m not a true Black, inside and out,” Sirius replied weakly. I shuddered; his words sent chills right through my veins.

 “As for the rest of you,” James continued to say as Regulus turned down the hall with a few of his cronies from Slytherin at his heels. “Get out of here. There’s nothing more to see.”


Everyone begun to trickle off out of the way and down the corridor, then James turned to Sirius.

“Are you alright man?”

“Fine,” he muttered embarrassedly. He hadn’t even taken any notice of me.

“Help me get him back to the common room Madison. I think he’s in shock,” I stepped towards Sirius’ side that James wasn’t standing on and took his arm with my hands. Together, and slowly we silently walked back to the common room.


I helped James get Sirius up to his dormitory where Remus seemed to have fallen asleep. Peter was there, and somehow his girlfriend was in the dormitory with him. I couldn’t believe that he had given her the password.

“Get her out of here,” James spat at Peter harshly. “She shouldn’t be up here,” he hissed. Peter nodded, scared and let out a little squeak before taking Mary’s hand and leading her away. She gave me a wink as they walked out of the room. I shivered. James helped Sirius slowly sit down on his bed and Sirius let out a deep breath.


“What happened Padfoot?” James asked. “I’ve never seen you like this, you’ve never been this shocked by Regulus’ doings before. What did he do to you? What did he say?” I never in my life had seen how caring James was for his best mate until now. He really saw him as a brother. James ran a hand through his raven colored hair in obvious frustration. “I’m waking Moony up,” he muttered when Sirius didn’t give him an answer.


James rose, and walked over to Remus’ bed.


“Wake up Remus,” he nudged the bed with his knee and it shook it a bit. Remus stirred lightly. “We have a problem.” Remus blinked opened his eyes slowly, as they adjusted to the light. I bit my lip, feeling my heart tear as I realized how much he reminded me of Tyler waking up. I shook my head; this was about Sirius right now.


“What’s going on?” He asked a bit dazed as he gave me a smile. I gave a small wave in his direction. I listened in silence as James explained to Remus what we had witnessed and Remus’ pale face had paled even more.


“Sirius,” Remus said gently as he moved over to sit next to Sirius on the bed. “You have to tell us what’s going on. We’re your best mates. We can make it better.”

“You can’t Moony. It’s not good,” Sirius dead panned. “That’s the simplest way to put it; it’s not some type of mathematics. The worst is coming.”


“Tell us then,” James exclaimed frustrated. “We can’t get anywhere if you don’t talk.”

“Fine,” he took a deep breath. He glanced at me. “You don’t know my brother,” he told me softly. “He’s different. He’s bad. He’s a death eater,” those eight words just about summed it up. Eh Sirius?

“I’m here,” I murmured quickly. “I’ve heard things about him already Sirius,” I told him. “Go on with your story. I’ll listen,” I quickly reached out to give his hand a quick squeeze, and he kept holding on a bit longer. He was practically shaking.


“I was walking back to the common room when I bumped into Regulus sort of loitering around the portrait hole.”

“What did he say?” James asked nervously. He looked like he was going to be sick to me. I could see all the disgust in the world for Regulus reflected on his face.

“He asked if we could talk. So, I told him yes although I was pretty uncertain,” Sirius slowed down for a moment as he recalled.  I already didn’t like where he was going with it. I could sense danger.


“Then, I asked him how his death eater plans were going as I tried to ruffle his feathers a bit. He shot back at me and said that I was mocking what he was going to become.” Remus let out a low growl from next to Sirius. I guess his wolf like tendencies were showing a bit too early.


“We were just basically trying to insult each other and mocking one another. But then I told him that I would never be like him. But he told me, we already shared the same name. I said: shoes are black too, but I don’t go wrapping myself around people’s feet all day,” he paused for a moment recalling. He swallowed hard. His hand tightened around mine briefly.


“We went on to talk, and he finally told me I could resist it any longer. He told me that resisting is far worse than not. I basically then told him to stuff it, he looked absolutely miffed when I said that. He tried to make me feel bad by saying that mum and dad were disappointed in me. That no longer works on me however, I hate my parents,” Sirius spat scornfully.


He broke up off to glance at James and then Remus. He hadn't even made eye contact with me yet. 

“I’m so lucky to have yours James. They’re my parents; sorry I’ll go back to what was happening.”


I glanced at Sirius and his eyes connected with my own.

“Then- he-he,” Sirius’ voice was choked in his throat. Was he going to cry? I couldn’t deal with guys crying. Tyler had only cried two times in front of me when he was still alive. Sirius was one of the toughest people I knew. How on earth did I wind up in this mess all of the sudden? Trouble, it seemed, was my middle name.


“Regulus ordered me to imagine what it would be like for everyone I knew and cared for to be dead, with their eyes open staring at the sky and the dark mark would be reflected in their eyes.”


 I let out a choked sob, putting my hand over my mouth so that it couldn’t be too loud. Sirius stopped speaking to glance at me. “I can stop,” he murmured. “Talking, you know. It gets worse.”

“Go on,” I insisted. “I can handle it.” He looked at me worriedly.


“Fine,” he muttered. Remus and James were sitting frozen to either sides of Sirius. James was shaking with silent anger and Remus looked unbelievably pale. I was worried that he was going to faint.


“I told Regulus to be quiet. Then he said: It’s scary isn’t it? Poor Sirius and his little friends,” Sirius broke off for a moment before angrily adding:  “That ass was taunting me,” He continued. Sirius stopped for a moment his eyes fluttering on me.


“Man, Regulus had said that he almost felt sorry for them.  He was talking about all of my mates and what they will supposedly become. He told me, and his exact words were: Especially the one whose boyfriend got chucked the barrel recently. What a pity for her,” Sirius searched for words.

 I gasped. Tyler wasn’t my boyfriend. Who in the world did Regulus think he was? Could he not feel love? Could he not see how wrong he was?

“I told him,” Sirius stuttered. “I told him that your name was Maddie. That Maddie had a name and he had to leave you out of this. You did nothing to him. For all I know you two have never even talked.”

“We haven’t,” I murmured. “I try my best to stay away from him.”

“Keep doing that,” Sirius whispered. “Next, Regulus taunted me for being protective and asked if I wanted to see you dead too. He said he suppose he could help in that,” Sirius trailed off his chest heaving emotionally. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I glanced at him helplessly. He slid off the bed and pulled me into his arms. “That’s when we started fighting,” he stopped glancing at me.

 He shook his head, he couldn’t continue talking anymore. The rest of us understood this. He looked down at me, I was sobbing in his sturdy arms as he held me.


“Don’t worry Maddie,” he whispered into my hair. I could smell the tang of his cologne. “I’m not ever going to let that Black,” he spat. “Hurt you.” I held onto Sirius sobbing and we just let the moment pass by in silence.


 A/n Thank You So Much For Reading. Can You believe that we are at Chapter eight already? This is madness!

So i've been having a lot of fun with my dearest beta: Laura (RoseWilts) and as promised we have written a little collab of a Josefina song. I hope you enjoy it :) 

Josefina's Theme Song Written By Rachel and Laura-

Josefina is my review box
and a very nice one at that
with all the views this story has

she should be very fat

But, lately she's been feeling down, with the lack
of reviews we've been receiving.
It's just those pesky kids you see
who read then insist on leaving
Rachel smiles mildly and pets Josefina's nose
"One day, you'll grow my furry friend," she sings
"and if you don't, well, goodness knows."

"I've asked them and I've asked them
and yes, that's working fine
but it's those people who just don't review
they're the ones who'll make you die"
So Join us in one last attempt.
help us save dear little Jose
She's sweet and does nothing wrong.
and you'll get a cookie just so you know. )
Help Save Josefina,No one wants to see her die.
Josefina the review box
she's the best, it ain't a lie? 

So Please spend just a moment or two reviewing. I really appreciate it. Thanks so much! :)



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