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Harry Potter and the Family Jewels by auror_snape
Chapter 1 : Too Much Weasley
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 10

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Author's Note: This is just a little piece I thought of early one morning while my dog was trying her damnedest to wake me up. I do things like that, and that's what saddles you with most of my stories/chapters.


Harry Potter and the Family Jewels


Chapter 1: Too Much Weasley


“Hermione, you know everything, can you fix this damn spell-checking quill I bought from Fred and George's shop?” Ron huffed as he threw down his quill. “It keeps spelling 'dementor' as 'oddsbodikin', and I'm almost positive that's wrong.”


“Oddsbodikin? You're 'almost positive' that's the wrong spelling for dementor?” Harry quipped from the armchair by the fire, as he finished his own essay on the same subject.


“Don't mock me, Potter,” Ron mock-growled. “It spelled your name as puppet.”


“I'm not a puppet!” Harry said sounding scandalized.


I know you're not, Hermione knows you're not, and you know you're not, but this damn quill says that you are,” Ron said. “So there.”


“Boys, stop bickering,” Hermione sighed from the armchair opposite Harry. “Ron, thank you for saying that I know everything, but I can't fix your quill. You should be able to spell without it by now; you are seventeen.”


At that moment, the portrait hole opened and Ginny climbed in, laughing at something Dean had said. She walked past her brother and his friends, as Ron sent Dean a death-glare, and tripped over Crookshanks, who was stretched out in front of the fireplace. She threw her hands into the air with a cry as she stumbled into Harry, falling into his lap.


“Oof!” Harry murmured, immediately bringing his arms around her to steady her. She wiggled around, trying to regain her feet, muttering, “Sorry about that, Harry.”


“No problem, I can siphon the ink off my essay,” he said as he helped her to her feet. She followed Dean upstairs to the boys' dormitory, without glancing back once at Harry, whose attention was focused on a rather alarming problem. He looked down at his lap, expecting to see a large bulge from having Ginny on top of him, but there was nothing.


“Harry, are you okay?” Hermione asked cautiously.


“I don't know,” he confessed.


“If you need to go to the bathroom, then go,” Hermione said with a knowing wink. “I imagine it's a common occurrence for teenage boys.”


“Why would Harry have that...problem...after my sister accidentally fell in his lap?” Ron asked suspiciously.


“Because she's a girl who was in his lap,” Hermione said.


Harry cautiously felt his lap, and paled. “I think I will go to the bathroom after all,” he muttered, getting up.


He returned several minutes later looking like the Bloody Baron had passed through him, and sat back down in the same chair. He gulped loudly and gestured Ron over.


“Ron, could you... sit down?” he asked cautiously. Ron only agreed very reluctantly when he saw Harry's forlorn look. He sat down gingerly, as Hermione looked on in growing horror.


“Okay, not working! Get off me!” Harry whispered frantically. Ron shot up like Harry had burned him.


“What did you do?!” Ron hissed. “Why did you make me sit on you?”


“I'm missing something very important,” Harry confessed.


Ron's eyes widened as he realized what the problem was. “Oohh...”


“Harry, what are you missing?” Hermione asked gently, coming closer.


“Hermione, sit down, please,” Harry whispered. She didn't move, and Harry was getting desperate. He needed to know if he could regain the two jewels he had lost. He reached up and pulled her resisting form onto his lap. She struggled valiantly, wriggling, trying to get a hold of something to pull herself up.


“Harry, let go of me!” she hissed angrily. “Let me up!”


“I will Hermione,” Harry promised. “Ah, they're back...”


“What's back?” she asked. Then she suddenly stopped moving, when she felt the seemingly metal rod poking her. Her face turned red from embarrassment as Harry let her up.


“I'm sorry for putting you through that,” Harry said. “But when Ginny wiggled around on me, I kind of”


“So, you're not-” Ron began, then started fidgeting around in order to avoid saying the rest of it.


“Gay? Not a chance in hell,” Harry firmly declared. “I was never confused, until a pretty girl... Well anyway, another pretty girl fixed it.” He determinedly did not meet Hermione's eyes, but hers softened. She knelt down in front of his chair and whispered, “You think I'm pretty?”


Harry couldn't help but look at her. “I've always known that you're beautiful,” he whispered. Ron cleared his throat and left, saying he'd go find Lavender. “I first noticed on the train before first year.”


“Even when I had big front teeth?”


“I never noticed your teeth, actually,” Harry admitted. “I noticed your face and your personality.”


“Why didn't you say anything earlier?” she asked. “I'd have gladly gone with you to Slughorn's party. Hell, I'd rather have had Ron over McLaggen.”


“I actually thought until a minute ago that you and Ron were...” he trailed off then continued. “I thought you and Ron were pulling a fast one on Lavender, to put it bluntly.”


“Me and Ron?” she asked, astonished. “Why me and Ron?”


“You're always fighting, and I thought that was your way of saying you liked each other. I think everyone thinks that.”


“Harry, we fight because we have contrasting views on many different things,” Hermione said. “In fact, I wonder if we'd even be friends if it weren't for you.”


“That makes more sense, actually,” Harry said. Hermione giggled.


“Of course it does, I know everything,” she quipped. Harry laughed long and loud, and then suddenly turned serious.


“Hermione, I think I'm in love with you,” he said.


“How will you be sure if you are or not?” Hermione asked.


“Come back up here, and we'll see,” Harry said, patting his lap. Hermione giggled and climbed on top of him.


“Yeah, I'm definitely in love with you,” Harry groaned as she wiggled around on him.


“Well, I love you, too,” she said, and kissed him.


* * * *


EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m not sure what else I can say here. It’s certainly… different… to have Ginny make Harry’s ‘crown jewels’ evaporate instead of… the other thing. This reaction kind of makes more sense, actually. Anyway, enough from me. More from you all. Review! And thanks for reading.

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