Chapter 10 : "For you, I will."
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and now, i give you chapter 10. enjoy!!!
Chapter 10: “For you, I will.”
“Jenyse, you’ve got to talk to me.” I stayed silent, still sobbing. “Please?” Travis begged.
From what I could tell through the four-poster curtains, it was already dark out, and we were still cuddled on his bed. Travis had been comforting me since the moment I ran into his arms, earlier today. The only time he wasn’t at my side with his arms comfortingly around me was during bathroom runs and when he insisted on going downstairs to get meals for us. I was entirely grateful for this, but wished he would stop asking me what was wrong.
My bawling had stopped hours ago, but dry sobs still escaped my trembling lips. Travis’s shirt was all crinkly from my dried up tears. I hadn’t said a word all day, since the incident, except thank you’s to Travis.
The Marauders came in a few times throughout the day to check up on me. Thankfully unlike Travis, they didn’t ask me to explain. This I didn’t understand. Usually, James and Sirius were the prying type, and Travis was the uncomfortable, awkward one. It was like a sort of role reversal. It seemed like no one was being themselves, lately. Jarron was all demanding and authoritative. Travis was nosy. The Marauders were understanding. And I…well, that was just a no-duh.
“Jenyse? What happened?” Travis broke my train of thought.
Those two words sent me into a flashback of those devastating five minutes that made me into a wreck for the duration of the whole day.
The things that popped into my head the most, the entire day, were the words he were about to say right before I ran and the words he had said when I ran into the arms that I was still currently in.
If I had let him finish his sentence, I was absolutely, definitely positive that I would have melted and run straight into his arms, without another thought, which would have resulted in me being humiliated, once again. So, I ran. I ran not into his arms, but straight into Travis’s arms. Travis. The guy who he’d thought I was with. The guy he had been jealous of. The guy who I’d assured him I wasn’t interested in, at all, so that he knew I was free. The guy who had practically brought us together.
But since it was all lies, it shouldn’t have bothered him so much.
So, why did those words come out of his mouth? “Of course,” he’d said. The words came out in the most hurt voice I’d ever heard anybody use. It was better than any actor I’d seen. To an outsider, it probably sounded unmistakably real. It almost sounded real to me. But the unrelentless-ly denying part of me didn’t believe or accept that. It couldn’t be possible.
If all his words and affections were true, then why had he kept the whole truth from me? If he had just told me that he was a…spirit…this would have never happened. We would still be together. Everything would be back to the abnormal normal we were living. Everything would be fine and dandy.
But would it? If he had told me from the beginning, would I have accepted it with no problem? Would I have minded that he wasn’t really in the flesh…literally?
My head began to hurt with the complicated thought process it was going through. I forced myself back into reality, which wasn’t all that much better. Travis was still looking down at me, expectantly.
I cleared my throat, before I spoke. “Travis, I really, really appreciate you being here for me all day, but I just don’t want to talk about it. You wouldn’t understand. I don’t even understand. It’s just totally complicated in every possible way. I will be fine. I promise. And I owe you big time.”
He nodded, accepting what I said, then gave me a small, sad smile. He kissed the top of my head, then rested his chin on it. “No problem, Jenyse.”
I gave him a squeeze. “Thanks, Trav. For everything. I’ll stop being a pain in your arse, and go to my room, now.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind you just sleeping here,” he offered, concerned again.
“Positive.” I kissed his cheek and said, “Thanks again. Love you, Trav.”
He smiled, and we gave each other one last hug before I left for my dorm. Trudging up the girls’ staircase, I passed two girls who stared at me with “sorry” faces. Like they could know what exactly anybody could be sorry to me for. Only one person could. But I doubt he is now, after what he saw this morning. This was the only reason I didn’t take Travis up on his offer of staying the night in his room. I knew he would never show up in my room again.
Luckily, Lily was already asleep. I didn’t want to have to answer any questions.
I lay there with my eyes closed, willing myself to slip into unconsciousness. I didn’t want my mind thinking. But of course, that’s exactly what happened. My mind wandering off into thoughts I didn’t want thought, I mean.
Again, the question arose: why would he be that hurt if he hadn’t felt anything for me? It didn’t make any sense at all. If I was right about it all being a game, he wouldn’t have come back with apologies and explanations; he wouldn’t have come back at all. And he wouldn’t be in pain if he saw me run into another guy’s arms.
Then, the thought that I had been fighting for almost a whole week burst through the tough barriers I had put up.
What if I was wrong? What if he hadn’t lied at all? What if he was just embarrassed or ashamed of his condition, so he hadn’t told me? What if he really was jealous of Travis? What if he was truly sorry for keeping the truth from me? What if he wasn’t some perv guy who wanted some, because he hadn’t touched anybody for who knows how long?
What if he really did care for me?
‘Oh, now I’m screwed,’ I thought to myself. I had gotten my hopes up. My heart was beating fast, wiling it to be true. This was exactly the reason why I had prevented myself from thinking that, for so long. Giving in would only get me hurt again. And being hurt myself wouldn’t only hurt me, but also, I realized, my loved ones – my family, my friends. I didn’t want to trouble them. I didn’t want to be a pain in their arses for forever. That wouldn’t be fair.
But of course, the hope came. And it didn’t disappear. The hope sparked flashbacks of him; of the signs that made my hope grow.
He gave me a look, as if to say, ‘go on.’ “Well, yesterday when we talked, I was supposed to meet Travis.”
“Oh….” He shot me a guilty glance. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. I just feel bad about lying to him.”
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in a position like this.”
“I…don’t get jealous very often.”
“…Watching what?” I asked, nervously. I suddenly felt self-conscious.
“You,” he answered simply. “Of course not in a stalker-like ‘I’m watching you’ kind of way. Just…observing.”
“Observing…?” I looked at him incredulously, for a few seconds. He stared back. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but I’m really not that interesting.” I hid behind my mug, once again, taking another sip.
He chuckled as he laid his arm across the back of the couch and stretched his legs out. He was sitting somewhat diagonally, mostly facing me. “I beg to differ.” I found that unbelievable. “As it is, I find you very interesting. Some of the things you do are engaging. Like just now, with your coffee. You seem to inhale its scent first, then take a small sip at a time.”
He looked up, then, with a tiny smile. “No, it’s fine. I like hearing your voice.” I blushed. Was that a compliment?
All too soon, he broke away, with the smile, and whispered, “Clue number fourteen? I like you,” then pulled me in for yet another kiss.
“And you’re very lucky that I’m yours,” he bragged. He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed my palm.
To say he was taken aback would be the understatement of the millennium. "Um, I think so." His voice was just as surprised as his eyes. He tucked back a brown curl behind my ear. I looked up at his smirk, sadly. "I believe I'm seeing a young lady by the name of Jenyse Syl Baccari, who happens to be - not only one of, but - the hottest girl in the school, who also happens to play Quidditch, which also happens to make her even hotter."
"I like you. A lot. But I can't explain why people can't know about us meeting. Not right now. Much to my dislike, you'll probably find out someday. What with my luck..." he said, darkly.
His eyebrows shot up as he looked down at me. After the shock died off, my favorite crooked smile graced his face. "Let's just say you're the only one I see in this way, and you're the only one who sees me."
“But what if it is bad?”
“Then I’ll be here, waiting to comfort you. Just breathe, Jenyse.”
Alec’s hard face turned worried when he turned his gaze to me. He stretched out his arms toward me in what he probably thought was a comforting manner, and approached me. I saw the hurt flash in his eyes when I flinched away. “Jenyse…”
His face was set in a devastated expression. His eyebrows were drawn together. His eyes were filled with desire, honesty, guilt, and apologies.
“Please, Jenyse. Please listen to me. I’m so sorry for not telling you. I promise you that none of it was a lie. I really, truly did l-”
“You seem better today.” I looked up at Remus. He seemed nervous that what he had said might trigger something in me again. But I knew that that wouldn’t happen, so I smiled. He smiled back, shocked, then shared surprised looks with James, Sirius, and Peter.
Still smiling to myself, I took a big bite of the bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich I made with the necessary materials that were on the Gryffindor table in front of us. I had gone down to breakfast with Travis, but I’d decided to sit with the Marauders. I felt bad for blowing them off the last two days. They had been considerably pleased when I plopped down next to them.
James and Sirius, who were sitting next to me, engulfed me in a massive hug at the same time, as I was putting my sandwich back down on my plate. As I laughed, I quickly wiped my mouth with my napkin before hugging the both of them back.
“It’s good to have you back, Sylly!” Sirius exclaimed.
“What brought you back to us?” James asked, tentatively curious, as the both of them finally released me to go back to their food.
I shrugged. “I dunno. Just…I had this really weird dream last night. I guess that’s what did it.”
I wasn’t kidding. When I woke up this morning, I realized that the flashbacks of him that I had had last night had overlapped my slipping into unconsciousness and continued as my dreams. I woke up, remembering every little memory of the times I spent with him that proved to me he had feelings for me. Real feelings. After thinking everything over, while I was in the shower, I realized what a fool I’d been, not believing him. I wasted so much energy crying over nothing. So, in a considerably lighter mood, I went down to breakfast. And apparently, my drastic change in mood was obvious.
“A dream? That’s weird,” Peter pointed out.
“Tell me ‘bout it.” I took a long chug of my pumpkin juice. “You guys ready for classes to start again?” I asked, sarcastically excited.
“Oh, yeah. Definitely. Not,” said James. “Break seemed so short, this year.” We all nodded in agreement.
“Oh!” Remus suddenly exclaimed, “how’s the new Baccari doing, Jenyse?”
I smiled. Jaylyn was perfectly healthy and perfectly adorable. Despite my depressed state when I was home, I took a lot of pictures of my new baby niece, with my new camera from my parents. I pulled out some of the pictures to show James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. ‘Aw’s and ‘she’s so tiny’s came from the guys.
“She looks like a Baccari,” Sirius stated proudly, with a big smile. His being proud over the baby looking like she belonged to my family made me feel happy. Practically everything this morning was making me feel good. I liked it. Only one thing could make this day perfect.
After breakfast, I set out to make that ‘thing’ happen. I must have roamed every single hallway in the castle – including the dungeons. I even checked my own dormitory. Still, I couldn’t find what I was searching for. Well…who I was searching for.
Stressed and disappointed, I headed toward my – er, our – room, for some much needed coffee. I walked slowly because of my lack of energy after running around the whole school all day.
I was very upset that I couldn’t find him, but I understood why he would be avoiding me. I had hurt him. Pretty badly. I had run into the arms of another guy. Whether I had feelings for this other guy or not didn’t matter. Either way, I had run into someone else’s arms, while his were wide open and welcoming me. In his perspective, I had rejected him. He must have felt like bloody shit. And I felt horrible about it.
Which was why I had set out to find him. I felt even worse that he was alone. I was the only one who could see him. He couldn’t vent to anyone. He was forced to bottle up his pain inside of himself. And from firsthand experience, I knew that it wasn’t healthy. If he let his pain fester inside of him, he would go insane.
And it would be all my fault.
I needed to apologize. I needed to accept him. I needed to hug him. I needed to-
Turning into the hallway of the Room of Requirement, I spotted a figure at the door that I was just about to make appear. I think I gasped, but I wasn’t sure if it was audible. I thought it was. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had heard. I found him. I had finally found him.
His head snapping up to spot me confirmed my thoughts. He had heard me. I felt the grin I had had on my face dissolve at the distress displayed on his face. His trademark smile was nowhere to be found. His hair was all disheveled. His eyes were full of such agony.
He only gave me a minute to take his appearance in before he swiftly turned on his heel and headed the opposite way.
My feet began to move after him. Hearing my footsteps, he quickened his pace with longer strides. I tried to find my voice box. After multiple attempts to call after him, the word finally came out.
My voice seemed to be the reign on his horse; it stopped him instantly. I stopped, as well, and watched his every move, breathing heavily. His shoulders moved up and down from his own heavy breathing. We were still a hallway length apart from one another. It was way too much space, for my likings.
Slowly, he turned. Still, he didn’t look up at me. Slightly hurt by his lack of eye-contact with me, I waited. Finally, sighing, he met my dull green eyes with his hazel-green eyes that I had missed so much.
He looked away briefly, then back at me. “Jenyse…” he whispered so quietly that I barely heard him with the distance between us, “…I….”
Wanting to shut him up, but not being able to form any sort of words, I ran to him.
I ran straight into his arms. For the first time in a whole week, I felt complete. No more tears, no more pain, no more anger. Just Alec.
His arms wrapped around me tighter than ever. He lowered his mouth onto mine, as he smiled his smile; the crooked one I’d been no less than homesick of. His hands moved from running up and down my arms, to wrapping around my waist, to clutching at my face and hair. My hands stayed put, around the face that I had been longing to hold.
I was barely aware when he lifted me up, off of the ground, and manually wound my legs around his waist.
After running out of all the air we had in our straining lungs – which I vaguely didn’t quite get, seeing as he’s a spirit and all –, we rested our foreheads against one another’s, not letting go.
We were both smiling idiotically at one another, overjoyed to be in the other’s hold.
Still – oddly – breathing heavily, Alec’s lips eagerly came crashing down onto mine, once again. As soon as he started kissing me, he pulled back. I could feel a pout gracing my disappointed lips.
Alec laughed his laugh, throwing his head back, but still securely keeping me held off of the ground. When he calmed, he teased me with another short peck. Before I could say anything or he could start cracking up at my facial expression, he said:
“‘Screw you, Hayes?’”
Unable to stop himself, he began to laugh, resulting in me bouncing up and down, along with him.
I let him laugh as I stared at him, with a smile on my face. When he finally saw my non-defiant expression, he turned surprised and a bit disappointed that he couldn’t laugh at me for another reason.
I smirked, leaned forward, and whispered in his ear, “Gladly.”
Alec’s smirk was even more impressive than mine, when, unable to stay away, he graced my lips with his, for the umpteenth time.
Still kissing and carrying me, Alec began to walk back to the entrance to our room. I felt him move my weight to only one of his arms so that he could grab the knob and open the door. I peeked out of one eye to see that he had created the exact same room I always made when we used to come here, but with one exception.
Still locked in a snogging session with Alec, I let out a shout of surprise and wrenched our faces apart.
“Alec!” I punched him in the chest. “A bed?!”
To my surprise, he started to laugh. I punched him again for laughing at a thing like this.
“Ouch! Okay! Haha! I’ll stop!” He grabbed my hand, just in case, anyway.
“Alec! I’m sorry to disappoint, but I wasn’t being serious! I mean, not that I wouldn’t…want to…with you…but I-…we-…you!”
Guffawing, Alec covered my mouth with my hand that he was holding to restrain me from hitting him and from talking. All of a sudden, I felt really uncomfortable with my legs around him.
“Jenyse! I know! It was a joke! Calm down! Deep breaths, Jenyse. In and out. Hah!”
Taken aback, I let out my breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. I don’t think I’d ever been more relieved. Irritated – not only at him but at myself, as well, for falling for his joke –, I hit him with my other hand, on the back of his head.
“Alec! You prat! Never do that to me again!”
“Ow! Alright, alright! I promise I won’t.” He smiled up at me. I relented and smiled back. “But, seriously. You should’ve seen your reaction! It was hilarious!”
I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Hey! Careful with that thing. I don’t know where it’s been,” he joked, talking about my tongue.
I was about to smirk and say something witty, like, “Yes, you do,” and demonstrate where exactly it had been, with a heated kiss, but – afraid to give him the wrong idea again – I decided against it. Instead, I made another face at him and demanded my coffee.
He rolled his eyes, but carried me to the couch, anyway. He sat down and kept me in his lap. Now that I knew that the bed was purely a joke, I didn’t object. “I swear; you like your precious coffee better than you like me.”
After taking a sip of the best cup of coffee I had ever had in my life – which I assumed was due to my happy-high of having my Alec back – I teasingly accused, “Jealous, Hayes?” He narrowed his eyes as I made a show of taking in the scent of my coffee and savoring it as the liquid went down my throat. “Ahh.”
Alec took my coffee captive and placed it on the table. “Sorry, buddy, but this girl’s mine,” he told my precious coffee. He turned to face me. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, just taking in the fact that we were back in one another’s arms. “I missed you, Jenyse.”
I smiled bashfully. “I know it may not have seemed like it, but I really missed you too, Alec. Or…Ian,” I corrected myself.
He made a face. “Please. I prefer Alec.” I beamed at his choosing the name I gave him, over his real name. “And I believe you. And I am so, so sorry for not telling you.”
“You are absolutely completely forgiven, but why didn’t you? Tell me, I mean.”
He looked down and played with my fingers. “I just…didn’t think you would still like me or accept me, or something.” He looked at me. “I was afraid I’d lose you.”
Kind of hurt that he didn’t think I would accept him if I had known the truth, I assure him, “You wouldn’t have lost me. Nothing would’ve changed, Alec.”
He met my kiss with a brilliant smile on his willing lips. “Well, regretfully, it’s too late, and I am truly and deeply sorry for that.” The crease between his brows and the look in his eyes told me of the truth his words held. I looked down, slightly embarrassed but pleased. He tucked the hair that had fallen over my face behind my ear, and I looked up. His face was so angelic – his smile was gentle, his eyes were slightly squinted from his smile, and his expression was innocently admiring. “Luckily, I have you in my possession, now.” He squeezed me tighter to himself.
I went to tuck my head under his chin, but his hand on my chin stopped me. He told me he didn’t want my face hidden from his sight. Flattered, I obliged. “Hey,” I started, “I’m really sorry, too.” He made a confused face. Strangely frustrated that he didn’t know what I would be sorry for, I explained, “For being such an arse! For not believing you! For turning away from you and running into Travis’s arms! Of all people!” I was beginning to rant, but I couldn’t help it. “I was just confused and surprised. I didn’t know what to do, I was hurt you didn’t tell me, and I was just so…so confused. But that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have acted or treated you the way I did. It was horrible of me.” I took a big breath to calm myself down as much as possible. “I’m sorry.”
He played with a strand of my hair, still holding eye-contact. “You are absolutely and completely forgiven,” he said, repeating my own forgiving words.
We chuckled together. “Good. So…never speak of this depressing period apart?”
Nodding enthusiastically, he practically cut me off, quickly saying, “Agreed!” We sealed our deal with a kiss. Alec made it last longer than I intended. Not that I objected. I reveled in the feel of his skilled lips moving against mine.
I pulled back when a thought crossed my mind. He groaned and tried to keep our lips attached by following my movements. Laughing, I tried to lean backwards even further. Frustrated, he pressed on my back, forcing me to press up against him again. Sighing, I gave up. Might as well please him. I owed him that much. But the moment I began to kiss him back, he leaned back, against the couch, again. The arse.
Straightening, I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted down at him. He just laughed hysterically at me. I rolled my eyes. He apologized, not looking very sorry to me, and asked what it was I wanted.
Getting serious, I asked him the question that had been burning inside of me since that day at St. Mungo’s. “If you’re…a, uh, a….”
“A spirit,” he filled in nonchalantly.
Surprised at how laid back he was about it, I said, “Yeah. A…yeah. Then, how can this,” I motioned with my hand between the two of us, “be happening?”
His expression turned thoughtful. Unconsciously, he adjusted me on his lap. This motion made me vaguely wonder if he could get pins-and-needles. Pulling me out of my weird and random thoughts, Alec voiced his theory. “Well, “I’ve been wondering the same exact thing, since the day you first spoke to me. I’ve had a few theories over the time we’ve been seeing each other. Some were just completely ridiculous,” he chuckled to himself over a private joke, “but some, considering the world we live in, could make sense.”
Paying full attention, I asked, “And which one takes the coffee?”
He shot me a short smile at my use of the word “coffee” instead of the common use of the word “cake.” “Well, since I’m technically not your typical friendly ghost, since I have a live body, still, it’s not too surprising that the basics aren’t the same. I mean, no one can see, hear, or feel me. But you, and only you can see me, hear me, and feel me.” Alec traced my lips with his fingers, emphasizing his statement. “I’d only just realized I could go anywhere I wanted – not just around St. Mungo’s – this past October. I came to Hogwarts, determined never to go back to that hospital room. I’d just wander around the halls, much like I do now, listening to conversations and trying my best to discover what could put me back into my body.
“Then, I met you. The first person I’d interacted with in two years. I thought maybe, somehow, I was coming back. They were false hopes, but…” he trailed off and paused for a little bit. “When you told me, that one day, that your father was a Healer at St. Mungo’s, I got really curious. That night, after I said goodbye to you, I went to the hospital to see if I recognized him. I found out that he was my Healer. He was in my room that night, talking to me. Well, my body, anyway.
“He was telling me stores about his life and…his family. He talked about your mum, your brothers and their families, your sister, and – most of all – you. He told me about all your friends, your skills, how you are at school, how he misses you all of the time. Then I realized that that was the answer. He had been telling me about you the whole time. That was why you could see me.”
“But wouldn’t my other family members be able to see you, too?”
He seemed like he had already considered that and had come up with a reason. I judged his expression correctly. “Well, your father had constantly said that if I somehow came out of my coma, he would introduce me to you.” I gave him a weird look, not believing my father would say something like that to his comatose patient. “So, I’m guessing all of this stuff is happening because we were meant to meet. Someday, at least.” Alec smiled his crooked smile that I never wanted to have the chance to miss, ever again.
I kissed the lips that that smile was gracing. Suddenly disgusted, I shot back so quickly, I almost fell off of his lap. With quick Keeper hands, Alec caught me and helped me steady myself. He looked at me with an eyebrow raised. “Wait…so I have to give my dad credit for our relationship?!”
Alec’s head threw back, with his booming laugh. “Oh, Jenyse. Well, at least we know he approves.”
I sighed, trying to imagine the day my father would approve of me having a boyfriend. “Eh, I suppose. But,” I warned him, actually finding what I was about to inform him about amusing, “that doesn’t mean Jarron and Jayden will approve.” I took pleasure in the look of fear in his bulging eyes. “You might want to invest in some good sneakers and start going on runs everyday.”
I watched as he gulped. “And why is that, Jenyse?”
I smirked, just picturing the scene that would take place. “You’ll have to be able to run away from the chainsaws, of course.” I guffawed at his terrified expression. “Lucky I get to keep you to myself then.” I smiled.
He smiled feebly back, with traces of fear still in his eyes. He leaned forward and gave me a peck on the cheek, before whispering in my ear in a determined tone, “For now.” I felt my eyebrows draw together in confusion. What did he mean by that? Before I could ask him, Alec said quietly, looking me in the eye, “I will come back, Jenyse. For you, I will.”
A/N: eeeeeee!!! please tell me what you think! favorite parts! favorite quotes! least favorite parts! anything! please please please review! THANKS!
oh, and P.S.? this is the second to last chapter of this story. chapter 11 is the last. please tell me your thoughts on that! haha.
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