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Chapter 14 : Swing and Miss
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However, my giddy euphoria was interrupted a speeding blur of silky red locks of hair.
"Casey! What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Lily shrieked, running over and grasping my arms in seconds. "You should be in bed, you can't be running around like this-"
"Lily,-" I began.
"Honestly, don't these nurses know anything? You need bed rest and-"
"Lily, really, just stop and listen-"
"-For you to be frolicking around like this, it's completely unprecedented-"
"Lily!" I said loudly, finally gaining her attention. "Lily, I really need to talk to Remus." I said, grinning goofily again. I felt the bubbly feeling of delight in my stomach. "It's rather important..." I added.
I looked over her shoulder to see James blinking in confusion before a smirk spread over his face. "Told you so." he stated to Remus. "I told you, I told you, I told you!" he crowed, laughing. "Man, heros like you get all the perks." he looked over at Lily quickly. "Hey, Lily, if you ever get mauled by a banshee or something, make sure you call me to save you. I'd like some of the gratitude Connor's gonna be giving out-" he rambled, still laughing.
But, Remus wasn't looking at him, and showed no signs of hearing him at all. He was eyeing me, his face a faint red-ish color and taking a few steps away from me. I frowned at him, and moved around Lily to walk toward him.
He put his hands out in front of him, shaking his head. "I- I have to go. Maybe you can- can talk to me later. Besides, I have to leave anyway. I shouldn't be here, they said it wasn't- I just need to- They said I should-"
I smiled again as I cottoned on to what he was getting at. He was scared. "What? 'Leave for my own safety'?" I snickered, thinking how absurd the thought really was. "Thickheads..." I mumbled, shaking my head.
He froze, staring at me with shocked confusion. "What?" he questioned sharply.
"You need to leave for my own protection. It's not safe for you to be here. It goes against regulations, etcetera, etcetera correct?" I said, grinning at him, soaking up his features like a sponge. He was still Remus Lupin. He gets a bit- a bit furrier from time to time, but so what? He's still Remus Lupin! It didn't change anything for me!
"Wha- I- yes, but-" Remus stumbled over his words and I finally succeeded in getting in arms length of him. "But- why do you-?"
"I figured it out!" I informed him gleefully, grinning. I paused, admitting, "Well, actually I overheard the nurse and James' parents, but either way, I know now!" However, the grin quickly slipped away at the horrified expression on his face. Maybe he didn't know what I was talking about... "I- I know about you're- you're lycanthropy, I suppose you could call it." He was still staring at me, his mouth slightly agape. "I know that- that you're a werewolf and-" I tried to clarify further.
Suddenly, he slapped his hand over my mouth, eyes narrowed. He looked angry, very very angry. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" he snapped and I felt my eyes widen. What did I do? "Why would you just go about, parading something like that?" His eyes widened slightly as if he just realized something, before narrowing further then before. "Are you skipping out here to mock me? Better yet, tell me that you're going to go and tell everyone at the school? Hm?" I felt a wave of indignation wash over me at his accusations. Did he honestly believe that I'd do something like that? That I was that kind of person?
His hand fell from my face, but the glare remained. "What are you going to do?"
I stared at him, completely gobsmacked. As the anger ebbed from my mind, I pondered over his question. What was I going to do? I was so set on telling him that I was sure of everything now, that I didn't story to think of how I was going to tell him.
Merlin, some Ravenclaw I am, can't even think out my bloody plan right...
What was it I was going to do?
However, after a moment, I already knew the answer. Because, for once- once in my entire life I was going to act on impulse. Sheer, utter impulse.
So, with blood pumping loudly in my ears I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I swallowed roughly, trying to act solely on what I really wanted.
"What are you going to do?" he asked again, louder, angrier. I heard James say something along the lines of "Oi, watch it." before Lily shushed him. "Come on, I can handle it. What horrible thing are you going to come up with? With that keen Ravenclaw mind of yours, Connor, you should be able to come up with something absolutely perfect." he taunted viciously. I opened my eyes again to and looked at his eyes as he continued to rant. They were blazing with fury, but they were sparked even more noticeably with that of fear and sadness. "What is it that you're going to do Casey, what are you-"
I grabbed his face between my hands and yanked his face to mine, crushing my lips against his own.
You know in the Muggle movies, when something like that happens? Where the main character guards their groin and just leaps at what the want, which in this case we'll stick to the topic of the opposite sex? You know, where the man finally just grabs the girl he's fallen in love with after some incredible journey that lasted all of a few days and just plants a big one on her? And then the music starts playing and she tosses her arms around him and kissed him back as if that was what she'd been waiting for the whole time?
That's what I was expecting to experience.
However, no music started playing.
I'd been in love with Remus Lupin since I was 12 years old, and we hadn't undergone some vastly unimaginable journey together that would cause him to fall madly in love with me at any point in time.
No, none of that happened. And I've got a pretty good idea why;
You see, the minute I kissed him, Remus froze on the spot. His entire body tensed and he felt like a hard sculpture against me.
I opened my eyes, terrified of what I might be seeing, to find his eyes opened wide. I pulled myself away, watching fearfully as he seemed unable to move an inch.
"Remus?" I said quietly. "Remus, can you- er, hear me?"
I stared with wide eyes as he blinked quickly before looking over at me. His face sort of made a spastic movement, with what could only be described as anguish. "I have to go." he mumbled, his voice hoarse and low.
And he turned and strode away. I couldn't get my voice to work properly, nothing at all would come out.
"Moony!" I heard James call behind me before he blew past me in efforts to stop his friend.
My eyes stung painfully and I felt my hands start to shake as I balled them into fists, trying to control the dull aching in the back of my throat that kept growing stronger. I felt like a little piece of me had broken off from the rest of my body and the rest of it was hanging on by mere threads.
I felt a pair of slender arms try to encircle my body but I pulled myself away gently. I walked down the hallway after James and Remus. Just walked, I wasn't in any hurry.
I slowly pulled my mind together, trying to focus. What had just happened?
Well, I'd just thrown myself at Remus Lupin, and he had blatantly rejected me, to but it bluntly.
It started to hurt to breath again. I heard voices from around the corner. I peeked around to see James leaning against the wall with his back to me, and Remus banging his head repeatedly against the wall.
"You know, Moony? I don't get you." James said after a few seconds. "You've admitted that you're arse over nose for her, which is really rather something cause you never admit to liking birds." Remus groaned and James ignored him. "But, either way, she kisses you and you run away. Mind you, she'd just told you that she knows about you're furry little problem-" Another groan of protest. "And you ripped her apart over it, even though she obviously had no plans of telling anyone about it." James shook his head after a pregnant pause. "I really don't get you, mate, I really just don't get you."
"She knows." Remus moaned, giving his head a hard thump against the wall. "She knows James! She knows! This is horrible. She shouldn't know anything about it-"
"I don't see what's get your wand in a knot. Now you don't have to worry about telling her." James pointed out. "Which we all know you've been stressing about."
"Don't you think eavesdropping is a bit childish?" I quickly looked over to find Sirius lean against the wall next to me.
I shook my head. "No." I said firmly to him before returning my attention to the two boys around the corner. "Not when I won't find out otherwise."
"She isn't suppose to know." Remus said quietly. "Bloody hell, no one was suppose to know, but she does. Merlin only knows how terrified she must be now."
Terrified? Is he insane? I just kissed him, and he thinks that qualifies as me being terrified?
James seemed to be on the same wavelength as me. He looked at Remus incredulously. "Terrified? Are you mad? She just tried to snog you and you think she'll be terrified of you?"
"It hasn't set in yet, Prongs." Remus said sadly. "She hasn't stopped to process it yet, but when she does I'll be surprised if she can even look at me."
I was surprised to hear James let out an irritated growl of frustration. "When are you going to stop and see that she's bloody well in love with you? This just proves it, Moony! She found out that you're a bloodthirsty beast and she's still mad over you! I swear if I knew Lily was that dedicated to me I'd be out there shagging her silly instead of running away from her like some sort of bloody coward! Merlin, Remus for a smart kid you are so unbelievably idiotic sometimes."
Remus looked over at James for a long moment before sighing. "I won't let her do that to herself."
Do wh- "Do what?" James voiced my thoughts again, but his tone of voice sounded like he already knew, and he wasn't happy about it either.
"I'm a monster." Remus' voice was more quiet and more sad then before. "I'm a sodding monster, and I refuse to let a girl as great and perfect and beautiful as Casey Connor ruin her life by letting her be in love with me of all people. I won't have it." he snapped. "I won't do it."
"You're ridiculous." James stated evenly. "Bloody well ridiculous, but I'm done fighting with you over this. If you want to do this to yourself, fine, I've tried everything I can to help you out. But, damn it Remus, remember that you aren't the only one that will get hurt here. You'll hurt her even more then you'll be hurting yourself." And he stormed down the hall and out of sight.
I watched as Remus stared after him. I took in the scars on his face and the way that he stood and the way that his face looked and the way that his emotions played so clearly across his battered and worn face. Because, I had a feeling deep in my gut that this would be the closest I get to seeing the real him for a while. I could feel it in my bones that I wasn't going to be able to see Remus as clearly as I was right now for what would feel like an eternity.
And I could tell I was right, because even as I watched him I could see his face changing. The mask to hide what he was really feeling, the wall between himself and everyone else, it was all building up and soon he looked just a little sad and tired. As if nothing was wrong, and as if he hadn't just made a decision that would hurt me more than the amount of strangling Emma Yoast could dish out, the amount of insulting slurs in the world, and the amount of times I've fallen flat on my face could provide together.
As though he hadn't just slowly, and purposely chosen to break my heart.
Sigh. I know that some of you might be plotting my death, but it had to be done. You should see why in the next chapter, but for now what are you thoughts?
Personally, I'm kind of back and forth on whether I like this chapter. It's much better than the last one in my opinion, but it's also loads sadder (again in my opinion) But hopefully I'll be able to lift it back up into a happy and more entertaining direction in the next chapter. However, I want to know what you guys are thinking about, so leave me a review and rate and blah blah blah.
Hope you at least kind of liked it. =)
Until the next chapter!
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