A/N: Here it is, the long awaited Chapter 10. I know it's been a long time and I'm sure that a lot of my readers are no longer interested. I'm really sorry for that too. Anyway, here it is. It gets really intense. Hope you like. I'm kinda worried about how this one will be liked... so review please!!!!
In a rush, Lillia tumbled out of the fireplace. “Damn.” She muttered. “Never going to get the hang of that.” She ignored a sharp look from Molly. It had never bothered her what sort of looks she received, as long as no one was chasing after her with a belt along with it.
“All right, you bunch. We have a lot of things that we need to get done today, and we don’t really have a lot of time.” She pushed a ginger curl of hair from her face and consulted a list. “Ginny, you and I will go and get everyone’s books.” Ginny nodded. “Hermione, I’m not entirely sure about you, but I am sure that you can manage, you always do. Harry, you really need new potion supplies…” The list went on and on. Lillia tuned it out. She already knew that she need all new supplies for school, as she had been burrowing from the school for years.
Her hand went to the sack in her pocket. So much money, so much blood that had been spilt. She was a tough girl, but she didn’t like the idea of being furnished with dirty money. Dirty blood, dirty money, it seemed to her that the wizarding world was full of a lot of dirty laundry as well. Her eyes scanned the shops and people lined up on the streets. Every one of them has some dirty little secret. She tried to shove the idea out of her mind. Molly’s voice cut into her thoughts once again. “Ron you need new robes. I swear you have grown five inches. Of course, we don’t have the money for new ones, but if you take these,” Molly handed him the stack of dark robes in her hands. “and get them altered. Lillia, have you ever been to Diagon Alley?” she asked.
“No, I haven’t.” Lillia kept her face guarded like always. It was an embarrassment to be a nuisance to everyone.
“Well, that’s just fine dear. You just go ahead with Ron and he will see too it that you get everything you need. I’m sure he’ll only be too happy to help, right Ron, dear?” Ron simply blushed and nodded. Hermione rolled her eyes.
Lillia nodded. She turned to Ron with a blank expression. “Alright then, you lead the way.”
They headed off away from the group as Molly scolded George for some misbehavior or another. “So,” Ron said. “You really have never been here before?”
“No, I haven’t.” The corner of her lip curled upward in a wan smile. “Is that really so hard to believe? Do you think I’m a freak?” she asked.
“Well, yeah. I mean, no. You aren’t a freak. I mean.” He blushed and took a breath. “I just mean that it’s hard to think that you have been so isolated. I mean even Harry has been places.”
“I haven’t really been to many places. I was raised in a Muggle orphanage, and only the good children are allowed on outings, apparently I just don’t fit the bill. I’ve been to Hogwarts, Sirius’s place, Platform 9 ¾, and Professor Snape’s house. I haven’t really been anywhere else before, except to run errands for the woman who runs the orphanage. I read a lot though, so it’s not as if I am completely blind to the world.” She looked down at her feet. Yes, it was true they hadn’t been many places, but she knew that her heart had in the very same way that Hermione’s had.
“That’s it? Are you joking?” Ron’s mouth hung agape.
“No, I’m not. Oh! One time a family that was considering adopting me when I was younger took me out for ice cream. It was the first time I had ever had ice cream. The woman didn’t like me very much though; she said I was too precocious at four. I didn’t understand it then, but now I feel like that would be a desirable trait in my children.” She laughed.
“It means intelligent or advanced, Ronald.” She snapped in a perfect impersonation of Hermione.
“She’s not that bad, you know. Harry and I felt just the way you do know when we first met her, but she really is great.” He smiled in a way that probably revealed more of his emotions to her that he would have liked. Lillia didn’t bring it up.
“Yes, I know she is, but she refuses to show it to me. We both know that she doesn’t want me here.”
“No, it’s not that. She just doesn’t want you to mess anything up for the Order.”
“I know. I never said that she was stupid. She is extremely bright, everyone knows that, but she lets her brain get in the way of other things.” Ron came to a stop. They had come to a store called Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions. Ron went to open the door.
“Wait, Ron. I’m not sure what I should do. Professor Snape said that I should get things to wear all the time. This,” she said pulling at the jacket she had on. “is the only outfit I have. He gave these to me, but I can’t keep wearing the same thing. Where can I get Muggle clothes?”
He smiled in an awkward sympathetic manner. “There is a shop like that around here somewhere. We’ll ask Madam Malkin about it.”
“Okay, I’m also supposed to get really nice robes or dresses or something for when I go see You Know Who.” She said it in sort of a mocking tone to show she didn’t like avoiding the name.
“Well, you can get those here I’m sure.” He said. “How are you going to pay for all this?”
She tugged the velvet sack out of her pocket. “He’s got that covered for me.” She pulled the string at the top just enough to let Ron see.
“Blimey! I’ve never seen so much money!” Once again his mouth hung open.
“Yeah, me neither.” She agreed.
They stepped into the shop. It seemed to be mostly empty. Madam Malkin greeted them warmly. “Hello, dears. What can I help you with today?” By the look of her solid turquoise robes, Lillia had come to the right place to get help for meeting Voldemort.
Ron held up the miserable excuses for robes that Lillia had ever seen. They were even worse than the ones that she had previously borrowed. “I need to have these altered.” He muttered, his face turning crimson.
An idea sparked in Lillia’s head. “No, wait.” She said. “Don’t bother with those, just get him new ones please.” She smiled pleasantly.
“What? No. You absolutely cannot do that. I won’t let you.” An expression spread on his face, one all too familiar to Lillia. Shame.
“Ron, yes you can. C’mon now, you have to have something really nice to pin that shiny new prefect’s badge to. Trust me, you want everyone to be looking at that, not the robes.”
He could only nod. Madam Malkin turned to Lillia. “And you, dear?”
“Well, I actually need quite a few things, I’m afraid. I need school robes. I haven’t any. I traveled by Muggle plane this summer and all of my luggage was lost so, I need all new school robes. I also need some more formal robes, for dinner parties and such.” She hoped that she was not sounding dense. “And I need you to direct me somewhere where I can get nice Muggle clothes, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”
“No trouble at all, but this isn’t going to be cheap.” Madam Malkin frowned.
“That will not be a problem.” Lillia smiled.
“Your mother must have been very upset with the Muggle transportation.”
“Yes, she was very unhappy about it.”
“Alright, are you in Gryffindor as well?”
“No. I am in Slytherin.” Madam Malkin gave the two of them a very peculiar look and led them to the back before going off to get her supplies.
“Listen, Ron. Don’t you dare feel bad about letting me get you these. I know what it’s like to have hand-me-downs.” Lillia said. Ron nodded, but continued to sulk. “So, have you and Harry patched things up yet?”
“No. He won’t talk to me, and I really don’t feel like talking to him.” Ron muttered.
“You should talk to him, you know.” Lillia raised her arms so that the robes could be fit over her thin body.
“No, I don’t have anything to say to him.” Lillia had heard the big fight between the two of them over it. Harry had been pretty brutal from what she had heard. “Why can’t he just be happy for me? I mean, he gets all the glory, all of it. I’ve never complained, but it’s not like Hermione and I don’t do a lot. We have.” He looked around at the people fitting them, trying to be careful of what he said. “I mean he’s my best mate and all, but isn’t it ever going to be enough for him? He won the cup last year; you know the one I’m talking about. He’s got all this attention and fame; I just want to be able to do something right for once. Is there anything wrong with that? He’s my best mate, he should want me to succeed. I’m tired of just being boring old Ron.”
Lillia really didn’t know what she was supposed to say to something like that, but she did know that she wasn’t going to let them stay mad at each other for very long.
Lillia collapsed on Lupin’s bed. Her feet hurt, her back hurt, and her head hurt. She had left all the bags she had piled up in the corner of the room. She only had one package on the bed with her. The small box was in her hands. She rubbed her finger over the thick paper. She took a breath and opened it. There it was, her very own wand. A sense of warmth ran over her body. She finally had her very own wand. It fit perfectly in her hand, and it seemed to call to her. She had tried it out a bit, and it felt like an extension of her natural arm. Nine and a half inches, mahogany with a dragon heartstring core, it was a lovely dark red color and fit her perfectly. She had always wondered what the right wand for her was, and now she knew. It was like fitting one more piece to the puzzle for her. She smiled, for once in her life content that something she had was made just for her.
The door to the bedroom opened, and then quickly shut. “ Sorry, Lillia. I forget that this isn’t just my room right now.” The voice behind the door called. Lupin knocked and then pushed the door open.
Lillia smiled wryly. “Hi Professor, it’s just fine. Did you need something?”
“Well, actually Professor Snape is here to see you again.” He frowned. His eyes were soft, gentle, and sympathetic.
“Uh-oh. Harry as well?” she asked.
“No, just you. He’s waiting outside. Is it alright for him to come in or do you want to go downstairs to talk?” he asked.
“No, it’s alright for him to come in.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth Severus Snape swept into the room, carrying a heavy weight with him.”
“Actually, I don’t just need to talk with you. Your father has sent me to bring you to him. He has decided that the two of you need to have a good talk before school begins. You are going off to Hogwarts tomorrow, you know.”
“Yes, I know.” At the mention of her father her face had become guarded. She was once again the cold girl he had first brought to the Dark Lord.
“Well, he wants to speak to you. The two of you won’t see each other again until the holidays. He would like to take the opportunity to make sure that you are doing well.” He glared at Lupin. “And that you are getting information for him, of course.”
“Right, what am I supposed to tell him? I haven’t really gotten any information.” She sighed.
“Well, that’s true, you children are not allowed in on meetings. He mostly expects you to tell him Potter’s weaknesses and strengths. He wants to know how much Potter knows, and he wants to find weaknesses in the Order’s defense. He will tell you more about what he wants when we arrive.” Severus turned to the bags in the corner. “I see that you took my advice and bought the things that you required.”
“Yes, Professor.” Lillia went to her bags. “What am I supposed to wear to see him tonight?”
“What did you buy?”
Lillia dug around in the bags until she had found what she was looking for. “Well, I have some really nice robes.” She held them up. They were a deep green color. “I thought that he would approve. Then I got these two dresses.” One was a similar green color with black lace and of very short length. The other was a soft silky blue with beading around the waist. “I thought that they were nice. They were both really expensive.”
“Wear the green dress. I’ll be waiting for you downstairs.” Severus exited the room as quickly as he had entered.
Lillia shuddered. “He always makes me feel so… incompetent.”
Lupin patted her on the shoulder. “You are far from incompetent and you know it. You are actually brilliant. The dresses are fit for the Minister of Magic, they will certainly do for a fallen villain, won’t they?”
She smiled. “Yes, I suppose that they will have to do won’t they?” She gave him a quick hug. “Thanks for the encouragement.”
He studied her a moment. “You will do just fine, Lillia. I have faith in you.”
When she was dressed and in the matching heels, Lillia went downstairs to meet Professor Snape. On her way down the hallway she ran into Harry. “Hey.” He said. “Whoa. You look really good. You actually look beautiful.” He blushed.
“Oh, what are you surprised?” she smiled.
“No, but why are you dressed up like this?” He asked.
“Because I have to pay the Dark Lord a visit, Harry.” The smile on her face fell.
“What? They shouldn’t make you do this! You haven’t even had to stupid lessons yet. You don’t have to go.” He cried.
“Yes, I do. It’s my responsibility. I have been given an opportunity to help people. I can help bring him down.”
“Leave that to other people to take care of. It’s not your job.”
She bore into him with deep fiery eyes. “No, and it’s not your job either. Don’t worry about me. He may have killed your parents, but he is mine. There is nothing I can do about that anymore. He killed my mother, while I never even had the chance to meet her. He is ruining lives everywhere. I can help stop the pain and the fear. Be happy for me, not angry. I am a big girl, Harry, I can handle this.”
“I just don’t want to see you hurt.” He stared at the floor.
“I appreciate that, but I won’t be hurt. Besides, what does it mean to you that I don’t get myself hurt?”
He blushed. “I just don’t want the only person who knows what I feel like to die.”
“I won’t, promise.” Lillia took a deep breath and pressed her lips to Harry’s. “Just in case, though.” She turned and left him standing breathless at the top of the stairs.
She met Severus and Lupin at the front door. “Okay, I’m ready to go now.”
“Well it took long enough.” Severus frowned.
“Sorry, Professor. I’m not used to wearing this sort of thing.” He only nodded before turning to Lupin.
“I’ll have her back here around eleven so that she can go with you to the platform.” He said.
“That is late for someone who has to get up early and catch a train, I assume that He has no interest in his child’s education.”
“Hardly the case.” Severus sneered.
“Severus, don’t let her be hurt.” Lupin kept his gaze with Severus.
“I don’t intend to.” Severus turned and took Lillia’s hand. In a snap the room melted away and they had Apparated somewhere else.
It was cold and windy outside. Her skin bubbled in goose bumps, but she wouldn’t allow herself to shiver. Severus turned to her, “We are back at my house. Your father is already here. Do not say anything foolish and don’t you dare mention kissing Potter.” His words were thick with hatred.
“I believe that would fall into the foolish category, don’t you Professor?” she asked unabashed. “Although, I did not think that you could see from where we were. I am sorry if you feel that I was slumming.”
They entered the dirty house. Voldemort stood beside a dusty armchair. “Lillia.” He said. “You really are beautiful.”
“Thank you. I hope that you like the dress.” Her eyebrow rose as if daring him to dislike it.
“ It is very fitting. I am glad that you embrace your colors the way you do.” He motioned her closer to him. “You look like her somewhat.” He said. “A lot softer.”
Her hand went up to her cheek. “Is that good?”
“Well, it certainly makes me glad that a lesser woman was not the one to carry my seed. I can see that you beauty is going to pay off.” His lips parted in a vicious grin.
“I don’t see how my looks could possibly pay off. The members of the Order don’t allow us into the meetings, and they certainly aren’t feeding me any information.” She sighed exasperated.
“I think that they will work splendidly.” He brought his icy hand up to her face and stroked her cheek. “I want you to get to Harry. I want you to get to his heart. I need to know his weaknesses. You are going to become one of them.”
Her mouth fell open. “How could I do that? He’s wretched. I have nothing in common with him! I don’t even like him. I tried to get close to him, it was repulsive.”
Voldemort’s eyes shined dangerously. “You kissed him.”
Severus’s eyebrows rose. “How would you know that?” she demanded.
“I saw it up here, in your head.” He gave her a rap on the scalp to emphasize his point.
“I was just trying to take advantage of him. There was nothing personal about it. Boys, and men apparently,” she said glaring at him. “tend not to think with their hearts, they think with other things.”
He stared into her eyes, as if searching for the truth. He seemed to come to some sort of resolution. “You are right. You are very intelligent. It would be better to get to him physically first, then to the heart, but Potter seems to be some sort of noble creature. He may not take the bait.”
“Look, I’m not going to screw the kid. I’m not that good of an actress, father. I have standards, and he is not one of them. I can handle it, though. I’ll get him to love me, and then feed his heart to you.” An animal’s cackle burst out of her throat.
He nodded. “Good. I trust you to take care of you. I can see that you are going to make me proud.”
“I will make you proud to have a daughter.”
“I know you will, because if you don’t you are going to wish that Severus had never dug you out of that filthy dump.” Severus nodded in agreement.
“I know. I’m proud to be your daughter. I promise I will live up to it.” Her cold eyes dug into his right back.
“Good. I have a task for you. Did you purchase a wand yet?” Voldemort asked.
A pit grew in her stomach. “Yes, I did.” She raised her dress dangerously high and pulled her new wand out of the lace band around her thigh. “Right here.”
“Good. I have a task.” He turned away from her and headed down the hallway to a door. He inserted a key into the lock and opened the door. Lillia could here the crying from the sitting room. Her stomach ached, but she kept her blank stare.
“Don’t you pull away from me, you little bitch!” Voldemort hissed at the little girl. He grabbed her by the hair and tugged her into the room. Tears streaked the girl’s face. Her right cheek was bruised and swollen.
“What’s this?” Severus asked, keeping his expression in check.
“This is a test, Severus. To gauge my daughter’s loyalty and determination.” Voldemort shoved the girl to the floor.
“A child?” he asked.
“Yes, this is the only way to be sure.” The Dark Lord’s eyes were filled with hate.
She wailed. “I wa… w... I want my mommy!!! Where’s my mommy?”
Lillia knelt. “Your mommy isn’t here.” The harshness of her voice shocked even herself. “Can you tell me how old you are?” she asked.
“I’m five.” The little girl pushed a lock of matted red hair into her mouth.
“What’s your name?” Lillia asked.
“Emily Ann Burks.” Her tears stopped falling, but she was still sobbing.
“What are you doing?” Voldemort demanded.
Lillia looked up with her eyes, staying on the girl’s level. “I want to remember this. She needs a name with the face. I take it that she is a little Muggle girl.”
Emily looked up at Lillia. “You are really pretty. Not like him.” She pointed to the most dangerous wizard of the time.
“Well, that is sweet of you, Emily. You are a very good girl.” Her voice was soft and soothing, but her eyes were cold and empty.
Lillia looked up to see her father studying her with curiosity. “Quick and easy or not?” she asked.
“Not.” He whispered. It was if he was captivated by her behavior.
She nodded. “Emily, I want you to remember something for me. Can you do that?”
“Yes.” Her hair had been replaced with an index finger.
“I want you to remember that you mommy loves you.” The little girl smiled and nodded. “One more thing, don’t trust anyone. That sort of thing gets you killed.” The girl jumped, startled and afraid.
Lillia raised her wand. “Crucio!” The girl’s screams of agony filled the small house. Lillia repeated the curse several times. Finally she let the girl rest. She was no longer crying, she was screaming for her life. “Blame your blood for this one.” Lillia muttered. “Avada Kedavra!”
The girl’s body lay limp, finally at peace. Lillia looked up to her father, respect and pride reflected in his eyes. She turned to Severus, startled to find that there was nothing but fear there.
“You are certainly my daughter.” Voldemort smiled. “You pass with flying colors. You may take the mark now.”
“NO!” Lillia cried.
“What?” he hissed. “You don’t want it?”
“No, it’s not that, but with me staying with the Order it would be an incredible risk to have me figured out. Of course I want it, I want nothing else but to serve you.”
“You are probably right. I should have thought about that, of course. We will wait then. You make me very proud.” He pulled her into a hug. “Welcome home.”
They stood outside of Sirius’s home. “Lillia,” Severus said. “I’m so sorry. I did not know that he had that planed. He always puts a spell that blocks the ministry from detecting the underage Death Eaters’ actions. He never said anything to me about it. You should never have had to do that.”
Lillia turned to him with cold, dead eyes. “Maybe I wanted to.”
His eyes widened. “Did you?”
“NO! Of course I didn’t. I have never killed anyone! I never wanted to. I am just as bad as he is now. This is all your fault!” she screamed. The girl’s screams playing over and over again in her mind.
“I didn’t know. I’m sorry. You did a very good job pretending. I’ve had to do it as well. I know how you are feeling right now, trust me. I would have stopped it, or warned you. I would have done something.” He put his hand awkwardly on her arm.
She shoved him away. “Don’t touch me. I have nothing left to say to you. See you at school, Professor.” She spat.
Lillia stormed all the way up to her room, careful not to disturb everyone. She opened the door, surprised to see Lupin sleeping in his bed. “Oops.” She said. The tears were already streaming down her face.
“Lillia! What’s wrong?” Lupin sat up in the bed.
“Oh. He… he…” Lillia stumbled over the words. It felt as if the world was crashing down on her. “He…”
“Sit down.” Lupin coaxed. “Take a breath and then tell me what happened.”
“He…” she sat beside him, fought to catch her breath. “He made me kill someone.”
“Oh, Lillia! I’m so sorry.” He took her in his arms. “Shhh.” He rocked her back and forth.
“He brought her in and said that it was test.” She bit her lip fighting back the tears. “And then I did it. I asked her name, her age, and I told her that her mommy loved her. Then I told her never to trust anyone. And I tortured and killed her with the Unforgivable Curses. I did that.”
Lupin closed his eyes, pained by the information. “Lillia, how old was she?” he looked as if he was afraid to ask.
“Emily Ann Burks was five years old when I killed her tonight.” Lillia moaned, choking on her sobs.
“Oh, I am so sorry.” He whispered. He stroked her tear-streaked hair. He coaxed her to lie down. He didn’t even worry about the dress, but covered her up and held her to help her sleep.
She continued to cry until she was empty. When she had settled down and closed her eyes Lupin left the room. Immediately her eyes popped open. She crawled out of the bed and went to put on some of her new pajamas. As soon as she had lain down again the door opened. “Harry? What are you doing in here?” she asked, her throat dry from crying.
“I couldn’t sleep ‘til I knew you were okay. You don’t look okay.” He walked into the room. “Do you mind if I lay with you for a little while?”
“You can.” She nodded and pulled the blankets up. “Harry, did you see Cedric die last year? Did you see it?”
He winced. Obviously hating the question and where it would lead. “Yes. Why?”
“Because I’ve never seen anyone die, not even close, but today I killed someone. I killed a little girl. I had no choice in the matter, but I did it. I didn’t try to talk my way out of it. I didn’t fight like you did. I just killed her, but not after making her suffer. I’m a horrible person. I don’t deserve to live.” She cried. Thought I was out of tears.
“No, you aren’t a horrible person. You didn’t have a choice. You couldn’t have done anything else. You are doing something very noble and brave and it’s him that’s the monster, not you.”
“Will you stay in here with me, Harry? I’m afraid to be alone.” She whimpered.
“Yes, I’m here.” He smiled weakly. “I won’t go anywhere.”
“Thank you.” She nuzzled into his chest. She breathed deeply. “Harry, do you think that I’m horrible?”
“No, you are a strong girl. You had no choice. Playing a double agent isn’t very safe.” He kissed her on the forehead. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Hatred burned in his eyes, but it wasn’t for her. It was for the darkest wizard in the world.
She took deep breaths in her pillow. The whole bed smelt rich and musky, like Lupin. The smell calmed her, soothed her. I wonder if this it feels like when you have a real father?
A/N: Thanks for reading and sorry for the delay! :) I hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to have another chapter up soon! :) Please Review.