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Hold Back The Tears by rachm34
Chapter 2 : Chapter One- It's Going To Be Tough
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 72

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Authors Note: Hey Readers once again, i hope you like it. Here's the first real chapter. I want to give a huge huge huge thank you to Momoe from the forums who covered my betaing for this chapter. I think that MoMoe did an excellent job and hope she can beta for me in the near future in case i need another beta. My normal beta Luna is really busy with Nano and truth be told i miss her dearly!!! Good Luck With Nano Luna and hopefully you can be able to beta my next chapter.

So i'm not sure exactly what i think about this chapter. I really liked how the prologue came along and I guess i'm unsure about this chapter. Yes you do find out her name now so that shall be exciting. i hope you like it. Please don't forget to review.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot, Madison, and Tyler... and any other characters you don't recongise. The rest is J.K. Rowlings. I wish it was mine though.... 


~ Chapter One~

It was hard to wake up the day that I had to go back to Hogwarts. My eyes felt like they had been super glued together, and was basically impossible for me to gather the urge to open them. My honey blond hair was in its tangled pony tail that I had fallen asleep in the night before. The pale lavender colored comforter was twisted around my body. I finally opened my eyes, and was momentarily blinded by the amount of light that was streaming luminously through my window.

I felt like my face had become unclean overnight, because I realized that I could feel crusted tears dried on my cheeks from last night. I had stayed up late, and laid on my bed as I went pouring through old photo albums from my past years at Hogwarts. I was looking at all the photos of Tyler, Tyler and I, or Tyler with other people.  Looking at my photo albums and seeing photos of Tyler, basically set me up for a night full of many, many, and many tears.

I wasn’t very good at being strong; what I didn’t like was when people saw me cry. I could normally hold what used to be my happy yet calm composure just long enough to run into either an empty room, or bathroom, and then I would break out into tears. I’m pathetic really. Tyler come back please! Now! I don’t want to have to beg you again.

So finally, I commanded my body to rise out of my overly comfortable bed. I walked into the bathroom, where I shed my pajamas and took a shower. After my shower, I combed out my long hair and then got dressed into a pair of jeans and a light red long sleeved sweater. I wasn’t ready to go back to Hogwarts yet, but I wasn’t going to be able to stay home. I would just have to suck it up and survive. Or at least try.

We drove to the train station, and it was basically a silent car ride. It was awkward and not usual for me.

I kissed my mum goodbye quickly on the cheek as a loud shrilling whistle from the rumbling scarlet steam engine rang out signaling that it was really time to go.

“Have a good year honey,” she said, and I gave her a mute nod. She wasn’t expecting me to speak back to her; in fact, I rarely spoke at home to my parents ever since Tyler’s death. I had gotten used to not replying with much use of words, I almost had forgotten what my voice sounded like now. I felt like I was now a shadow or something, I’d just been left in a world of darkness. I pulled my trunk behind me wondering where the hell  I was going to sit.
My trunk was terribly heavy and I wished that I had put a charm on it. I dragged it as I walked aimlessly through the light red carpeted aisles of the trains. It felt completely awkward to be walking on the Hogwarts express. I wasn’t sure where to sit anymore. I could probably go sit with the Marauders; after all for the first half of first year before I met Tyler it was Remus Lupin who was my best mate. He had always been there for me, and we were still pretty good mates.

But I had ignored every letter that Remus had sent me this summer. Sure I had read them. I did know that James had become Headboy and that he also became a Gryffindor Quidditch captain. Remus told me that he spent the summer at the Potter’s like he always did and had a grand old time. He sounded happy, and although he was just trying to make conversation and get me to respond, his letters made me feel even worse. He wondered if I was okay, but never once in his letters did he mention Tyler. I know that he knew about Ty, and he was probably trying to see if I was okay. Remus definitely wasn't stupid. I knew that when I saw him, I would probably break down in tears or it would be hard to hold in my feelings.

I managed to sneak into an empty compartment near the front of the train and rode the whole way to Hogwarts alone. I ended up falling asleep for the most part of the ride, and woke up shortly before we arrived at the station in Hogsmeade. I changed into my robes and gathered my belongings. The train stopped, and I peeked out the window into darkness, but it was all familiar. We would soon be boarding the carriages that would take us to the castle. I wrestled down the aisle out of my compartment with my overly full trunk and pulled it into a carriage with me. I was really hoping that no one would ride with me. The air was bitter and chilly and I pulled my robes closer around my body wishing that I had worn something warmer underneath.

My wish wasn’t granted, however, and I was beginning to think that some God or Merlin had it out for me. Nothing was going my way lately; maybe it was something I did. Did my breath smell horribly? I sighed as Sirius, Remus, and James piled into the carriage surrounding me.

“Hey O’ Rielly,” Sirius boomed when he saw me. He gave me a gentle clap on the shoulder, and that was being affectionate for Sirius. Sometimes, I wondered if he knew that I was a girl. He was so used to me hanging out with the guys that he almost treated me like one.

“Hello Sirius,” I replied lamely, my voice sounded so much duller than normal.

“Hi Madison,” Remus said from beside me, his voice was warm and friendly; I smiled slightly at him.

“Hey Remus,” I replied. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well,” he responded as I felt his eyes on me. I shivered again from the cold and turned to face him. Sure enough, his baby blue colored eyes were on my face; he was probably gauging how well I was doing. I was hoping that he couldn’t see just how much pain I was feeling.

“Where’s Peter?” I asked as I realized the four and least popular Marauder wasn't with them. My interest was suddenly sparked even if it was Peter.

“Sitting with his girlfriend,” James sounded a bit annoyed with the boy. He made some kind of face too, he sort of scrunched up his face in what was really a not very suitable look for him.

“He has a girlfriend?” I questioned. Did I misunderstand him or something? Peter Pettigrew had a girl friend? I never thought that would happen.

“Her name is Mary, she’s a sixth year in Hufflepuff. She happens to be in all NEWT classes too.”

“I’ve seen her before, she’s a bit different,” I thought that different had been a safe word to describe her. The truth was that she was a freak, with this flaming yellow and black dyed color hair. She was incredibly strange and had some theory about Vampires she was trying to sell to anyone that she could get to listen. No one did… The one time that I had met her she tried to give me a necklace with a skull on it. She told me that it would "Repel Evil Spirits" Truth be told it was hideous looking, and it smelled like mold.

“Different,” James echoed questioning my own word choice.


“Try a complete loser. I mean, Peter isn’t even that bad, how on earth did they start dating?” James replied. “She tried to sprinkle garlic on me when I met her. Pete of course is simply head over heels for this girl. I have no clue what he see's in her,” he shivered recalling what was probably not a very pleasant memory. I chuckled a bit. I silently agreed with James as I wondered what Peter saw in her.

“Peter isn’t that bad,” I agreed with James. The kid wasn’t that bad looking. He kind of had a mousy feature about him, but he had this beautiful chestnut colored brown hair. Other than that, though, I didn’t like anything about his appearance. He was very shy and could be a tad bit annoying. He was not as smart as the rest of the Marauders too. I wasn't too fond of the kiddo.  He was more of an accessory to the marauders and he just seemed to tag along. I don’t know why they kept him.

“He isn’t,” James agreed and paused before he spoke again. ”So, Maddie,” once again he paused looking anxiously at me, he looked like a little boy ready to open his presents early on Christmas day.  “Excited for Quidditch? Practice starts next Thursday.” 

I gulped nervously; I hadn’t told him that I wasn’t going to play. I had played chaser since I was a second year; Tyler had been the second chaser and James was the third. I couldn’t even fathom the thought of playing Quidditch without Tyler.

“I’m not playing this year,” I burst out to James. It was kind of amusing how fast his face had changed from its normal color to a bright purple.

“You’re kidding,” he nearly gasped out. It was almost as if Quidditch was his life. I rolled my eyes at him, he really was being irrational.

“I am not going to play this season,” I told him softly.

“But you love Quidditch.”

“I do love Quidditch,” I said slowly, not sure where this was going.

“What does Tyler think about this? He would never let you quit.” I tried to keep my breathing normal, but that was hard as I was now taking several strangled breaths. I glanced ahead seeing we had almost arrived at the castle. Was James really that stupid to ask about Tyler? Had the boy read the damn Daily Prophet at all this summer? There was a six page obituary for him that was published a week after his death.

I stared at James through the the darkness, my heart was pounding erratically and I knew that I wasn’t ready to talk about this yet. I wasn’t quite sure how to answer it. Luckily we were nearing the castle and I could make some sort of escape. I already could feel tears welling in my sapphire blue eyes I was praying that none of the rest of them saw the tears either.

“I don’t know what he would think because Tyler isn’t here,” I gasped out as the castle lights shined overhead. The wind was beginning to pick up and I wanted out. “He’s dead,” then I bolted out of the carriage as soon as it stopped, not allowing anyone to be able to follow me.


Second A/N
I hoped you like it... Once again Josefina is hungry.

Do you see that box down there? The one you are supposed to put your review's in?! and say lots and lots of nice things  (hopefully) about this story. That's Josefina. I named her, and she's great

she is very very very hungry for reviews and will be sad if she doesn't get a review. It's her food. If she doesn't eat . Right Now She Is Very Very Hungry! SHE MAY EVEN DIE! *GASP* if she isn't fed

think of it as Reviews are her food. Make sure you feed Josefina. It will really make me happy and i know it will make her happy too (she's my friend) .

Thanks so much! and i hope you do review. Tell me what you think

~Love Rachel~

P.S. Luna I missed you tons!


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