Chapter 2 : Throw me outside!
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Severus poured her another glass of wine, she clearly needed it more than him.
She had taken off her cloak and it lay folded over the arm of the sofa, she sipped at the wine as she looked over him. He noticed that she must not have changed her cloths since she was at The Manor, and the shirt that was clearly white last night was now covered with the crimson stains of blood. The jeans she was wearing were also filthy, maybe she had not noticed, she might have been beyond noticing.
‘How are you?’ she asked.
He concealed his shock at her sudden change of subject and spoke casually failing to sound a convincing sneer, as if the subject of madness had never been uttered at all.
‘Dealing with my double life to say the least’ he answered and drank his wine.
‘It must get hard though, hard to keep hold of the real you, I would give anything for day in the life of someone else’ she said.
‘Everyone has to adapt, and equally suffer in times like these’ he answered ‘the true fighters are always the ones that suffer the most and are thought about the least, we’re disposable, you and I’
Hermione gave that odd smile again as she looked into his eyes. Why isn’t she crying, he thought, broken down in a heap of wailing sorrow, mourning for the love she has lost?
She finds my morbidity appealing, perhaps even comforting…strange, he thought as he looked back at her, colour seemed to fill her cheeks, she looked more like the person Severus once knew, although he knew that girl had drowned, gone forever.
‘Do you think it will ever end?’ she asked, her mouth still crooked.
‘No…life’ she stated.
Severus saw that her eyes were no longer glassy, the bright brown iris’s looked thousands of leagues deep, he felt as if he had been caught up in the swell of their surface.
‘They’re the same thing really, war and life. When there is nothing but war filling your life then what’s the difference. When everyday is another fight, and the only thing important is trying to survive it’s more like a day on the battle field than actually living. It will end one day, just like everything must end, and everything must begin’
She nodded, this was the comfort she needed? To know that everyone dies one day, things are created and things are destroyed?
‘Cycles, endless cycles, life and death, love and hate, war and peace. One can’t be with out the other’ he finished.
‘Five years of war, and no one has ever explained it as well as you just have’ she said.
Severus shifted from his chair and sat next to her, he wasn’t really sure why he did it. She said she didn’t want physical comfort but something pulled him there, next to her.
The moment felt strangely like Déjà vu, as if he had lived this moment once before a long time ago and he had chosen a different path, and now he had a second chance to choose another way, the right way.
She looked at him with those large brown eyes. Was this right? Was this the right thing to be doing? He thought of grasping her hand in his own, but before he could plan his way around Hermione, she had taken his hand first.
Her fingers were cold, but they would warm quickly if Severus held them. She smiled, and fireworks suddenly exploded in his head, warmth filled him to the brim, forgotten warmth that he had not felt for a very long time.
Before he could stop himself he had her chin cupped in his hand, the other was around her neck, his fingers embedded beneath the tied hair on her head. Her hands were flat against his chest, not objecting to him but welcoming him in. He kissed her vey gently, scared to catalyze the situation too quickly.
Hermione kissed him back with a more passionate force, her teeth nipping his tongue lightly.
No, Severus thought, this is wrong, it’s not the time, not the place.
He pulled away and held Hermione’s eager hands at a distance.
‘We can’t’ he whispered, kicking himself ‘I would be taking advantage of you, this isn’t what you need, you don’t really want me’
Hermione’s eyes widened, for the first time this evening emotion took form on her face, but it was not sadness, and defiantly not sorrow. It was anger, she looked furious; she snatched her hands away and got to her feet, glaring at him.
‘How dare you make a suggestion as to what I need’ she spat ‘you know nothing of what I need or of what I want’ she snatched her cloak up and stormed to the front door, Severus was quick on her heels. He didn’t want her to leave, he desperately wanted her to stay.
She opened the door a crack but he reached over her and slammed it shut.
‘Don’t!’ he sneered.
Hermione’s bottom lip began to quiver with anger and Severus couldn’t help but think that he had never seen anything so adorable; he shook his head to remove the thought.
‘Kick me out!’ she shouted and Severus was confused, did that mean she didn’t want to leave, she wanted to be forcefully removed.
‘Throw me outside’ she began to thump his chest with balled up fists ‘ORDER ME TO LEAVE!’ Severus grabbed her wrists and held her still against the door. He shook his head with confusion.
‘Please, push me outside’ her lip quivered again but her eyes were wide and sorrowful ‘I can’t leave’ she whispered.
‘What do you mean, you can’t leave or you won’t?’ Severus asked.
‘I can’t go back outside and turn once more into stone Severus’ she pleaded ‘Please don’t let me go, don’t make me turn into stone… please’ her eyes suddenly filled with tears, Severus hated to see them so he closed his eyes and moved once more to her lips. He was hit with the sudden smell of peaches and cream, it was the smell of her hair, the scent made his mouth water. She pulled her arms around his neck and he lifted her off her feet, holding her close next to his chest.
This was what she wanted, she wanted to feel, she wanted to make sure she was alive and this was it.
He walked with her up the stairs, kissing her still, he walked into his bedroom and placed her gently on the bed, he tried to pull away but she pulled him closer still.
What was right? What was wrong?
Don’t let me go.
Please don’t turn me into stone Severus.
The words echoed in his head, that was the last thing he would do, he would never allow her to be turned into stone, not when she made a dark passion for warmth blaze inside his chest, he would not let her go.
He tugged at the not on her head and her curls spilled over his pillow, her eyes a bright mischievous brown, how could he possibly resist her now.
She moaned softly in his ear as he moved down upon her, letting his full weight fall against the softness of her skin.
‘Don’t let me go’ she cried softly, arching her body gracefully between him and the bed beneath her.
‘I won’t’ he whispered ‘I’ll never’
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