chapter image by me!
With a sigh, I pushed clothes on the rack hardly looking at tops before me. I hate shopping, I really do. It’s so damn depressing. I can never find anything that looks moderately okay on me. Not that I care really, but shopping is the jelly to Ariel’s peanut butter... thank Merlin she’s not here right now, there is only so much crazy on chick can handle.
“Did you find anything?”, Stella asked pulling out a shirt only to survey it with distaste and put it back.
“No,” I mumbled with a pout.
“Well, keep looking and stop pouting,” she replied not even looking at my face.
“I’m not pouting.”
“Sure your not,” she said in a singsong voice.
Sometimes I’m secretly afraid that Stella is turning into a little Ariel. Well, obviously a smarter, more responsible Ariel. Wow, that’s a scary thought.
“Remind me, why are we here again,” I asked in disgust looking at the clearance rack which was mobbed with blood thirsty shoppers.
“Isn’t it obvious-”
I raised an eyebrow in her direction.
“-if you want to pull off your little scheme, we need everything to be perfect. Even the clothing we wear has to fit. Honestly Winnie, were you just going to waltz into Professor Dumbledore’s office and ask to be put into Ravenclaw?”
Why Ravenclaw you might ask? Well to be blunt, Hufflepuff is full of pansies, Slytherin
with sadistic snakes, and Gryffes are stuck up arses. Although Ravenclaw is known to house bookworm prudes, it’s better than being a cowardly snaked-faced butt.... or something like that.
And plus I look smokin’ in blue-- wink, wink.
“No, I have a plan. A bloody brilliant plan!”, I exclaimed opening my arms and knocking over a mannequin.
Stella rolled her eyes, “Yeah, I know the plan. Although I admit it’s a decent plan-”
“-, if it goes wrong we are sooooo screwed.”
“But what if it goes right?”, I asked with a smile.
“Be a miracle,” she muttered underneath her breath.
It will go right, it better. God knows what Snape will make me do for him back at school. I shivered in disgust, ugh so gross!
“What about this one Winnie?”
I looked over to see Stella holding up probably the longest dress I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even know they made them in patchwork.
“Umm... don’t you think it’s a little Laura Ingalls meets, I don’t know, THE UGLIEST DESIGN I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!”, I exclaimed.
“I know, it’s perfect,” Stella said with excitement.
My jaw dropped.
“You’ve got to be shitting me Stella! It’s hideous, I’ll look like a complete prig!”
“Isn’t that the point though! If you look the part, the more apt Professor Dumbledore is to believe you and plus you
won’t even be wearing it,” she replied waving the dress around like a flag.
I snatched the offending garment from her, “Stop waving that thing around, someone might see us.”
Stella sighed, “Do you want this to work or not Winnie, seriously. We could always just ask Dad for-”
“NO!”, I interrupted in horror.
“Why not?”, Stella asked confused.
“He’s too busy, plus he’d never understand! He’s a devoted Ravenclaw”, I said.
“Are you sure because we’re meeting him for lunch tomorrow-”
“Positive, absolutely sure,” I replied nodding my head with vigor.
Yeah, that would be the worst idea ever, asking my dad for help. As much as I adore my dad, he’s not around enough to understand. Dad is a lot like Ariel except in a laid-back, macho, manly version. He was ready to live an eternal life of bachelorhood until he met my Muggle mother fresh out of fashion school. They fell in “love” and then got married, much to his family’s dismay.
Michael “Mickey” Morgan (father dearest), comes from old Wizarding money, meaning Nana Winifred (the old witch I’m named after) is basically competing with Black’s mum for the bitch-of-the-century award. Seriously, that woman is way too many types of crazy. She’s probably the main reason Ariel and Dad broke up. Ariel said Nana ruined him.
So when Grandpa Philip died, it was Dad’s responsibility as an only child to be head of the family. Which in all honestly meant look after the muh-lah. When I was 10 Ariel, Dad, Stella, and I moved in with Nana. From what I remember, living with Nana at the mansion was utter hell. Ariel and her never stopped fighting and in the end we left... without Dad.
Well enough of my sob story. Dad is actually really successful now, he ended up investing in wizarding music. He created and now runs the Wizarding Wireless Network.... so he’s filthy rich. Do we get Knut of it?
Ariel and her damn pride!
That’s why I’m in Gryffindor.... for now.
“Oh my God! Get down! Get down!”, Stella suddenly hissed ducking behind a rack.
“WHAT!”, I shouted looking around wildly.
What the fu-
“Shh!”, Stella said motioning me to bend down.
I got on my hands and knees and crawled over to where Stella was hiding behind a rack of men’s trousers.
“What’s going on,” I whispered.
“Evil slag, 10 o’clock!”
I whirled around only to see an overweight man with a hoagie.
“Your other 10 o’clock genius!”
There talking to the store manager was none other than my arch nemesis, well other than Pippa and Black that is.
Ha! I wish. Kathleen Brown or as Stella likes to call her Chatty Kathy or as I like to call her evil-slag-backstabbing-hoe-demon-
“Oh my God!-”
“-Fred! Is that you?!”
No, no, no, NO! Honestly, I think she calls me Fred to de-feminize me.
I looked up, saw bouncing curls, blinding white teeth, and knew I was screwed.
“Kathleen!”, I said in a high-pitched voice.
She wrapped me in a viselike grip, “I missed you Fred! How are
I opened my mouth to answer only to be interrupted, “I heard about you and Siri, you
dear. Well it happens to the best of us. We all knew it wouldn’t last.”
How dare she! I’m gonna-
Stella suddenly coughed and gave me a stern look.
“Oh and Starla! You look exactly the same!”
“It’s Stella, S-T-E-L-L-A,” Stella replied annoyed.
“Isn’t that sweet,” Kathy cooed patting Stella on the head, “so what are you doing here
“Just shopping,” Stella snapped.
“In the men’s department?”
I faked laughed, “Haven’t you heard?! Men’s the new.... woman!”
Oh my god, is it me or did I just support sex change in one statement! Kathy looked at me dubiously and then said, “I’m here to donate my old clothes. You know to the less fortunate. If I knew you needed clothes though, I would have just given them to you! But now that I think about it, they probably wouldn’t fit.”
Oh, hell no. This is ON!
I felt a hand on my back and saw Stella was holding me by my ratty old jumper.
“Calm down,” she muttered.
“Actually, I’m glad I ran into you today. I’m having a little get together next week, just a few friends. Would you like to come?”, Kathy asked with a smirk.
Umm, let me think about it..... NOPE, no, noppity nope!
But she continued, “I understand if you don’t want to come though, Pippa and Sirius will
be there. You poor
thing and your poor poor
Not the hair, she did not insult the HAIR!
“In fact Kathy, I would just love
to go,” I replied with a toothy smile.
“What?”, Kathleen asked confused.
“Yeah and can I bring my new boyfriend too?”
“Sure, it you want,” Kathy replied slowly.
I smirked, “Well, owl me Kathy. See ya later.”
I grabbed Stella and pulled her out of the clothing store leaving a shocked bimbo in my dust.
“That was awesome!”, I shouted dancing on the sidewalk.
“Yeah, fabulous. We didn’t even get something to wear!”, Stella exclaimed.
“We can go after lunch tomorrow, but come on Stell Belle, you can not tell me that wasn’t hilarious!”
She cracked a tiny smile, “Whatever.”
I felt so empowered I didn’t even realize what just happened, until I was back home sitting on the sofa.
“Stella,” I shouted.
“How am I going to get a boyfriend in less than a week?”
Me and my big stupid mouth.
This is exactly why I don’t shop.