If there was anything Regulus was not, it was reckless. He left that to his brother. So why had he inched closer and closer to her mouth when she was everything he had to hate. It was reckless. It was stupid. He wasn’t in love with her that was certain. He liked her, he knew. Odd though it was. It was unlike him, beneath him and utterly terrifying for him. He had lost control for a moment; let himself be dominated by her endearing awkwardness and her plain idiocy. He never lost control. Not when father hit him, not when mother screamed, not when Sirius left.
Merlin, he was starting to sound like a sappy idiot.
He was born into this life and he didn’t know anything else no matter what Sirius preached or how much Sirius persuaded. He was a Black and he did not lose control. He was and would always be, forever pure.
He thought back to the stupid letter he wrote to Sirius, practically begging him to come home, that he would be accepted if he would only change. Sirius had come to him angry. Never, he had said with such resolve. Regulus had wished he was like his brother then because he wanted to know what it felt like to be free, to be unshackled and wild yet be so sure, so clear of things.
Maybe in some twisted way he thought kissing Janelle was his way toward that little bit of freedom, finally getting something that he wanted without thinking of repercussions or punishments or benefits, that rare moment of obscure clarity.
Except he didn’t. And he was beginning to wonder if he ever would….
Sirius Black is pissed.
He’s really pissed. How do I know? Well, fact number one, he’s ignoring me. Typically any other day I would have understood and not even cared because he’s the Sirius Black. But when he does by some off chance meet my eye, he glares. Yes, I think the glare is a clear indication of pissed- off- ness. And clearly he is very very pissed off because he has this squinty, cold glare that looks very good on him and has the power to chill me to the bone.
Why this reaction from a guy who defended me in front of the school only two weeks before?
Well I’d tell you but I don’t know what the heck I did wrong. What’s worse, the Marauders are glaring at me. Even Potter. When Potter glares at you, you know you’ve done something absolutely traitorous and horrendous.
The cold shoulders and over all rejected feeling I feel are making my days really crappy. Poop.
But it gets better……
Jackie and Stephen told John about my little ‘fling’ with Sirius so Jack has brought it upon himself to lecture me about relationships and the importance of abstinence while my mother constantly sends me love poems in hopes that I might recite them to Sirius. None of them know, however the fact that a, Sirius and I are not ‘together’ or the fact that said boy in question is being a bloody jerk to me.
I can rant on about the jerkiness that is Sirius Black but I won’t because I think he’s filled more than enough of my thoughts for today.
That would be easy if I wasn’t walking right behind him. I contemplated this situation. If I hurried past him, because he walks so incredibly slow, I’d probably make it to class on time but on the downside he would see me and think I was avoiding him. (Which I am but that’s beside the point) The other option, the one that I’m doing right now, is to discreetly walk a couple of paces behind, which would be fine if he wasn’t such a slow walker!
I feel stupid walking so slowly. This isn’t normal. I feel like a creep. Move faster damn it!
He whips around and I realize too late, I’ve spoken aloud. His eyes bore into mine with a look I cannot read and I wonder when it had become so hard.
“Er…. It wasn’t me.” I lie blankly while randomly pointing to a wall behind me. “A ghost.”
This is our first verbal contact since the Quidditch match and I hadn’t even imagined this. I have to do something. I can’t just stand here looking like a complete idiot. Well… anymore of an idiot.
“Sirius!” I yank on his forearm before he has time to go on ignoring me again. He turns toward me and looks at my hand on his arm. I let it stay there. There’s a strange searing heat and I have to shake my head to keep my head focused. “Hey,” I repeat softly. “You’re mad at me.”
“What gives you that idea?” He says coldly. It’s with a sudden start that I realize that I missed the warmth and that boundless, excruciatingly mysterious something in his eyes when he looked at me. My heart clenches and I stifle back a gasp.
“What did I do?” I answer, trying to match his coldness but failing when my voice catches and falls.
He just looks at me with emptiness, as if I disappointed him in some way. I stare back perplexed and hurt.
“My brother, Janelle?” He finally asks and I don’t know how to respond.
“Your brother, what?” I ask dumbly.
“My brother who you snogged after you broke up with me!” He snapped.
“Wait—you were there?” I ask confused and yet like the sun peeking from a cloud, I am understanding why he is so bloody pissed off.
“Does it matter if I was there, Marriot?” He says more loudly.
“Well yes it does you great idiot.” I respond, getting angrier as his voice gets louder. I loathe him now for accusing me of something that I did not do at all and was totally cut up on afterwards.
“You’re such a bugger aren’t you? Maybe if you stayed long enough you would have seen me run away and start hyperventilating to my sister. Maybe if you stayed long enough you would have realized that it was your brother that wanted to kiss me? Maybe you had stayed longer you would have noticed we were talking about you! And maybe if you stayed longer you would have noticed that I bloody ran away!” I blurt out to him, lifting my finger out threateningly.
“Why were you underneath the bleachers anyway?” Sirius roars back, deaf and blind and stupid and idiotic as he is.
“I came to hide because everybody was staring at me after you so gallantly defended me from Mark and your brother was there, hidden, because…” I look around to make sure no one is around.. “He was there for you.”
Sirius leans back, wide eyed.
“My brother watches my games?” He whispers. His eyes flare with a sudden softness but his whole body reeks of doubt.
“Well, I wouldn’t say watch because he’s under the bleachers but I suppose you could say he listens to it.” I respond. “You can’t tell him you know though. I promised I wouldn’t.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He mutters, running his fingers through his hair. God, he’s so insanely gorgeous.
“Well in between you ignoring and glaring at me, I couldn’t quite find a nice segway to say, oh hey Sirius, your brother really loves you even after everything. You see, I was afraid you’d punch me or something.” I say, looking down and scuffing my foot.
“I hope you’re joking.” He sighs and suddenly I feel this pressure on my hands and realize that it is him and only him who is holding my hand so tenderly. I don’t want to pull way this time because I’ve missed this ridiculous cod in front of me. My only friend. And that thought almost makes me cry.
“I never liked him.” I say at the same time he says, “I never used you to get back at Burnett.”
“Oh.” We say simultaneously and both look way embarrassed.
“Well that’s good.” He says at the same time I say, “Well, cotton sneakers!”
And then he raises his eyebrows and lets out a bark like laugh. He releases my hands and I flow into his arms so easily and so nicely that I wonder why I’ve never hugged him like this before.
“I am so glad we’re friends again.” I whisper into his chest.
He pauses for a bit and doesn’t answer. I look up at him, worried. He looks down at me and I raise my eyebrows.
“I’m so glad you’re not giving me death glares again?” I ask, thinking that he’s surprised that I mentioned we were friends? Maybe we were never friends and I was under the wrong impression all along, maybe he didn’t even like me as a person? Merlin’s raybans I’ve made a fool out of myself.
And then suddenly as if cloud had passed, he smiles brightly at me and the air of melancholy in the air hinting on the verge of awkwardness vanishes and he nods. Yes, he nods, friends.
For some reason, I see a slight void between us but I have to shake it off because I know I am being paranoid and I know I should be immensely happy that we are friends again. Friends. Friends. Friends.
But something’s missing isn’t there? He tightens his arms around me until I cannot breathe. Two weeks, I think, two weeks without his laughter and his arms and his overall kindness to me, his friendship and his protectiveness.
“So anything new that I missed?” He asks, slinging an arm around me.
“My sister thinks you’ve grown up into quite a fit young man.” I say laughing, “Personally I think she’s a pedophile.”
“Tell her just two years and I’m all hers.” He says and winks.
“You’ll have to deal with Stephen though.” I remind him. “He’s this really cute muggle who bought me chocolate ice cream as breakfast. You’re bound to lose.”
“I wouldn’t get in between, besides I’ve got my eye on another girl anyway.” He says looking slyly down at me.
“Who?” I’m scared at the rate at which my heart jumped.
“McGonagall.” He finishes with finality.
“I know you snogged her once Sirius, but you really can’t be serious unless you’ve gotten an appetite for older women, plus I hardly doubt that stick up her bum will come out even if you started sneaking out into the hallways to have a quick Minnie and Siri session, if you know what I mean?” I nod and laugh until I realize that bollocks, McGonagall is right in front of us. I trail off. “Hello, Professor, lovely day isn’t it?”
“Oh, please shut up Marriot!” McGonagall snaps at me. “Or that stick up my bum might come out and hit you.”
My eyes widen. I really, really have to laugh. Oh god, ‘stick up my bum might come and hit you.’ Stick up bum. Come out. Oh Lord, this is too much, too much. I can feel Sirius’s laughter from his belly since he still has his arm around me. I cannot look at him for fear if I do I will laugh so hard I might pee in my trousers.
McGonagall is still speaking to us, something about detention and skipping class and to meet up with her during lunch and about manners, and idiocy and oh god, oh Merlin’s flappers, sticks up her bum coming out…..coming out to… to hit me. And I look up at Sirius who looks like he’s about to explode, his face is so red and then Merlin, I can’t stop because … oh God….
Stick up her bum is going to hit me.
And Sirius looks perplexed at me and then he lets out this huge roar of laughter that doubles him up and I have to lean on him because my stomach hurts so much from laughing.
“DETENTION FOR A MONTH!” She yells. I am only dimly aware of her through my laughter. “EVERYDAY!” She shrieks and stalks off.
Which only makes us laugh even harder.
Oh God. Once we are settled I look up at him seriously.
“I think I soiled myself.” He states and then we are off laughing again but not before I discreetly check his trousers. Dry. Thank God.
“So do you think we can handle Minnie?” I ask, catching my breath.
“With you, anything.” He responds quietly, his eyes taking that natural droop that makes me think of foggy windows and hands running seductively down it.
“Anything.” I nod back; suddenly weak at the knees and that strange mantra of friends, friends, friends comes flooding into my brain.
And I start to wonder if that’s a good thing after all.
hola kids. Sorry it's been awhile, school sucks and then only reason i had time to do this was because i lost my school bag so that gave me a lot of time to do this. also sorry for the shortness but i hope you guys liked it. and please, please, please review!! i lost most my reviews which makes me sad but i'm recovering. aha. Anwyay what do you think??? thoughts thoughts thoughts. :]]
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