Chapter 12 : Chapter 12- Declarations
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My scream was muffled only because he placed a warm hand across my mouth. My arms flayed wildly in my panic and hair tips, steamed. After a moment of struggling I finally lost my balance and toppled into the water, dragging Sirius Black along with me.
I was positive I inhaled a mouthful of the liquid, but it turned to steam as soon as it entered my body. That was one bonus of being a duaaon I supposed. No drowning.
I kicked out, propelling myself towards the surface. I could feel his hand in mine as I dragged him upwards.
We broke the surface, he gasping for air and me peering anxiously through my hair.
His dark locks were plastered to his scalp, dripping wet and disheveled. His cheeks were flushed and mouth red as he took a few steadying breaths.
His eyes flashed, but they weren’t angry, I could read that much. They were excited. I wondered, just a little exited myself, what about.
After a moment to treading water in silence I decided it was time to speak up.
“I’m really sorry.” I said meaning it. I hoped he could sense that. Apparently he could. Either that or he was completely indifferent.
“Nah,” He said shrugging and grinning roguishly. “I shouldn’t have snuck up on you in the first place.”
I laughed loudly, my body shaking in the water.
“I don’t think you would’ve if you’d known that was how I was going to react.”
“What?” He asked innocently with one perfect eyebrow raised. “And miss ending up like this, so close to you and half naked at that?”
His eyes raked appraisingly over me, a small smirk formed on his lips. I watched the perfectly carved, rosy flesh turn up at the corners wishing so desperately to lean in and kiss it.
I didn’t let his words get to me, nor his lips. I was going to stay calm; I was going to master this.
So instead of blushing, swimming away in disgust or kissing him, all of the reasonable things I could have done, I smirked back.
“Hmmm…you know what?” I asked swimming slowing around him in a circle, making him turn for me, making his eyes search for my face.
“You’re right- exactly right.”
For a moment Sirius looked puzzled as I continued to circle, the teasing grin still intact.
“I wouldn’t pass up this opportunity, not for the world.”
My circling had stopped and I was close to him, and could feel the warmth of his body through the water. I could feel his even breath on my face. I saw the smile form itself on his heavenly mouth. I sought out his steely grey eyes with my own amber pair.
They were triumphant.
And I knew I had crossed the line. The line that is, between hate, between friendship, between life as we knew it. There was no going back.
Yes, that’s exactly right I thought to myself. No going back. And with that, I leaned in for a kiss.
His lips found mind instantaneously. The kiss was eager, but soft and cautious. I liked it nonetheless.
I had to admit though, it was awkward trying to kiss someone and stay afloat at the same time, so I pulled away carefully and swam over to the pier, inviting him with my eyes. He followed smoothly, his unearthly face blissful. It made my happy to see him pleased.
He clambered out first and held a long, white hand out for me. I took it gratefully and let him help lift me up. We stood on the edge for a moment smiling and looking at each other in our, half-naked, dripping wet state.
We both grinned wider.
I threw a glance over my shoulder. Jasper was off in the distance with James, Peter and Remus. I could see them watching us snickering. I felt a little embarrassed that they’d witnessed the whole thing, but didn’t regret a second of it.
I wasn’t holding back, not now.
Suddenly my hand was in his and his warm, protective arm was around my waist. He whispered into my hair.
“Lulah, come with me, please.”
Willingly, but wondering where he was going, I let him lead me away from the lake and across the grounds. After a short moment of walking, all the while punctuated with blissful stares and euphoric laughs we reached a small grove of trees that formed a circle around another smaller section of the lake. No students swam here. Instead the water was still and smooth.
The golden sunlight streamed through their delicate green and gold leaves and a light breeze swayed the leaves. It was lovely.
He sat down in the thick long grass before the pebbles of the shore, tugging my hand gently and pulling me down beside me. Carefully he wrapped me up in his arms and held me firmly against his side. My temperature was high, but I was too peaceful, and content to care.
I watched him watch me. We still had not said anything and I wondered over the intensity of the moment. I could sense a turning point in out relationship. I flashed my teeth in a brief, exuberant grin.
His smooth, creamy, flawless skin seemed to shine in the sun. Beads of water still glistened on it. I watched the steady rhythm of his bared chest rise and fall as he breathed. His body was perfect, even more wonderful than I’d imagine it to be under the school robes.
His chest was carved and muscular, smooth but still somehow lean. I could not believe that he was real, or that he was really here with me, even though I could still feel his arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me to his body.
To make sure the vision was real I reached up carefully and pressed my lips to his. He sighed happily.
“About time.” He murmured and laughed again. He seemed to be laughing a lot at the moment, then again, so did I.
Suddenly he loosed his hold on me and sat up straighter. I followed his action and we faced each other, hands still clasped.
He frowned and took a deep breath. I wondered what he was thinking. Gently I tilted his head up with my hand; he smiled and looked me in the eyes.
“I suppose you’re wondering.” He said, it wasn’t a question, but he was right. Of course I was wondering, I was wondering about a lot of things.
“Yes, I am.” I smiled. “But wondering about what in specific?”
He looked surprised.
“About what brought this on, of course.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, that. Yes, I was wondering about that. Care to explain?”
He looked down again, frowning once more. I ran my hand down the length of his jaw.
“Don’t be sad.” I whispered. “Just tell me.”
He looked up, his eyes pained, but confident. He opened his mouth and began to speak-
“Before we start, you should know that holidays, being away from school, well it’s not the best time for me. Even now that…certain things have passed; it makes me sad to remember them. So at the start of every school year I’m not in the best of moods.”
I listened attentively, absorbing carefully every word he said.
“I tend to take it out on the people around me. Peter, James…”- he chuckled humorlessly at this point. “And you of course. You’ve seen that first hand. I’m sorry.”
He threw me an apologetic glance, but I ignored it.
“Please,” I said. “Don’t apologize. Just explain, I want to know.” I squeezed his hand lightly and nodded encouragement. He smiled and continued on.
“A lot of things changed this year, and me, coming from the family I did and having the…position in this school that I do. I don’t know, I guess I’m just used to having things my way. So having stuff happen around me that I couldn’t control made me upset. Everyone was falling for each other and I was left behind.”
I didn’t know what to say. Was he trying to tell me he didn’t like me after all? My temperature rose even more. I don’t know what he saw in my unguarded expression, but he rushed on.
“No-wait- I haven’t finished yet!” He held my hands tighter and shuffled closer to me.
“I returned to Hogwarts, knowing my final year would be far different than before. I was expecting everything that has happened so far, except for one thing. What I didn’t know was that you would be arriving at Hogwarts. And that threw me completely.”
He gazed at me tenderly, his eyes dark eyes somehow seeming to smolder. He brushed some hair from my face and continued on.
“I know it sounds cliché and lame, but the first night I saw you at the feast, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I wasn’t even sure if you were real, but I wanted you. I know it sounds stupid, I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but lust is pretty close, right?”
I laughed and agreed, knowing very well how he’d felt. However I said no more again, I was too captivated as he told me of the year at Hogwarts so far from his perspective.
“Still, I was a Marauder and empowered by that spirit I pushed on. I saw you in class and in the hallways, at lunch or stuffing around with Jasper on the grounds. All the while it seemed like you never saw me. I was feeling something towards you that I couldn’t place, but it was like a burning, a hunger that possessed ever cell of my body, telling me to be yours. I knew there was never any question about me being yours, the real question was, would you be mine?”
I tried talking to you one day in the library. I was watching you for ages, waiting for a conversation starter to pop on up, but none came. So I took things into my own hands. Well, we both know how that ended. I’m sorry for that. It was unforgivable. I’m almost sure I scared you as much as you scared me.”
He laughed darkly and continued on. I held my breath in rapt silence. Hardly daring to believe that all he was telling me could be true. It just couldn’t be.
“I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, and I still don’t as I’m sure you can tell. This emotion was new to me and I wasn’t sure what to do about it, I couldn’t control it at all!
I tried talking to you a few more times, but each time it ended up as about as successful as the last. Occasionally I might catch you looking at me, but you would set your mouth and look back away.
It frightened me that, for once in my life I seemed to have no power over the situation at all, and that, second to what I was feeling, was new to me.”
He took another deep breath, raising his eyebrows and plowed on again. I never lost focus.
“And then of course The Marauder’s ball came up. James was the one who tried to convince me to take you, you know? But I never believed you would say yes. That was the first night Jasper came anywhere with us. I like him, but I never let him know anything, I wasn’t nice to him because I was afraid he would tell you how I really felt. I could picture the both of you sitting back, laughing at my stupidity.”
At this point his face crumpled into a mask of gloom. I reached out with a hand and softly stroked away the creases in his forehead. I kissed his palm, and squeezed his hand again. I had never expected to feel, see or recognize such insecurity from Sirius Black. Surely not my Sirius.
I was all the more endeared by it.
“You were so wrong,” I whispered. “Go on, please, don’t dwell on thoughts like that.”
I smiled and he smiled back.
“I argued with myself that whole night, wondering if James was right, if maybe I should ask you, the very idea terrified me, but in the end, I decided it was worth a shot. What was the worst that could happen?
And then the next day you disappeared. I wondered if you could somehow know that I was going to ask you, that you might be hiding from me.”
He laughed at the impossibility of such a thing. I didn’t join in this time; he wasn’t too far off the mark.
“I didn’t see you for days after that. I was surprised by how it actually seemed to cause me physical pain. I questioned whether I would ever get over this…obsession.
The day you came back I was so happy. I wanted to talk to you and see your face again, but I was still unsure of what to do.
I watched you non-stop that morning at breakfast; you looked over at me just once that whole time and for the first time I saw something in your eyes that filled me with hope. So straight after breakfast I rushed up to you and asked if I’d see you in potions. You smiled back, being polite and said yes. I barely survived first period.”
I laughed, knowing exactly how he felt yet again. It was surprising, to hear the similarities in our stories, but I still wasn’t entirely convinced of his side just yet.
“I was practically living off that expression I’d seen in your eyes that morning at breakfast. People kept asking me if I was alright. Apparently I seemed a little flustered. Of course they’d never understand if I just said it was you.
So then, stupidly I went and asked you if you liked me. And then I go and yell at you. What an idiot!
I was so angry with myself for giving in like that. As much as I liked you, I hadn’t really ever planned on letting you know. The idea was too awful. I wanted to save myself as much embarrassment as possible.
When you shouted at me, and I don’t blame you, it was…horrible. I had never seen you so angry…or more beautiful. You’re very fiery you know?” He chuckled.
I shivered at his choice of words. He was close to the mark again; however I set my face into a smile and let him talk on.
“I yelled back,” He said, “being defensive, I was frustrated you see. I was frustrated that you seemed to think of me in exactly the same way as everyone else, and that bothered me.
Only the last thing you said to me calmed me. You said you did like me. And that meant the world.”
“Just last night”- he shook his head, I knew what he was thinking, it felt like ages ago now- “last night, it seemed we were being friends again, and that made me happy. I wanted to be nice to you, to be myself, sort of normal.”
He looked questioningly at me wondering if it worked. I grinned impishly, less than half filled with doubt now. It was all falling into place now, and I couldn’t deny that I had read the hesitation and self-doubt in his eyes,
“As normal as you ever can be.”
He chuckled and poked me in the ribs.
“And then I went to do something I’d been meaning to do for a long time. I was too sick of being careful and cautious anymore to keep away from you. Every time I saw you that night you took my breath away. So I went to kiss you. You can have no idea how surprised I was when you didn’t object.
I could see the emotions in your eyes, and fear or loathing was not one of them. And then after all that, here we are.”
He laughed freely now, a light relived sound, erupting from his mouth. Somehow even his laughter managed to sound like velvet. I joined in, my own silvery laughter chiming in with his. It sounded right.
“Here we are.” I agreed, propping myself up against his chest. He wrapped his arms securely and lovingly around my chest and kissed the hollow under my ear.
“I think you were lying about this ‘being all new to you’, either that or you have very different opinions of perfection to me.” I muttered. He snorted his mouth still at my jaw, my neck, my cheek.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He admitted. “No, right now I’m only doing what I want.”
And with that he bent down to press his perfect lips to mine once more.
AN- Aw, Lulah/Sirius WOO! So, what'd you think? Love it? Hate it? I'd love to know.
Oh, and high five for the super short Author's note! He he
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