DISCLAIMER: i own nothing harry potter related, or harry potter himself
“James, can I talk to you?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I want t apologize for what I said to Lily, I should keep my opinions to my self. Really, I didn’t mean to drag you into it. I just don’t like her. Eventually I might, but not with the way she treats my friends at the moment.” James put his hands on her shoulders, shaking his head.
“I don’t mind at all, you kind of put it into perspective for me. Everything you said was the truth so don’t say sorry to me and don’t ever think about apologizing to Evans, the truth hurts, and she needs to know it.” James smiled before turning so he could put his arm around her shoulders and they could continue walking with their friends.
“Cuz of all the stuff I said to your best friend.”
“What stuff did you say to yourself that you would need to apologize to me for?"
“I meant Lily.”
“She’s never been my best friend and after what she did today, well I think she finally figured it out.” He sighed, thinking she would stand up for her, telling him something about she was just trying to be a good friend. He hadn’t said anything about Lily kissing him to anyone. When he had pulled away from her, looking into her eyes filled with want, he had said one word that would have crumpled her. He knew that she wouldn’t come back to the Head’s room tonight. She would go to the seventh year Gryffindor girls’ room and ask forgiveness from Ashley who would be all happy with her again.
“She kissed you.” It wasn’t said as a question, more of a statement. He nodded and fell back onto his bed, his pillows cradling his head. The beautiful woman sitting next to him just put her hand on his, saying nothing, letting him continue if he wanted, but the silence was comfortable enough that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to. She always gave him a choice, never pushed him for anything, just let him be. She never made him choose, she never asked for control, but she always had it. Anything she asked of him, he instantly complied with in his head, sure he might pretend to refuse but she always knew and played along with him.
He was wrapped around her finger. He hated when she would give him a choice, he wanted her to make it easy for him, force him to forget or to share it with her, but she knew he needed his secrets so she never forced a word out of him. Ever.
“We were in the hall, right when you come in, and I shouted at her to stop, so that I could try to calm her down you know? But then she screamed ‘Leave me alone Potter’ as if I were Prongs and it was all his fault. I don’t know how he puts up with it, hell I don’t know how I put up with her as just a friend for so long. So then I told her that maybe you were right, that she was all those horrible things,” Josi didn’t interrupt him with a gasp or a ‘oh, you didn’t’ she just held her hand against his and remained silent.
“And just as I was about to call her a bitch, she turned around and kissed me!” he groaned before he continued, “And when I was no longer in shock, I pulled away from her and I could see that she wanted me, wanted my forgiveness, and I told her no. No.” Josi gently squeezed his hand before he turned to bury his head in his pillows as he groaned again. He wanted her to tell him it was going to be okay, it would all work itself out. But he knew she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t lie, she wouldn’t give him false hope, so he just lay in silence, wanting her to hold his hand again, she had stopped when he had rolled over. He felt her get up and he whispered, “Please don’t go.”
She sat back down before he motioned for her to lie down next to him. She pulled the covers back and laid her head next to his. He put his arm around her pulling her body closer to his. She smiled before she lifted her finger and closed his eyes, whispering, “Goodnight,” as she closed her own eyes.
“Prongs, tonight is full moon.”
“Yeah, we should get out there.” James said, eagerness spilling across his face. He hadn’t thought about Lily since that morning. He hadn’t seen her since then but he knew she was ok; Moony had checked the map several times and had seen that she was just sitting in the stands at the football field. But by the time he had to leave, she had been in the girls’ dorm, talking with Ashley.
ONE MONTH LATER:
Both nights went well and Moony was able to return to class two days after each full moon. The only people that had talked to Lily were Bryan, Colin and Ashley. No one else seemed inclined to. They all saw her in a different light. She had been no use at the practices, seeing as Josi was taking care of everything so she had quit. The coaches didn’t care, they all loved Josi. She took care of the water, the equipment, notes for the coaches, timers; she had the positions for each player, their numbers (Practice and game), she was friends with everyone, even the Slytherins, everyone counted on her. She was also the team healer, taking care of everything, using her wand on only severe injuries. Little scrapes and bruises seemed to heal with just the touch of her hand. Everyone (The Marauders and friends) was passing all their classes so they could all attend the fifth game the next day, hoping for their fifth win.
“Hey, Padfoot, can you hand me that water bottle?” Josi asked as she put the equipment together. He tossed her the bottle and said “I have a question for you,” the two of them were the only people left seeing as he took forever to change. She was allowed in the changing rooms because no one was stupid enough to do anything, or show her anything for that matter.
“Okay, well it's more like I need your advice.”
“Okay, so there is this girl I like but I'm not sure if she likes me back.”
“Please, every girl wants to be with you, unless she is really crazy. Like myself.”
“She is crazy though.” Josi stopped what she was doing and turned toward him, a questioning look in her eyes as she raised her left eyebrow, giving him room to continue.
“She is you,” he said quietly, looking down.
She was stunned for a moment, not really sure as to what to say. Sure she liked him, but she didn’t want to. He was the playboy; he was never with a girl for more than two weeks, he always got laid. She wasn’t sure if she could stand loosing herself to him, maybe her first kiss but more than that? She took a deep breath before she said, “Well, aren’t you going to ask me out?”
Sirius laughed lightly before grabbing her hand. He stepped closer to her and whispered, “Will you go out with me?”
Brett felt a burning in his hand, slight at first, then more pronounced. He sighed lightly as he continued to get ready for bed. He knew she was just comforting who ever he was; she didn’t like anyone like that. He smiled lightly when the burning left. He crawled into his bed, grabbing a book to read. A few minutes later there was a small knock on the door before it opened, revealing a stressed looking Josi, in her usual pajamas, tank top and shorts. He motioned for her to join him on the bed as he sat up.
“What’s up?” he asked wondering what name he would hear as he put his hand on top of hers.
“Sirius likes me,” she whispered, looking at the dark blue comforter. The concerned smile slipped off his face, hitting the bed with a noticeable thud, and his soft had gently pulled back enough so she could no longer feel its warmth.
“Oh,” was all he could say. He felt the burning come back as a fueled fire, turning his hand to ashes. He didn’t know what to say, he obviously asked her out. She would have said yes, no one was stupid enough to say no to Sirius Black.
“I told him,” she took a deep breath, swallowing the nerves. She didn’t understand why it was so hard to tell her best friend, why she was nervous about telling him. Really, she knew he would be happy for her.
“I told him…. That, that I would…. You know, go with him, like on a date…"
“I didn’t know you liked him like that,” he said quietly.
“I don’t, not really.”
“Then why did you hold his hand? Why did you tell him yes?” he asked fury entwined in his voice as if they were a piece of rope.
“How-how do you know I held his hand?” she asked him, completely bewildered.
"I know every time when a guy touches you.” he said, getting off his bed.
“Does it matter?”
“I don’t know, really. I just, why would you care so much? He's just a guy,” she said the end barely loud enough for him to hear, but it sounded to him as if she had screamed it in his ear.
“Why… why do I care?” he nearly growled, “I don’t want you to be with ‘just a guy’. Especially one that will treat you like shit!”
She didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like she could defend Sirius. He did treat girls like crap some times; he dated them for a week, maybe two. And then they would be gone, he was on to the next girl who give him a good ride. She knew that Brett cared a lot about her and wouldn’t let her forget her promise to never have sex until she was totally in love with the guy. She could never be in love with Sirius; she would never be loved back.
“We should probably get to sleep, big day tomorrow,” he said after what seemed like and hour, but couldn’t have been more than five minutes. She nodded. Slowly she made her way to the door. She flicked the lights off, as she usually did, and it seemed as though she were turning off the light behind his eyes as well.
“Hey Evans,” James said coldly as she entered his room as the door was open. He was surprised that she wanted to talk to him.
“You know that deal we made on the train here?”
“Yeah….” James trailed off confused.
“Ashley doesn’t think that we’re making good on it. She wanted me to tell you that she expects that we fix it. You haven’t talked to her in a month and she hates it. She figured that you would listen to me.” Lily paused before she sat at the foot of his bed and sighed.
“Look, I know that this is all mine and Josi’s fault,”
“No, it’s all your fault, don’t blame Josi for telling the truth,” James interrupted.
“Fine then, I know you think it’s all my fault.”
“No, I know it’s all your fault.”
“What ever. Look I came to apologize. I know that I should have a while ago, but I was being stubborn. So even if you don’t want to accept it, would you atleast pretend you do? For Ashley?” YES! I accept it! His mind screamed at him but he wordlessly, impassively nodded to her, waving his hand for her to leave. When she didn’t, he looked at her, setting his homework on his bedside table. He just looked at her when she didn’t say anything. For a moment she remained silent still, before she got off his bed, moved closer and then sat right next to him. He shied away from her, something he never thought he would do. He had always thought that if she ever sat on a bed near him, he would have scooted as close her as he could, but now, even as he wanted to, something wouldn’t let him.
Lily sighed before she put her hand on his arm. “James, look, I really wish I could change what I said to her and some things I’ve done because of what she said to me. But I can't. I can't take back yelling at her, I can't take back yelling at Brett when I thought he was you, I can't take back kissing Brett, I can't take back all the glances or the words, I can't take back the pain I helped cause. I can't, no matter how much I want to. But I want to start making up for it. And I know you will be the hardest to convince, and if I can't convince you than I’ve lost the Marauders, and when Brett sees that you all have forgiven me, than he’ll forgive me and when he forgives me, so will the other guys. Josi will never really forgive me but she’ll put up with me because you guys do.
“James, I'm sorry, I really truly am. I hate how much strain I’ve put on you and Ashley, and Ashley and the other Marauders, and Ashley and her new friends. She is such a great person, I don’t deserve her as my friend, I really don’t. But she is, she is my best friend and every time I’ve ever had the possible thought that she wasn’t, I was being dumb. Everything I’ve ever done to you was a mistake. But I can't change it, but I will make up for it. What Josi said was true, I am selfish, I am a pansy, I am a smarty pants who doesn’t like anyone that I don’t think is good enough, and I do hurt people a lot.”
“You forgot total bitch,” James said, reaching up a hand to wipe away some of her tears, still completely stunned that she had kissed Brett and he hadn’t said a word about it.
She chuckled through her tears, “Yes I did. But I want to not be like that anymore. I want to be someone that people have a good reason to love. I want to change. So please, I'm asking not for Ashley this time, but for me, although I doubt that that’ll give you any inclination, let me try?” James stared at her, before lying back down on his bed. When she moved to leave, a sigh escaping her lips, he pulled her back down, beneath his covers.
“Don’t go, stay with me tonight, and I’ll think about it. I want to know that you're serious, and tomorrow you won't just start yelling at me again.”
“And sleeping with you will do that?” she raised her eyebrows as she got comfortable next to him.
“Just sleep with me in my bed, I don’t want to have sex with you. That would just be stupid of me. If you stay, I know that you willing to try and you won't just turn the switch when things don’t look too bright.”
“Deal,” she said as she closed her eyes, “Goodnight James.”
“Goodnight my flower.” He whispered as she drifted into a deep sleep.