Printer Friendly Version ] [ Report Abuse ]

Bond - Shaken not Stirred by smile2006
Chapter 1 : True to Gryffindor
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 10

Background:   Font color:  

Beta read by the wonderful Pegasus1979 from the HPFF Forums. Thank you!

Bond - Shaken not Stirred.

The motorbike roared through the night sky. The sleek blackness of it glistened as wet beads from the clouds covered it’s frame. Two riders were laughing and joking as they flew through the clear night with ease. The rider pushed the bike faster, as the passenger on the back held on to the bar behind him. They weaved in out of the clouds, leaving a white trail behind them.

“Oy, let’s go see Remus! Liven his mood up abit, ay?” Sirius asked.

James laughed, “Why not!”

The bike sped off, going straight through a dense cloud, leaving behind a hole shaped like the rear end of a bike with two heads and four arms waving in the air.

The bikes brakes screeched as they touched ground, the tyres squealing as the bike came to a skidding halt, leaving a single muddy tyre track through the soggy grass. Laughter could be heard from James and Sirius as they dismounted from the bike and running up the garden path.

Sirius banged on the door twice with his fist. “Oy oy Moony!” Sirius called.

Footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. Two dead bolt locks thudded to their slots before the door opened.

“Sirius, could your fog horn of a mouth be any louder? The neighbours already wonder what goes on here. They don’t need to see you as well as hear you, they’ll definitely know something is wrong,” Remus fumed.

Sirius’ face fell into a mock hurt expression. “Aww, now you gone and done it Remus, for once you’ve actually shut him up,” James joked. “Come on, it’s freezing out here. Where’s that beer of yours...”

“And to think Remus, you could sink no lower with your so-called witty jokes.” Sirius humphed before walking over a threshold, not hearing Remus mutter, “it wasn’t supposed to be witty.”

Remus closed the door, shaking his head. He walked into his small lounge, where Sirius and James had made themselves comfortable. James was lounging on the couch, beer bottle in hand, while Sirius was sitting on the single chair, his feet crossed on the table.

Remus walked around, whacking Sirius’ legs off the table, before settling on the sofa.

“So,” Remus started, opening the bottle James had left out for him, “why are you two in such a good mood with Death Eaters running around?” Remus asked, leaning back into the sofa.

Sirius cracked up into fits of laughter, while James took another swig from his beer before retelling their nightly adventure.

“… so as their car lifted up, Sirius roared the engine-” James spluttered out, between laughs, “and we flew off as the car slammed into the ground and the two guys hugged each other senseless!” All three of them roared in laughter.

“Oh man,” Sirius wheezed out, wiping his eyes from tears of laughter, “and to top it off, James and I came up with a name for his kid; Elvendork,” Sirius revealed.

Remus looked flabbergasted. “You can’t call a child that, you’ll ruin them!”

Sirius and James both chimed, “It’s unisex!” As they leaned forward, clashing their beer bottles together.

Remus clicked his tongue. “I’m guessing Lily hasn’t heard the name yet?” James blinked. Remus smirked, “Thought not. Good luck on that front, Prongs.”

James snorted, trying to find the words. “Yeah-well-well, I’ll just have to butter up Lily real good, she’ll let me have anything.” He winked at Remus.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Oy Prongs, about this baby business, what you going to do,“ Sirius started, swallowing his drink, “if the baby isn’t even yours?”

Remus spat out his drink while James looked ready to crush his drink in his hand. “Why, you know something? You been fooling around with my wife, Black?” James demanded.

Sirius spluttered. “Ay James, I like Lily, but she isn’t my type, I like my women shaken but not stirred.” Sirius looked at Remus and then James. “What?”

Remus tried to disguise his laugh behind his beer bottle, coughing out something that sounded uncannily like, “wannabe bond” as James straightened up from the sofa.

“Isn’t your type? What, beautiful, kind, loving, gorgeous on the inside and outside, isn’t your type?” James challenged, his thick eyebrows raised into his messy hair.

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “You trying to trick me into admitting that I’ve been with your wife, Potter?” Sirius countered also.

James smirked, “Duel?”

Sirius jumped up, his beer bottle going flying and the contents spilling over the green carpet.

“Hey!” Remus jeered, “You just ruined my carpet!”

Sirius, without taking his eyes off James, answered, “It was green, the beer will stain it red, be true to Gryffindor!”

Remus pursed his lips, before shrugging. “That’s twisted logic, Sirius.” James and Sirius both gave Remus exasperated looks, “Remus!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Begin…”

Sirius and James grinned at each other before looking serious as they duelled. Red, orange, purple and blue flew through the air. Remus, paranoid, cast protective spells over his furnishings, before laughing as James finally won by performing a well aimed jinx at Sirius, causing his features to look characteristically like Lily.

“There,” James nodded, corners of his mouth twitching, “If you don’t think Lily is good enough for you, try looking like her!” James roared in laughter as Sirius had lifted up his skirt to find pink frilled knickers, with matching lace bra.

“You jerk!” Sirius cussed as James ran out of the room, shouting, “Sirily! Sirily!”

Sirius ran after him, lifting up his skirt to make it easier to run, leaving Remus in shock at seeing Sirius in women’s underwear.

“That‘s an image I never want to see again.”

Favorite |Reading List |Currently Reading

Other Similar Stories

Anna Smith :...
by SweetShoe...

Tears Are Un...
by thedarkpoet

Furry Little...
by MarauderL...