Chapter 1 : The Five Stages
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A simple mistake… that’s all it will ever be to me right? I made one mistake, a simple one that could have happened to anyone. And I didn't like it I can't like it. But why, why is it every time I see her I feel the pull? Oh god.
"Ginny?" I looked away from the mirror when I could see the red mark on my neck and towards my older brother. "Are you alright?" I smiled at Bill. I love my family, I really do, but at this moment I just was to try and cover up the love bite- not it wasn't a love bite a love bite means that there was love involved, my was a drunken mistake.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"It's Hermione's Wedding today." I smiled, I knew it was and I was so happy for her even if she was getting married before me. She was currently at the Hairdressers down in Diagon Alley to have her hair done perfectly by them; it was her special day after all. "You going to get Luna today or will Harry?" I bit my lip, I would have to see her sooner or later, and it was probably better to now.
"I will." I grabbed my wand of the dresser and apparated to her house. When I saw the bluebells waving in the wind my breath hitched. Damn-it I was suppose to be strong, I was a Gryffindor. I breathed out shakily and knocked on the door as my stomach tied knots.
I could hear here light steps, the steps that I had danced with at the Hens night last night. Unconsciously I brought my fingers to my mouth and began biting the nails of them, Hermione was going to have my head on a platter when she saw them.
My heart was pumping louder as I heard her hand turn the brass door handle, the same hand that was wrapped in my hair yesterday. Crap, I knew this wasn't going to work, but I remained where I was to see her.
"Hello Ginny." Her voice rang like bells, soft angelic bells held by seraphs on cloud nine. Oh god, I can't believe I kissed Luna, and I realise now, I liked it.
I can't like kissing Luna, it's wrong; it's against everything I believe. I smile at Luna, hiding every emotion deep within me. "Hello Luna, are you ready?" The way she smiles at me like she can see my soul scares and yet intrigues me, can I see her soul or am I blind?
"Almost, I've just got to feed Iggly." Iggly was her cat; beautiful as it was it is very dangerous. It loathes me. I know this because it hisses when it sees me. I can hear it now hissing at me, bloody cat.
When Luna returns she returns with her bag and her wand. Her eyes look at me and I remember the way they stared at me when we pulled away from our kiss to breathe, like we were drunk but not on alcohol but on love, which is impossible. I love Harry, I liked kissing Luna, but I love kissing Harry.
"Ginny?" She's biting down on her bottom lip nervously. I remember how swollen they looked when we pulled away. How beautifully swollen and red they were. I even remember how they tasted like chocolate and strawberries.
"Yeah Luna?" A stray blonde strand of hair fell in front of her left eye and I didn't even realise that it was tucked behind her ear until I pulled my hand back to my body. I had done something that I had never done to Harry and yet it seemed so natural to do it.
"I'm sorry about last night." The words cut deep and I saw the tears in her eyes. It was then that I realised something that I should have seen earlier. I wasn't sorry. I was in love with Luna.
I felt numb when I held her wrist and apparated once again back to the burrow. When I dropped her hand I ran away. I couldn't stand to be next to her, not because my heart hammered so loudly, or because my mouth felt dry or even because of the vivid memories through out the years of friendship and then last night. No, it was because while I felt all of those things, I also felt numb.
I don't expect anyone to understand what I mean, but I felt everything and nothing as once. Like the world was rushing to me and everyone was frozen. I wanted to scream, I needed to cry, I had to kiss her, and I desired to smash something. I felt love and hate, pain and bliss, attraction and repulsion all at once, but most of all I felt disoriented.
I was in shock, I knew that much.
In my hurry to get away I bumped into someone I didn't expect to bump into for a while. Harry.
"Ginny are you alright?" I wanted to nod and say yes, to escape from explaining what had happened. To escape seeing him look hurt, but I couldn't. The tears were in my eyes and my entire face was flushed from the excitement and rush of running away from Luna.
"No." I shook my head and clung onto him, I couldn't let him go, I need him close for him to understand that I was sorry. He brushed my hair with his hand as he held me close, murmuring that it would be ok, if I would just tell him what happened. Instead I clung to him, begging him for forgiveness that I was sorry about what I did.
"What did you do Ginny?"
"I kissed Luna," He was shocked and confused and then I finished the sentence, he needed to know, "and I liked it." But I didn't stop there. I couldn't. Once I began I had to finish what I had started I had to tell him everything, "I'm sorry, Harry I really am, but I love her, I'm in love with her." My eyes were looking everywhere but at him and I was scared. But I wasn't in shock anymore
"I love her so much Harry, I don't know what to do and I'm sorry for hurting you, for leading you like this. I didn't know until recently, I didn't know I could feel this for anyone but you, let alone Luna." He blinked and then he looked down at me.
"Does she know?" He lost me there, I didn't understand. He should be angry with me for loving another person, a girl none of the less. Maybe he was in shock now. "Does she know you love her?"
"No…" Does he want me not to tell her, because I could do that if it escapes his wrath, if it will stop him from hurting her? But as I looked at him, I realised I made a mistake in telling him no. He was getting angry with me.
"Do you really love her Ginny?"
"Yes but-" He interrupted me, and I could see a storm shaping over his emerald eyes. His lips turned into something that was not a scowl but a similar meaning in its shape. Maybe I should lie and hide what I said but what he said next in his interruption was confusing me.
"Would you spend your life protecting her?"
"Yes but-" He was shouting at me and his hand was digging into my arm, not enough to bruise but enough to warn me. I should stop telling him, but I needed to confide in him. I needed to have him understand everything.
"Would you give her everything that you could?" I stopped and looked at him and as he said this I knew I would. I knew I would research in the deepest and darkest places to see her smile. I would give her midnight shells that only she could see to see her happiness. I would give her my soul even if the pain would be unbearable if she would kiss me once more.
"Then run Ginny, to her and tell her this, not me." He wasn't angry with me for loving Luna, he was angry at me for tell him this before I told her. I was being stupid for thinking he would actually hurt either of us. Harry understood, he always did.
"Harry, can I tell you one more thing, just before I run to her?" He nodded his head, and I breathed in deeply, there was one more thing he had to know before I ran, "I will always love you, just as I've always loved Luna, but if my family try to break us apart I will run away with her." He understood my love for her was something that I couldn't live without and that all he needed to know before I ran.
She was talking to Hermione, and a lot of people were there, including my family. I knew Ron was probably getting ready and George would be with him. But my parents were so close to Luna that I was scared. IT wasn't until I saw the stain on her cheek that I knew what I had to do.
With one last breath in I ran to her. I grabbed her, I turned hr around and with almost my entire family looking I kissed her on the lips and felt bliss. Before I whispered into her ear. "I love you Luna." And for once I saw the love returned the way I need it, with the perfect kiss.
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