Disclaimer: This was based off of (and inspired by) a name created by JK Rowling. I take no credit for it. Or her characters. A/N: I realize that some names that are mentioned in here may be actual names actual people may have. If you do have one of those names, please do not take offense at their use in the story.
James Potter had wonderful news. His world was at war, and he and those he loved were fighting in the middle of it. But none of that mattered now. Today was one of the best days of James’ life.
“Padfoot!” he exclaimed happily when he saw his best friend tumble out of the fireplace.
“What is it?” Sirius Black grumbled. It was two thirty in the morning after all, and Sirius not only loved but insisted he needed his ‘beauty rest’, no matter how often James tried to assure him it would do him no good.
“It was late; Lily said we should wait until tomorrow; but I’ve pacing all night. I JUST HAVE TO TELL SOMEBODY!!”
Sirius stared at James a moment. “How in the bloody hell are you even awake at this Merlin-forsaken hour?”
James’ face portrayed the utmost joy as he answered. “I’M PREGNANT! I’M GONNA HAVE A BABY! A BABY, PADFOOT! I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER!”
Sirius’ expression instantly changed from sleepy to ecstatic. “YOU’RE HAVING A BABY?!”
“YEAH!”
“YOU’RE GONNA BE A FATHER?!”
“YUP!”
“YAY!! YOU’RE GONNA BE A FATHER, AND I’M GONNA BE A… I do get some sort of claim to this kid, right?”
“Of course! That’s why I wanted to tell you! You’re going to be my kid’s godfather!”
“YES! I get to be a godfather!” With a grin now on his face almost identical to James’, Sirius shouted, “WE’RE GOING TO BE PARENTS, PRONGS!!”
“I KNOW!”
“YAAAAY!!”
“WOULD YOU TWO PLEASESHUT UP!! SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!”
“Oh, sorry, Lily!” James yelled up the stairs, having forgotten in all the excitement that his wife was still asleep up there.
“Wait, Prongs…”
“Yeah?”
“You’re pregnant?”
“Well, um… Lily… is… not… me… yeah.”
--
A few days later, James was sitting in a Muggle café surrounded by many papers.
“Hey, mate. How’s it going?”
James looked up at the sound of Sirius’ voice. “Lily’s making me look over baby names she’s picked out.”
Sirius immediately picked up a few pieces of parchment labeled ‘BOY’ for the boy names.
“What’re you looking for?”
Sirius pouted. “Why isn’t ‘Sirius Jr.’ at the top of this list?” he demanded.
“Oh, don’t worry. Lily knew you’d be upset if we didn’t at least pretend to consider your name, so she gave it a special list.” James picked up a parchment labeled ‘LAST RESORT NAMES’.
“Hey!”
“Don’t feel too bad, Padfoot; that’s where she put ‘James Jr.’ too…”
Sirius laughed. “Well what kind of names did she put on these lists?” He was again looking over the ‘BOY’ list.
“You wouldn’t believe it… Look, there’s ah, ‘Phoebus’, and ‘Hermes’, and look at this one, ‘Ichor’. Have you even known anyone named Ichor? And for girls we’ve got ‘Hebe’, ‘Thoosa’, ‘Ocyrhoe’, and I can’t even pronounce this one. What is it? Th-than… ‘Thanhthu’? What was she thinking when she wrote this?”
Sirius shrugged. “Was she drunk?”
“She’s pregnant, Sirius! Pregnant people don’t drink!”
Sirius chose to ignore his friend’s outburst. “I can see the poor kid’s surname being changed around for this one.”
“Which one?”
“Wattie Pottie.”
“. . .”
An idea suddenly struck the dog animagus. “Hey, remember a couple of years ago, that unisex name?”
James’ face lit up at that particular memory. “Elvendork! Padfoot, you’re a genius! We’ll call the baby Elvendork! And since that name can be used for a boy or a girl, it doesn’t matter what the baby is!”
They looked at each other and grinned. “BABY! YAY!”
Linking arms, Padfoot and Prongs skipped to the exit of the café, singing “WE’RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! WE’RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! WE’RE GONNA HAVE A—oof!”
“Oops, sorry, officer,” James said to the overweight policeman who was stepping into the café with his partner for their morning break, the one they had just bumped into.
“Yeah, didn’t see you there.”
“Well, we’d love to stay and chat awhile-”
“-but we must be going.”
“We’re going to have a baby!” James exclaimed, heading out the door.
“Yup, he’s pregnant!” Sirius said, pointing after James and following him outside.
The officer looked at his partner, a look of recognition crossing his face. “Hey, aren’t those the two punks who…”
Quickly returning out the door, the two officers watched as a familiar motorcycle took off into the atmosphere, its two passengers whooping in delight.
“…I didn’t know men could have babies…”
“Didn’t know motorcycles could fly either, did you?”
“…I’m putting in for a transfer. I don’t remember anything like this happening in Wales.”
--
“Lily! I’ve found the perfect name!” James yelled, running through the front door of his home.
“And the best part about it is that it’s unisex! So you can still use if the baby’s a boy or a girl!” Sirius supported from behind him.
“And just what is this ‘perfect’ name?” Lily asked.
James and Sirius flashed identical grins and said together, “Elvendork!”
Lily stared, openmouthed, at the two for a moment. “What kind of stupid name is ‘Elvendork’?! Where the hell did you even come up with it?!”
“But… Elvendork… it’s perfect!”
“You stay out of this, Black! No doubt you’re the one who thought of that ridiculous name.”
“I was, actually. How’d you know?”
“Get out of my house!” Lily screamed. “And you!” She rounded on James. “How could you go along with this?! How could you even think of giving such a… such a hebetudinous name to our precious, perfect, innocent BABY?!”
“. . .”
“Well?!”
“He hit me with a Confundus Charm!” James shouted, pointing at Sirius.
“WHAT?!” Sirius yelled back, aghast.
Lily spent the next twenty or so minutes yelling at Sirius for his stupidity. James managed to slip away unnoticed and barricade himself in the bedroom.
Rummaging through papers in his pocket, James pulled out the one that had ‘LAST RESORT NAMES’ written at the top. At the very bottom of it, he wrote ‘Elvendork’. As an afterthought, he jotted down ‘and anything else Padfoot may come up with’.
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