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Accidentally on Purpose by 100 _percent_ witch
Chapter 10 : Of Sexy Boys and Drunken Rants
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 11

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Chapter 10

Day Three of dating Sirius Black, Idiot Savant. (Saturday)

1 Break Up Later (Surprisingly low...)

Stupid fake boyfriend forgot to mention where the stupid party is, so naturally I’m standing in the middle of my common room in mid step wondering where the heck I am going, fully dressed and all. Like. An. Idiot. In fact, so much of an idiot that I think I may start to resemble Sirius. And they say couples inherit traits from their partners. Well that’s NOT a lie.

Maybe I should just exit and hope that I bump into said idiot, I mean how hard could that be? Prior to this ridiculous agreement I never had trouble bumping into him because despite what he says, he was stalking me!!



I hope?

Or do I?

Sorry, just standing here looking aimlessly around is making me crazy. Crazier than normal that is. Okay fine, I’m leaving and looking for him. Tall, ridiculously gorgeous, amazing hair, loud and obnoxious voice where art thou?

It feels really weird not to be dressed in my school uniform while walking down the corridors. I mean where is that tie that I can fiddle with or throw casually over my shoulder?

Where? I’ll tell you where. In my trunk. In my room. Up 45.5 flights of stairs. Not including the ones I have to walk up to, to get to my room. I’m not going to lie however, my jeans and my football t-shirt are pretty comfortable.

I’m heading toward the Gryffindor Common Room; probably where the party is but bogus boyfriend forgot to tell me the password so basically we are back at square one, me standing here without apparent purpose. I’m just going to sit down and wait. I lay my head against the brick wall and close my eyes. I’m actually feeling sort of sleepy but before I can do any sort of sleeping, the portrait suddenly flies back and hits me in the face. I knew I shouldn’t have sat there.


“What was that?” Asks an alarmingly appalled voice. I look up and find I am face to face with the fat lady herself.

“Just a human head.” I mutter. She glares at me.

“What on earth were you doing there? Any sensible girl would have known that a portrait swings outwards. Goodness, I fear you might have made a dent on me with your incompetence.” She points an accusing finger at me.

“Look, lady,” I start to say when an amused voice from behind me interrupts.

“She’s with me.”

I turn around and find the tired face of Remus Lupin, smiling amusedly. He’s actually looking immensely attractive in a casual button down shirt. I look at the fat lady and find that she is still glaring at me but less so than before, obviously charmed by Remus’s sudden appearance.

“Well, are you just going to stand there or are you going inside?” She snaps.

“Actually, no. We’re both heading off, in fact I was just going to find you.” He says holding out his arm for me to take. “Goodbye lady.” And with that, the PMSing portrait slams the door shut.

“Is she always like that?” I ask as I take his arm.

“No.” He chuckles. “You just happened to hit her.”

“Things happen.” I grumble.

“So Janelle, a football fan?” He asks conversationally. Goodness, he’s so gentlemen like.

“Okay, I know you said it was going to be semi-formal, but I don’t do semi-formal. Because that’s just so half and half, it’s practically meaningless.” I rant, oblivious to the fact that Remus just asked me about football not my own opinion on my wardrobe choice.

“You have no idea what semi-formal means.” Remus states.

“Not a clue.”

Remus laughs at this and shakes his head as we head toward the staircases.

“Where are we going, Remus, because Sirius failed to mention where the party is located, being the incredibly smart human being that he is.” I say dryly.

“Room of Requirement.” He says. “Sirius was going to pick you up but Peter messed up with the configuration and so he’s a little bit distracted.”

“Er… okay.” My ignorance probably made me look stupid, practically unheard of in Ravenclaw.

We reach the seventh floor and stop in front of a blank wall. Cool beans. Remus gives me a reassuring look and closes his eyes, apparently in deep thought. Thankfully, I know how this process goes, this whole Room of Requirement shin-dig.

As I wait for the door to appear I assess the series of fortunate and not-so fortunate events that have gotten me to this moment, with Remus Lupin to a ‘party’ I would never have been invited to a year ago and would never have thought of being invited to. So, one could say that yeah, in way I was feeling sort of smug but not so much because I was invited to this thing, I really couldn’t have cared, but more the fact that I had a purpose to go to said thing. I had somebody waiting for me there. I had purpose. And maybe smug is the wrong word but I was smug in the sense that it’s finally happening, even though at this point I had to no idea what was going to happen.

All I know is that now, in this single rather unspectacular moment, I sort of had this feeling of importance. It, of course, wouldn’t last long, but it was the principle of the thing, really. The illusion or delusion if you will that I somehow could make or break this, that even though I actually am dreading this stupid thing, the mere fact that I dread but am obliged to go because someone out there cares enough to and will drag me to this event with force because it wouldn’t be anything if I wasn’t there, was enough in itself to grant me a status of absolute feeling of belonging. In all, it felt good.

But that feeling only lasted for three seconds before the dread befell me. Why, was I so freaking not wanting to be here? It couldn’t be that bad, now could it? Pop in, have a few drinks, non-alcocholic beverages thanks, and avoid crazy girls obsessed with Sirius Black, say hi to fake boyfriend while also adding a few insults to injury for normalcy and then leave.

List in mind, I had every attention of keeping to my plan.

“Janelle.” Remus says gently and waves a hand over my face. Merlin, have I just dozed off? God.

“Oh. Right. Sorry. Let’s time to boogie.” To which, I inserted unnecessary hip movement by the likes of which must have startled poor Remus Lupin. Merlin, and I wonder why my dazzling personality has yet to make all of Hogwarts fall in love with me.

Before Remus could even hold the door open for me, because he would have, I barge into the room, attempting to hide from that embarrassing encounter. Just walk away. Okay, so that was incredibly rude and unnecessary so I quickly back track and find Remus smiling at me amusedly.

“Sorry.” I mutter.

Remus shakes his head, holds the door open for me and laughs. I oblige. Upon entering I am blown away at the sheer magnitude of the party.

It was a spectacle of many proportions. Delusions if you will. Actually, it was just really a sodding mess in my state of mind really. Any other normal person would have regarded it as a good party; any party animal would regard it as a bloody smashing good time. Me? I see it as my early grave and I’m saying this knowing full well that death shouldn’t be taken so lightly, especially in these times. You know the whole evil wizard on the rise fiasco.

But having entered the room of requirement, I was astounded by the sheer loudness and obnoxiousness of it all, usually my unwilling stupid fortes. Here, right now, in this moment of absolute deafening sound, I wanted to sink into a hole and disappear. And my God was that Diggory and Spotty Sally snogging with much gusto in the secluded corner filled with a ridiculous amount of pillows and floating grapes? The room itself was modeled after a swanky loft, with a dark ambience to it that not only surprised me with the lack of tackiness but the surprising elegance to it.

“This is completely unexpected.” I start to say but am suddenly cut short as soon as I spot Sirius Black. I don’t think ‘cut short’ would be the proper description, more my breath catches in one of those heart-stopping moments that give you a toothache from the mere sweetness of it.

One arm rests on the wall beside him as he leans into it while the other grips a butter beer casually in one hand. His long, dark hair falls elegantly over vastly amused and mischievous eyes that immediately catch my attention. And the whole Sirius Black is a sex-god thing for course. Duh. But I think that was what got me, the mischievous eyes because to put quite simply, they looked dead sexy. Smoldering and thoughtful and roguish. Admittedly I was not the only female in the room staring with ill-concealed er… desire at him. Stupidly, I briefly wonder how I can approach him until I realize that I was his ‘girlfriend’. Oh. That.

“Well, this is a surprise,” Remus remarks coolly from behind me.

“What is?” I mumble distracted.

“Sirius is not completely pissed.” He smiles down at me. “Yet, anyway. But where is James? I thought I told Peter to keep an eye on him. Oh God, where’s Lily?” And with an apologetic bow, he rushes off to find his friend who may or may not have done some considerable damage on a poor ill-tempered redhead. Second thought, what the ill-tempered redhead might do to four-eyed idiot Potter.

With Remus gone I feel awkward and stupid. Welcome to my life.

Thankfully, Sirius Black finally decides to show his face and finally acknowledge my existence.

“Janelle.” He greets me suavely and leans in to give me a kiss. I swiftly turn my head so his lips meet my cheeks instead. What an idiot.

“Okay.” I hiss menacingly in his ear. “What did I say about the kissing, you toad?”

“Metaphorical.” He nods approvingly. “So does that mean I’m your prince?”

“No. You’re the disgusting toad that carries gonorrhea and kills the princess.” I respond.

“Oi!” He says aghast.

“Oh, please.” I say as I roll my eyes. “You have no idea what gonorrhea is.”

“Well, it’s nothing good, judging from that smirk on your face. Isn’t it?” He drawls out, getting cross.

Ah. Normalcy.

“It’s a sexually transmitted disease.” I state.

He looks at me for a moment and I’m afraid I’ve actually hurt the idiot.

“So does this mean you want to have sex with me?”

I groan and his smirk only widens.

“Keep that up, and you’ll be making that sound all night.” He says cheekily.

Oh my God. In between dying of embarrassment and getting harassed with sexual innuendos, this party was looking pretty spectacular. Not.

“Don’t be crass, Black.” I respond fumingly and try to move past him to get to the refreshments table beyond.

I march angrily toward the refreshments table as he follows behind me laughing. I grab a plate, decorated sickeningly with each of the Marauder’s faces. I think I’ve just lost my appetite.

“You like?” He asks mockingly.

I grab a plate with his face on it, which is ironically making kissy faces. I grab a fork and then turning to face him, elaborately stab the fork into his face. His fake one, on the plate that is. My, this is looking sort of familiar. Sirius notices this too and reddens.

Abandoning all attempts for food I merely grab a beverage on the table and sit on the back of a couch with students playing twister on the rug. Sirius promptly takes a huge swig from his cup and sits beside me.

“That is not butter beer!” I exclaim as I smell the stench coming from his cup. Sirius only shrugs. Actually, my cup doesn’t smell like butter beer either….

From this vantage, I can see the not so invisible line between the really popular crowd and the kids that were invited because Sirius was trying to be nice, a.k.a. my people. The only people in the whole room who were actually getting to know people from the ‘other crowd’ and vice versa were Diggory and Spotty Sally and me and Sirius.

“I think,” I say to Sirius, “that somebody needs to break that line.”

Rather than not getting my rather cryptic statement Sirius only nods and rises off the couch. I watch transfixed as Sirius conjures a butter beer in his hand and swaggers toward Victoria Holt, whose nose has miraculously emerged and is looking quite pretty and drags her quite cunningly toward Cadigan O’Malley, Ravenclaw hottie, who’s looking baffled but pleased.

Sirius then immediately yells, “Turn up the music!” And like magic, probably magic actually, the music gets louder and soon people are crossing that invisible line and getting wild. Mesmerized I watch as people start getting infinitely more comfortable and even the usually shy girls and boys are beginning to shake. And out of nowhere Potter comes flying out and lands on top of the crowd with a loud, “Gerranomo!” And he’s carried and tossed about.

“Oi! Touch me there again Finnegan and I swear I’ll pound you!” James yells.

In almost a complete instant Sirius Black has managed to turn the party into a really good time. Everybody, no matter the social status was dancing and hopping about as if they were long time best friends. From across the room Sirius and I make eye contact and I give him the widest smile ever. Not grin. Not smirk. A smile. I lift up my drink in a toast. He tries to lift his but only manages to spill it all over himself. I laugh. Smooth.

Not so surprising however is the number of girls that clamor to him and coo over his white shirt. Hell, I can’t blame them; he’s looking incredibly sexy, with his hair partly mussed and inhumanely gorgeous face. I watch as one girl uses her own shirt to dab off the stains off his shirt.

Okay, so I know I’m not his real girlfriend and okay I have urges to throttle him and okay, I don’t even really know him that well because he puts up this ridiculous wall of indifference and playfulness, and okay I annoy him as much as he annoys me but the truth of the matter is, I see a little green monster and I think its name is Jealously.

So with that I head over toward the crowd of people dancing and laughing and push my way toward Sirius whose actually looking uncomfortable at the attention.

“Sirius!” I yell over the music while narrowly missing an elbow.

I’m being smothered and since I’m small, I give it about another two minutes before I start to disappear. I try to make my way toward Sirius since I see the top of his shining head in my vision when a hip juts out and hits me causing me to stumble over to a kissing couple.

“Sorry!” I yell. They don’t notice because they’re too busy playing tonsil hockey. Lovely. Just the sight I wanted to see before I am trampled to death by sweaty bodies.

In true bad luck I am thrown backwards by an oncoming ‘cha cha’ train, led by James Potter and right as I am about to fall to my death (sorry for my theatrics) a strong arm catches me by my flailing arms. Ah. Sirius, I think. And I’m so sure it’s Sirius that I think has saved me, so sure in his ability to catch me that I give out a yelp when I realize its not Sirius Black at all.

Rather it is Mark Burnett, proper English gentlemen.

Although I’m trying very hard not to stare, Mark Burnett is fairly attractive with his curly brown hair and gold-specked slightly squinty eyes. His father owns the publishing company that manufacturer’s all the wizarding books in the world and his mother is a famous muggle actress, whom I have watched on numerous occasions on my mother’s crappy television.

This is like…like…. Utter hell.

“Err… sorry.” I say in a dazed. “ I mean, thanks!”

He bends his head close to mine so that his curls tickle my nose.

“Sorry?” He asks sweetly. “ I didn’t catch that!”

I am horrified. Why was he talking to me?

“I said thanks!” I yell into his ear over the music. Basically, I have to stand on my tiptoes to accomplish this feat and as I do I suddenly feel his hands on my waist. Wait, hold on, left me see how I feel about this.


Okay. Awkward.

I don’t know if he was doing that to steady me or I don’t know feel me up?

“What are you doing?” I yell into his ear. I gesture to his hands for effect.

He looks utterly horrified and quickly lifts his hands in the air.

“I’m terribly sorry.” He says sincerely. “I’m Mark Burnett.”

“I know.” I say stupidly. I know? Can you get any creepier?

He’s looking at me expectantly. Why in the name of Merlin’s socks is he still standing there? Oh! My name.

“Janelle Ruth Marriot.” I yell idiotically. And before I have anytime to hit myself for my incompetence, the cha cha train comes again, pushing me forward and into the awaiting arms of Mark Burnett.

I look up horrified at Mark, as once again I am enveloped into his embrace.

“Pleasure meeting you, Janelle Ruth Marriot.” He laughs sweetly.

“I would say the same but I’m feeling sort of dizzy.” I say and suddenly I begin to regret drinking the butter beer. Butter beer doesn’t even have alcohol unless…. The Marauders spiked it!

“I’m going to kill them!” I cry and because apparently I am a theatric drunk I raise my fist in the air in vengeance. All I needed was thunder and lightening. “Excuse me Mark Burnett. Excuse me Mark Burnett’s strong arms. I would like to see you again after thirty days, because well…its confidential…shhh….”

And I push him off of me and finally, finally spot Sirius Black apparently looking for me too. Or I think he is or maybe it is that perpetually lost look he always seems to have.

“You bastard!” I launch at him. “You spiked the drink!”

I push off some blonde bimbo who was fawning over his shirt. I come closer to him and inspect it. Definitely fire-whiskey, nearly burned his whole shirt off. I can see flecks of skin here and there. Tempting.

“God! Just take off your clothes already, Sirius.” I complain. “I mean, do you not see those holes, they’re like teasing everybody. Just take it off.”

He looks at me alarmed but surprisingly does as he is told.

“It was starting to stick anyway.” He mutters as he unbuttons his shirt and its as if the whole room stops and wow. He looks drop dead sexy. Merciful Lord. I think I am about to faint.

“Sirius.” I breathe.

“Janelle?” He asks, the alarm in his voice not going away. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I told you, you bastard.” I mutter. “You spiked the drink. Gods, I’m dizzy. Is that normal? Cos this is like my first time drunk and stuff. Am I a happy drunk or a sad drunk? I’ve always wanted to know.”

“Er… you’re a very talkative drunk.” He says.

“You know what, what you did with the whole breaking the line scene. That was truly heroic. I mean, you were like bam and they were like bam and wham, unity. Victoria Holt’s nose emerged! Remember when it went missing?” I laugh. “She’s looking quite pretty now. Why don’t you go for her?”

“Okay” Sirius says, “You’re pissed. Let’s get you to the couch.”

“No!” I cry and put my hand in front of his face. “I like this song!”

And I grab shirtless Sirius and make his hands go around my waist and I don’t know what I’m doing but I think I’m dancing. He sighs.

“After this, you’re going on the couch.” He says.

I ignore him and just listen to the music and sway my hips to it. Sirius’s hands are light and cold, sending shivers up my spine. I press my face to his bare-naked chest and sigh. I feel satisfied as I feel him shiver against my breath.

The rational side of my brain, weakened from the drink is telling me what a complete arse head I am because this is not allowed. Dancing provocatively with a shirtless Sirius Black is not allowed, albeit it being a personal fantasy for most girls. (Not me, I tell you, not me!!) Plus, normal Janelle Marriot doesn’t do stuff like this. Hello, I’m like a major prude. Prude girl, they call me. Holla!
I don’t know how long we danced, two seconds or two hours? Who knows? Who cares? But I’m pretty sure about half way through I took a nap but I woke up after Sirius started guiding me out of the mob.

“Hey, you know that Mark Burnett bloke, that one with the curly hair? I think he saved me from dying like two times from the congo line. Stupid Potter. But anyway is that considered cheating even though I think he touched me once and we’re not even like you really.” I whispered loudly, “Quote. Dating. UnQuote”

“He touched you?” Sirius growled.

“Yeah, held my hips and stuff like you did but his hands were heavy and warm. But it was awkward. You know me; I might as well have awkward plastered on my face! Plus I really wanted to ask about his mom, about the next episode of As the Clock Ticks. Haha. Ticks.”

“When did he touch you?” Sirius’s expression remained stormy.

“Oh! Don’t worry, I asked him what he was doing like. And he smiled and backed off. I think he was more laughing at me than anything. Kinda like you.” I mumble as I reach the couch. I drop like a stone.

“Comfy.” I say into the pillow.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Sirius asks. I peel open one eyelid and find him regarding me intently.

“What?” I ask stupidly.

“You said, “kinda like you.”” He explains patiently.

“You used to laugh at me at me when I was just being myself. I guess, I’m a funny person but I don’t mean to be, you know?” I blabber ridiculously. My mind is telling me to shut up but my mouth is not listening. “It was sorta cruel back then, but don’t worry, you don’t laugh at me anymore. You smile. And that has made all the difference.”

He’s still looking at me intently when a loud chorus of “POTTER! POTTER! POTTER!” distracts him.

His gaze quickly returns to mine and I try to quirk an eyebrow but all I can manage is a frown.

“I’m not frowning at you.” I say to him as I frown. “I’m trying to quirk an eyebrow.”

“Could have fooled me.” He snorts. “Listen, love, try to go sleep. I’ll put a Muffliato spell, so you’ll have some quiet.” 

“K, thanks.” I mumble sleepily, I swat him away. “Go..have..” I yawn. “fun.”

“You sure, you’re alright?” he asks again.

I groan in frustration. “Yes! Now go away, mother!”

He chuckles and dips in for a kiss.

“What did I say about kisses, Black?” I growl. He stops and his lips move to my forehead.

“Night, Nelle.” He whispers and leans down to complete the kiss to my forehead.

Hmph, I hope he kissed a zit. A huge, possibly yellow zit.

Ah well. Another battle for another day. And even in my pathetically drunken stupor, I knew there were going to be a whole lot of ‘another days.’


A/N: Hey Kids, I'm ridicoulously sorry how late this was. I'm pretty appalled myself. My friend just passed away so its been pretty bad lately and writers block jsut kept happening. But tonight, ideas started coming and I couldn't stop so it's doubly long!! I hope you like it guys! Thanks for reading and please review kids!!!! It'll make my day. : ]]]

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