*the plot & OCs are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.
Three weeks had passed since Sirius and Shay officially broke up. Things were pretty much the same. Shay was still living with Remus and they were getting along great. Sirius was still with Amélie. Though Shay had to work with Amélie, she refused to talk to Sirius. She had nothing more to say to him. She had seen him flying around on the motorcycle she bought him, which meant something to her. And she hadn’t seen Amélie on it, which meant even more to her. She knew that Sirius was trying to make peace and try to be her friend, but she wasn’t ready for it yet. And on Shay’s request, James and Sirius started talking again. James had been miserable and Shay knew that was partly her doing. Shay knew that James would have held the grudge for as long as Shay was mad. But that’s not what Shay wanted. Things were starting to go back normal but there was still rift that would be hard to remove.
“Do you have anything new today?” Shay asked Amélie.
She tried to get these little meetings done as quickly as she could. Amélie would put any visions she had in a pensieve and Shay would pick the ones most important to the Order and take them to Dumbledore. Only a select few would be put into Shay’s mind and locked up. Shay’s mind had become nearly unbreakable. After Marlene’s death, Shay started to work with Dumbledore more. He could no longer indulge in her mind. She had become a master at occlumency and legilimency.
“I have had nothing,” Amélie said in her semi broken English.
The French accent had been getting on Shay’s nerves.
“You didn’t have anything last week either,” Shay said shortly.
“I am sorry. I cannot control when and how many visions I get. You all should be thankful that I am helping,” Amélie said in the same tone Shay had.
“Whatever, I’m done today. Next week have something, anything for me, or you can just go back to France,” Shay said and left the room abruptly.
Shay had slowly been losing her patience and kindness since Cillian died and even more when she and Sirius broke up.
“You don’t have to be so rude to me. What did I ever do to you?” Amélie asked loudly before Shay could escape through the door.
Shay turned around slowly and glared at Amélie.
“You slept with the love of my life. And even after you found out he was with someone, you are still with him. That’s why I don’t like you. Not because you may have made a mistake and slept with him, but because you continue to do so. So I think I have every right to be rude to you,” Shay snapped at her.
“Then why are you working with me?” Amélie asked and put her hands on her hips.
“Because I respect Dumbledore and I don’t want to let him down. But if you’re not going to do your job then I can’t do mine.”
“I just do not know why you are so hung up on Sirius. He said that the two of you were only engaged for a short while,” Amélie said.
“You wouldn’t understand. There’s a lot more to it than I think Sirius told you,” Shay said and was sure Sirius hadn’t told Amélie about Cillian.
“Sirius does not tell me anything. He does not talk about his family, his friends, or you. He won’t even tell me what is in that room at the end of the hall,” Amélie said in a huff.
“Don’t ever go in that room. Ever. If I find out that you went in that room I will be sent to Azkaban for what I will do to you,” Shay said in a low tone that sent chills up Amélie’s body.
Shay finally left and slammed the door behind her. She had forgotten that the door was open during her and Amélie’s exchange. Everyone who was working had witnessed the conversation and a gave Shay sympathetic looks.
Remus came up to her to make sure she was ok.
“I’m just going to go back to the house. I had nothing else to do today,” Shay said and tried to soothe the headache that she felt coming.
“That’s fine. I’ll see you in a few hours,” Remus said with a small smile.
Shay returned the smile and turned to go to the fireplace when she saw Sirius open the door to comfort his crying girlfriend. Shay felt a pang of jealousy as Sirius shut the door. He went to comfort Amélie when she was upset but he couldn’t once comfort her when she cried about Cillian. Shay felt her insides turn and felt the tears well up inside her. She left headquarters immediately.
Shay went back to Remus’s and took a bath to calm herself down. She couldn’t believe the nerve Amélie had and didn’t know how much longer she could work with her. Shay had more on her mind than just Sirius and Amélie though. As she spent more time with Remus, she found it increasingly difficult to keep Niki’s secret from him. She almost let it slip one night. The only reason she held her tongue was that she knew it would hurt Remus. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Remus. He had become her confidant and best friend. She had also gained extra feelings for him. Feelings she was sure were not reciprocated. She knew that it would be too soon for him and too soon for herself also. But there was no denying, she had fallen for Remus Lupin.
Shay finally got out of the tub when her fingers had become pruned. She wrapped a towel around her body and stepped out of the bathroom, hoping to get dressed before Remus got home. She only made it halfway down the hall before he surprised her.
“Hey I’ve been looking for you,” Remus said with a smile.
“Oh, I just took a bath to calm down a little. I feel better now,” Shay said with a smile and bypassed Remus in the hall.
“So what are you’re plans for tonight?” Remus asked and closely followed Shay.
Shay stopped and turned when she reached her door.
“You’re acting strange tonight,” Shay said and raised an eyebrow at him.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re ok. You left headquarters looking as if you were about to cry,” Remus said and Shay saw that he seemed genuinely concerned.
“Remus I’m fine. You should be worried the day I don’t cry,” Shay said with a smile.
She dropped her smile when she noticed Remus wasn’t listening.
“Remus, what is wrong with you tonight?” Shay asked and noticed that he was examining her face.
“What? Is there something on my face?” Shay asked and put a hand up to her face.
“No, I’m just looking,” Remus said.
“Remus, I don’t have any make-up on,” Shay said and turned to go into her room.
“I’ve never seen you with out your make-up off,” Remus said and leaned against the doorframe.
“There’s a reason for that. My face looks horrible,” Shay said quietly.
None of her friends had ever seen her without make-up except for Sirius.
“It doesn’t look horrible. Those scars define who you are. I should know,” Remus said with a smile.
Shay walked towards him slowly.
“Before I found out that you were a werewolf I thought your scars were mysterious yet charming. That’s why I kissed you in our third year,” Shay said with a small laugh.
Remus smiled at the memory.
“But after I found out about your condition I thought the scars were tragic.”
“What do you think about them now?” Remus asked quietly.
“Like you said, they define who you are,” Shay said and gently traced a scar that followed his jaw.
Remus followed Shay and gently put his hand on her cheek and ran his thumb over a scar that ran under her left eye.
“My mum gave me that one when I was seven,” Shay said and sadly remembered the event.
“And you said my scars were tragic,” Remus said with a sad smirk.
Shay smiled at his comment and let her hand trail down to the top button of his shirt.
“Can I…” Shay started but didn’t have to finish.
Remus unbuttoned his shirt to meet Shay’s request. The first thing her eyes met was the large scar across Remus’s chest.
“That one isn’t from a transformation. During fourth year, James was trying a new spell and it backfired and hit me right in the chest. He apologized to me for three days straight,” Remus said and watched Shay examine the scar.
Shay was entranced. Suddenly she had the urge to touch every part of Remus. She wanted him to touch her.
“Remus, I…” Shay was cut off once again but not by Remus’s words.
It was by his lips.
Shay was taken aback. She was stunned by what was happening, so it was easy for Remus to lead her to the bed. When their lips parted, Shay looked up at Remus and saw him in a completely different light. Remus had always been her friend. The quiet and intelligent boy she met when she was eleven. The troubled teen that couldn’t face who he was. Even in the hours prior, she saw him as a crush. But before her at that moment stood a man she felt passion for. More passion then she had ever felt before, even more than Sirius. Shay caught Remus’s eyes and saw the lust in them and she was sure her eyes looked the same.
Without words, their lips connected again. She forcefully pulled Remus on top of her and noticed that in transition she had lost her towel. She didn’t care. Remus had removed his shirt completely. Remus knew that this wasn’t like him. But he had come to realize that Shay was what he wanted. He just wasn’t sure if Shay wanted him. Remus was happy to see that she did.
Shay quickly stripped him of his pants. Remus pulled away from her and they both caught their breath.
“Are you sure you want this?” Remus asked and was ready to get started.
Shay just smiled and pulled him to her again. She didn’t want to talk. She just wanted to feel. She had not had not felt this close to someone in a long time. She loved the feeling she was getting from Remus. She knew that it wasn’t love and that was fine with her. Lust, passion, or that fact that neither of them had sex for awhile, the reason for it didn’t matter to Shay. Being that close to someone made her feel human again. Shay was so overwhelmed by what she was feeling in the moment, didn’t listen to the voice in the back of her head.
Shay didn’t hear the voice until early the next morning. Shay woke up next to Remus, who looked peaceful and happy in his sleep. Shay wanted nothing more than to repeat what they had done the previous night. She stared quietly at Remus’s sleeping form when that voice came screaming at her. She had just slept with her best friend’s boyfriend. Even though Niki was dead, Shay had never felt so ashamed and disgusted in her entire life. She was reeling from how she could have forgotten about Niki. How Niki had trusted Shay with her secret. How Niki died trying to protect her child. Shay felt that acid feeling rush up her throat and dashed for the bathroom. That was the moment she regretted everything she did.
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