Chapter 1 : undying love
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Hedwig was speechless for a moment, and said what she had been desiring to say all night long.
Snape, revived from his rendevous with the wall, gazed at her white creamy feathers with love and longing, wishing that he could pluck them out one by one and lick them.
“MY DARLING! YOU CHOICE OF WORDS HAS MADE ME WANT TO PROVE TO YOU WHAT A WILD BEAST I AM IN THE NEST!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!!!! HAVE MY BABIES!!” he cried.
Hedwig cocks her head at, him and flew out the window of the Owlery.
“MY DARLING!! YOU CANNOT LEEEEAVEEEE ME!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Snape throws himself out the window, landing on Neville Longbottom who starts screaming hysterically. Snape then stood up, and screamed to the whole world, “IF I CANNOT HAVE MY BELOVED, I SHALL CHANGE MY NAME, FOR I CANNOT BE ADDRESSED BY THAT NAME BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN MY SWEET, SWEET HEDWIG. FROM NOW ON, I SHALL BE KNOWN AS….SEVERUS THE SEX MACHINE!!”
Hedwig comes back, with a frog in her mouth, looking happy.. For an owl..
“MY LOVE! YOU HAVE BROUGHT US BREAKFAST!! WE SHALL HAVE A PICNIC!!”
Neville runs away in horror, going instantly insane.
“COME MY DARLING! WE MUST FEAST ON OUR MEAL!! FOR I CANNOT SUC
K FACE WITH YOU WITHOUT NOURISHMENT!”
Hedwig suddenly feels a movement in her bowels..
Snape is covered in white dung, from his ugly head to his ugly er feet.
“YUMMY!! ESSENCE OF HEDWIG!!!! THIS IS A TRUE SYMBOL OF OUR DEVOTED LOVE TO ONE ANOTHER!!! I TAKE THIS DUNG AS A SIGN OF OUR EVERLASTING LUST FOR EACHOTHER’S BODIES!!!”
Hedwig hoots hysterically..for she had no idea why this strange man was eating her frog and bowel discharge..
She suddenly looked east, and saw her mate Barnold, who she met just 4 days ago in the Great Hall. She loves him as much as her sunflower seed breakfast. She flies toward him, not knowing that Snape is chasing her, while running into trees in the process.
“MY DARLING!! I SHALL TAKE YOUR SILENCE FOR CONSENT!” Snape then realizes who she is flying towards…
“YOU CHOOSE BARNOLD, LONGBOTTOMS BARN OWL, OVER MEEEEEEE?? THE ONE WHO FED YOU DRIED CHERRIES THE DAY YOU GOT SICK?? THE ONE WHO BOUGHT YOU A FEATHER QUILL?? THE ONE WHO COUNTS THE MILLISECONDS UNTIL YOUR SWEET BODY GRACES ME AGAIN??” he screamed, as Hedwig flew away with Barnold to the lake. She didn’t notice that the crazy man started ripping his hair out, or that he started running into trees purposefully. She didn’t care at all. For she was with her beloved Barnold.
“GO AHEAD! SEE IF I CARE!!”
3 minutes later
“NO DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!” Snape starts sobbing hysterically, while he tries to drown himself in the lake. It doesn’t work.
Suddenly, he sees Dumbledore walking towards him..
And it begins again.
~by Katie, one of the trio
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