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Hitting the Fan by starless_glamour
Chapter 3 : Three Cheers for Misunderstandings!
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 7

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Please R/R! I love to hear your thoughts. The more the merrier! Cheers, and enjoy the chappie, for hilarity ensues.
Oh, and I won't be able to update for a couple of weeks, since I'll be traveling :(
PS. There's some swearing and naughty-talk in this chapter, just to warn you.

“He’s not such a bad guy, you know. Once you get to know him. I’m sorry he said that about you. You know, he had a really hard time growing up—“ Remus is sitting across from me now, trying to tell me that I should be mates with Sirius. Fat chance.

“A hard time growing up?!? Did HE grow up alone?”

“No, but—“

“Did HIS parents die when he was just five years old?”

“Well, no, but…”


“No, but—“

“That’s what I thought. You know, I know how hard you guys must have it. Doing all your chores by magic and all that stuff. You probably haven’t done a hard round of manual labor EVER. I had to clean The Orphanage every day! I had to shine Ms. Wasselle’s shoes, while she sat there and spat on me! I had to suffer through her brother Luke’s long visits, where he’d…he’d…and the short, frilly dress…and the braids…”

“Listen, I’m so sorry for you. But we’ve been through stuff you can’t even imagine. If only you knew…”

“Yeah, if only I knew…maybe I wouldn’t hate you all so much right now. Now leave me alone. I’m sleepy.”

“Fine. Suit yourself. And I really am sorry, you know. About your parents and everything.

“Piss off.” I hear him leave, and suddenly feel angry with myself. Why must I always be unfriendly? WHY? If there’s one of those boys I can see myself being friends with, it’s Remus. He seems the most down-to-earth, and not to mention looks exactly like my ex boyfriend, who I really did love with all my heart. Casey was perfect. He was sweet, honest, hard-working, loyal, athletic, drop-dead-gorgeous, everything you want in a boyfriend. And now he’s dead. Gone. Just like everyone I ever loved. Even Jonas left me! Before I know it I’m sobbing, gasping and choking on tears that won’t stop falling. I’m aware that I’m probably waking the whole house up, but the harder I try and stop, the more tears fall. And then somebody is beside me, wrapping a tentative arm around my shaking shoulders. I collapse into their arms, not even caring who it is.

Why? Why does everyone I love get killed?” I ask, talking to myself more than to the person who’s holding me.

“I’m sorry, Moni. Here, look at me.” It’s Sirius; I do my best to look into his eyes. They’re silver and stormy, like the sea when the moon is shining on it. Look at me, being all poetic now. He really does look serious. Hahahaha.

“I said I wanted to go home, but the truth is, I have no home. I have no family, and now, thanks to whoever it was that tried to kill me, I have no friends either. By the way, you know Remus came and tried to tell me that you are really some sort of superhero, with a past harder than crystal, and not nearly as pretty? He must really care about you.” I’m finally starting to calm down now, thankfully. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to make a fool of myself. Ha.

“I love him. And James, and Peter. Without them…I don’t know where I’d be.”

“Wow. It’s must be great to have so much love. To be loved, and to love. I wouldn’t know, of course…Casey is the only one I ever cared for on that level. He was…perfect.”

“Ummm…how did he, you know…”

“Die? Don’t know. There was no trace of any violence or anything, no poison or wounds. Some of the neighbors said they saw a flash of green light.”

“Green light?” Sirius looks aghast.

“Yep. But who really knows…it sounds pretty fishy to me. The police marked it down as a suicide, but I know better. Casey would never do something like that! Anyway, after he…died, I lost everything. All hope. All love for life. And then, I found my theater, and fell in love once more, only in a different sort of way. Acting saved me. Saved me from myself.”

“You act? That’s pretty cool. I bet you’re really good. You’re probably really smart too. I didn’t mean what I said about you being stupid, it’s just…you know what muggle means, right?”

“No, for the last time!”

“Well, the word itself means a boring person. In our world, it means a non-magical being.”

“So now I’m a being, am I? Not nearly as wonderful as you though, I expect. Maybe you shouldn’t judge people because they’re different from you, Cupcake. They might just grow to despise you. Hint, hint.”

“I think you are one of the most fascinating women I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Not to mention you’re gorgeous.” This makes me blush, much to my dismay. I don’t really think of myself as being all that pretty, but I guess people have always told me that. Plus, I had model recruiters come up to me all the time; I have bad enough grades and good enough looks to become a model, I guess. Lucky me. I have long, wavy, very dark hair, except for a steak of blonde at the nape of my neck. It’s just a birthmark, but I’m still glad it’s not visible to everybody. I have a heart-shaped face, with deep blue eyes, and I’m about five foot seven.

“I’m really glad you’re going to be at school with me. Maybe you can even stay in my dormitory…”

“I don’t think so. And, by the way you talk about ‘muggles’, I take it you magic people don’t like us very much. How will your classmates react to me?”

“Erm…some better than others. You want to steer clear of the Slytherins; they’re the worst. Especially Severus Snape.”

“Severus? With a name like that, can you blame him for being nasty? Not that I’m one to talk…” I give him a watery half-smile, and he grins back. He really is quite handsome. I won’t let myself get caught up with him, though, partly for his safety, partly for mine.

“Oh! I just remembered! It’s full moon in two nights, isn’t it? Damn.” I swear, cursing my bad luck. He looks suddenly guilty.

“What? Nothing’s going on on the full moon, right? Nothing at all!” Sirius looks shiftily towards the door, as if expecting to see someone standing there. How odd.

“Sirius, what in the name of Laxative Lad’s favorite undercrackers are you going on about?” I ask, completely bemused by his odd reaction.

“Nothing, I said! Just give it a rest! Why did you even bring up the full moon in the first place? And, by the way, NEVER talk about my crack-head of a brother’s underpants again. Ever. I may just be sick.”

“Don’t you dare try and blame this on me, Cupcake! I was just going to say I have a deadline on the full moon I have to make, or else they’ll cancel my damn show! You’re the one who completely spazzed!”

“You are one odd cookie, my friend.”

“At least I’m not a Cupcake. With pink icing, and little heart-shaped sprinkles. Poisonous sprinkles.”


’I luuuurvvve them, Moni! With all my heart! What would I do without them?’”

“Shut up.” He’s blushing, looking quite embarrassed. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.

“You’re silly. I was just teasing.” I tweak his nose, making him flinch. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about the secret drug orgy you’re having on the full moon. As long as I’m invited.”

“D-drug…orgy?” He looks slightly shell-shocked.

“That is what you’re going to be doing, isn’t it? You don’t want me to find out because I’m an innocent little muggle girlie? Trust me, I have no problem with drugs.”

“Sorry, there’ll be no drugs on these premises. Maybe when we get to Hogwarts, though…” he looks thoughtfully into space.

“Well, if you’re not doing drugs, then what are you doing that I can’t know about? I promise I won’t laugh.” Gods, he’s fun to tease!

“Nothing at all. Just make sure you don’t go near the cellar, alright? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Darn you! You know I can’t move. Now I really want to know what you all are doing! And I will find out.”

“I highly doubt that.” He chuckles, infuriating me further. Mark my words; whatever they are hiding, I will find out.

“Full moon, eh? What a night. Frolicking around with our pallies and such. Romping and roaming in the confines of the mausoleum. Ah, such fun, such fun.” I glare pointedly at Sirius, who just shrugs. Remus looks nervous, while James looks rather curious. I’ll have to work on Remus; the weakest link in the chain that is the Marauders. Which is what they are called, according to Sirius.

“Remus, darling, could I speak to you alone for a mo?”

“Erm…what for, exactly?”

“Nothing, nothing, just a few…er…questions.”

“I guess so…” he gives the other two looks, and they leave at once.

“Now, Remus, what exactly are you and your mates planning for tonight? And why do you look so ill? Pre-orgy jitters, eh? Very well, very well. Now, Sirius wasn’t very clear about what exactly you would be doing, but I know, I really do. And it’s perfectly okay with me, I assure you.”

“It…it is?”

“Yes, love.”

“You’re not…frightened of me?”

“Ahahahahaha! Me? Scared of a little bit of fun?”

“It’s not that fun, actually…it’s really quite painful.” Oooh, this may be a bit too many details for my taste. Ah, well.

“Oh, of course. So, is that dog Sirius good?”

“Erm…yes, I suppose so.”

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Well, he’s a bit too aggressive.”

“I see.”

“But usually he’s quite sweet.”

“Well, that’s a start.”

“I suppose so…so, he said he told you not to come ‘round the basement, then?”

“Yep! I’m actually not going to…I don’t really care to see you and Cupcake getting it on, believe it or not. But you two have fun, okay?”

“Wait…what are you talking about? James will be there too, you know.” he looks cautiously at me.

“Oh, a threesome, how delightful!” I say, smirking.

“Okay, seriously…what the bloody hell are you talking about?”

“You and Sirius, right? Together? Forever? He told me how much he loves you, you know.”

“WHAT? Listen, I have a girlfriend…”

“Oh, and does she know? You really should tell her, you know.”


“That you have another love interest.”


“Sirius, you wanker! Gods, you’re dense!”

“OOOHHHHHH. You thought…oh, man!” he laughs, head rolling back, eyes watering. “You thought—oh, it’s too funny! Oh, wow!” He’s gasping for breath, trying to regain his composure.

“What? What’s so funny?” I ask, hitting him over the head with a pillow.

“S-Sirius and I—oh, Gods, that’s funny!—I’m not into guys, Moni.”

“Does Sirius know?” I ask seriously. “He’ll be so heart-broken…” Now he’s absolutely roaring with fresh peals of laughter. He’s clutching his sides, tears streaming down his face. Oh, that little berk!

“I do not appreciate being laughed at!” I say, trying my best to stay angry with him. Ah, screw it all! I start laughing too, although I’m not completely sure why. By the time Sirius and James come back into the room, we’re hugging each other, crying with laughter, and gasping to catch our breath. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

“What the bloody hell are you lot doing?” James asks.

“Remus, you dog—“ This sends us into fresh peals of laughter again, and now Mr. and Mrs. Potter are in the room too, looking quite bemused.

“W-We’re ok-okay!” Remus wheezes, still clutching my shoulders tightly. “Oh, gods Moni, I love you! I haven’t laughed like this this close to full moon for ages! Usually I’m so de-depressed! Not much to look for-forwards to!” We’re positively hysterical now. Ah, bugger.

“And you’re so r-right, Remus! He is sm-sm-smaller up c-close!” I improvise, looking up at Sirius through tear-blurred eyes, not even able to breathe anymore. Remus is rocking back and forth, face screwed up in mirth.

“I demand to know what’s going on forthwith! And what do you mean I’m ‘smaller’? I’m just as big as Remus is!” Sirius motions with his hands how tall he is, but it’s too late. That was the breaking comment. By now we are past the point of no return.

Twenty minute later, and we’re finally calmed down enough to eat. It’s a brunch; we have eggs, toast, a casserole, everything you can imagine in a perfect brunch meal. We even have those little sausages. Heh, heh.

“Now, this is serious, Moni. You absolutely cannot come near the cellar tomorrow night. Understand?” Remus asks, eyes shining still. “Just please stay in bed.”

“Oh, fine, fine.” I grumble, looking sullen. “But I can’t believe I wasn’t invited.”

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