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The Inventory by skittery
Chapter 8 : Task Twelve: actually occuring!
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 6

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Megan plunked down in her usual spot on the couch.

“Rough day at the office, darling?” The shaggy haired boy next to her patted her leg comfortingly.

She lolled her head to the side and grinned. Well, maybe ‘grinned’ is an overstatement. A gross overstatement. Megan snorted. It was more of a grimace.

“That bad, eh?”

She sighed. “I’m beating my brains out here, Sirius. Since ascertaining the severity of her feelings, Lily is acting afraid of James or something. It is so weird.” Megan dropped her head down to rest on his shoulder. “Oh, and Joaner is mad at me, and the only thing I’ve accomplished in the last four days is to accumulate death threats from the Sirius Black Appreciation Society.” She pursed her lips. “Though, why anyone would lower themselves to be in a group whose sole objective is to obsess over you, I don’t know. Bloody despicable, is what it is.”

Sirius snorted. “Why is that so despicable, Oz? I heard there’s a waiting list to be in my Appreciation Society.” He shrugged smugly. “Are you on the list?”

Now Megan had to snort. “In your dreams, Black.” She smirked evilly. “I’m a card carrying member of Loopy Lovers of Lupin United.” At Sirius’ gob smacked face, she laughed. “We have t-shirts!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Rubbish.” He peered around the Common Room, looking for potential eavesdroppers. “T-shirts? Really?” He pouted childishly. “The Appreciation Society only has buttons. Damn Moony.”

“You rang?” Remus’ quiet voice floated over Megan and Sirius’ heads. Setting himself down on the floor in front of their couch, he chuckled. “Telling Paddy about the superiority of Triple L United?” Remus smiled cheekily. “My fan club has exemplary organizational skills. T-shirts, rallies, holidays…the list is endless.” He leaned his head on Meg’s knee. “Maura is looking for you, Meg.”

Megan sighed. “Good, cause I need to talk to her. And Lily. And Joaner. They should be done tutoring by now, right?” The other girls all tutored the less intelligent students of Gryffindor. According to McGonagall, Megan’s supply of patience for those less academically blessed than her was by far surpassed by that of her friends. So she didn’t have to tutor.

Lo and behold, her friends chose that time to saunter through the Portrait Door. Joanie and Maura had linked elbows and where whispering ferociously. Lily followed them, her eyes distant and her gait leisurely, at odds with her usual confident stride.

Joanie bounded over, a devilish gleam in her eyes. “Hey Megan. Sirius.” She blushed and nudged him with her toe. “Remus.”

“What do you want?” Megan’s head popped back up.

Putting her hands up in front of her in the universal ‘back off’ sign, Joanie widened her eyes. “Geez…hostile much? I just wanted to talk to you about something.” She flashed a not-so-discreet look towards Remus. “You know. About that one thing.” Another look at Remus, followed by one towards Lily and Maura. “We all need to. Talk about it, you know?” She stammered unintelligibly for a moment, before Maura grabbed her arm and dragged her upstairs.

Megan rolled her eyes and giggled. “ Morons. Complete twits.” She stood up, twisting to the right to crack her back. Turning to Sirius she asked, “Why am I friends with them?” She glanced around her. Remus had industriously applied himself to a loose string in the rug. James’ eyes were glued to Lily. Studying her; worry written over every stretch of his face. Lily was blushing furiously, staring off into the distance. At nothing. Just not at James.

Sirius looked over the top of Megan’s head, and then cast a glance around the Common Room. Taking in the occupants, he smirked. “Slim pickings.” He placed his hands on Megan’s shoulders and turned her around. Pointing across the room, he spoke. “It was either us or them, sweets.”

Across the room, a group of Sixth Year Boys were holding a spit-drop contest. Participants, who varied from unsuspecting First Years, to the entire Girl’s Sixth Year dorm, sat on a chair, and leaned forward. A dribble of slobber was basically drooled out and the object was to see how far you could drip and still suck it back up. Utterly disgusting.

Megan shuddered. “That’s nasty.” She turned and ducked under Sirius’ arm. Smiling brightly at her new friend, she grabbed an almost comatose Lily. “I definitely got the good end of the stick.” Meg glanced amusedly at Zombie Lily. “Usually, anyways.” She shrugged and pushed Lily up the stairs to the dorm. Coming into the doorway of the Seventh’s Dorm, Megan stopped short and looked around suspiciously. All the beds had been shoved aside and a lone table and chair occupied the center of the room.

When a dingy light bulb cast a dim glow onto the lone chair, Megan snorted and rolled her eyes. Joanie had seen one too many Detective shows in her youth. Smirking, Megan made her way past a forgotten Lily and sank into the chair. She looked around patiently and then talked into the darkness. “What am I in for chief?

It was after a fairly long minute that Joanie spoke up. “Number Twelve.”

Megan sighed. “You know I have to do it, Joaner. If there was a way around it, you know I would take that option.” She rubbed her grumbling belly, wondering absently when Joanie would wrap up this nonsense. Megan had a date with some roast beef and gravy. Mmm.

Joanie stepped into the light, casting harsh shadows upon her pale face. Which was peculiarly enough, tear-strained. “You can’t, Megan. It’s against the unwritten rules of friendship!” Joanie ran a hand through her short hair and sighed sadly. “I don’t want you to lick Remus.” She planted a pleading look on Megan.

Who pursed her lips. “Well are you going to do it if I pass it to you?” It sounded rather haughty to Megan, but whatever works when trying to get your friends to see the light.

Joanie pulled a face and shook her head in disgust. “I don’t want anyone to lick him.” She paused. “Unless it is me. But I really am not into that sort of thing. Could you imagine his face if I walked up and licked him? Can you say ick?”

Megan saw her opening. “But you know what Joaner? He would expect something like that from me. I’ve known him forever. He knows how weird I can be.” Megan glanced at Lily and Maura for help.

Lily agreed. “She’s right Joanie. Remember when we dared her to go to the Hufflepuff Halloween Party dressed as a cupcake?” Lily stopped talking, unable to contain her laughter. “Meg covered herself in frosting and wore a skirt and bra and went dressed in that. And then Remus found her, dripping an icing trail down the corridor. He was so pissed.”

Maura chimed in. “Only because he found her with Two-Second Eddie.” She cackled delightedly, remembering the day.

Megan rubbed her growling belly again. “Is there a point to this conversation, gals? I still don’t know how to do it.” She paused, her brown eyes staring into the darkness, hoping to see an answer. “The way it’s headed now, I’m going to have to just buck up and walk up to him. Then lick him.” She shuddered. “Completely artless.”

Joanie, who by now had stopped crying, muttered. “Utterly Tactless.”

Maura piped up. “I saw, we have a raucous Hen’s Night, and get sloshed. Then he defintetely wouldn’t think you licking him out of the ordinary.”

Lily shook her head. “No, we’re at school. Let’s at least keep it legal.”

Joanie pitched. “Or, you could just not do it!”

Lily laughed. “Lay off Joanie. She has to do it. And think off it this way. Remus and Megan have been mates for years, so its not like I’m licking him.” She blushed, remembering the brief time in her fourth year when she had a big Jones for Remus. Lily turned towards Megan, flicking her wand to turn the lights back on. “Just do it. We’ll go downstairs, corner him and give him some rubbish about ‘experimenting’.”

Megan laughed aloud. “Experimenting? Lily, how about something that doesn’t make us sound like lesbians?” She shook her head. “Actually, the idea of cornering him and giving him a load of rubbish has a lot of merit.”

The four girls scratched there heads in wonder. Each pondering how to help Megan.

“DINNER!” James yelled loudly up the stairwell.

Megan was the first girl out of the doorway. “I guess our brainstorming session will have to wait til later, gals. I’m gonna get me some beef!”

“Hey Lily?” Megan, who sat on the opposite side of the table, asked. Smiling devilishly, she spied some caramel sauce that could possibly aid her task.

The redhead turned away from Maura to look across at Megan, who was ensconced between Remus and unsurprisingly, Sirius. It seemed like everywhere Megan went anymore, Sirius was close at hand. Hmm, she thought. Could there be something going on there? “What?”

Megan smirked, turning her head almost unnoticeably towards the boat of caramel sauce before returning to look at Lily face-on. No reason to let James, who sat on Lily’s other side, in on her plans. “You want to ‘experiment’ tonight?” She pasted a lascivious leer on her face.

The boys looked at each other, shell-shocked. Sirius quirked a brow at his mates; seemingly asking, did Megan just proposition Lily?

Lily caught on quickly. Flitting her gaze to Remus’ outstretched hand, she giggled. “What do you want to use tonight?” She leaned closer to James, causing Remus’ still outstretched hand to settle above the caramel. Watching him grasp the caramel, she went in for the kill as he dipped the spoon in. “Chocolate? Bananas? Caramel?” Lily patted herself on the back mentally as she delightfully watched Remus fumble the spoon, splattering caramel all over his shirt and face.

“Oh bugger.” Remus ground out. He grabbed for his napkin, but before he could wipe his face, Megan grabbed his hand.

“Let me help.” Then she leaned in and took a swipe at the caramel. On his face.

The girls erupted into cackles as Megan settled back into her seat, between the two immobile boys. She daintily took a sip of water, before tucking back into her dessert.

Sirius and James found their voices at the same time.

“Did you-“

“What the-“



Remus cut them off with a bewildered look that matched their own. He turned to look at Megan. “Did you just lick me?”

Megan nodded. “Yes.”

“May I ask why?” His voice strained, either from anger or mirth.

Megan stammered. “Well, I-er-I mean…”

Remus prompted her along, raising a curious eyebrow. “Yes?”

“I wanted to!” She burst, promptly cringing at how stupid she sounded.

“You wanted to? Megan, of all the dumb things…” He sighed and cleaned himself off with a cleaning charm.

“No, really. I’m trying to save the environment!” I’d also like to sound less like a dumbass.

He snorted. “How does licking me relate to saving the environment?”

Megan sent a searching look at a still giggling Lily. “If you don’t use napkins, cloth or paper ones, then there won’t be as much-“ Megan sstuttered again. “Oh Piss.” She grinned up hopelessly at Remus. “I like caramel?”

The whole group burst into laughter.

Megan grumbled. “Glad I could be such a source of hilarity for you all. Ha freaking ha.” Glancing at her friends, she stopped on Maura. Yes, bray like a donkey, Maura. But just you wait. I’ve got plans for you.

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