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Accidentally on Purpose by 100 _percent_ witch
Chapter 8 : Of Public Break Ups .... or not.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 44

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Chapter Eight

Day One of Bondage to Sirius Black, Fascist Confusing Don Juan, My Alleged Boyfriend 

I stare up at the canopy of my bed, fully awake yet not wanting to rise. I look at my calendar next to my bed and cross out Day 1 of November 12. I stretch. Only 29 more days to go. Why do I always manage to put myself in such stupid situations? Why? 

I am normal; I think to myself, I am normal. My daily morning mantra. Oh yeah, I am completely normal. I hop out of my bed onto the neat and pristine floor of the Ravenclaw Sixth Years Girls Dormitory and rush to the bathroom before the other girls. Yesterday, I had managed somewhat successfully to thwart their advances on the “Sirius Black Front” (Their words not mine). Today, I guessed, I would not be as lucky so before anybody else awoke I rushed to get out of there. 

But of course I had to take a shower, put lotion on my dry arms and legs and shave. My legs that is. They were like their own separate mammoths. Cool. It takes me a total of twenty minutes to accomplish this and when I look into the mirror all I see is a plain looking girl, with plain bulbous brown eyes and dull, messy brown hair, which I leave down. 

“What’s up good looking?” I say to the mirror and laugh. 

I grab my knapsack quietly and exit the dormitory. I’m supposed to meet Sirius but I’m way too early so I exit the common room and slide down the banister, in the undignified way that I do every morning, which always earns me titters from my Ravenclaw Housemates who are so prim and proper they could be McGonagall’s little minions. I’m serious. 

I make my way outside and find my place on a huge boulder that overlooks the lake. The boulder is so indented that it provides a perfect chair for my butt. I take out my book and sit there with the morning coldness wrapping me into its chilly embrace. The sun is peeping out from behind the trees, winking and flashing, a promise of a sunny day. I sigh contently and immerse myself in my poetry book. 

Surprised? Don’t be. Poetry sings to me, talks to me in a way no one has ever bothered to talk to me. The book in my hands was a gift from my father. He loved poetry too. He died. I was seven. He was suppose to read Leaves of Grass to me the night he died, a poem far too complex for a child of seven, but I loved the way he read, loved the way his voice stumbled and stuttered over the words but still, somehow, managing to make it sound beautiful with his gravelly voice. 

I shake my head and immerse myself in the language and rhythm of poetry, sometimes reading aloud. Maybe he can hear me. 

After more than an hour I can hear voices of students coming from the castle and I take that as my cue to meet my ‘boyfriend’. Merlin, no amount of poetry could comfort me now. I walk into the castle and immediately spot said boyfriend.

“Greetings,” I say as I spot the tall silhouette of Sirius Black, proud and arrogant, waiting for me. For me. And maybe if I weren’t so inclined to detest every minute of this lie, I would actually have swooned because even though there are a number of things so wrong about Sirius Black, the fact remains that he is still inhumanely gorgeous. God, this was going to be so hard. 

“Morning, love.” Sirius suddenly turns and grins at me. His grin is so disarming that I lose my train of thought. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Inwardly I am hitting myself in the head, I am immune to his stupid charms for Gods sakes, none of these things should be happening to me. I scowl in response. His grin, maddeningly only widens. 

“I am not your love.” I grit my teeth, arms crossed over my body protectively. 

“For a month you are.” He says and winks, “Love.” 

“Come on, lover boy.” I roll my eyes and grab his hand roughly in mine, ignoring the slight jolt of electrocution. “Get this over with, might have food thrown at me or something, but I’m using you as my personal shield.” 

“Food thrown at you?” He asks confused. “Who would throw food at you, pet?” 

He’s mocking me and it’s infuriating. 

“Save that for the masses, you prig.” I whisper dangerously. 

He grins, and readjusts his hand in mine. I give him a final glance, tall and lean and elegantly handsome and me, short, frazzled and unkept. I truly feel like the Ugly Duckling next to him, if only some of his glamour could rub off on me. 

We walk into the Great Hall, hand in hand and as if on cue, the whole Hall falls silent, forks clatter and there is a deafening amount of tension and restraint. Whoa, people really don’t have lives. I roll my eyes as he directs me to the Gryffindor table. 

I can feel their eyes upon me and it’s a prickly sensation, very unpleasant. I am about to tell the whole of Hogwarts’ student body to bugger off but surprisingly Sirius beats me to it. 

“Oh, sod off.” He sighs resignedly, and still holding my hand leads me toward the Marauders. The Marauders having all been informed, naturally, all have identical amused expressions. 

Conversation in the Great Hall hastily resumes and I can hear snippets of their conversations. 

He’s with her?”

“Wasn’t that the girl who fainted in the train?”

“Yeah, he declared his love for her in Flitwick’s class.”

“No bloody way!”


“That was true?”

“My chances are ruined!”

“Don’t cry Miriam.” 

“So, how’s the happy couple?” James grins widely. 

“I could very well hex you silly, Potter.” I growl furiously and yank my hand away from Sirius’s. “I swear I feel like I’ve come out a stupid chick flick.” 

“A what?” James asks confused. 

“Oh, you know, the girly romantic comedy, cliché filled films?” I reply as I help myself to some bacon. This is a nice change from the usual lonely breakfast I eat at the Ravenclaw table. I turn around to look and find that, Jesus, my Ravenclaw table is staring at me! I hastily turn away. 

James still looks confused. 

“It’s a muggle thing.” I reply and he suddenly nods in understanding. 

“Woman, pass me the marmalade.” Sirius barks at me, there’s a twinkle in his eye. 

“Sirius, you shouldn’t speak to your girlfriend that way.” Remus mocks. 

“Do you want her, Lupin?” Sirius asks just as mockingly, “Because by all means, you can keep her.” 

Remus looks amused. 

“The pleasure is all yours, Sirius.” I say as I chomp down on a greasy piece of bacon. “Don’t bring poor Remus into this.” 

Sirius snorts. “Poor Remus?” 

The Marauders give each other meaningful glances, some sort of hidden code and inside joke. 

And before I can decipher it or try to at least, Lily Evans suddenly pops into my vision. 

“You’ve turned to the dark side, I see.” She says grinning. Although I think she’s really serious. 

“Apparently.” I glance at Sirius, who at the moment is trying to stick bread sticks up Peter’s nose. Ugh. Dark side indeed.I shudder. 

“So how did you two, you know…” She says sweetly. 

“Well, you see Evans,” Sirius suddenly butts apparently having abandoned attempts at putting bread into Peter’s nostrils. “I’ve always secretly fancied Janelle here.” He slaps me on the back affectionately. Ow. “It was probably in first year when she--” 

“When I beat him with my broomstick because I thought he was a reincarnation of some evil spirit. Isn’t that right Siri?” I grit my teeth into a dangerous smile. 

“Oh, I remember that!” Peter shouts laughingly. “ Sirius was so mad.” 

“So mad about her!” Sirius finishes off dangerously as he glances at Peter, who suddenly realizes that he shouldn’t be talking. “I looked into her eyes as she was beating me with the broom and I saw such a strong conviction that I just knew… knew… that she was the one.” 

He nuzzles his nose into my hair and I really want to move away but I can’t as I have to look infatuated and totally into it, which is hard because I’m not! Lily looks confused and a little abashed. I elbow Sirius in the rib but he only grasps my hands and like that, I’m immobilized.

“Sirius,” I hiss sweetly. “Stop”. 

I give a swift kick under the table for added leverage. He winces but stops that maddening nuzzling, which is driving me half insane. 

“The dark side.” I laugh nervously to Lily while swatting Sirius’s hands away. 

“Do join, Evans!” Potter says from across the table. “We have me.” 

“Ugh. Never. You pompous ass.” Lily announces and looks at Sirius and I, smiling innocently.

“I’m quite happy for you two, though. You guys fit, oddly enough.” 

“Er… thanks.” I say and turn my steely glare toward Sirius who has laughter in his eyes. “As for you, darling, we need to talk.” 

“You’re not breaking up with me are you?” He sniffs mockingly. I grab him by the collar. 

“You are insufferable.” I hiss into his ear. “Keep doing that and I’ll break up with you. Right now. In front of everyone. Good bye reputation.” 

His eyes widen. I am also surprised by the sudden nerves I’ve required. Well, who knew that I could be a lethal she-devil and keep the notorious Sirius Black in place? I actually feel sort of bad. 

“Wench,” He hisses. I kick him under the table.  “I mean, sweetheart.”  

Actually I take that back. I definitely do not feel bad at all especially when he starts acting like a right little twat. 

“Do I have to walk you to class?” He whines annoyingly. Right, and this is my alleged bad boy boyfriend? 

“Well, if my very existence revolts you so much why don’t you go in your room and play with yourself, you lousy nugget.” I spit at him. “And what’s got your knickers in a twist? You’re actually being a big twat face and I don’t mean to sound like a nag, because God knows, I’m your ‘girlfriend’ but what the hell, Sirius Black? Stop being so foul.” 

“My God, I love it when you ramble.” He mutters sarcastically. To an onlooker this statement could be seen as an affectionate compliment on my own faults but since I know him a little too much for my own liking, I totally get the sarcasm. 

“You know what? I tried to confront you about your own failings as a human being, you scum but clearly, you’re such a right little wanker to begin with, that you’re incapable of change.” I stand up abruptly give him a scathing glance and make to walk out of the Great Hall. Wow. I really do feel like I am married to the poor chap, like his complaining wife of some sort. Horrid experience. 

I am about half way out before Sirius catches up to me and grabs my wrist, rather dramatically, really. The school is watching again. Cor, I hate my life. 

“Let go of me, you little rat.” I say loudly. “This is harassment, this is. Look, Professors do you not see this? Total breach of protocol. ”  

They ignore me, as usual. Actually they look up, realize it is me, roll their eyes and continue eating. 

“Obviously, they didn’t hear me.” I say awkwardly. “But I can yell and then your sorry little buttocks will face the wrath of –“

“Oh for Merlin’s sake woman, stop your rambling. I’m trying to apologize.” He tightens his hold on my wrist. 

“You are doing a rather shoddy job of it, Black.” I say quietly and then loudly. “And what’s this? I will not accompany you to the abandoned classroom on the fourth floor! I have my virtue to uphold, Sirius Black!” 

“Can we please take this outside?” He hisses and slides his fingers down to my hands and promptly begins to yank me out of the Great Hall. 

“What!? You want me do to what?” I say loudly. “I will not put my---” 

He covers his hands over my mouth and literally carries me out of the Great Hall, like a ruddy sack of potatoes, over his shoulder. 

“If this isn’t harassment,” I cry as Sirius begins walking out the exit, “I don’t know—“ 

But by then my cries of protest are cut short as Sirius turns the corner and we are out of sight. 

“You. Are. Insane.” He says as he carries me to God knows where. Probably his secret torture chamber where he secretly brings all his women to ravish them and then kill them. God, what a wacko. 

“Known fact.” I reply nonchalantly. “The shrink told me I that I suffer from lack of restraint. I have no self control apparently.” 

“Again.” He says. “You. Are. Insane.” 

“Again.” I say mockingly. “The shrink told me that I suffer from lack of restraint. I have no self control apparently.” 

“Stop it. You are,” He stops abruptly as if silencioed. 

“Insane.” I finish for him wryly. “I’m actually so insane I’m driving you insane!” 

“You. Are. Mad.” He says instead. “And yes, you are driving me mad.” 

“You deserved that, you know.” I say after a while. 

“I was trying to apologize but your huge mouth made it seem like I was asking you for sexual favors.” He sighs angrily.

“Okay, so I went a little far…” I say. 

“A little?” He scoffs. 

“Look, pal.” I hit him on the back of his head, seeing as how that is the only thing accessible to hit at this point due to him carrying me. “We both screwed up. I’m insane and you’re an egotistical, maniacal, vile and selfish worm. It’s a fact of nature. Let’s move on with our lives!” 

“Couldn’t you have stuck with only one adjective?” He sighs. 



“So exactly where are we going?” I ask stupidly after a few minutes. “Aren’t you getting the least bit tired?” 

“We’re going to the kitchens. Your little tantrum didn’t allow me to eat. I’m starved.” He says matter o factly. “And you weigh nothing.” 

“So why don’t you put me down?” I sigh. 

“I like carrying you.” He states honestly. 

This stuns me into silence, even more so when he proclaimed his devotion to me because this time there is a definite ring of true sincerity in his voice. It compels me and I finally, finally realize the true intimacy of the situation. He’s carrying me delicately and now his scent is even more defined, more lemon and pepper until I am almost dizzy with it.  

He stops suddenly. I try turning around to see what’s going on and find him tickling a pear in a portrait that immediately swings open to reveal a great hustle and bustle of house elves. 

“Master Black!” They squeak in delight. One particularly chirpy house elf tugs at my foot. “You bring friends?” 

Friends. How is it that this simple question makes my heart ache in anticipation? How can it be that out of all questions this is the one that strikes me? Was I his friend, really and truly? Could I be? Merlin, I wanted to be. At least safely say that I, at least had a friend in this world. 

He gently places me down on the ground. I slide off of him, reveling in the last minutes of contact. He places me on the ground so I am looking directly into his eyes. He doesn’t look at the elf when he says, “Yes. I brought a friend.” 

He’s looking at me.  


sup guys! Bet you weren't expecting such a quick update, well neither was I, I was having too much fun writing this, plus I have successfully put off the biggest assignment in AP so you guys better like it! Anyway, it's longer and I would have written so much more but I felt that this was the perfect place to end it. Review please? I would very much like your input of course. 


%100 Witch

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