Chapter 6 : Epilogue: To Not Be Overwhelmed
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Time passes and suddenly, youíre hit by the force of surprise when you look around to see the changes it has brought with it. In this case, two years have passed and inside of me, a war of its own is raging. Now, as I look into his damned, grey eyes, everything comes back to me Ė all that Iíve been trying to forget. Iíd thought that happiness was written in the books for us, but to my dismay, I was wrong. I was blind and naÔve and trusting.
And well, here he stands. Time is suspended and my skull is cracking open with memories I wish I could erase. His intense stare reminds me of the day of the kind-of sudden break-up some weeks after the Easter Holidays and old wounds are ripped open. The words he uttered in that moment told me everything I wanted to know about his deceiving character. Look where I ended up by succumbing in the first place. Iím angry and Iím bitter because Iím smarter than this, was smarter than giving him a chance to turn my world upside down and then leave without giving me any directions to a destination nearby.
Iím sure I will faint with the weight of the tension that hangs in the air. My heart is bursting open with love and hatred. I really want for him to feel what I feel, hoping that perhaps heíll know better than just to stand there and get the hell out of here. I want him to go, because I know that nothing good will ever be able to come out of this and it truly hurts to see him.
Is the place empty and quiet or am I deaf? Why do I just hear my own heart pounding in my ears? Why is each sound muffled? Whatís happening? Why canít he leave? Please, leave, for once, just leave. Itíll make everything so much easier.
Heís walking toward me now and the light of the candles brings out the gold in his hair and make his features glow. I want to break free from my thoughts, want to know what to do, what to say, want to be strong enough to let go. I try to strengthen the walls around the moments with him I have imprinted in my mind, but like liquid or mist, my thoughts cannot be prevented, and they soar freely in my head and remind me. Stubborn mind. Stupid prat. Iím drowning in this moment. Why am I not seeing? Merlin, my knees are buckling! Why in the world am I falling?
Itís dark for a second but Iím opening my eyes. My head throbs. My throat is sore and my heart exposed. Why, Scorpius, why? I want to ask him as he bends over my body to look into my eyes and feel my pulse. One hand is supporting my back and I remember the feel of his hand in mine. Why I remember I canít even tell. I thought I had forgotten.
Why do I keep falling and why is he by my side each time? Scorpius Malfoy is not a knight in shining armour. He's not.
His eyes are liquid steel and they penetrate my soul. I want him to go, but his warmth is the only thing thatís keeping me awake. I canít see my surroundings. Everything beyond him is a blur. I remember the sound of the trainís steam ringing in my ears and I remember my friendsí pointless chatter. I recognize a moment which feels ancient to me now. Yes, time passes. Storms get you off course, but I, more often than not, find my way back. I have evaded lightning down my path. But will I again for certain this time?
ďRose Ė Rose. Look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?Ē
A/N II: On a final note, thank you all for the constant support. For reading, reviewing and favoriting. It means very much and was what gave me so much motivation to write. A big thank you and hug goes to GubraithianFire for her editing skills, help and support. I can't even begin to thank her.
I'm very proud of this fic and I hope you've liked the outcome of this. If there are any questions, feel free to ask. You can reach me through PM's or replying in my Author Page at the forums. I have my own view on how things went for the (almost-) lovebirds, so if anyone's curious, ^_^ But - thank you once again.