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Accidentally on Purpose by 100 _percent_ witch
Chapter 7 : Of Fake Boyfriends and Girlfriends
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 36

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Chapter Seven 
My attentions strayed, as per usual but this time, my eyes had landed upon Eli Yanover, the awkwardly handsome and nerdy Ravenclaw, who at this point in time, I deemed I had a sort of teensy weensy crush on. Okay, so I know what you’re thinking in that condescending way, who in the heck is this Eli Yanover, to which I would readily reply, “Why, my favorite Jew of course.” Of course, this is ridiculous because even though I’ve exchanged few words with the boy, he is absolutely unaware of my existence even though we are in the same year and in the same house. Go figure. 

 Eli Yanover, in one word would be described as soft. Everything about his very being is soft, his soft brown hair, his soft green eyes, his soft looking hands but especially his soft ankles, which I’ve seen because his robes are too short for him, so endearingly short you just want to stroke his earlobes. God. He makes me mad. It’s the principle of the thing really, not the actual ankles that seduced me, but more the subtle hint it portrayed as tiny bit of skin showed beneath his robes, as it winked out awkwardly, shyly, like Eli himself. 

 And he was just sitting there across the room from me with his shy ankles seducing me; completely unaware of the spell he was casting on me. For Merlin’s knockers, he was so adorably handsome in that awkward way of his but just as my eyes start searching his face, he looks up, meets my gaze and just as I think that God truly does exist… something hits me in the face. For Fu—

 I snap my head toward the thrower and glare viciously at the innocent face of Sirius Black. Innocent my arse. Of course he’s dizzyingly handsome even in the midst of his half awake state but it’s the sort of handsome that is loud and obnoxious. Wow. I really truly and utterly want to hit him in his ruddy sacks, bloody boar. I look away angrily from his smug face and finally notice the slip of balled up paper he had thrown at my head. I open it, expecting some crude drawing but instead I find a loping and elegant note. 

Party Hard. 

p.s. stop looking at Yanover, your elbow is soaking in your own pool of drool. 

I gape at the audacity, the sheer cheekiness of the boy and when I meet his silver gaze, he smirks at me smugly. Why the little ---- 

 “And what is that in your hands Ms. Marriot?” Flitwick suddenly squeaks, toddling over to my desk. 

 “Nothing, Professor.” I say hastily and automatically put my elbow on the note. Right. Nothing. Why does this always happen to me? Why? Why? Why? 

 “Accio note.” Flitwick announces and the note slides from under my elbow and into his awaiting hand. Shit. 

 Flitwick is opening his mouth, Flitwick is reading the note. Eli is looking at me!  Eli is looking at me! Eli is totally looking at me in surprise. He’s totally turning red. 

 I stand up suddenly and gaze bravely at the eyes of Eli Yanover, crush and future resident of Merlin’s Asylum for the Mentally Deranged, because me liking anybody will do that to a person, make them insane that is. So I’m standing there with this strong feeling of empowerment, thinking that yes, this is the moment where I will prove my sanity, show Sirius Black my wit, and simultaneously make Eli Yanover fall in love with me. I open my mouth to claim my prize.

 “Actually, the note Sirius Black wrote is a blatant lie. I have a salivary gland disorder and because of that I don’t produce enough saliva, so really the probability of my elbow soaking in my own drool is evidently false.” 

 Silence. Cue the crickets please. God, I really just said that didn’t I? Must fix this.

 “But I do like you.” I say slowly, nervously to Eli who glances up at me with his soft green eyes. “No pressure.” I attempt at a joke, a smile but I’m pretty sure it resembles a grimace at this point.  

 “Er…” He shifts uncomfortably in his chair, probably devising some way to get out of this incredibly sporadic and weird encounter with That Lunatic Janelle. I am so hideous aren’t I, so horribly different and all wrong in the head that I have become so repulsive to everyone around me. It’s a wonder I have no friends.

  For the very first time in my life, I finally feel the weight of that loneliness, that void where friendship should be, where memories of giggling over boys and painting toe nails should be, and crying and laughing and feeling like I belong should be. Strange isn’t it, how rejection can do that to you? Open your eyes to the sad facts of life? 

 I feel sad. Maybe it’s the sudden slump of my shoulders, or the sudden wetness at my eyes but somebody notices my sadness and rushes to help me in the most surprising form.

“No, you can’t have her, Yanover!” Sirius suddenly yells from across the room, saving Eli from talking. “Because she’s mine!”  

 I stand there frozen in shock as Sirius comes to save me from this catastrophic event of social disaster. He gives a sidelong glance with the barest hint of a wink. He walks over to me and kneels at my feet so seriously I almost believe him. 

 “I adore you, Janelle.” He takes my hand and brings it to his lips. He looks unexpectedly vulnerable.  “Forget Yanover. In all my life I have never been more certain than I am now. I am certain that I need you, Janelle. Please say you need me too.” 

 I stand there looking at this gorgeous boy who’s pretending to like me in order to save me and all I can do is stare and be grateful and hate the world for not making it real. He tugs at my hands prompting me to speak, to go along with it. He pulls me down to my knees so we are level and makes to go kiss me but instead whispers into my ear, “Swoon. I’ll catch you.” 

 “I need you.” I whisper loud enough for the class to hear and like the perfect actor that he is he brings me into a rough kiss and I swoon and he catches me just like he promised. The kiss itself reminds of the first time he kissed me but this time, there's a familiarity and a ..... a thing.

 There are wolf whistles, cat calls, gasps, sobs and ‘awes’ and even Professor Flitwick’s wiping away a tear. “Young love,” He sniffs and quite unexpectedly he ushers the students out the door leaving Sirius and I behind. 

 Sirius is still holding unto my face, clasping both sides and looking into my eyes, darkly amused. 

 “That’s twice.” I say stunned, mesmerized by the sheer force of that kiss. 

 “Twice kissing you?” He smirks. 

 “No, you said my name twice.” I laugh. He smiles serenely in return and I glimpse a little boy in that smile. 

After a few moments of him holding my face tenderly I clear my throat. 

“Oh, right.” He apologizes. “Sorry.” 

Warmth is gone from my face filling it with cold air.  

“Great acting.” I remark, clearing my throat awkwardly. “A little too much with the whole ‘certainty thing and the ‘I need you’ though. On how many girls did you use that line?” 

“Only you.” He says slyly. 



There’s a silence again. I look at his handsomeness and find relief and comfort in his face for reasons unknown. 

“Nice of Flitwick to leave us alone, huh boyfriend?” I tease, oh my god, flirtatiously? 

“Flitwick, the secret romantic. Wait until I tell James.” He chortles and sits lazily on the ground. I sit cross-legged next to him and pick at the dirt on the stone floor. 

“Sirius Black?” I look up at him imploringly.

“Janelle Marriot.” He answers casually. 

“Thanks.” I blush and look down. “For saving me back there. I tend to say whatever pops into my mind without ever thinking about it, you know that. God, Eli thinks I’m a freak now, not that I care really but it was very kind of you to pretend like you liked me so I didn’t look completely moronic.” 

“You didn’t look moronic, just sad.” He says as his fingers accidentally brush against mine. Our gazes lock, we both look away. 

 “Sad.” I echo. 

 “Well, cheer up love, cos you’ve got a boyfriend now.” He says suavely as he pats my knee seductively. 

 “Oh sod off.” I say as I swipe his hands off playfully. 

 “No, but really you do.” He says seriously. 

 “Uh, no I don’t.” 

 “Well, duh, no, but hypothetically I’m your boyfriend now. After that scene, well, its sort of your obligation.” He says raising an eyebrow.

 “S’not forever.” I say stubbornly. 

 “Fuck no.” He says insultingly brutal. 

 “A week before the break up?” I ask hopefully. 

 “Why so you can go after Eli Yanover?” He mocks. Twat, I think. 

 “No, I just meant—“ I growl furiously. 

 “A month.” He cuts me off. 

 “What?!” I screech. “A month, that is possibly a life time away I can’t possibly be your girlfriend for that long.” 

 “I just professed how certain I was that I needed you! I’m not going to look like a poncy and back out of this after only one week. Suck a wanker move, I have a reputation to uphold.” He declares manly and brisk, as if he wasn’t dubbed Hogwarts’ Supreme Sex God anyway. God, men. 

 I roll my eyes at his vanity. 

 “Well, Mr. Please Say You Need Me Too, maybe you shouldn’t have so romantic.” I scoff. 

 “They believed it didn’t they? Plus, that’s the sort of thing that spews out of my mouth naturally anyway.” He says arrogantly.  

 “I pity the girl you’re going to marry.” 

 “At this rate, it’ll be you.” He grunts. 

 “Fine. A month.” I cry exasperated. “But we have to have a set of rules.” 

 “Rules?” Sirius cries indignantly. “We’re dating, not getting married! We’re not even really dating!” 

 “One, absolutely no more snogging, ----” I say holding up one finger. I would probably violate my third rule if that were allowed. 

 “That is an atrocity!”  

 “Two, hold hands in public” 

 “You better wear lotion!” 

 “Three, keep it in your trousers.” 

 “As if!” Ew! 

 “Lastly, no one falls in love with the other.”  I say and get a smug satisfaction of seeing Sirius choke on his own spit. 

 “You’re mad.” He states simply. “But as my girlfriend, you’re going to attend my party.” 

 “Wow, that was not self-centered and controlling at all, boyfriend!” I say sarcasm dripping off my tongue. “I can’t believe I have to deal with this for a month.” 

 “Maybe you shouldn’t have been staring at Yanover so disgustingly.” Sirius snaps. 

 “Maybe you shouldn’t have written that stupid note, you idiot!” I snap back just as furious. 

 “What was so special about Yanover anyway?” Sirius demands. 

 “His ankles.” I reply. “They looked like him, I mean they resembled his personality, shy and awkward.” 

 “His ankles?” Sirius says incredulously. “You’re bonkers.” 

 “They were his best quality , along with his soft green eyes.” I say and look pointedly at Sirius, “You on the other hand I can’t figure out.” 

He glares at me. 

 “But don’t worry I have month.” I say. 



 He looks at me and his outstretched legs are touching mine and he isn’t moving it and neither am I and suddenly we’re just staring and its as if I’m on fire, burning hot and bright. 

 “Am I seducing you?” He asks wiggling his eyebrows. 

 “Do you want a punch in the face?” I ask politely. 

 “I quite like my face.”  

 Good. Then shut up.” 

 In that moment  I saw the next month flash before my eyes, Sirius being recklessly flirty and arrogant and me, suppressing my violent urges to throttle/ravish him.




(insert profanity here)


Sorry guys for not updating sooner and not responding to your reviews. I've been super busy, school is stressing me out so much and still is actually but I really wanted to get in a chapter to set the pace so here it is. It is a shorty so my apologies, the others will be longer. Thanks for reading and please review! Thanks muchos.

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