Chapter 8 : Hush, Hush
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So, yeh. This chapter is all about how Sirius is feeling, and his friends too. Oh, and theres some Lily and Isabella at the end. So, enjoy. and Review! I haven't been getting many reviews for a while, which makes me sad... so yeh, REVIEW!
James Potters’ voice finally permeated through the bubble of ignorance Sirius Black had placed around himself after the incident with Isabella Bennet.
He was feeling a multitude of emotions ranging from anger to disbelief, worry to hatred. Conflicting emotions invaded his conscious, forcing his senses to ignore what was going on around him as he sat lazily in the armchair beside the Gryffindor fire, staring aimlessly at the flames licking the logs.
His friends sat around him, exchanging worried looks. Well, Remus Lupin and James were exchanging worried looks, Peter, however, remained completely oblivious to Sirius’ fragile mental and emotional state and was currently attempting to solve a particularly complex crossword puzzle from Witch Weekly.
“Sirius, please talk to us.” Remus said, his tone leaning towards begging.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Sirius said.
“Yes there is Sirius.” Remus said, “Ever since you saw Isabella you’ve been acting weird.”
He winced when Isabella’s name was mentioned. He thought he hid it well. He hadn’t. Both James and Remus noticed and sent each other alarmed looks.
“She’s hot.” Peter said, looking up from the crossword. Sirius’ eyes narrowed, glaring at the fire, while Remus and James glowered at Peter. Confused (a usual state for Peter Pettigrew, mind you), Peter just looked down at the paper again, frustrated at his lack of knowledge on this particular subject.
What he didn’t know was that Sirius was feeling the same way. He was highly frustrated over his own lack of knowledge on the subject of Isabella Bennet. She was no longer the girl he once knew, both mentally and physically.
She was cold. Isolated. Yet amazingly captivating.
He knew that the icy demeanor was an act.
A good act, but an act. He knew her too well to even believe for a second that this was what she was truly like. That she was like them. But then... did he really know her anymore? It’d been years, he thought to himself.
She was no longer that smiling, carefree, overly energetic girl that dragged him into the gardens whenever his family came to visit their home, so the 2 of them could get lost for hours in the forest bordering the Bennet mansion. She was no longer the girl that jumped in the mud in her best clothes just because she could.
She was no longer his Bella.
She was... she was someone else entirely.
Physically...physically she had changed a lot too. Sirius, being a teenage boy, of course noticed the physical changes. She was taller now, and no longer the skinny, tomboy that she once was. She’d grown curves,- in all the right places- and had legs to die for. He frowned, trying to think of the right word to describe her...
Willowy. Yes. Tall, lithe, with a grace that seemed to come naturally to her.
And then there’s her face. An image of her face pushed through the barriers of his mind and he was bombarded with lustful thoughts over the girl he wanted to hate.
Pale, yes she was pale, but it only made her look... ethereal. Long, thick, dark chestnut hair that fell in billowy waves down her back. Her eyes were a dark brown, so dark that they looked black. Her features were soft, in general, but there was something in the way she clenched her jaw, or pushed up her chin made them look sharper. She had a perfect nose, he noted. Not too big, not too small. And cheeks that looked eternally rosy. Did she wear makeup like other girls, he thought. No, she didn’t seem like the type. And then there were her lips, her full, red, entirely kissable lips...
No, he shouted in his mind, silently cursing the thoughts that were poisoning his psyche.
She was poisoning his mind. This was all her fault. She’d just turned up here and... and ruined everything.
How dare she act this way.
How dare she turn up at his school, infiltrate his house, and act the part of the perfect pureblood daughter.
How dare his best childhood friend betray him like this...
He was snapped from his reverie by James. He hated how they were looking at him. Like he was made of glass. Pity. Sirius hated pity.
“I’m fine.” he snapped, a vicious edge to his voice that he regretted immediately.
“Sorry, I’m just... a bit...”
“Don’t worry Padfoot.” James said, smiling. “We understand, mate.”
Sirius wanted to laugh. They couldn’t understand.
Bella had been his only real friend for the whole of his childhood. She’d been his best friend, his confidant, his first-bloody-kiss... And now she hated him. And he hated her. Well, he was trying to hate her. Trying his bloody hardest to hate her.
But no, they couldn’t understand.
He nodded absently, turning to look at the bright flames again.
Such ferocious beauty, he mused.
Her angry, yet alluring, face reappeared in his mind.
Argh! He berated himself. Why did everything have to come back to her? And when did he get so damn poetic? Ferocious beauty!
“Earth to Sirius.”
“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” He said, avoiding their eyes. “I’m fine. Everything is... fine.”
Sirius’ head whipped up at the sound of the overtly seductive voice now speaking to him. Jessica Gregory smiled down at him, her grey skirt shorter than appropriate, and her eyes laden with teenage lust.
A few days ago, before Isabella Bennet’s tumultuous return into his life, Sirius would have immediately reacted to Jessica’s obvious advances. However, since her return his usual reactions to young women of amiable appearance seemed immature and irrelevant if he were to be honest with himself.
However, he did not wish to be honest with himself. At that moment he wanted to lie. He wanted to pretend that Isabella didn’t matter.
“Why hello Jessica.” he said, grinning his trade-mark,apparently heart-melting grin, and she giggled.
Remus rolled his eyes and looked to James, who shrugged.
“Hey Jess, do you know where Lily is?” James then asked, his obsession with the pretty red-head bubbling up once again.
Jessica shrugged, “Last time I saw her she was looking for that Bennet girl.”
“Looking for her where?” James asked.
“She came into the dormitory and asked if we’d seen her, we said no, and then she just left...” Jessica rolled her eyes, “I don’t know why everyone is talking about her, she’s nothing special. Just a two-bit Psuedo-Slytherin whore.”
Remus was quite shocked that Jessica knew what ‘Psuedo’ meant. However, he pushed past this shock as his eyes traveled to Sirius’ face. His eyes were narrowed slightly, his fists clenched, his lips set in a thin line.
“She thinks she’s better than the rest of us. She’s not even that pretty. She’s too pale. And too skinny.”
Jessica, of course, knew this was not true. However, her jealousy masked the truth and distorted her view of Isabella.
“...sure you’re ok? I mean... maybe I should take you to the hospital wing...”
Lily Evans voice was heard loud and clear as she entered the common room. Sirius, James, and Remus looked to the door, as Isabella entered the common room, following Lily. Sirius noted immediately that her eyes were red and tired, her face was pallid.
“I’m fine Lily.” She snapped.
“No need to get snappy with me. I’m only trying to help.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Its just been a... stressful day.”
“I can tell. Well, how about we go upstairs and you can tell me all about it. I think I may have some muggle chocolate.”
“I’ve never had muggle chocolate before.” Isabella said, her voice filled with morbid curiosity, “I feel awfully rebellious.”
Lily laughed, “This is your rebellion? Muggle chocolate?”
“Well, and the fact that my only friend in the world is a muggle-born. And oh yeh, I’ve been placed in the enemy house. But other than that, yes, Muggle chocolate is my rebellion.”
“I’m your friend then?” Lily asked, hopefully.
“I haven’t been that much of a bitch have I?”
“Oh no, I just thought... well...” Lily shook her head, “Sorry.”
“No worries. I know I can be... cold sometimes.” She sighed, “Thank you Lily.”
“No need to thank me.” Lily grinned, “I’m just glad I can help in the rebellion. I think I might have some other items of muggle contraband too!”
Isabella smiled. A real smile. Not a smirk. It reached her eyes, lit up her sad face. Why couldn’t she smile at him that way, Sirius wanted to know.
Her head snapped in their direction, as if she sensed his eyes on her. Her eyes naturally narrowed, but then softened.
She grimaced, too tired to be angry anymore. Too tired to care what he or anyone else thought. She was exhausted; physically, mentally, emotionally.
He could see it in her eyes. The complete desperation. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to forgive her. He couldn’t bring himself to get up and offer her sympathy, or apologize.
That was one thing they had in common. They were both stubborn.
I'm thinking of writing a bit from Lily's POV of her finding Bella? What do you think? I know its a little confusing, but all you really need to know is that Lily found Bella where she was having her little panic attack... I'm trying to decide whether to have Bella just think about it in the next chapter while they're eating chocolate on Lily's bed, or actually have that scene (where she finds Bella) from Lily's POV. (I hope that wasn't too confusing- It confused me...)
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