Chapter 20 : The Sound of Settling
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I wonder how many moments of clarity I’m entitled to. I'm beginning to think the greater powers have got to be running low on epiphanies to provide for myself and that I’d better keep taking advantage of the ones I’m getting.
I’m ready to give full disclosure another go. The second time is the charm they say. Well technically it ended up working out for me the first time since I was happily snog attacked less than a week later. So let’s say second time invokes results of the first. Hopefully I won’t be branded a crazy and sent away.
I thundered down the steps of the girls dorms, pausing at the fifth year girl’s dorm. I can’t believe I’m considering talking to them. I’ve referred to twins as the devil’s spawn for years yet lately I want to fix things.
Well that’s going to take a lot more than stopping in for a friendly chat. I think I deserve a little damage control in my love life first.
I should probably get other significant things done such as repairing my friendship with Leo but unfortunately the Ravenclaw dorm is a little out of my way. Besides that’s something that has a basic definite possibility of fixing and my big task with Remus is a little more uncertain. Look at me getting all prioritized. Next thing you know I’ll be working my way up the Ministry.
Without even knocking I swung open the boy’s door. James who’d been trying to get another leg into his pants shrieked and fell over. I’ve seen him drunk as a skunk so he should probably not get so embarrassed right now.
“Hey James, where’s Remus?”
He jerked his red face over to the boys shared bathroom. Barely skipping a beat, I sped walked across the room and threw open the door.
I was greeted with the steam of a hot shower.
Okay first things first. I tried to contain myself when I realized he was the shower stall. I also tried to keep my mind clean as I walked up and rapt on the stall door.
“I need to talk to you” I hollered. I heard a cough in the shower and the water turned off.
“Don’t say anything, I need to talk first” I warned and took a deep breath.
“I gather you are truly freaked out right now, and I don’t think storming in here is really going to make that go away but I’m a in the moment kind of girl if you haven’t noticed”
Silence, good. No screaming “GET AWAY” is a good sign. Unless he is making a tunnel through the tiles to get away. Okay I need to be realistic, I don’t think I’m that scary.
“So…um I just wanted to put myself out there. I like you and you’ve gathered that I like you a lot and I know you don’t like me as much but that doesn’t matter to me, I only needs to you to like me a little….well not so little that I’m practically worthless, not that you would think of someone as worthless…”
What a way with words you have Delia.
“And furthermore, we mesh well, I mean really well. I don’t know if you remember us snogging but I’m sure there’s more than chemistry between us.”
I paused, this is where he hopefully takes in the memory and his boy hormones start to have a say.
And maybe I’m delaying those three little words.
“So yes, I-I love you”
Still quiet, the towel gets pulled down from the stall door. A sign? Hell if I know.
Umm closing statement. “I don’t see how it’s a bad thing and I’m thinking we should be together” I paused yet again. “So…uh….what are you thinking?”
The stall door open and I was greeted with a towel clad Sirius.
“Well I don’t think I could do that to Remus” he answered thoughtfully with a hand on his chin. My jaw scrapped the tiles.
“But the offer is very much appreciated” he informed me, patting my shoulder as he left the bathroom.
“B-But James said he was in here” I stammered. Sirius laughed as he disappeared through the door.
Someone coughed. I looked over to my right where a red faced Remus was standing next to the sink holding a toothbrush. I felt my face matching his
The universe loves its wicked little games doesn’t it?
I cleared my throat “Now imagine I said that entire speech to you”
“Okay” he nodded. At least I didn’t have to go repeat myself. Although it might have been good to have a practice run under my belt.
“Only much more eloquently” I added as an afterthought.
He smiled slightly “I gathered it was meant for me, sorry I didn’t stop you”
“It’s cool” I tried to act casual and not as if I just poured my heart out for the second time to a naked Sirius while the right guy was next to me brushing his teeth. I tried leaning casually against the wall to show just how calm I was but it ended up being rather cold.
“Up for a walk?” he asked kindly. Not if it’s the walk of letdown.
“Sure…I mean yeah, whatever” I answered in what I hope was a breezy voice. Oh who am I kidding, it’s a little late to be playing hard to get.
James and Sirius were sniggering like little boys as we left the dorm. When Remus wasn’t looking I nabbed a shirt and whipped it at Sirius. It missed of course, and they only laughed more.
Ross had relocated herself to the common room along with the rest of the girls of my dorm. They were all grinning suspiciously and Crystal gave me thumbs up. So much for my little buddy being an air tight confidant. Oh well, I never asked her not to turn my love life into a spectacle.
Remus looked slightly bewildered at all the smiling girls. I hurried him out of there. With any luck he’ll assume I’m the sanest of the bunch.
“So what are your summer plans” he asked, finally speaking.
A little off topic, I’d say but at least he’s trying to get us on comfortable speaking terms. And he hasn’t run yet. I think this boy likes me still. Oh I really hope this boy likes me still.
“Delia?” Oh right, I should answer his question as opposed to plunging into the realm of self doubt.
“Family” I said without thinking.
“Well that’s not exactly clear on my end”
Right. Well now that I think about it, “I’m going to talk to my mum, she sends us away for a good deal of the summer ever year to visit different family members but I think I’m going to ask if we can all go away together”
“Yeah, I think this family really needs it. It’s funny, when I thought about graduating I thought I would be escaping them but now I want to see if there’s some semblance of how close we all used to be. The twins will love the non visiting aspect of it; our relatives freak them out almost as much as me”
He laughed at my dumb joke. I like how Remus never sounds fake, with him there’s always something completely sincere. But he still wasn’t talking much and here I am babbling.
“Oh and lots of Ross hanging, she’s muggleborn so I’m betting she’s got oodles of crazy muggle activities for us to do.” I wonder what muggles do for fun. So far I can only think of non animated chess.
“You know I’m half muggle” he brought up.
“Yeah?” Of course I knew.
“You ever been to the movies?”
To the wha? “What’s that?”
We were at the entrance hall, Remus pushed opened the door while looking at me sideways with a gleam in his eye and a half smile. “Something you need to see”
Was he…flirting with me? Oh this is very good. I must flirt back.
I gave him a smiling side glance of my own. “Well only if Ross doesn’t have any objections”
“I think it’s cute that you’ve taken her under your wing”
I shook my head. “Under my wing? If anything she’s the one guiding me, I half think the girl was created entirely for my benefit”
“You really like having her around then?”
“Not at first but she grew on me. I don’t think I would likely have gotten through this year properly if it wasn’t for her. She’s my best friend.” And that was the honest truth. Somehow an annoying fourteen year old girl became one of the most important people in my life this year.
It was a nice day. Sun bright and grass looking extremely green from all the melted snow. There were still quite a few piles of snow intact but it didn’t look like they would remain for very long. I was reminded that we still had months before school was out. Which made Remus questions a bit premature, and that may be a sign of nerves on his part.
He was leading me towards the lake. We walked along side it for a little while before he stopped.
“Here we are” Remus announced.
I looked around me. I wasn’t really expecting an exact destination I guess. He walked over to a flat rock by the lake and sat down, motioning to join him. I didn’t hesitate.
“Is this like your special spot?”
“Yep” He raised an eyebrow at my confused face.
“I guess I would expected a hidden mythical cave with ancient carvings”
“Almost every morning after I transform, I come here” he started, I stopped feeling jokey “I usually sit or stand for awhile, thinking about everything and nothing”
I glanced at the lake. Nice view. Good sitting rock too. Not a bad place to think.
He cleared his throat as if to begin a speech of his own. “After you told me how you felt last Sunday, every morning from Monday to Wednesday after I transformed I thought about you”
Cue the pause in the heart of Delia Moore before it picked up rapidly.
“I thought about this girl I had overlooked for such a long time and how suddenly from no where she was bouncing around everywhere inside my head. You were driving me wild with every word we spoke to each other and every time I saw you”
Okay, now comes wide eyes of surpriseband what is hopefully an appealing glow.
“I feel bad because all these years you’ve been thinking about me like that and I hadn’t given you a second glance. Yes I freaked out but the only reason I didn’t smack myself in the head and go find you was because I can’t stand that I’m the reason you’ve suffered for all these years”
“I wasn’t exactly suffering per say, just foolishly hoping” I under exaggerated lamely. .
“And I hurt you this year”
“No you didn’t”
“Yes, I pushed Sirius on you; I assumed you had dishonorable intentions about my secret. I’m sorry I didn’t open my eyes to you”
I grabbed his arm “Stop, shut up!”
He seemed surprised. Contrary to his belief, I was never mad at him for that. “Don’t apologize for something like being unaware, I should be apologizing for being so damn skittish and shy around you. You had no clue since I wasn’t exactly waving I heart Remus Lupin flags in your face”
“Well I am sorry”
“Fine, well I don’t accept you apology” I told him defiantly but I was grinning.
He was smiling too “Well we’ll have to leave that up in the air then”
“I guess so”
I hadn’t been aware before but we had moved pretty close. I glanced down at my arm, which was slight touching his. I looked up and saw he’d been looking to. Our eyes had met. He still hadn’t rejected me. I’m glad to be pretty sure that he won’t.
“So earlier you asked what I was thinking” he reminded in a low voice. I nodded.
“And I’m thinking long term” he answered. “I’m thinking we call each other girlfriend and boyfriend, we hold hands whenever we feel like it and annoy people with public displays of affection.
I was glowing even more. “That sounds like a really really go thing to be thinking and again I’m sorry I put all this pressure on you, you don’t have to be in love with me”
“I will be though”
Remus shrugged “I will be in love you, there’s no avoiding that”
I fixed him with an incredulous look “You can’t know that”
“Delia, my mind is on barely anything but you these days, I already know that you’re there for me no matter what and I already adore you, so yes I can know that”
He lifted his hand to my face. “Can we do that thing with our lips now?”
This time our faces moved together slowly. Our foreheads met and leaned against each other. We both grinned before meeting lips. I enjoyed our soft version of snogging almost as much as our crazed teenage hormone snogging.
It was really all kinds of perfect, by the lake, sun shining. So of course snorts and giggles interrupted us. We looked over to see a couple of first years running by.
“They always manage to ruin our fun” Remus noted.
I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder happily. Interruptions don’t really seem like a problem anymore, we can always resume afterwards. We are officially something now, there will be time.
Plus I can get revenge on Sirius and James by asking Remus to kick them out of their dorm.
I think I’ve done pretty good for myself. Down one lonesome existence, up a better best friend than most can boast.
Down one torturous crush, up one boyfriend, not to mention all the agonies that went with the crush. The constant reading of signals got annoying. But does he really…okay so the signal reading attempts might be still be there. And I can’t say it isn’t a little off putting to have to trust that he will one day fall in love with me. But Remus is a trustworthy guy so I’ll put my faith in him. I know it’s new and fresh and maybe a little terrifying but its happening and that’s all I could have wished for.
So I need to stop worrying and breathe a little. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been mooning after him forever and he’s only recently discovered I’m likable. What’s important is I’ve finally gotten my chance and with a little nudging, in the end I grabbed this chance myself.
And even though he doesn’t love me now, all that matters is that he could.
Sorry if it was a bit mushy guys :)
Thank you all for reading. Your reviews were amazing and completely helped funnel me along.
Also a bit sorry it was a short ending, I had basically written it awhile ago and realized recently that I didn't want to tamper just to add length. So here it is.