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Stay or Leave by never_too_old
Chapter 1 : Stay or Leave
 
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 8


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"One doesn't recognize the really important moments in one's life until it's too late" - Agatha Christie



He slowly walked through his manor, carrying his glass of Firewhiskey. Every so often, he would stop to look inside the different rooms he came across, as memories of their life flashed before his eyes. He couldn’t believe she had left him.

“Lucius, I can’t do this anymore,” she cried on the bed they shared for more than twenty years.

He stared over at her, with a blank expression on his face. He watched the tears roll down her cheeks, but he never thought of reaching out to wipe them away. “You know who I am, Narcissa,” he began. “I never hid that from you.”

“I know,” she sniffed. “And I know this is my fault for allowing it to continue for so long, but I have to stop this.”

“What are you talking about?”

She glanced out the window, staring at the full moon shining brightly in the nighttime sky. “It’s either him or me,” she quietly stated.

“You’re seriously going to say that?” he angrily asked.

She turned toward him, with no more tears spilling from her eyes. “What’s your decision?”


He lifted his drink to his mouth and took another sip, when he stopped in the doorway of his study, where he spent the majority of his days and nights. Now it was as desolate as his soul. He wished he could take it all back. Never did he think he would miss her as much as he did.

Maybe different, but remember
Winters warm where you and I
Kissing whiskey by the fire,
With the snow outside. 


He walked into the sitting room, noticing how cold and dreary it was. He sat in his usual chair, across from the couch where she used to always read.

He studied her face, as she read silently in front of him. He smiled to himself, as he watched her wet her finger to turn the next page. He sipped on his tea, enjoying their quiet time together. He never liked to disturb her during this time. He always enjoyed watching her peacefully read, with no worries upsetting her thoughts. 

He turned to the fireplace, remembering how he used to hold her so closely during those cold, wintry nights when she needed his warmth. Now the fireplace sat undisturbed, with nobody needing to be warmed by its light tonight.

And when the summer comes,
In the river,
Swims at midnight,
Shiver cold.
Touch the bottom,
You and I,
With muddy toes. 


His body shivered, remembering the nights they used to share. She cared about him very much; this he knew. She stuck by him through it all, although he didn’t realize it until now. She left without him even shedding a tear or begging for her to stay. He knew he would be fine without her; she was just a mere distraction in his life.

Oh how he hated when he was wrong.

Stay or leave.
I want you not to go,
But you should.
It was good as good goes.


He never understood why she stayed with him for so long. Sure he was a Malfoy, but he knew from the beginning she never cared about his wealth. She loved him for him, not for his name. She had a good heart, which always made him question her need to be with someone who was known to be callous. She told him repeatedly he was a good person, yet he never saw it.

Stay or leave.
I want you not to go,
But you did.


He closed his eyes and sighed, as the vision of her came into view. Leaving him was the smartest thing she ever did. Even though he missed her so much, he knew she was too good for him and should be with someone who would treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

“Stay or leave,” he simply said, as he stood up from the bed.

She looked up at him, confused by his answer. “Pardon?”

“The decision is yours, not mine,” he answered, as he walked out of their bedroom, never looking back.


Oh why didn’t he look back?

He stood up from his chair, needing to get out of the sitting area. Too many memories were in this room and his heart couldn’t take anymore. As he headed down the hall, he briefly stopped in front of the kitchen, not sure why he wanted to go in. There was nothing special with this room, for neither of them usually set foot in here. That’s what their house elves were for.

He entered the kitchen, feeling his heart sink. He had no idea anything in here would give him memories, but as soon as he looked over at the coffee mugs on the counter, his mind continued forward.

Wake up naked drinking coffee,
Making plans to change the world.
While the world is changing us,
It was good good love.
You used to laugh under the covers,
Maybe not so often now.
But the way I used to laugh with you,
Was loud and hard.


“So, what are we going to do about it?” he asked, as he stared over at her, as he lay beside her in their bed.

“Can’t we just ignore it?” she sighed.

“He needs to be punished, love,” he expressed, as he brushed a few blonde strands of her hair away from her face.

“He’s only three,” she argued. “He doesn’t know any better.”

“That’s the point,” he reasoned. “We have to start teaching him right from wrong.”

“Says the Death Eater,” she smirked.

He moved closer to her, making her squeal, as he rolled her on her back and hovered above her. “What was that?” he playfully asked, as he pinned her arms down so she couldn’t move.


She wriggled underneath, trying to break free. He smiled down at her, admiring her persistence. She finally stopped moving, realizing she was stuck, and stared up at him. “I hate how strong you are,” she frowned.

“That’s not what you said last night,” he laughed, as he leaned down and kissed her lips. 


He quickly backed out of the kitchen, feeling the tears start to form. He hated this weakness he still had. He slowly moved through the hallway again, staring at the moving photographs on the wall. She always looked beautiful in her portraits.

Stay or leave.
I want you not to go,
But you should.
It was good as good goes.
Stay or leave.
I want you not to go,
But you did.


He took a deep breath, feeling so lonely in his big manor. He always liked the silence, but now it was just haunting. He knew nobody was waiting for him in any of these rooms, waiting to ask him to do something. He had nobody anymore. Even his son deserted him, when he moved in with a few of his friends from school after he graduated.

So what to do,
With the rest of the day's afternoon, hey?


He told her from day one he was a follower of the Dark Lord. She knew his history; she knew what she was getting into. So, he couldn’t understand why she suddenly had to give him this ultimatum. He didn’t know why she was being so unfair about the whole thing.

Oh why did he choose him over her?

Isn't it strange, how we change?
Everything we did,
Did I do all that I should?
That I coulda done?


He walked further along, noticing the closed double doors ahead. He recalled many extravagant parties they threw for their friends and family behind those doors. They always knew how to entertain a crowd. They shared many dances with each other, making their friends jealous with each step they took. He had to admit they were a beautiful couple on that dance floor.

Remember we used to dance,
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too.


He released his breath, feeling his eyes again water. He quickly wiped the tears away, not allowing himself to cry.

What day is this?
Besides the day you left me.
What day is this?
Besides the day you went.
So what to do,
With the rest of the day's afternoon, hey?
 


She twirled around in her sparkling green ball gown, waiting for a compliment. He nodded in approval, as he extended his hand for her to take. She grabbed his hand and softly laughed, as he twirled her toward him.

“Ravishing,” he whispered in her ear, as he held her from behind.

She blushed, before turning around to meet his beautiful, blue eyes. “After all these years, and you still know how to give a compliment,” she smiled.


He began to nuzzle her neck, before he heard the bell toll. He twirled her away from him, knowing they would soon have to greet their guests. She sighed, wishing they could have held each other a little bit longer.

They stood proudly in front of the double doors that led into their ballroom. Their guests soon arrived, shaking hands with their hosts. Narcissa peeked over at her husband every so often, wanting to stare at the man she loved with all her heart. She smiled to herself, when she would catch him sneaking a few glances her way, as well.


Well, isn't it strange, how we change?
Everything we did,
Did I do all that I could?


He placed his hand on the double doors, realizing he was suddenly frozen in his spot. It was too much for him to handle. So many memories filled this house and he knew he would never be able to escape them. He leaned his forehead against the doors, never realizing how difficult this was going to be. Behind these closed doors were the last of his memories, yet he didn’t want to continue through them.

Oh how he wished he didn’t have to go through them.

Remember we used to dance,
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too.
What day is this?
Besides the day you went, babe.
What day is this? 


“Father?”

His body stiffened, hearing his son’s voice coming from behind him. “Are you ready?” he asked, not able to turn around to look at him just yet.

“Yes,” Draco answered.

He nodded, as he straightened himself up and wiped any evidence of tears from his eyes. He turned to look at his only son, who stood stiffly before him. He sighed, knowing he was trying hard to keep up his façade. He glanced away from the boy, feeling sadness take over. “I wish things could have been different,” he said.

“I know,” Draco nodded, sensing his father’s pain.

“She’s really gone, isn’t she?” he quietly spoke, as he turned to look at his son again.

Draco nodded, not able to speak the words. He loved both his parents and still was in shock when he learned what happened.

“I really did love her,” he sighed. “I wish I could’ve told her that more.”

Draco took a deep breath, not sure what to say. He stared at his father a little bit more, seeing the sorrow in his eyes. “She knows,” he finally said, knowing his father needed to hear it.

His body relaxed, when he heard his son say it. She knew. That’s all he needed to hear. He was so afraid she left without knowing the truth. He moved toward his son and placed his arm around his shoulder.

“Are you ready?” Draco asked him.

He took another deep breath, as he stared over at the double doors. He nodded, as they walked together toward the doors. Draco placed his hand on the doors to open them, staring nervously at his father.

As the doors opened, they were greeted with many guests sitting in chairs. His face paled, as he stared down the long aisle, toward the casket at the end. He released his hold on his son, as he slowly walked down the aisle, feeling all the stares on him. He kept his eyes forward, forcing himself not to cry in front of his friends.

He stopped in front of the casket, staring down at the peaceful woman below. She was still beautiful, even in death. He knelt down, grabbing her hand in his, hearing the room go quiet. He suddenly couldn’t hold the tears back anymore, and he let them fall freely down his face. “I was a coward, love,” he softly cried. “I didn’t want you to go that night. I was never the same after you left, but I never was able to admit it,” he sniffed. “I always loved you,” he finished, as he wiped his tears away and leaned in, kissing her cold lips one last time. 



A/N: Again, the lyrics are from the song "Stay or Leave" by Dave Matthews.




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