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Chapter 20 : Saying good bye
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Harry James Potter placed his suit and tie on the bed and then finished his packing, just a few things left to sort out and he would be done until the morning, in the morning he would place his suit in with his other clothes and once he closed his trunk he could put his keys on the table and walk away from this dingy apartment for good. He took a last look around before he changed into his suit, getting ready for the party.
He walked slowly, dragging his feet along the pavement, forcing himself on toward his destination, never in his whole life had he felt so down and miserable, and yet he knew he was supposed to be, really should be happy, he was after all on his way to his best friend’s engagement party.
He could not however deny that he had hoped against all hope that they would call it all off. That they would argue and split up, or just decide they were not suited to each other.
His two best friends were a couple and it broke his heart. He held back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, tears that made eyes sting and his vision blur.
He thought of the feisty young red haired girl he would meet there, he would treat her yet again as his girlfriend, he would smile and laugh, he would crack some joke or other, he would be with the red haired girl he did not love, would never be able to love or give his heart too, because it already belonged to another, it belonged to the girl who had been his best friend for so many years.
All the time he was there he would be hiding his pain. Hiding the hopes he had had when she had held his hand. When she had walked with him hand in hand, or they had walked with their arms around each other, and his hope had risen unbidden. She had played the part of his wife and had done it so well he had forgotten they were not really married, and his hope grew even more.
His love had grown slowly over the years; it had grown without his knowledge. Then when he eventually realised that he really loved her, his hope had started growing then and kept on growing, right up to the day they had announced their engagement, his hope that had stayed with him until that day vanished in a wave of pain. That was the day hope had died and broke his heart at the same time; the day his world had become the saddest place to be.
He was almost at the engagement party when he made his decision, he would say his last good bye and never see any of them again.
He would leave his heart at the party with her, and he would walk away alone and lonely, he would leave the land he had fought so long to free from evil; he would leave because it was no longer a place where his heart could be free, his heart was no longer his.
He would be brave, he would find his Gryffindor courage, and he would tell her why he was leaving. Then he would walk away and never look back, looking back would be more than he could take, looking back would bring out the tears.
He could see her waiting in the building doorway; he knew she was waiting for him. He knew why she was there, she wanted his blessing, but he could not give it. He knew they would ask him tonight to be the best man, there was no way he could do that, he was already using all he had in him self to hold back the tears.
He loved her far too much; the pain was breaking his heart and tearing his soul apart. He could not watch as she gave her self to another, he would say good bye on that awful door step, he knew now that he would not, could not go inside, his heart just would not be able to take it.
He stopped before he reached her, taking in the quiet beauty of her face through his blurry tear filled eyes, the shape of her slim body and shapely legs.
He would go no closer or his tears would show, he would just take a deep breath say good bye and then he would leave, leave to let her marry, leave to never again stand with her, and maybe someday in the far distant future he would learn how to love again.
She came out to meet him in a rush and gave him a tight hug, it was too much for him, he needed to say good bye “Hermione, I just came to say good bye to the woman I love with all my heart. I am going away and will not be returning.”
She turned to look around for the red head of his girl friend but she was nowhere in sight.
When she turned back to him he kissed her cheek and said “Good bye, my love.”
He whispered his good bye once more then he turned to walk away, she called his name but he kept on walking. He could here her heels click on the pavement as she ran after him. catching up with him she took hold of his hand as he walked away and pulled him to a stop.
“Will you wait here for me please Harry? there is something I have to do,” she asked smiling at him, so because she had simply asked him too, he watched her walk away and he waited; she returned within minutes her coat and bag in her hand.
Once more she took hold of his hand, and he saw she no longer wore the small engagement ring she had seemed to love.
“I always prayed you would love me.” She said as she kissed his cheek and started to walk hand in hand with him.
“Where are we going?” she asked as she kissed his cheek one more time.
“No idea,” he replied as they rounded the corner.
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