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10 Fool-Proof Ways To Deflate James Potterís Big Head. by OvergrownEden9
Chapter 3 : Tease
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 28

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Sadly, I don't own Sirius. If I did, well... okay never mind ;)

Please review :) You get cookies and free hugs from James and whatever you like for Sirius. ^_^ ;)

Chapter Three

"Don’t be so touchy!" Sirius struggled to keep up with me as I stomped down the corridor. I was utterly seething, "Lily, flower!"

I turned around, "What do you want?"

“You answer to that now?“

I raised my wand, threateningly. Sirius took a step backwards, raising his hands in the air in defence, "Calm down."

"I am not going to stand in front of him in the nude, Black."

"I never said ‘in the nude’," Sirius replied calmly, in a matter-of-fact tone - positively implacable to my own. It was a definite mocking of my voice, I decided, with a glare. This was confirmed with his smirk. Count to ten, Lily, count to ten.

"You said ‘in your birthday suit’." I said, my voice dripping with forced calm. The calm before the storm.

Sirius shrugged, "How was I supposed to know that your birthday suit is you starkers?"

I glared, "Well, what’s your birthday suit?"

"Me, starkers, of course!" He announced. Sirius grinned, leaning lazily against the wall.


"Well, in all fairness," Sirius reasoned, idly studying his left hand, "Lots of my suits are me starkers. It‘s what people want, Lily flower"

"Thanks for the imagery."

"No problem," Sirius grinned at me. I retched.

I tucked a stray strand of my red hair, which was hastily put in a ponytail, behind my ear, "Why are you so damn annoying?"

Sirius suddenly took a step towards me. We were far too close for comfort; I could feel his breath on my face. We stood eye to eye. I told my feet to move, but they weren’t listening. Sirius jerked his hand forward suddenly, towards my face. I expected him to steal my soul from my face or something, and I closed my eyes automatically.

"Evans, what the hell are you doing with your face?" I felt his hand on my hair, pulling it sharply. Opening my eyes, I saw Sirius looking at me with dislike, my bottle-green hair ribbon clasped in his fist.

"What am I doing?!"

"Yeah!" Sirius dropped the ribbon to the floor, "All I was doing is taking this bloody thing out of your hair."

I took a step away from him, blushing, "Well, that’s not normal!"

"I’m helping you, bint," Sirius wiped his hand on his robes, crinkling his nose, "James likes long hair... I wasn’t molesting you!" Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Though, it wouldn’t be molestation from the look on your face."

"Shut up, Black!" I replied, indignantly, "Like I’d like to be molested by you!"

"Bint," Sirius started to walk away, "It wasn’t going to be molestation. We covered this. Oh, and trust me - I’d rather die a virgin, Evans."

"Well... shut up, Black!"

"Don’t mess up step two, bint." Sirius stalked off, down the corridor.

“Like I could ever mess up!“ I shouted at him, but he was already gone, leaving me standing alone in the corridor.


Okay, there was a slight chance I was going to mess up. Alright, big chance. But, in my defence, Black was asking a lot of me.

Admittedly, he was… good at what he was doing. Whatever he was doing. I think he’s plotting against his best-friend, and working with someone he loathes; who, by the way, has the mutual feeling for him (the mutual feeling of general loathing and daydreams of ways to hex the other…). He is not a normal person.

Yes, I did ask him to and… I am plotting against the guy I am in love with. But I’m normal.

Well, sort of. I did scrub every single tile in the Gryffindor seventh-year’s bathroom but I just like things to be clean. Cleaner.

I found James where Sirius told me he’d be. That would be near the broom shed, just off the Quiddich pitch. I’d never really been there before, and he was so engrossed in the shed he didn’t even hear me approaching. I tentatively peered through the window, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach when I saw his mop of untidy hair.

Suddenly, he turned around. I tucked, and peered into the shed through a small crack in the wooden wall. James looked around again, then smirked to himself. He pulled a broomstick towards him, the shiniest, and whispered soothingly, “Shh, I know it’s cold and lonely, Norris, but I’ll see you again soon…” He fondled the handle, and took a sniff of the paint, “Oh that’s right. You’re so shiny, I can’t wait to ride you again. You know you’re very special to me, right? Yes, I know, I know…” He cooed, brushing the broom‘s bristles so they were all facing the same way.

I stood up, my eyes wide. I was slightly unnerved by this… display of affection. I walked around the shed, stepped through the open door and cleared my throat loudly. James jumped up, dropping the broom onto the floor. He saw me and let out a small, nervous squeak, “Evans?!”

“Hello, Potter…” I noticed that the broom’s bristles were now ruffled from the fall, “The broom’s looking a bit worse for wear.”

James’ eyes filled with tears as he looked longingly at the fallen broom, “Never mind. It’s only a broom.” I could have sworn I heard him whisper a hurried apology.

“Oh, okay…” I opened my mouth to continue, but his eyes kept darting back to the broom in panic.

Lead him on, Evans.’ The words Sirius had said earlier that day echoed in my mind. I rolled my eyes, and pursed my lips.

“So, how are you, James?” I smiled at him, and took a step towards him. He looked at me, his eyes wide.

“I’m…” He stuttered, taken aback. Then, suddenly, he regained his old tone, “I’m great, Lily. You look very hot today.”

“As do you,” I breathed, taking a step towards him, “You look positively delicious, James…”

He grinned, forgetting the broom. He practically lunged towards me, wrapping an arm around my waist. Okay, maybe not the reaction I was looking for…

“James, I…” I leaned towards him, my lips just a little away from his. I could see the two brain cells he possessed dancing in his eyes, shouting ‘Score score score!’

James moved forward to kiss me, when I turned my head so he had a mouthful of my hair. He coughed, and I stood loudly on his broomstick.

“Oh sorry, I think I broke the handle there…”

Quicker than you could say ‘BLOODY MERLIN!’ James was on the floor, nursing his broomstick. A tear ran down his cheek, and he looked at me sadly. The little brain cells were now shrieking, ‘why, Norris, why you?!’

Everything Sirius predicted to happen actually happened. Maybe that boy deserves more credit that I give him…

“I bet he’s snogging Norris right now,” Sirius appeared from no where, grinning smugly. Speak of the devil…

Maybe that boy deserves a good kick where it hurts…

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