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Chapter 3 : losing heart
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Chapter III: losing heart
"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart." –Robert Ingersoll
He walked into the room only to see her crying on his bed. “Not that I don’t love to see a pretty girl lying on my bed, but it’s kind of against the rules for a girl to be in the boys’ dormitory, care to explain Hermione?”
She sniffled, desperately trying to wipe away the tears that were streaming down her face. “I—I was waiting for you.”
He eyed her quizzically before slowly saying “I see…”
“Ron and I—we—we got into a fight tonight, he accused me of cheating after I met with Viktor at the Three Broomsticks.”
He nodded. “I know.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “You—you know?”
“Ginny told me so I went to find Ron and he explained what happened between you two,” he elaborated, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he awkwardly watched her sit in front of him, crying her eyes out. For a minute he thought he saw a look of hurt pass through her eyes, but, just as fast as it came, it left without a trace.
“I didn’t cheat on him.”
“I know you didn’t, you’d never do that, far too loyal of a person to,” he whispered as he slowly pulled her off the bed and into his arms in a tight embrace.
“Then why doesn’t he see that? He’s my boyfriend for Christ’s sake!”
“He’s just being stubborn Hermione, but he loves you, he really does.”
“I want to hex him,” she sheepishly admitted.
He chucked, whispering, into her ear, “but you won’t.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I want to though.”
“So you broke up with Ginny?” a deep voice interrupted him from his reverie.
Harry turned to see Ron taking a seat next to him on his couch, a fire whiskey for both in hand. “Yeah.”
Harry shrugged noncommittally. “Just felt like the thing to do.”
“Don’t lie to me Harry; we’re best mates for a reason. There’s something else, something big.”
Harry tilted his fire whiskey, watching the drink swirl as he did it, thinking of how that had always been Hermione’s favorite thing about drinking it—how it looked, the color. He had always loved those quirks of hers.
Still staring at the drink, Harry distractedly told Ron “You know she accused Hermione of trying to steal me from her… even called her a jealous hag.”
Ron winced. “Is it sad that that actually sounds like something she’d say?”
Harry looked up at him with a pained expression. “You really think so?”
Ron couldn’t hide the surprised look in response to that question. “Don’t you? I mean you did break up with her.”
“I honestly don’t know anything anymore,” he admitted with a pathetic shrug.
Ron rolled his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I’ve ignored it long enough mate, but it’s been two months since she left, a month since you went all moody on me at that pub, Fred’s birthday party no less, and that something, whatever it is, is still bothering you, I can see it. Just tell me what it is that she said to you because it obviously had a pretty big impact on you.”
Harry just kept his gaze on the lit fireplace before him, taking a sip of his whiskey as he purposefully ignored Ron’s question.
“I swear to you mate, if you don’t tell me I’m leaving, I never liked people who moped in their self misery, it’s a waste of time.”
“This is coming from the bloke who gets angry at the drop of a hat.”
“Uh hello, that’s spiteful, not misery? Anger’s okay,” he reasoned in what Hermione would have called “perfectly er-Ron-eous1 manner,” bloody hell, she really had the worst sense of humor.
“Sounds like a double standard to me,” Harry muttered.
Ron groaned. “You know what Harry, forget it, I’m leaving.”
Harry let out an aggravated sigh, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “She told me that I don’t deserve her.”
Ron stopped in the middle of the room, tightly frozen in the spot from which he had just been about to apparate from. “What?”
“She said that I didn’t deserve her—didn't appreciate her.”
Ron rolled his eyes. “Well that’s bull.”
“That’s what I thought,” Harry sheepishly admitted. “But—but the… the more I think about it, the more it seems as if I’m the one that had it wrong all along. She’s right; I was never as good of a mate to her as she was to me.”
“Well of course not, that’s impossible. Hermione’s the best person to have for a mate, ever! No one can compete with that, she is willing and ready to do anything for a friend, the only thing you can do is be the best mate you can be for her, she appreciates that much. I mean look at me, she stuck by me, regardless of what an arse I can be towards her some of the time.”
“You wouldn’t understand…”
Ron stepped back, clearly affronted by the statement. “Oh I get it, just because I’m Ron Weasley, the bloke that has the emotional range of a tea spoon, means that I’m not worthy of such information.”
“Don’t be a prick, it-”
“No, you listen here Harry; you’re pushing everyone in your life away. I’ve let you do it long enough, but I’m not going to lose another friend, you two mean too much to me for me to just let you go like this!”
Harry paused at his rant, his expression softening more and more with each word. He groaned as he threw his head into his hands. “I just miss her, mate, and—and I’m scared that when she comes back she’ll realize that she deserves better than me… that she doesn’t need me anymore…”
Ron growled, stomping his foot onto the floor petulantly. “Bloody hell, I mean you weren’t supposed to actually have a good excuse, you were supposed to let me be mad at you because you’re an arse! This really isn't fair you damn prat.”
A smile tugged at Ron’s lips as he retook his seat by Harry’s side. “Listen mate, she needs us just as much as we do her. I’m the one that keeps her grounded by getting her to let loose once in a while, even if it usually does lead to a lot of fights between us, and you—you’re the one that gives her hope. She believes in you and somehow—somehow that helped her be able to have more confidence in herself. She knows that, that was never the problem.”
“I know; it’s just that I just wish she didn’t feel like she couldn’t grow with us, it seems so unfair.”
“She’ll be back, though, and that’s what’s really important.”
“But what if she doesn’t come back?”
“I—I-” Ron stumbled. “I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve always tried to ignore that possibility.”
Harry nodded. “Yeah… maybe that’s best.”
1just in case you didn’t quite get the er-Ron-eous jab, it’s a reference to the word erroneous, sorry if that didn’t make much sense
p.s. feel free to R&R ;)
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