Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter related. I know…sucks to be me. I also do not own Joan Rivers, or anything else. Just the plot, some cream soda and some chocolate ice cream. Enjoy!
It was a fine sunny morning the next day. If one looked past the almost arctic blasts of air that assaulted the players as they ran from the house to the heated Scrimmage Pitch.
Just like a bunch of bloody dumb boys, Piper chuckled to herself. Maybe I’ll go out in my summer training kit, fully heat-charmed. That’ll crack Grandpa up. Dumbarsed blokes.
She finished musing and rushed outside in her Summer Kit, which consisted of a paper-thin white tank top, and rather short yellow shorts that had Puddlemere United’s initials embroidered on the rear.Fully heat-charmed, of course.
The men, who were scrimmaging today, had gathered in the center of the Pitch. Around Coach James. And his father. Piper strolled casually towards them. Her mind not at all on today’s scrimmage. She wasn’t worried. When Puddlemere held practices that her father didn’t run, she practiced with them. Todays would be a pie of cake. Maybe even one with sprinkles!
“Boy’s…the men…from…gnomes…” Coach James rambled on in his usual speech for a while.
How many years had he been using this speech? Piper pulled her unruly hair up into a ponytail, not listening to her father, but instead, thinking of what color dress she should look at for the New Years Party.
White? Black? Maybe red? Red looks decent against my tan.
“Since my boy…Seeking…not playing…Snitch is found.”
I’ll probably end up with blue again.
“Timed scrimmage…or until injuries…overlooked.”
Or yellow. Can we say clichéd? Freaking Puddlemere colors.
Blue is alright, I guess. But come on! Yellow? It is the middle of the sodding Winter!
“Same playing rules…don’t go soft…anyone.”
Not July. And I am not a freaking Popsicle! Though, one does sound nice. Mmm.
She jumped about a foot, noticing how close she was to Wood. “Holy Snitch! Scared the piss outta me.” She shook her head and giggled.
Oliver turned to look over his shoulder. “Holy Snitch?” He asked bemusedly.
Piper reddened and muttered, “Blame Maddie.” She felt the heated glare of her father and remembered that he yelled at her first. “Yes, Coach?”
He rolled his eyes. “Are you honestly going to wear that?” He eyed her outfit like the chief of the fashion police.
Don’t think of it, Piper reprimanded herself. She couldn’t help it. Her father morphed into Joan Rivers. Gaudy glittering gown and all. ‘It just doesn’t go. I think it is too hootchie. All legs, not enough emphasis on her shape. Shoddy makeup, gross hair…eww. Lock that fashion violator in the slammer and throw away the key.’ She laughed alone for a moment, before recover. “Why, yes I am.”
“Aren’t you cold?”
She shrugged. “No. Heating charm.” Piper glanced around at the shivering, sheepish faced men surrounding her. Speaking slowly like she did to small children. “I am a witch. I know the charm. And I hate bundling up when we play…makes me chafe.”
Jason, who had crept up on her, snorted. “Yeah, keep talking Pipe. Real attractive. Honestly, you keep talking like that; you’ll be beating the men off with a stick at the party.” He ruffled her hair.
Piper slapped his large hands away, walking around Oliver to put him between them. “Always messing up my damn hair. Ruddy Jerk.” She glared at Oliver’s chest, imagining sending death rays into her brother’s heart.
“Capital letters?” Oliver asked, amusedly.
“Yes. Most definitely. Ruddy. Jerk.” She grinned up at him, daring him to laugh at her.
Oliver did. He threw his head back and chortled heartily.
Piper slapped a hand across his toned chest. Stupid Bloke.
“Pipe, Sis, you really shouldn’t beat on men. Most don’t find it attractive. Right, Wood?” Jason teased from the other side of Oliver.
Whom Piper was almost around with sadistic intentions in her eyes, when Oliver grabbed her arm, causing her to come to an abrupt stop. He widened his eyes to tell her to stop, still smiling, and maneuvered her smoothly to rest at his side, one arm around her, so she had to listen to the rest of her livid father’s speech.
“PJ, did you get all of that over your debate with yourself?” Man, Coach was pissy this fine morning.
She sent him a snotty look for good measure, and then proceeded to recite his entire speech, verbatim. “Boys, today we will separate the men from the gnomes. Scrimmaging on this Hallowed Pitch is an experience. We have some rule changes. Nothing too unusual. Same as you are used to. ‘Cept since my boy Jas is Seeking, it won’t be played until the Snitch is found. It’ll be a timed scrimmage. Or until the injuries can no longer be overlooked. At the James Compound, we play through fouls; medical assistance is in attendance, but we won’t go soft on Anybody. Play your arses off men. Show me why we brought you here.” She took a deep breath and looked at him cheerfully.
Thomas stared at her, gob smacked. “How the bloody hell’d you do-“
“PJ!” She interrupted cheerfully.
“That?” His eyebrow rose perilously towards his hairline. “Why’d you yell your own name?” He leaned in and felt her forehead, testing for a fever.
“You yelled it originally. I have a great memory. Always have.” She shrugged, which was hard to do crushed into Oliver’s side, such as she was. Egad, he smelled yummy!
Coach Tom laughed. Looking over to Jensen, he smiled. “That’s my girl.” He patted Piper’s head and walked away, corralling the men in front of him to be shepherded like sheep to the Pitch.
Piper was shocked. To the core. She tilted her head slightly and spoke, her voice an octave higher than usual. “Did you just see that?” She flicked positively bewildered blue eyes up to meet Oliver’s shell-shocked toffee colored ones.
He nodded. “I believe so.” He took a step towards the Pitch.
Piper wrapped a slender arm around him. “You’d better hold me up then; because I’m gonna pass out from shock.” She leaned into his muscular side, walking along beside him like she was floating on air. “He…my dad…oh my God. He’s proud of me!” She smiled dazedly at him. “Holy shit!”
Oliver chuckled down at her. “Holy shit.” He one-armed hugged her, taking a moment to perv about the clean smell of her beautiful hair. Get a fricken grip Wood! You do not need a girlfriend. What you need is to get laid. Mind made up, Oliver steered the floating Piper towards her dad.
“Alright boys; get yer arses on yer brooms and let’s start this mother!” Coach Tom blew a whistle and all the men, minus Oliver and Piper, mounted their brooms and pushed into the blue sky. “Wood! PJ! Now!” He turned a speculative gaze onto the two of them.
“Yes Sir!” They answered simultaneously and pushed off the ground.
Two hours later, Piper gritted her teeth in frustration, and cursed the Quidditch gods. And Oliver Wood’s parents. The scrimmage was turning out to be rather trying. Her team was still ahead, thanks to her brother finding the Snitch four times. But she hadn’t scored on Wood once. Bastard.
His parent’s were to blame because…well, damn. The boy was fit. Brutally fit. For Piper, who grew up in male locker rooms, to take such impressive notice of his physique was saying something. His damn parents and his good genes. Hot…ness. Piper was thoroughly distracted. She looped in and out of the other teams Chasers, stealing the Quaffle from Seidel, and feinting away from the Bludger sent her way from the other team. Zipping towards the sexy Scotsman guarded hoop, Piper turned her head to check her Robber spot.
The Robber spot, named for Johnny Robber, famous Chaser from the 1897 Chudley Cannons, is the spot located directly over one’s right shoulder. His favorite spot to steal a Quaffle from was this spot. Which is why it was named after him.
Piper had checked her Robber spot, thinking that Seidel had come back to retrieve the stolen Quaffle, when she met a Bludger headlong, sent from Micheals.
Blinding white-hot pain filtered into Piper’s head, a pain with only one name. Concussion. She welcomed the familiar pain, thinking as she drifted into darkness, Funny how I’m always around Oliver Wood when this happens.
Said man had been watching Piper for most of the game. She had been speeding towards him, eyes glittering, when she took that Bludger to the head. It all happened in slow motion. One minute, she was flying towards him; the next her head snapped right in a hard angle. Then, she lost the tight grip that had been on her broom and…tumbled off her broom. Oliver turned white. Jumping into action, because he was the closest, Oliver zoomed over to her falling form and reached out. Come on Piper, I can’t let her down. She had done so much for him. Piper was inadvertently the reason he was here. If she hadn’t talked him and his mother into it, he wouldn’t have been able to come.
He caught her deftly, noting how rigid her body was. He descended, followed closely by Jason and Jensen; meeting up with Coach Tom and Johanna. His feet had no more than touched the ground, and Coach Tom was trying to take Piper away.
Oliver held fast. “No! Don’t move her! She’s unconscious…you could hurt her worse.” He looked up, concern in his eyes. “Sir.”
Jensen agreed. “He’s right, Dad. You don’t want to hurt her more.” He clapped a strong hand on Tom’s shoulder. “Would you act like this for anyone else? Just chill. Let him take her into her House, and the meds will take care of it.”
Tom, ashen with worry, shook his head. “You’re right, Jens.” He tore his grief stricken eyes from his daughter’s unmoving body, to Wood’s worried ones. “Take her to her Couch…it is her favorite place in the house. Jason will take you there.” He looked for Johanna. “You are going to go in there?”
She nodded. “Yes, but don’t send to many people in. It’ll freak her out.”
Tom cut in. “Yeah, I remember when she hurt herself when she was thirteen.” He rubbed a weary hand over his face. “Wood…you stay with her. You guys get along well enough?”
Oliver nodded, already starting towards Piper’s House, following Jason. Coming to her couch, he slowed down, and gently sat her down.
The young medic ran up. “She’s unconscious.”
“Really?” Oliver rolled his eyes. “She fell thirty feet after taking a Bludger to the head. Course she’s unconscious.” He muttered darkly. “Dumbass.”
The medic sent a wake-up charm, causing her to come to. “Grab her hand.”
“Oh, kill me now! I’ll deck Michaels.” Piper’s eyes glanced around, crashing into Oliver’s.
“Are you going to be okay? Can you move at all?” His large hand smoothed her windblown hair back. “You were like stone in my arms.” He knelt down next to her, hand still smoothing down her crazy hair.
She smiled somewhat dazedly. “I’ll be okay.” She closed her eyes. “And no, I can’t move. My back is out again. Dammit.”
The medic spoke up. “Can you help me out mate?” Without waiting for Oliver’s accordance, he went on. “Flip her over. Now.”
Oliver shrugged. “Sure.” He took Piper back in his arms and carefully flipped her onto her back. He grabbed her hand, telling her to grab it when it hurt.
The medic started his torture. “Could you keep her quiet? Or still?” He gestured somewhat moronically for awhile, until Oliver caught on.
He lifted her up and snuck underneath her. Seeing her shocked face, he grabbed her arms and clutched them to his chest. “Just to be safe. It’ll hurt.”
Piper rolled her eyes, moving her legs to get the feeling back. “What? Does the idiot not have the right potion? Complete moron.” She flinched and tucked her head into the space between his neck and head.
When her legs came a little too close to the family jewels, he caught her knee with his own and chuckled. “Woah…watch Little Wood there, Piper. I’d like to have children someday.”
She crooked an eyebrow. “Little Wood? What a name. Does anyone else know about it? Gah, that’s hysterical!” She dissolved into giggles, only stopping when the medic set a rather shattered bone. “Oh Dear Merlin!” she cried. Piper wrapped her arms around the young man’s neck below her.
Oliver cringed. “No, no one else knows. You can’t tell anyone.” He rubbed her back soothingly when she cried out, murmuring words of comfort in her ear to calm her down.
The medic finished up. “alright PJ. You’ll feel that boneless feeling, and then drift off until around dinner time.” He turned towards Oliver. “Take care of her, will ya?”
Oliver nodded and rolled onto his side, so he could let Piper rest on the couch. He had just closed his eyes to take a cat nap when Piper spoke up.
“Um, what the hell are you doing? You need to go out and play! Don’t let my stupidity hinder your win!” She slapped a boneless hand across his firm chest.
“Oh. I thought you might just want some company.” He stood, taking his warmth and sweat drenched body with him.
“Come visit me after Dinner. Keep me company then, alright?”
He nodded dejectedly and turned to leave.
He spun around. “What?”
“I won’t get to see you in a skirt. Oh piss.” She scowled at the carpet.
“What are you talking about?” He was bemused, and a bit confused.
“Our bet. You know- I win, you wear my skirt…”
Oliver shook his head. “You can’t honestly still want that to stand.”
“I’ve never backed down yet. I’ll do all the stuff I promised. If you win. So get out there!”
He walked to the door, laughing. “Alright Princess. Need anything else?” He turned around and stepped out the door when he heard her reply.
“Bring some damn cupcakes!”
AN: Hey all! Thanks for reading…and reviewing. Hint, hint!
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