Chapter 7 : Letters From My Godmother
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If I thought getting back into the routine of school would help me to take my mind off the mess that is my life, I was much mistaken. I can’t stop thinking about Mum and Dad and the fact that the last time I saw Mum she was on the brink of self-destruction. I can’t shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen and there’ll be nothing I can do because I’m stuck here at Hogwarts. It’s funny, when I’m at home I want to be at Hogwarts and when I’m at Hogwarts I want to be at home. Life is strange.
On the first day back, my breakfast was interrupted by a letter from my Aunt Ginny.
Your Mum has told me everything about your pregnancy. I know your parents are taking the news badly, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, okay? I’m not going to pull a Ron and go mental on you. I know what it’s like to be under the protective cover of Ron Weasley, and it’s not fun. I’m your godmother, honey and you can talk to me about these things. It’s my job not to lash out at you, but just remember your parents are probably just freaking out about the prospect of becoming grandparents.
I hope you’re keeping your strength up. Drink lots of water, make sure to eat breakfast and take in lots of folic acid and calcium. It’s most important that you look after your health, for the baby’s sake if not for your own. Don’t stress too much over schoolwork, it’s not good for the baby. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes at this letter, but someone needs to give you advice! I remember running to Mum every ten minutes while I was pregnant with James asking her questions. If you have any questions at all, just owl me.
Harry and I are the only ones who know, so you don’t have to worry about getting earfuls from your Nana or Grandad or any other family members for that matter. Take care of yourself, it’s very important that you do. The first three months are the most critical. I think you need to go and see Madam Pomfrey as soon as possible and tell her about your condition. She’ll keep it confidential. I’ll come up to see you very soon and we can have a word with Professor Flitwick.
Harry sends his love. Don’t worry about your Mum and Dad, we’re sorting them out.
Why can’t Harry and Ginny be my parents? Then again, if it was Lily who was my age and pregnant, I doubt they’d be so calm. In fact, I’m pretty sure Ginny would go into “Ron Weasley” mode and pull a freaker. Harry would probably suppress his emotions for a few months until eventually the anger would burst out of him and he’d end up killing someone or living in a home somewhere off the coast of Australia. So maybe it’s a good thing I’m not their daughter.
But I’m glad that I have Aunt Ginny to talk to because since I came back to Hogwarts, I’ve been scared out of my mind. I keep having these dreams where I’m going into labour early in my dorm and I’m screaming at the top of my voice, but nobody can hear me. I know I’m only a few weeks in, but I guess I can’t help but have fears that something is going to go wrong. So on Monday afternoon, I take Ginny’s advice and go to see Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing.
Madam Pomfrey is an elderly woman, so I’m really nervous that she’ll be really old-fashioned about this and try to shun me from the castle. The Hospital Wing is empty (thankfully) when I arrive and Madam Pomfrey is sitting in her office. I knock on the door and walk in.
“Madam Pomfrey?” I say timidly
“Yes? Weasley, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know how many times I’ve seen your parents in here. What can I do for you?” she asks.
“Well, the thing is…” I start, “I’m sort of…with child.”
Yes, that’s how I put it. I was going to say "I have a bun in the oven" but then I decided against it. She looks sort of shocked and for a minute I think she’s going to start shouting at me, but she just stands up and walks over to me.
“I see,” she says, “how far along?”
“Since October,” I say.
“Are you eating healthily? You look undernourished,” she says, “You’ll need a pre-natal tonic. And you’ll need to have your scan soon…how’s Wednesday morning?”
“Um, yeah, that sounds good,” I say, sort of taken aback that she's so cool about it.
“And I suggest you bring someone with you,” she says.
Yeah, not going to happen, Poppy. I nod anyway.
“Thank you,” I say and get up to leave.
“Miss Weasley, if you need anything at all don’t hesitate to come to me. I’ll keep this entirely confidential.”
I smile at her and leave the Hospital Wing. That’s one thing crossed of my list of things to do. Suddenly, I have the urge to eat a big cheese burger smothered in peanut butter. I don’t even like peanut butter. I run down to dinner and take a seat beside Chastity Finch, another sixth year Gryffindor.
“Hey Rose, where were you?” she asks.
“Oh, I just had to get a book,” I lie. I pile my plate with about four full spoonfuls of mashed potato, two pork chops, carrots, broccoli…I don’t even eat vegetables, but they smell really nice today. I then reach for the mushrooms, but I feel sick by the sight of them…what’s going on? Mushrooms don’t even smell like anything and I can smell them so clearly it’s as if Chastity has bathed herself in them.
“Are you okay? You’ve gone really white,” says Chastity.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say. I look at my plate piled high with food and I realise that I’m not at all hungry.
“Are you going to eat all that?” she asks incredulously.
“Erm, no,” I say, “I think my eyes are bigger than my stomach…d’you know what, I’ll see you later.”
And without touching my dinner, I get up and leave the Great Hall. James, Fred and their friends are just coming in having finished their last class of the day. One of their friends winks at me and I feel repulsed. That guy must have got a severe beating with the ugly stick, I’m telling you.
“Red!” James exclaims, “Quidditch practice at seven. Don’t forget!”
“Oh, yeah,” I say. I completely forgot.
I run up to the dorm, grab a pen and a piece of paper and write a letter to Aunt Ginny. She told me to write if I had any questions, right?
Thanks so much for your letter. It made me feel a whole lot better to know that there’s someone out there I can talk to. I went to Madam Pomfrey today. She gave me some sort of tonic to help me keep my strength up. I have my first scan on Wednesday morning, so that should be interesting! She said I should bring someone with me, but I’m not quite sure who.
Anyway, you said to write if I have any questions and I have one – is it okay to fly when you’re pregnant? We have a big match against Slytherin on Saturday and James is having practice every night this week. I wasn’t quite sure whether to go through with it or make up some excuse.
Thanks again. You’re a life saver. How are Mum and Dad? Have they killed each other yet? Send Uncle Harry my love.
I go to the Owlery to send the letter and then head to the Quidditch pitch for practice. Since I still don’t really know whether I should be flying or not, I fly very slowly and carefully towards the goalposts and float in mid air without making any sudden movements. I’m doing quite well as the chasers shoot the quaffle at me – I’ve only missed three so far and that’s only because I won’t dive to catch it. James shouts like crazy every time I miss one, but I try my best not to listen to him.
After practice, I throw my broom into the broom shed and am then cornered by James. He looks really angry.
“Red! What the hell was that?” he shouts.
“Shut it, Jay, I’m not in the mood,” I moan.
“I won’t shut it! We have to win this match to still be in with the chance to win the cup! For Merlin’s sake, Red! I thought you cared! Do you really want Al and Malfoy to win?”
“Al’s your brother,” I say, “Why are you so determined to be better than him all the time?”
“I just don’t want Slytherin to take the cup. What the hell’s the matter with you?”
“Leave me alone!” I scream and storm away from him, ignoring his shouts. Dom is still in the changing rooms when I go in and she’s got a ridiculous smile on her face. She doesn’t even notice my foul humour.
“Hiya Rose,” she smiles, “good practice, wasn’t it?”
“I wouldn’t say that to Potter,” I say darkly. She looks a bit taken aback that I’m calling our own cousin by his surname, but I don’t really care. She just shrugs and continues smiling anyway.
“I’m meeting Scorpius now,” she says giddily. It’s obvious that she’s been bursting to tell me this.
“Oh…how’s that going?” I ask. Please tell me you hate his guts…
“Fantastic,” she swoons, “Rose, I think…I think I love him!”
This isn’t happening. Dom can’t be in love with him. Dom doesn’t fall in love. She just dates guys for a few weeks, breaks up with them and moves on. Love doesn’t come into the equation.
“Oh…are you sure?” I ask.
“I can’t stop thinking about him,” she says and her whole face lights up as she talks about him, “it’s like when I’m with him, I’m happier than I’ve ever been! And when I’m not with him, I miss him so much, my heart aches for him.”
Pass me the bucket.
“Rose,” she whispers, “I’m thinking of sleeping with him.”
I’m taking a drink of water as she tells me this and I end up choking on it and coughing uncontrollably.
“W-w-what?” I cough.
“Come on, Rose. Everyone’s doing it. And I really do think that I love him,” she says, looking a bit put off by my reaction.
“But you haven’t been with him long, have you? And it’s Malfoy…I mean, let’s face it, he’s been around,” I say. I’m such a hypocrite. I deserve the death penalty.
“You can’t tell anybody I told you this, okay?” she whispers, “You know how he’s had loads of girlfriends?”
I nod – Malfoy’s list of girlfriends is longer than a basilisk.
“Well, according to him, he’s only ever slept with one person,” she says.
I glare at her in shock, but she’s just glowing at the thought of him.
“Apparently he was a virgin up until a few months ago, can you believe that?”
I shake my head and whisper “no”.
“Oh, I have to go,” says Dom, checking her watch. She winks at me and skips happily out of the changing room.
Okay, I have such a wide range of emotions running through me right now. I didn’t think one person could feel all of this at once. I’m insanely angry at James for shouting at me after practice; I’m jealous that Dom is going to meet Malfoy; I’m confused about my feelings for Malfoy; I’m nauseous from the pregnancy; I’m surprised that Malfoy was a virgin when we slept together; I’m shocked that I was his first; I’m worried about my parents’ relationship and I’m a little hungry to tell the truth.
I head back to the castle, not even looking where I’m going because I have so much on my mind. I end up bumping into Lily on the way back to the castle. Actually, I nearly trip over her because she’s sitting on the steps leading up to the door of the castle.
“Lils? What are you doing out here, it’s freezing,” I say. She doesn’t say anything so I sit down beside her. She’s shaking with the cold and there are tears running down her cheeks.
“Lily? What’s the matter?” I ask.
“Why did he have to choose Dom?” she sobs, “Why her?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
I throw an arm around her to comfort her, but I’m not sure if I’m doing much good to her. I suppose I just need some comforting too. I bring her inside out of the cold and upstairs to the common room – big mistake. Dom and Malfoy are curled up on the couch by the fire, kissing. Lily’s lip quivers at the sight of them and she runs upstairs to her dormitory, slamming the door behind her. The noise of the door makes Dom and Malfoy jump apart.
“Is she okay?” asks Dom.
“She’s fine,” I lie, “she’s just in a bit of a mood…what’s he doing in here? Slytherins aren’t supposed to be in the Gryffindor tower.”
I conveniently leave out the fact that Malfoy was in my dormitory around two and a half months ago. I’m in total prefect mode now…and I just don’t want to have to endure a night with the two of them.
“Okay, I’m going,” says Malfoy.
“You don’t have to go!” says Dom, “Rosie’s just in a bad mood after practice.”
“I’m not in a bad mood!” I cry angrily.
“Clearly,” Malfoy mutters.
“Oh shut up, Malfoy and go crawl back into the hole you came from!”
Hey, I’m pregnant, I have the right to be a bitch.
“Rose!” Dom exclaims.
Malfoy’s grinning. He knows it’s getting to me, him being with Dom. I’m glaring at him with a look so fierce that it could match that of Nana Molly’s or Aunt Ginny’s.
“I’ll see you later, Dom,” he says and kisses her. I fold my arms and look at the floor. He winks at me when Dom isn’t looking and leaves the common room. I hate him.
“Rose, what the hell was that?”
“He’s not supposed to be here!”
“How many times have you had boys from other houses in the common room? Remember Carl Blunt? He was a Ravenclaw!”
“Just drop it, Dom,” I say, rubbing my forehead. She sighs and climbs out the portrait hole after Malfoy. I don’t bother pointing out that it’s after curfew; I just hope that the Head Boy or Girl catches her and gives her detention.
On Tuesday morning I get another letter from Aunt Ginny. She’s really got this whole confidant thing down.
I’m glad you took my advice and went to see Madam Pomfrey. Make sure you go to her if you have any of the slightest queries or if you feel a bit off.
As for the flying thing, it shouldn’t be a problem for the first few months. Obviously when you start getting bigger it won’t be safe for you to fly, but you should be able to play the match on Saturday without any problems. I didn’t have to resign from the Holyhead Harpies until I was four months pregnant with James and it had no effect on him.
I look over at James who is sitting a few seats down from me at the breakfast table. He and his friend, Mark have a bet on to see how many Rice Crispies James can fit up his nose at one time.
No effect? Aunt Ginny is in serious denial about her first born.
As for the scan, make sure you bring someone with you. I wish I could come, but I can’t get off work. Maybe you could bring Dom or even Lily? Or you could even tell the father, whoever he is. Anyway, let me know how it goes.
Your mum and dad still aren’t on speaking terms, I’m afraid, but they’ve both calmed down considerably.
Take care of yourself,
I spend the rest of the day wondering who the hell I could take with me to my scan tomorrow. I’m glad Mum didn’t tell Aunt Ginny that it’s Malfoy’s baby I’m pregnant with. The less people who know the better.
Quidditch practice goes a lot better tonight than it did last night. I’m not so worried about flying after receiving Aunt Ginny’s letter, so I’m a whole lot better and save every single shot. Although at one stage I’m pretty sure Dom hits a bludger my way on purpose.
“Dom! What are you playing at?” James shouts at her.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, but she doesn’t look sorry at all.
After an hour of practice, we’re all too cold and tired to carry on so James calls it quits. In the changing room, Dom is like a bull. She’s really angry because of what I said to Malfoy last night.
“Really Rose, could you have embarrassed me any more?” she cries.
“Sorry,” I say, even though I’m not, “I was just in a mood.”
“Will you at least apologise to him?”
I stare at her in shock trying to figure out if she’s joking.
“Apologise?” I stutter. I rarely apologise, even when I know I’m in the wrong. I’m the most stubborn person in the world – Dom should know that by now!
“Fine,” she says angrily, grabs her bag and heads towards the door. I hold her back.
“Okay! I’ll apologise,” I say.
“Thank you,” she says and calms down considerably.
I pick up my bag and walk back to the castle with Dom. Unfortunately, Al and Malfoy are in the entrance hall heading towards the Slytherin dungeons when we come in. Dom runs to Malfoy and I trail very grudgingly behind her. This is going to be the most humiliating thing I’ve ever had to do.
“Hey Red,” says Al, obviously glad that I’ve showed up so he doesn’t have to endure Malfoy and Dom and their sickening cuteness on his own. I smile weakly at him.
“Rose has something to say to you, Scorpy,” says Dom.
Scorpy? Is she serious?
He has that incredibly annoying mischievous twinkle in his eye and the edges of his mouth are twitching as he’s trying to suppress his grin. I’d love nothing more than to curse him right now.
“Sorry,” I mumble inaudibly.
“What?” Malfoy asks, “I didn’t catch that.”
I’m going to kick him in the ghoulies.
“I said sorry,” I say clearly, “about yesterday.”
And he just can’t help letting that grin shine through. He’s so smug I just want to punch him in the face.
“I appreciate your apology, Weasley,” he says, “you really hurt me yesterday.”
I’m going to hit him…I’m going to hit him…
“I’m going to go now,” I say.
“Bye now,” he calls after me in a very fake nice voice. I swear, it is taking every morsel of strength in my body not to turn around and hit him.
I storm furiously up the stairs, but I bump headfirst into a very pretty girl with curly brown hair and a face that shows how innocent and nice she is – don’t you just hate people like that?
“Oh, Rose I’m so sorry!”
It’s Jenny Winters, Al’s new girlfriend. I'm still undecided if I like her or not.
I suppose it’s nice that she and Al are going out. He’s liked her since second year but he never plucked up the courage to talk to her. That’s where the Potter brothers differ tremendously. When James likes a girl, he pesters her for a while until she agrees to go out with him. That usually doesn’t take long considering nearly every girl who isn’t related to James in Hogwarts fancy him. Honestly, I have no idea why. Al on the other hand is very shy and introvert when it comes to the opposite sex. He’s had girlfriends before, but they’re usually very outgoing girls who only wanted to be with him because of the status that comes with his surname. So I guess you can understand why I’m quite protective over Al, much in the same way he’s protective over me.
“Hi, Jenny isn’t it?” I say, even though I know perfectly well who she is.
“Yeah,” she says excitedly, “I’m Al’s…girlfriend.”
She blushes as she says the word “girlfriend”. It’s obvious that she never considered herself as one of those to Al before. She looks happy though – happy in a nerdy kind of way. I’ve only just noticed now how small she is. Obviously I knew she was small but I thought that was just compared to Al, but she’s a good head shorter than me.
“Are you alright?” she asks. She’s obviously noticed that I’m like a baboon with nappy rash after having to apologise to Malfoy.
“Erm, yeah,” I lie, “I just had a bad Quidditch practice.”
“Oh, Al will be just delighted to hear that! All he ever does is go on about how he’s going to beat Gryffindor on Saturday,” she says and rolls her eyes fondly. I force a laugh. I’m really not in the mood to pretend to be nice.
“Um, Rose? I…this is going to sound a bit strange…but I understand if you feel protective over Al – I mean, you two are almost like brother and sister…but I just want you to know that – well, I really like him.”
The poor girl looks like she’s about to die of embarrassment at saying these words. Wow, she must really feel intimidated by me.
“That’s good to hear,” I say and nod uncomfortably.
“And also,” she continues, “it would be cool if you and I could be friends?”
It’s always an uncomfortable situation when someone asks you to be their friend. Usually friends are made subconsciously – one second you’re sitting in the Three Broomsticks talking to some randomer after a few too many Firewhiskeys and the next you have a friend for life without even realising how the hell you got there. Petite curly haired Ravenclaws don’t just approach you in the corridor and ask to be your friend.
“Um, yeah, sure,” I say, with absolutely no intention of following through with it.
A genuine smile spreads over her pretty face and she looks positively delighted at my response. I wonder will she feel like she wants to be my friend when she finds out I’m pregnant. I suppose when it comes out I’ll find out who my real friends are.
“Great!” she exclaims enthusiastically, causing me to back away slightly, “I have to go do some homework now. It was great talking to you, Rose.”
“You too,” I say.
She smiles and skips off down the corridor. Don’t you just hate nice people?
No, I don’t mean nice people – that probably sounds a bit hostile. But you know those people who are ALWAYS happy and you just wish they’d get struck down with Dragon Pox so they’d just STOP SMILING. Those are the kind of people I can’t stand. Then again, I can’t stand many people these days.
On Wednesday morning I wake up extra early. My scan is at half past seven and I still have nobody to go with. I don’t even consider asking Dom because then I’d have to tell her about the whole being impregnated by her boyfriend thing. And let’s face it, that would just be a bit awkward. And I can’t do as Aunt Ginny suggested and tell Lily because then I’d have to tell her about being impregnated by the guy she loves and again that would be a pretty uncomfortable conversation to have.
Hugo is in the Common Room when I come downstairs. It doesn’t look like he’s slept much. He’s obviously thinking about Mum and Dad even more than I am. He’s got bags under his eyes and even though he’s yawning, it’s obvious that he’s not able to sleep.
“Morning Hugh,” I say.
“Morning,” he grunts.
Then it comes to me.
“Um, Hugh? I have this scan thing now in the Hospital Wing…Madam Pomfrey says I should bring someone with me. But the thing is, nobody at Hogwarts actually knows about my – erm – situation…so…would you come with me?”
Hugo looks like he’s considering it for a second and then he shrugs and nods.
“If it’ll get me off class.”
It won’t, but I don’t tell him that. We go to the Hospital Wing together and thankfully it is empty again. Madam Pomfrey ushers me in and tells me to lie down on the bed farthest away from the door.
“This should only take a few moments,” she says. She sets up this big white screen at the front of my bed and then draws the curtains around us. Hugo sits beside me looking very uncomfortable, but I’m glad he’s here. Madam Pomfrey takes a bottle of blue potion, dips a cotton swab into it and then rubs it across my tummy. If I’m being honest here, it tickles. I hate when stuff tickles your tummy, because then you get a fit of uncontrollable giggles and everyone thinks you have weird issues. So I try my best not to laugh.
Madam Pomfrey takes her wand and rubs it over my stomach while muttering some inaudible incantation. The picture comes up on the white screen at the end of my bed. While Madam Pomfrey points out the kid, I fake a smile and some “oooh”’s because I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be looking at here. It’s just a load of blurry lines to me. Madam Pomfrey flicks her wand at the screen and it shrinks to the size of a postcard.
“Here’s the picture of your first scan,” she smiles and hands it to me.
“Thank you,” I say, “it’s…um…beautiful.”
She smiles again and then returns to her office.
“What were we supposed to be looking at?” Hugo asks quietly. I shrug at him.
A/N - Please Review and let me know what you think so far!
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