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Can't Touch This by prongslittleflower
Chapter 1 : And So, It Begins
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 15

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Disclaimer: We don’t own Harry Potter, but we would like to kid ourselves in the idea that we will one day own it.

ProngsFlower Author’s Note: Hello PEOPLE! It’s yours truly, babyblueeyes10 and amuletgirl5, here and finally getting around to writing a story together. For all you out there, I, babyblueeyes10 will be writing all the odd chapters and amuletgirl5 will be writing all the even. Any questions? Good, please feel free to leave any questions, comments, etc. in a review and we will reply with your answers. We hope to have up chapters every month, but don’t hold us to that schedule. Anyways, read on and enjoy our new story!!!!!


P.S. This chapter is REWRITTEN as of 12/16/15 by ProngsFlower. Hope you enjoy!

PPS: Nothing has changed, just better writing than it was...7 years ago? 8? Yikes.


Alexa’s Point of View




Sitting in Transfiguration, on a lovely fall afternoon, I suddenly felt a tugging at the back of my head. Thinking to myself ‘who is tugging at the back of my head?’ I decided to ask the question aloud. “Who is tugging at the back of my head?”




I turned around to see Sirius Black, his hand outstretched towards my curly brown hair. “I’m sorry,” He said, “I was tugging at the back of your head.”




Nodding understandingly, I smiled at him. “That’s all right, Sirius. It’s okay that you were tugging at the back of my head.” Turning back towards the front, I smiled to myself as we went on with McGonagall’s lesson. The rest of the day went swimmingly…




In actuality, this is how it truly went down.




Sitting in Transfiguration, I let out a measured sigh as I squeezed my hands into fists as yet another dull ache began at the crown of my skull. A second sharp tap came not a moment later. I felt myself growl low in my throat, the urge to strike back at the ebony haired Marauder behind me growing with each passing moment.




“Calm down, Alexa. You can’t let him know this bothers you,” Lyla, my older sister, always the voice of reason when I was about to lose my head, said. I raised my eyebrows at her as I heard snickering behind me. Crossing my arms over my chest, I tried to focus on McGonagall as she continued her lesson.




I thought back to the beginning of my first year at Hogwarts, trying not to dwell on the fact that even now, in my sixth year, Sirius Black could still be such a nuisance in my life. Looking across the classroom to where Lyla and I’s best friend sat, I made eye contact with the brunette looking my way. Blair Winchester, my best friend for six years, rolled her eyes at the boy sitting behind me, while the auburn haired girl next to her, tried to catch her attention. Bree Williams, the fourth girl in our gang of sixth year Gryffindors, waved slightly when she noticed me looking at her.




I raised my eyebrows at my two friends, and then looked back over to Lyla. My studious older sister was writing notes at a speed faster than I could watch without getting a headache. I thanked the lucky stars that my parents, my father containing the magical side that ran through our veins, were disappointed about not having twins and decided to have us 9 months apart; otherwise I’d never have made it through the past few years with only a few bad grades scattered throughout. As I studied her features, I mused on how different we were, not only in looks but also in attitude. Lyla had wonderfully straight, dark brown hair that fell just at her shoulders, while my own brown hair was lighter in hue and waved when I needed it to be straight. Her intellectual blue eyes made you feel comfortable and like you could go to her with anything, while my own deep green eyes were usually ready to show people the door on their way out.




A sharp tug at my ponytail reminded me that, even in my own thoughts, I was never safe. Unable to stop myself, even as Lyla’s side-glance warned me, I whipped around in my seat, glaring at the gray eyes that met my own. “What?” I whispered, narrowing my eyes as the illustrious Sirius Black shrugged and leaned back in his seat. “I’m not kidding,” I said, avoiding the use of the word serious for fear of major pun-unintended backlash. “What do you want?”




“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sirius smiled, his bright teeth glinting in the dulled light of the afternoon classroom, and I tried to make my face go blank so not to give away the anger I was feeling. “You better pay attention.” I felt my jaw clench, the maddening smile on Sirius’ face turning into a smirk, and I whipped back around in my seat as my cheeks started to redden.




That was the other problem I had. Aside from the fact that Lyla’s small crush on Remus that had started the beginning of fifth year had now bloomed to full on ‘love from afar’ and the fact that James and Blair had been hot and heavy for a few months now, meaning that we were in constant touch with the Marauder’s, I had no desire to hang out with one Sirius Black. Because even though he irritated me to no end, and was the root of all things I considered evil, I had one glaring problem.




I was, essentially, hopelessly in lust with him.




Now, I say lust because, surely, this can’t be love? Was wanting to strangle the person you fancied love? I didn’t think so.




As I tuned back into McGonagall’s lecture, I noticed that the parchment I kept with me during classes was starting to form words, a light blue ink staining the page, seemingly as if it was writing on its own. I looked back across the classroom, where Blair was huddled over her own piece of parchment, her quill with a light blue feather at the end waving in the air.




You look fit to kill. How’s it going over there?




Digging out my own quill, this one, with a green feather instead of blue, I made sure McGonagall was busy lecturing before I picked my wand up from the table and muttered a short incantation under my breath. Lyla looked over at me, but only rolled her eyes at our messing about during class time, occasionally looking over to see what Blair and I had written.




Beyond boring. And I am fit to kill. Your boyfriend’s best friend should be minced meat by sundown if his shenanigans continue. What’s going on over there? Is there homework? Will we actually do it???




I literally could not tell you. There was a pause in the writing, and I saw Blair leaning forward, where Lily Evans, who rivaled my sister for top Gryffindor Bookworm, was sitting. Then, We don’t have homework. But if you want, and why would you??, there is extra credit…




Yeah, let’s get real.




Also, don’t kill Sirius just yet. James will be disappointed and I really want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend. I definitely will not be watching him sulk because his best friend is dead and I really don’t want to go to a funeral.




I smiled down at the parchment, looking up quickly when McGonagall signaled the end of class. Packing my things, I carefully folded the paper up into my book, and put my quills inside my bag. I heard the chair next to me scoot away, and then Lyla was muttering a ‘catch up with you in a minute’ and making her way towards the door, where Remus was waiting for her and Lily.




“A little prefect action happening?” I asked Blair who was now standing beside me. We began our own walk towards the exit of the classroom, Bree having walked ahead as well to catch up with her own man-candy.




“If only there was no Andy. She is literally the devil, as her name so deftly implies.” Blair said, letting out a sigh, and pulling a compact out of her bag to check her makeup. We were meeting James and the rest of his gang of hooligans at the lake, and I smiled at my friend, who even after a few months of dating, still wanted to look her best. Tucking a piece of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear, I thought about Lyla’s current predicament.




As though fate had decided to play a joke on my dear sister, Remus was currently involved with a seventh year Gryffindor by the name of Andy Ablo. No joke; if you said her name fast enough it was basically el Diablo. The devil. Which is exactly what she was. Seemingly only kind to Remus, or maybe she was blackmailing him into dating her, she was the snootiest, snottiest, bitchiest girl I had met in my life; and I was friends with Bree.




So, as per usual in situations such as these, Lyla was left to pine for her prince. The truly unfortunate thing was, they really would be perfect together. Both studious to a fault, they could each still have a good time. They were both kind, gentle, compelling. And they looked great together; Remus’ sandy blondish hair contrasting with her dark locks. His tallness to her shortness. Definitely my favorite dream couple. Alas, it was seemingly not to be.




“Can I bow out of the lake?” I asked as we neared the doors that would lead us out of the castle, and Blair gave me a ‘no way in hell’ look as she put her hand out in front of her to signal I go first. I pouted, pushing my way out into the late afternoon air.




The Marauder’s were already by the lake, sitting in a semi-circle as James gestured around, telling some sort of story with his arms and hands. Sirius, looking bemused, was lounging in the grass, his eyes occasionally flitting around as various girls strutted their stuff in front of them. It was a regular occurrence around the nefarious boys, and one that did not go unnoticed even though I wish it would. Peter, the last of the gang, was sitting cross-legged with his back to us.




“Whatever lies you’re telling your friends must be immensely interesting,” Blair called out, and James looked over, smiling at his girlfriend as she approached. I hoisted my bag higher onto my shoulder, ignoring Sirius as he turned our way.




“Bear, you know that all my stories are true. Marauder’s honor.” James said, reaching out towards Blair to take her bag from her as she sat down next to him. They leaned in for a kiss, and I turned away so as not to interrupt their private moment. This, however, led me straight to the path of Sirius Black, who was raising an eyebrow at me.




“Your ponytail is looking a little drab there, Lex.” He smirked, and I reached up to tighten my hair band, glaring at him.




“I have told you so many times to stop calling me that. It’s getting old.” I rolled my eyes before dropping my back to the ground and sitting down with my back towards the lake. “Besides, only my friends get to shorten my name. And, oh look, you’re not my friend.”




“You love me. You just won’t admit it.” Sirius bit back, brushing a hand through his hair and smiling as a third year and her friend meandered by. I rolled my eyes, looking over to James and Blair who were laughing at Sirius.




“Yes, well, I know we said it’d be great to all just hang out and unwind after class, but I thought Blair and I would take a walk, alone.” James ruffled his hair up, using his other hand to push his glasses back up his nose and I shared a look with Blair who was blushing.




“Well, if you wanted to make out, all you have to do is say so,” I winked at my blushing friend and stood, grabbing my bag off the ground. “Boys,” I announced to Peter and Sirius, “Let’s scram.”




James laughed as Blair tried to let us know that we were welcome to stay and that we could all hang out, but I knew what they really wanted to do and I didn’t mind too much in leaving them to it. Call me a sucker for young love, but you could also call me out for not wanting to stay and watch the happy couple be happy. There was something about being single and watching other couples give each other ‘the eyes.’ It just wasn’t ideal.




As Sirius fell in beside, Peter trailing behind slightly, watching his footing so he wouldn’t trip, I thrust my bag onto his shoulder and shrugged when he gave me an outraged look. “For calling me ‘Lex.’” I let a disgusted look pass over my face, sticking my tongue out like the name left a bad taste in my mouth.




“You look really attractive when you make that face,” He retorted back, but kept my bag on his shoulder nonetheless. I smiled to myself, and we walked in a relatively easy silence back to the Gryffindor common room.




“Hey, you’re back early!” I said, as Lyla and Remus walked through the portrait hole half-an-hour later. Lyla, however, looked less than happy to see us. I realized why as Andy stepped out from behind Remus. “Oh, you’re here too.” I said, although my voice was noticeably less enthused.




“So good to see you, Alexa. I see that you’re still thinking shabby chic is a good look?” Andy looked me up and down, and I frowned. I knew that I wasn’t on my best game today what with waking up late and favoring food over makeup, but did I really look that bad?




Remus sighed, but instead of defending us, he just said his goodbyes and he and Andy disappeared up the stairs to the boy’s dormitories. “Interesting.” Sirius said, as Lyla sat down next to us.




“What’s that?” She said, looking tired and a little down. I tilted my head at her, trying to ask her without words if she was okay. Our sisterly bond seemed to be working as she gave me a weak smile and inclined her head slightly.




“Just that Andy is truly the bitchiest banana of them all.” We gave Sirius a confused look, and he rolled his eyes at us, before turning back to his homework in front of him and shutting his book dramatically. “Well, I seriously,” He paused to wait for a reaction, and getting none, continued, “Need a break. Any ideas on how you two lovely ladies could keep my attention?” He wiggled his eyebrows and I was about to make a disgusted comment when an idea struck me. It would get back at Sirius for being a prick and make Lyla happy all at the same time.




“Oh, I think I know a way. Meet us in the sixth year girl’s dorm in ten minutes. And come alone.” I winked at him, surprising myself at how smooth I was being, before I stood up and gathered my things. Lyla looked at me in surprise but I just smiled at her, before tripping over the table in the middle of the group of chairs we were around and dropping my book to the floor. Parchment scattered around and I felt my face flush as I gathered it up quickly.




So much for being smooth.




“What could you possibly be thinking that would make this a good idea?” Lyla said after we had gotten to our room and deposited our stuff onto our beds. I walked over to Lily’s vanity, borrowing the chair, as it was the only one unoccupied by clothes, shoes, or magazines.




“Get your makeup from the bathroom,” I instructed my sister as I put the chair between our beds. “I think we should give Sirius a makeover.” Her eyes lit up and I nodded enthusiastically. “How funny would that be? Plus, it means that we don’t have time to think about Remus and Andy.”




“Well, I’m kind of thinking about it since you just brought it up.” Lyla said, raising her eyebrow at me, but then rolling her eyes and giving me a new smile.




There was a knock at the door, and I turned off the light, sitting on my bed and gesturing for Lyla to do the same. “Come in,” I said, false sultriness in my voice as Lyla and I burst into giggles. Sirius opened the door, slowly walking in as his eyes adjusted to the light.




“We’re over here,” Lyla said, and I saw Sirius grin as he shut the door and walked towards our voices. As he got closer, Lyla and I stood, walking to either side of him and bringing him closer to the beds. Then, at once, we pulled him hard and sat him in the chair, using a charm to tie him up. As we turned the lights on, I put my hands on my hips and smirked at him.




“What the fuck is this?” He asked, surprise, confusion, and a little terror coloring his voice.




“An ambush. We’ve decided to give you a makeover.” Lyla smiled winningly, and horror leaked over Sirius’ face.




“Don’t you dare.” I slowly unzipped the makeup bag in my hand and brought out various tools. “I’m not joking with you. There will be hell to pay if you do this to me.”


“Oh, but there will be hell to pay if we don’t.” I gave me a grin, and then set to work on gathering the correct supplies. As Lyla and I debated color-correction toner, and the proper eye shadow to compliment his eye color, the door opened to show Blair and James.




“Uhm, Peter was asleep downstairs, so we thought you all would be up here since Remus and the devil are occupied, but I’m not sure what we walked in on.” James said, his hand still on the door, looking like he would bolt at any minute if the need arose.




“Makeover!” Blair squealed, recognizing at once the headband we were using to push back Sirius’ hair and the brushes set out on my bed. “I call dibs on the lip choice!”




I nodded happily while Lyla did a little clap, and James finally shut the door while walking over to sit on Lyla’s unoccupied bed. “You’re in a real pickle, mate.” He said to Sirius while he got comfortable and watched as we began to apply foundation and blush to the squirming boy.




“I swear to you, Prongs, this goes against every Marauder code ever written. You will face reprimanding for this. Ouch!” Sirius looked at Blair with hurt in his eyes. “That hurt!”




“Well, stop moving, then. Your eyebrows aren’t just going to pluck themselves.” He flinched back again, but this made no difference to Blair, who just held his chin still with one hand while working on his eyebrows with another hand that held a pair of tweezers.




Half an hour later, we stepped back to survey our work. “Really, really excellent. I mean you look like a whole new person.” Lyla said, a grin working its way onto her face. She looked happier, more upbeat than before, and I felt not only like I had accomplished one mission, but two.




“Sirius, you make such a lovely girl. Would you like to see?” I asked, and he glared at me through heavily lined and mascara’d eyes. His pouty lips had been colored in with ‘peppy pink’ and his cheeks flushed with ‘rogue red.’ Blair held up a mirror as James laughed giddily from the bed.




“I honestly will ruin your lives.” Sirius said in a deadpan voice. We were all complimenting different aspects of his new look when the door opened. We stopped and looked over quickly to see Lily Evans standing in the doorway looking less than pleased.




“What is going on?” She demanded, and I could see the way that James tensed. After a mishap in fifth year where James had tried to help Lily and she had rejected his help in favor of helping a Slytherin with an attitude and a pension for calling people horrific names, there had been less the ice in the veins of their relationship.




“We were just having a bit of fun, Lily.” Lyla stood a little straighter, looking at her fellow prefect. As they had been neck in neck for the last two years, Dumbledore had surprised them both when naming them prefects. It had been a running competition ever since.




“Fun? By breaking the rules and having boys in the girl’s dorms?” Lily looked less than pleased by this. “Is that my chair?” She asked, her voice starting to rise. James stood, releasing Sirius from his bonds, and both boys began to walk towards the door, James giving Blair a slight kiss on the cheek before they left.




“Well, I guess the fun’s over then,” I said, starting to clean up our mess, the fun of the day wearing off as Lily huffed to herself, muttering under her breath as she put her chair back and shut the curtains on her bed. We all gathered onto Lyla’s bed, lounging about, reading and doing various other things while we waited for dinner.




There was a tapping on the window, and I looked up to see an ebony owl pecking at the glass. “Who sent that?” Blair asked, and I shrugged while Lyla got up to get the letter. As she sat it down on the bed, I couldn’t help the laugh that burst from my lips. Inside was a picture of Sirius, blinking his eyes for the camera and giving his best come hither look before dissolving into laughter. A few words were written under the picture, and we all laughed when reading them.




Payback will be truly alluring.








The Marauders

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