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Chapter 10 : Chapter Ten: Confusion
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Breathing heavily, Adara stared at Sirius with wide eyes. What had she done? She’d just kissed another boy! Another boy that wasn’t her boyfriend. That wasn’t Jayden.
She couldn’t find her voice. She couldn’t even think clearly. Her mind was still recovering from that kiss.
Not from the kiss, she told herself angrily.
From the shock that she had kissed someone else.
She had cheated!
“Oh, Merlin,” she breathed bringing her .
“Adara,” Sirius said, opening his eyes and looking at her.
“Here’s your wand,” she thrust it at him.
“Listen,” Sirius said as he took his wand and shoved it in his back pocket with one shift move.
“You need to go,” Adara said.
“No, Adara, wait,” Sirius started again.
“Sirius, leave,” Adara repeated, no longer looking at him.
“Look, I’m sor—”
“Sirius!” Adara begged, putting her hand in her hair that was now free of its tie, “please!” she looked back at him, tears in her eyes.
They stared into each other’s eyes. His looked hurt, but Adara couldn’t really think about that now. Her hand slid through her hair and dropped to her side. Finally, Sirius gave up, turned, and walked out of the hospital wing. Adara watched him go then sank onto her bed and put her head in her hand. She let the tears run down her face.
What was she going to do? What had she done? What the hell had she done!?
“Keep that sling on for a few more hours, now, Miss Moore,” Madam Pomfrey told her as she stood awkwardly next to her boyfriend.
She nodded, “Thank you,” she smiled.
The nurse nodded back and Jayden and Adara turned to leave, “Please try to stay out of here for at least a week,” Adara heard the nurse say quietly.
Had it been any other day, she probably would have smiled, but today, she didn’t think that anything could make her do that.
“Ready to go to breakfast?” Jayden asked reaching down to take Adara’s hand. Adara brought her hand up to rub her injured elbow.
She couldn’t take holding his hand right now; she felt too guilty, “You go ahead, I need to go up to the common room to change and shower,” she was still in her old clothes, and she did need a shower, but the main reason that she needed to get up to her dormitory now was because she needed to write to her mum.
“I’ll go up with you,” Jayden volunteered smiling down at her, either not noticing her rejection of his hand-holding or not caring.
Adara cursed in her head, she didn’t want to be around Jayden right now; too much guilt for her to deal with, “It’s okay, I’m going to be a while,” Adara said as happily as she could.
Jayden seemed to get the message, “Are you sure?”
“Okay,” he leaned down to kiss her and Adara turned so that he kissed her cheek instead of her lips.
“Morning breath,” she said quietly. Truthfully, her lips still felt weird from the kiss last night and as much as Adara wished, it wasn’t just because she felt guilty.
Jayden laughed, “I don’t care.”
“Okay, then, see you later?” Jayden said, he seemed to be getting worried.
“Sure,” Adara smiled as best she could and headed off to the direction of her common room, sinking in her own pool of guilt and confusion.
She was about to turn to climb up the stairs to her common room in the towers when she heard her name being called. She stopped, annoyed at another interruption, and turned around.
“Adara! Merlin, I’ve been chasing you for the last three corridors,” Adara narrowed her eyes and saw her pursuer.
Her stomach dropped to her toes and her heart beat faster out of nervousness, she turned and began to run up the stairs.
“Adara!” he called, closing in on her.
She ran faster even though she knew she was going to get cornered anyway; why did her common room have to have the weird door?
“Adara, Adara! Damn it!”
Adara stopped and turned on her heel to face him, “What do you want, Sirius?” she demanded.
“‘Dara we need to talk,” he replied stopping a few steps below her.
Adara sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it!”
Sirius blinked, “What?”
“I can’t deal with this right now!” Adara told him, loudly, “I have a boyfriend.”
She hated the way he was looking at her; all confused and the like.
“Just,” Adara started, “leave me alone, okay?” she whispered, willing the tears to stay back. With one last look at him, she turned and ran up the rest of the stairs and to her dormitory as fast as she could.
She opened the door to her dormitory slowly and stuck her head in to look around. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that it was. She walked over to her bed and pulled a black sheet of parchment, a quill, her Runes book, and a bottle of ink from her bag. She sat cross-legged on her bed and put the parchment on top of her Runes book.
She finally managed to pull the top off of the ink and dip her quill in it. She began to write:
I am so screwed up right now. I need your advice, but I don’t need you to judge me. You know I love you, and you know that I value your advice but I cannot deal with your judgments. Do you think you can do that, please, Mum?
So here’s my problem. You know that boy, Sirius, who I told you about? Well, it keeps getting more and more interesting with him. But, to cut to the chase, Mum, last night I was in the hospital wing (I’m fine) and Sirius came in and well, long story short – again – he kissed me. And I kinda kissed him back. And I don’t know what do to. I still love Jayden, right?
I’ll tell you more about everything else later, but now, can you please just give me advice? I’m so confused.
She folded the note up, put the top on her ink, put her things back in her bag, and went to take a much-needed shower.
“Addie!” she heard a voice call to her as she was rinsing the conditioner out of her hair.
“Yeah, are you okay?”
Adara sighed, Jayden must have said something to her, “I’m fine!” she called as she finished and shut the shower off. She reached her hand out of the shower, pulled in the royal blue towel, wrapped it around herself then pulled back the curtain, “really.”
Christine still looked worried, “Is your arm okay?” she asked.
Adara nodded, her wet, long hair dripping down her back, “It’s fine, look,” she stretched it out and bent her fingers.
“Okay, then,” she smiled, “Jay was worried.”
“He worries to much,” Adara sighed, hoping that it sounded right.
“True,” Christine laughed, “Well I’ll go out so you can wrap up your hair and stuff, I’ll meet you in the common room, okay?”
“Alright,” Adara tried to smile, it must have worked because Christine smiled at her then left the bathroom. Adara heard the dorm door open and close then she let out a long breath.
It was going to be a long day.
“I have to go to the owlry to mail this to my mum,” Adara said as she threw herself on the couch next to Christine. Her long braid pushed uncomfortably against her back, but she didn’t really care, she turned to face her friend. She noticed that she was staring at a spot over by the window, “What are you looking at?” she asked. Up in the dorm she had resolved to act as normal as possible. As of now, it wasn’t going that badly… though she hadn’t seen Jayden, yet.
“Oh,” Christine focused on her friend, “just that incredibly hott seventh year over there.” She smiled coyly.
Adara looked over her shoulder then back at her friend, “You mean the one that’s coming over here?” she asked. Christine’s eyes when wide and Adara actually giggled, “I’ll be back later, have fun!”
Adara smiled for the first time in a few hours as she glanced over her shoulder and saw the seventh year sit down beside Christine.
Adara entered the owlry and saw very familiar red hair at the other end of the room. Lily turned around, “Hey, Adara!” she said brightly.
“Hello, Lily,” Adara smiled, not a real smile. Lily wasn’t a good person to help her forget about the… erm… incident.
Lily furrowed her brows, “Is something wrong?”
Adara let her fake smile drop for a second when she realized how observant her new friend was. She quickly recovered, “I’m fine,” Adara repeated her lie.
“Hmm,” Lily’s eyes scanned Adara the latter looked around the room for her owl, Anka.
Adara finally spotted her perched next to a fancy-looking black owl, “Anka!” she called. The spotted white and brown owl flew down and held out her leg, “can you take this Mum?” Adara asked her. The owl hooted and as soon as the letter was attached, took off out the window.
“You sure?” Lily asked again walking towards Adara.
“I’m fine, why?” Adara put on back on her best fake smile.
“Okay,” Lily said but eyed her suspiciously, “no reason.”
“Well, I’m headed to see if there is anything left for breakfast,” Adara changed the subject, “have you been yet?”
Lily nodded. She still had that suspicious look on her face.
“Oh, see you later then,” Adara waved to Lily as she disappeared out of the owlery and walked to the Great Hall. Did she really look different? She couldn’t. But then how did Lily guess that something was wrong? She had been putting on the “all fine” act she settled on in her dorm pretty well.
She sat down next to Jayden at the Ravenclaw table after not allowing her eyes to wonder to the Gryffindor one. She didn’t want to see any of them.
“Hey,” Jayden scooted over to make room for her, “feeling better?”
Adara nodded and spooned some eggs onto her plate, “Yeah, thanks.”
“Did you see the new team list posted in the common room?” Jayden asked her. She noticed that he had already finished his breakfast. Guilt bubbled in her stomach as she realized he must have been waiting for her for a while.
She took a bite of her eggs and shook her head, “Must have missed it,” she said.
“Oh,” Jayden commented, “well the new chaser is a forth year named Elizabeth Alexander, do you know her?”
Adara shook her head ‘no,’ not looking up at Jayden. She couldn’t bring herself to do it, and that made her feel even worse. She kept wondering if Sirius was sitting at the table behind her. If he was looking at her. Things like that that would make her all-fine act a hundred times harder.
“You’ll meet her at practice on Monday, then,” Jayden chatted on, “she’s a great flyer, after a few practices, she should be amazing. And Christine and David work well with her, so that’s good.”
Adara grunted and nodded her head as she continued to pick at her food. She knew she shouldn’t act like this. Jayden was being perfectly normal and kind and Adara had barely talked to him.
“Are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.
Adara set her fork down on her plate and looked up at him, “I’m fine,” she lied for the millionth time that morning, “I think that sleep drought hasn’t completely worn off yet.”
Jayden smiled, “Okay, then. What do you want to do now?” he asked. Well, it was Saturday so they didn’t have that much to do. Adara decided to save the “homework” excuse for tomorrow. Without giving her eyes permission to do so, they flickered over to the Gryffindor table. Sirius was facing her, but had his head in his hand looking at the person to his left, James. He didn’t look very good, Adara noticed sadly. She hated to make him sad.
As she quickly looked back at her boyfriend a fresh wave of guilt washed over her and she knew that she had to get to someplace where Sirius couldn’t be if she wanted to remains sane around Jayden, “Let’s go up to the common room,” she suggested, “and I’ll beat you in wizards chess or exploding snap.”
“Is that a challenge, dear?” Jayden smiled.
“I believe it was,” she replied, though not with the playful spark she usually had.
Jayden stood up and offered Adara his arm. She sighed inwardly and, through her guilt, entwined her not injured arm with his and they headed up to their common room. As they left the Great Hall, Adara prayed that none of the Marauders would bring up the kiss to anyone, though deep down she knew Sirius wouldn’t let them.
When they entered the room, the first thing that Adara saw was her best friend sitting on the royal blue couch with the “hott seventh year” that Adara had left her with. She smiled a bit as Christine broke into laughter and the guy smiled at the laughing, possibly crazy, girl.
“Who’s that?” Jayden whispered to her as they walked a bit closer.
“I don’t know, exactly,” Adara said to him, actually smiling at him for the first time that morning, “all I heard when Christine described him was “the incredibly hott seventh year over there.””
“Well, then,” Jayden resolved, “if he and Christine don’t work out, I might have some competition, eh?” he said playfully.
It was lucky that Adara looked away from him before he spoke because at his words, her eyes widened in shock. Usually, at these remarks Adara would either make a joke or look into Jayden’s eyes and reply ‘never,’ but now, with the guilt of what had happened last night on her conscience, she was speechless. Her breathing became uneven as she tried to rationalize with herself. There was no way that he could know; that was only a joke.
“Of course not!” Adara said, but her voice squeaked. She blushed and cleared her throat. She stole a glance at Jayden who was looking at her in a strange way. Adara faked another cough, “That’s embarrassing,” she said trying to play the squeak in her voice off.
Jayden must have believed her because he smiled, “Well, I’ll go get my chess set and we’ll see who really is the master.”
Adara nodded and pulled her arm free and walked up to her dorm. She pulled her bag onto her bed and fished through it for the little bag that contained her pieces. She finally felt her fingertips run across it and she pulled it out. She sat on her bed and let out a deep breath. Though she knew it was too early, she glanced out her window looking for Anka. She hoped her mum would write back soon. She really needed advice on what to do.
But now, she had to put her game face back on and go down and play chess with Jayden.
The rest of the day passed very slowly, but eventually Adara returned from dinner and escaped to her room feigning exhaustion. No one protested, Jayden told her that she needed to rest because all the healing was taking the energy out of her. Adara had cringed when she realized that he had noticed that she wasn’t herself, but managed to kiss him on the cheek before retreating to her safe dorm bed.
Now, all she had to do was wait for her owl to return. Anka had to return tonight, I mean what else would her mum be doing on a Saturday? Many options popped into her head but Adara dismissed them wanting to believe that Elle would be there when her daughter needed her.
Adara was going crazy waiting, but knew she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. It was only seven-thirty. She needed something to pass the time. Adara looked around her remotely neat dorm and then, sighing, she noticed her bag was still on her bed at her feet.
I’ll bet that could use a good cleaning! She thought happily, knowing that the task would take her mind off her guilt for a good ten minutes at least. She folded her legs under her and sat up pulling the bag closer. She removed the thick textbooks from it then peered in at all the junk at the bottom of the bag.
That was when she noticed something that she didn’t recognize. She reached her arm into her bag and pulled out a small mirror with black edging. Where had she gotten this? She creased her forehead, trying to remember. She turned it over and examined the black back. She saw two small letters carved in the bottom corner, SB.
SB? Adara thought, then it came to her. She remembered that she had gotten this mirror just yesterday and wondered how she had forgotten so easily. Sirius – even in her mind, the name brought many emotions to Adara – had given it to Adara when she hadn’t believed that she really had a black eye. She had shoved it in her pocket, though, not her bag.
She wondered how it could have gotten to her bag, then remembered that the house elves would have probably moved it when they retrieved her jeans and other dirty laundry.
Content that no one was messing with her things, Adara lay back on her pillow and mused on how so much could change in such little time. She absent-mindedly traced the initials carved in the back of the mirror, then flipped it around and examined her newly-healed eye. Just yesterday she had been on the tower watching Sirius, Remus, that other one, and
“James Potter,” the name hissed through her teeth. Why does he hate me so much? she asked herself.
Suddenly, the mirror’s flat surface began to ripple. Adara almost dropped it in response, but her natural curiosity made her look at it more intently.
“What do you what, Padfoot?” came a voice, “I thought you didn’t have detention tonight?”
This time, Adara really did drop the mirror. It landed on the bed in front of her facing the top of her canopy.
“Padfoot, where are you?” the voice asked, irritated, “where’s that blue coming from?”
Adara sneaked closer to the mirror. It was calling ‘Padfoot.’ Wasn’t that some strange name for Sirius? And who was talking?
“Hello? Are you there?” the voice said again.
She only had time to see a bare torso in the mirror before, “Okay, that’s it. I’m going, bye,” the person said and then the mirror rippled again and turned back to the normal mirror Adara had been staring into a minute ago. Adara poked the mirror’s flat surface; definitely solid. She picked it back up and looked into it. Staring back at her was her mirrored self.
This is too strange, she thought.
Her mirror–examination was interrupted however, but a light tap on the window. Adara looked up and saw Anka tapping irritably. Relief flowed through her as she quickly crossed the room and threw open the window. She unwrapped the scroll with shaky hands – something that irritated Anka.
“Thanks, Anka,” she said and she patted her owl, “I know that two journeys in one day is hard, go rest.”
The owl looked at her, as if expecting a treat, then upon not receiving one, hooted angrily and took off out the window. Adara was too preoccupied with her letter to care as she slammed the window shut and made her way back over to her bed, unwrapping the letter as she walked.
Sitting down on her bed, she read:
You know how hard it is for me to refrain from adding my opinion on these sorts of things, but I will. For now. All I can tell you, advice-wise, is that you have to choose one, Addie. I would guess that you obviously feel something for this other guy or you wouldn’t have kissed him back. And as you’ve been with Jayden for three years, you no doubt feel something for him. But, Baby, you have to choose. You have to choose because this – kissing and thinking about another guy – is not fair to Jayden. You need to decide who is the best for you, and stay with that. I trust you, Addie, but it’s not fair to string Jayden along if you like this other guy.
I know that you’ll do the right thing.
P.S. You need to tell me about this “hospital wing” visit or I’m owling the nurse. And don’t think that I’m bluffing.
Well, this sure gave Adara a lot to think about. She sighed and threw herself backward. Her head collided with the mirror and she angrily set her letter on her stomach and reached her good hand back to move it.
Why was everything so bloody confusing?
A/N: OMG guys, you really stepped up. I feel so loved right now! 34 reviews? WOW! I was like jumping with joy, literally. haha. Anyway, that said I feel kind of bad about posting such a short, sad, not-fulfilling chapter. I feel like this is a... idk, not really interesting and stuff, but you have to know what happens and stuff so yeah. Don't worry, I have the next chapter already written and it's definitely funnier and a bit longer. However, the really long chapters (like one is like 5,000 words, baby) don't come until a bit later. But yeah, i promise, this is a sad chapter, but it gets much more humorous. Especially what happens to poor David (*HINT*) haha.
anyway, PLEASE continue to review! i put this into action:
this time so i will definitely use it again. haha. any review is great.
She looked to her right and nearly fell off her seat when she saw Sirius turned away from her, digging in his bag. He hadn’t even talked to her or even acknowledged her. To be fair, though, she’d gone nearly three weeks of doing the same to him. A weird emotion that she couldn’t name swept over her. She stared at his back until he began to turn around, then she blushed and turned to find the ingredients out of her own bag.
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