A/N: Okay, guys, I'm so sorry that I've been so long to update! I feel bad. I wanted to update sooner, but the queue was closed then i wanted to get my Thanks to Mum one shot up because it's kinda new year's-y. But here's the next chapter. Hope you like it. =]
Chapter Eight: It Wasn’t
I stood there, in Harry and Ginny’s flat, staring at the spot that Harry and Ron had just vanished from. My eyes were wide in horror and my hand still covered my mouth. I couldn’t move. Really. I was no longer in control of my body. I felt my knees give and I fell on them to the floor.
What had I done? I had only pushed him! I hadn’t meant to really hurt him, had I? No, no. No matter how mad I was at him, I didn’t mean to actually hurt him… right?
Oh Godric, I was homicidal. I should have my wand snapped and be sent to a muggle psychiatric ward where they tie you up in those white coats.
I will myself to close my eyes. I have to gain control. I take a shaky, deep breath. Okay, good. Better. I’m not insane, at least I don’t think I am.
I feel my brain come down a notch to panic mode. Panic mode I can deal with. I need to tell Ginny. I need to go to St. Mungo’s. I can do this.
I slowly stand back up and concentrate all the power I have on apparation to Ginny’s practice field. I cannot afford to splinch myself because of all these emotions. One, two, three.
To my intense relief I arrive outside the field in one piece. Another deep breath. I bring my hand to my face and see that tears are still coming out of my eyes. Great.
I run into the office and up to the lady at the front desk, “I need to talk to Ginny Wea – Wea – Weas—” I can’t say it. I can’t say that last name.
“Weasley?” the lady helps me. She looks scared. Well, who can blame her? A lady had just arrived at her desk crying and probably looking like death.
I nod, “Emergency.” I manage to tell her.
She seems to believe me, I think it was because I looked the part.
“I’ll be right back,” she tells me holding up a finger in case I couldn’t hear her. She eyes her desk as if deliberating if I was sane enough for her to leave me with her possessions. She decided I was and she disappeared behind a door.
I begin to pace the length of the desk, thinking. So I’ll tell Ginny and we can go to St. Mungo’s and make sure that he’s okay…
“Hermione?” I hear a scared voice say. Ginny appears from behind the door with the receptionist lady, “Hermione! Are you okay?” she gasps. Wow, I must look really bad. Probably not worse than I actually feel, though.
I rush forward, grab her hand then pull her outside, “It’s all my fault, Ginny!” I break down once out of the building.
Ginny’s eyes widen in horror, “Is Teddy okay!” she asks immediately, the panic evident in her voice.
My eyes, too, widen in horror, “Oh, Merlin! Viktor! Teddy!” I cry, “I have to go home.” I start to pace again, “What is he going to think! How long have I been gone –”
“HERMIONE!” Ginny yells, “Where is Teddy!?” She puts her hands on my shoulders in a fierce grip. No wonder she’s the chaser.
“With Viktor.” I say.
“Oh, no. Is he okay?” she panics.
I nod, “He’s fine!”
Ginny releases me, still looking worried, “Then what’s wrong?”
“Ron!” I sob.
“Oh, no,” she says.
“It’s all my fault! I hurt him! I need to be committed, I’m homicidal!”
“Did you try to kill him?” Ginny asks, shocked.
I shake my head, “I didn’t mean to! I just pushed him!”
“Hermione Jane Krum, you tell me right this instant what the hell happened!” she orders, her robotic grasp on my shoulders again.
I take a few shaky breaths to calm myself, then begin to explain. I can barely get the story out, and Ginny has to remind me to breathe many times. I feel like Dobby as I get to the part where I push Him. I want to run and find something to punish myself with.
“Hermione,” Ginny says when I finish, “it’s okay.”
I frantically shake my head ‘no.’
“I’m sure he’s fine. Probably just a broken hand and minor burn.”
I shake my head again, “Ginny, I hurt him! I hurt him!”
“Not on purpose. You didn’t mean to, did you?” she asks.
My mind spins, “I don’t know!” I sob, “I’m a horrible person! You need to take me away to—”
“Look,” She pulls me up again, “here’s what we are going to do: we are going to go to my house and clean you up. You are going to go home and tell Viktor that you talked to Ron and that Harry showed up and asked if you could take Teddy home tonight because we can’t pick him up, are you with me?”
“Then, after he leaves for practice, you bring Teddy to my flat and, if Ron’s not back from St. Mungo’s, we will go to see him. Do you want to go?” she asks.
I’m still as I contemplate this. Do I want to see Him again now? Not really. Will I feel guilty if I don’t? Yes.
I nod to Ginny.
“Okay. Now hold onto me tightly. Friends don’t let friends apparate emotionally.” She said. I almost smiled at the overused phrase and grabbed onto her arm.
Without Ginny, I’m sure that I would be mentally unsound right now. She has helped me through so much it’s ridiculous. She’s so strong. I swear that I’m usually strong too, it’s just this one thing (or person really) that makes me like this. And I hate it.
“Ginny, I owe you so much,” I say as she ushers me to the fireplace.
“I’ll remember that,” she smiles and hands me a bag full of toys for Teddy, my excuse for going to her flat.
“Thanks,” I say and I throw the floo powder in the fire. She had cleaned me up so well that no one would even guess I’d ever had a bad day in my life. And it had only been an hour and a half since I’d last seen Viktor.
“Hermione, if you don’t get out of my house right now,” she threatens, smiling.
I step into the fire, “Krum Manor!” I say.
When the spinning stops, I step out of the fireplace and take a deep breath. I can do this.
“Viktor?” I call.
“Auntie ‘Mione!” I hear a small cry and small thumps. Teddy comes into view and grabs onto my leg, “you’re back!” he exclaims.
I laugh and put his bag of toys on the floor, “Yeah, and I brought you toys!”
“Whoa!” Teddy gasps as he dumps the toys all over the floor.
“Hermione?” Viktor walks into the room, looking exhausted.
“Hey,” I say as I walk to him and kiss him quickly on the lips. Someone needs to invent something like ‘guilt-be-gone.’ I’d certainly be a huge customer, “I see Teddy is up.”
He nods, “Did you have a good talk?” he asks with a hint of anger in his voice and a bunch of worry and hurt.
I nod, “He just didn’t know that we were married, that’s all,” I say in a calm voice I didn’t think I would be able to muster, “came as a bit of a shock, I think.” Understatement of the year. “But, er, I met Harry and he told me to go by his house and get a few extra things. He asked if Teddy could stay until five thirty and if I could bring him home. He has to work a bit later than he expected and Ginny has double practice.”
I can tell that, by telling him I hadn’t spend the whole time with Ron, Viktor’s face and spirits were lifted. And that did make me a bit more happy. At least he wasn’t even a fraction as miserable as I was.
“Oh,” he says.
“Yeah, so I had to go over to their flat to gather these,” I gesture to the toys, “took forever, finally I just ‘accio’d them all then ducked.”
He nods and smiles, “Are you hungry? It’s nearly two and you haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
“Er, yeah, a bit,” I admit. I had been to preoccupied to think about eating before, but now that I was a bit calmer, I realized how hungry I really was.
“We had macaroni, there’s still some left in the fridge.”
“You cooked!” I gasp, faking surprise.
“I added water,” he smiles.
I smile, tell him I’ll be right back, and walk into the kitchen where I let the fake smile slide off my face. I lean against the counter and put my head in my hands. I can do this.
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
I’m at my house, with my husband, but I’m worried to death about another man. But to be fair, I was the one that caused his injury, so even if it were a stranger, I would be worried.
But what really hurt me were all the lies that I was telling to Viktor. I hated that he was so honest and open and loving with me, and I didn’t return it at all. I was truly a terrible person.
I think I’m the only person in the whole world who can be married to someone who was basically the perfect husband yet still think about and miss another man. A man that I had just put in the hospital.
That takes talent.
I grab the macaroni out of the fridge, a spoon out of the drawer, and head back into the living room. Viktor is sitting on the couch leaning his head back with his eyes close. I sit down next to him.
“You should go take a nap,” I say as I swallow my first bite. Surprisingly, it’s not bad.
“I’m fine.” He answers.
“Your captain will kill you if you are tired at practice,” I tell him.
He grunts dismissively.
“And then he’ll come after me because he’ll assume I’m the reason that you are so tired,” I take another bite, “and I don’t think that you want me brutally murdered by your employer.”
Though you probably should.
He sits up, “You win. I’ll go take a nap, but I’m warning you, this one’s a handful!” he points at Teddy who is presently smashing two miniature Quidditch players together.
“I can handle him,” I smile.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he kisses my forehead and heads up to our room.
I sigh, at least now I don’t have to pretend to be happy. I sit on the couch eating and listening to the sounds effects Teddy was making as he moved on to smashing his teddy bear against the arm chair.
I hope Ron is okay.
I can’t believe I actually lost it like that. I actually really hurt him.
But he wasn’t supposed to fall! When I’d hit in him Diagon Alley he hadn’t budged!
Wow. I really was abusive. I needed help.
“Auntie ‘Mione?” Teddy pulls me from my thoughts.
“You okay?” he asks.
I nod, “I’m fine, Teddy.”
He scrunches his face up in confusion, “Are you sure, because you are like this,” he makes a sad, pouting face.
“I’m fine, Teddy,” I reassure him, smiling.
He looks at me carefully, “Let’s play this,” he holds up two Quidditch players, “it’s fun.”
I set my now-empty macaroni container on the end table, “Sounds like fun, go grab them all.” I tell him. He deposits the two he had in his hands and runs over to collect the rest. He drops them on the couch next to me then climbs up. I turn so that we are facing each other with the middle cushion of the three-person couch occupied only by the miniature models.
“I’m Cannons,” Teddy announces and gathers all the orange players over to his side, “because they are the bestest. You be the Tornadoes,” he pushes the blue ones over to me then adds, “don’t worry. They’re good, too.”
I can’t help but smile a genuine smile at the knowledgeable four-year-old in front of me. The Weasley’s had already begun to brainwash him.
Despite having a best friend and a husband that played Quidditch professionally, I lost the game to Teddy.
“I win 190 to 30!” he smiles as his seeker struts the palm of his hand with the tiny snitch. I was so proud that he could already count that high. Well, by tens. Quidditch could be educational, I guess.
“You sure did,” I tell him, “Who taught you to play like that?”
“Harry!” he smiles.
“Figures,” I roll my eyes. Maybe I should take lessons from Harry… or Ginny… or Viktor.
“What now?” he asks me.
“I don’t know, what do you want to do?” I ask him and I shove all of my players into a small bag. Teddy does the same.
“I want to go see Tori,” he says.
There is no way in hell that I’m going to Bill’s house right now, so that was not an option, “I think that she’s sleeping right now.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Not that game!” I whined, “how about we go outside and swing?” We had a swingset in the backyard for him and Victoire.
“Okay,” he smiles and hops off the couch. We head out the back door and I left Teddy into the seat. I push him once, then wave my wand so that it swings itself. I sit on the adult swing next to him and push myself slowly.
“Faster, faster!” Teddy calls, I wave my wand again and he goes higher.
With Teddy occupied for the next few minutes, my mind wanders. I wonder what is happening at St. Mungo’s. I wonder if he’ll have to stay overnight. I wonder if I’ll have the courage to go in and see him. I wonder what I’ll say. What am I going to do? Why did he have to come back!?
I look up to our bedroom window. The curtains are open, but the lights are off. I know that Viktor is probably sleeping. I hope that he’s not hurt. I hope he’s not angry with me, then I realize that, of course, he’s not. He’s never truly angry with me. I could probably slaughter a whole city, apologize, and as they were carting me off to Azkaban, Viktor would be there, holding my hand. Okay, maybe not to that extent, but it’s the same nonetheless. More realistically, I hope that I’m not responsible for making him suffer, even though I know I probably am.
Shouldn’t have married him. My mind says.
As much as I try to tell myself that I made the right decision, I can’t convince my mind so. I remember that I was even unsure on my wedding day.
“Hermione, you look beautiful!” her mother gushed over her. Hermione was standing in front of a three-panel mirror in a long white dress. She had white flowers pinned in her neatly updone hair and a string of brilliant white pearls around her neck.
“Thanks, Mum,” Hermione sighed.
“Can I come in?” Hermione looked in the mirror and saw Ginny poking her head in the door.
“Of course!” Mrs. Granger said.
“They want to see you up front,” Ginny said to Hermione’s mum.
“That must mean we’re close!” she squealed, “I’ll see you out there, Baby,” she kissed her daughter and hustled out the door, closing it behind her.
“Hermione,” Ginny said once they were alone, “are you sure this is right?”
Hermione turned around and looked her friend, and Maid of Honor, in the eye, “Ginny, don’t start.”
“I think that we both know that you about to make the biggest mistake of your life!” Ginny pulled up her powder blue dress’ tail and walked over to Hermione.
“No, it’s not. Viktor loves me!” Hermione tells her, willing myself not to break down.
“Yes, but do you love him?”
“Of… of…” Hermione searches for the words, “course.”
“Or are you just looking for someone that will fill an empty hole?”
“I’m over Him, that was a year ago, Ginny.”
“You know that Ron hates Viktor, could that be a reason?”
“No!” Hermione yells, “I’m marrying Viktor because I know it’s right,” she lied, looking down at her dress, “it has to be,” she whispered.
Ginny just nodded. She never brought up the subject again.
“Hey!” Teddy calls pulling me from my memories.
I look over and see that he has stopped swinging, “Oh, sorry,” I say as I wave my wand again. He sequels in delight.
I can’t believe that something so small could make him so happy. If only it were always like that.
Trust me, it wasn’t.
A/N: So, yeah. Haha. I hope that you guys liked this. I'm really, really grateful for all the reviews, guys. I'm estatic! I'm so glad that you like this. It's going on much longer than i originally planned, though like all my stories do that. But I have at least through chapter 12 planned out and then theres going to need a few more... what I'm saying is that I hope you guys will be okay with a 15-20 chapter story! =]
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