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Chapter 20 : Becoming Someone I'm Not
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Now he sat and worried for what was going to happen tomorrow. Harry was going to join the Death Eaters for him; there was no backing out now. He decided not to tell Hermione what Harry was about to do because he was afraid that she would try to stop it somehow. He was also worried that she would look at him differently, knowing he would be a Death Eater after all this was said and done. He had no idea if she would ever be able to look pass the mark on his arm.
He closed his eyes and started thinking about Snape, hoping he would be there to help Harry during the process. After a few minutes, he fell asleep, still thinking about Snape.
Snape was lying in his bed, with Narcissa sleeping next to him. He lay close to her, with his arm wrapped around her in a comforting manner, never wanting her to leave his side. He couldn’t sleep because he kept thinking about tomorrow and how Draco would finally be branded to the Dark Side. He looked down at his arm and stared regrettably at his own tattoo. He could remember everything that happened when he decided to join. He hated himself every day after, wishing that he could somehow erase the mark that now controlled his life.
“I guess this was expected,” a voice called out.
He frantically looked up, not sure if he was hearing things. He looked over at Narcissa and found her to be still sleeping. He then looked around the room, seeing it was empty. He closed his eyes, trying to place the voice in his head. “Draco?” he whispered.
“What are you doing here?” he quietly asked, as he removed his arm from Narcissa and stepped out of bed, quickly dressing himself. “Are you asleep?”
“I believe so. I remember I was thinking about you right before I dozed off.”
Snape looked over at Narcissa one last time and then walked out of his bedroom and into his den, so he would be able to talk to Draco freely. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. How are you doing?”
“I’m alright. A little nervous about tomorrow, but I know this has to happen,” he replied. “I bet my father is proud.”
“Unfortunately,” Snape groaned.
“She misses you a lot,” he answered. “She’s dreading tomorrow, but understands why it needs to be done.”
“I wish there was some other way.”
“We all do.”
Harry stirred in his bed the next morning. He could feel the sunlight hitting his face through the window. He couldn’t believe today had finally come. All week Lucius has been teaching him about Death Eaters and what will happen once he becomes one. He was nervous about the ritual, since Lucius only talked about stories after the fact. He tried asking him about it once, but Lucius’ only reply was ‘you’ll find out soon enough.’
He rolled over on his side, away from the rays of sunlight beaming into his bedroom, and opened his eyes. He began thinking about Hermione and wondering how she would react if she knew what he was about to do. He knew she would try everything in her power to make sure he didn’t go through with it, but he knew this had to happen. He knew it was the only way.
“Draco!” Lucius bellowed.
Harry rolled his eyes, not wanting to leave the comfort of his bed. He could hear footsteps charging up the stairs and into the hallway. His door slammed open and Lucius, all dressed and ready to go, entered, with a scornful look on his face. “What are you doing still sleeping? Get up,” he commanded.
“But the ceremony isn’t until sundown,” Harry yawned. “Why can’t I sleep a little longer?”
Lucius walked over to Draco’s full-length mirror and stood in front of it, admiring himself. He grinned at his reflection, satisfied with his well-groomed appearance. “Because I have a lot of things to do today, and I do not want to come back here to pick you up. So, you are to come with me on my errands.”
Harry sighed, which made Lucius glare over at him, and rose out of bed, rummaging through Draco’s closet. “What should I wear for tonight?” he curiously wondered.
Lucius walked toward the closet, pushing Harry aside, and began flipping through the various robes, searching for the best one. He stopped on a navy blue one and pulled it out, shoving it in his son’s arms. “Here,” he simply stated.
Harry pulled the robe over his body and stood in front of Lucius, waiting for his approval. Lucius scanned him and then nodded. “Good. Now, we must do something about that hair,” he disdainfully said, as he touched the blonde straggly hair that hung around Harry’s face. “I can’t understand why you stopped slicking it back. This makes you look like you don’t care about your appearance at all.”
Harry casually ran his hand through his hair. “I like it this way.”
“Well, I don’t. So fix it,” Lucius expressed, as he walked toward Draco’s dresser and picked up the gel sitting on top of it. He threw the bottle toward Harry, which he quickly caught thanks to his Seeker skills. Lucius nodded and left the room.
Harry placed a large amount of gel into his hands and ran them through his hair. He looked at himself in the mirror, disgusted by the display. He hated that he looked like he just came out of a shower. “Okay, Harry. You can do this. It will all be fine,” he told himself.
“We need to go. Now!” Lucius yelled from downstairs.
Harry took one last look in the mirror, closed his eyes and sighed. “It will all be fine,” he whispered.
Draco was pacing in the common room, staring down at his watch every so often. He hated that he had no idea what was going on. He wanted to be there, to know exactly what was going to happen to him.
Hermione was sitting on the couch, reading, but kept looking up to watch him pace. She didn’t understand what had him so worried. She had tried asking him earlier, but he just told her it was nothing. She knew he was lying, but she remained silent, respecting his choice not to tell her.
He plopped on one of the chairs and began biting his fingernails, as he stared out the window. He hated that there was nothing he could do on this side and how he had to wait until it was all over.
Hermione couldn’t take it anymore and stared over at him. “Why are you so nervous?”
He snapped out of his reverie and turned to look at her. “I’m not,” he replied hesitantly, as he took his fingernail out of his mouth and placed his hand on his lap.
“Draco,” she sighed. “You’ve been acting weird all day and have been so quiet. There must be something I can do to help.”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing, ‘Mione. Don’t worry about it.”
She sighed again, knowing he was not going to tell her. She returned her attention to her book, sad to know that he couldn’t trust her with what was going on.
He kept his gaze on her, wishing he didn’t have to keep this from her. He hated that he couldn’t talk to her about this, but knew he couldn’t. He stood up from his seat and walked toward his bedroom, not wanting her to feel dejected anymore. As he walked to his bedroom, he could feel her stares on his retreating back, but he didn’t turn around. He couldn’t turn around.
He entered his room and sat on his bed, nervously playing with his fingers. “I have to know what’s going on. I have to be there,” he said, closing his eyes, hoping it would work.
A few seconds later, he was staring out onto an open street. He didn’t know where he was at first, but could sense movement. He then heard a familiar voice to the left side of him.
“And when he asks you where your loyalties lie, you tell him you are forever his,” Lucius explained.
He felt a nod, as he turned toward his father. He knew immediately where he was and couldn’t believe it actually worked. He waited until his father walked further ahead, before speaking. “Harry,” he whispered.
Harry jumped a little at the sound of his name. He turned around and toward his sides, trying to locate the voice.
Lucius saw that his son stopped and turned to stare at his awkward behavior. “What’s wrong with you?”
Harry looked over at Lucius and shook his head, not wanting to get him upset today. “Nothing. I thought I heard something,” he responded, as he started following him again.
Lucius continued walking ahead, while Harry nervously glanced to his sides. He knew he heard someone call his name, but didn’t know where it came from.
“Damn it, Potter. Don’t give me away,” Draco said.
Harry finally recognized the voice and let his body relax. What are you doing here? he thought, as he slowed down a little.
“I couldn’t let you go through this alone,” Draco replied.
Are you sleeping?
“No. I think I finally got a handle on this power of mine.”
Are you sure you want to stick around?
“I have to.”
Lucius turned his head around and frowned at Harry’s pace. Harry, seeing his disappointment, quickly sped up, so he was walking next to him. Lucius wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulder. He was so proud of his son and couldn’t wait for him to become just like him.
“Oh, right. Let’s act like we’re father of the year,” Draco sneered, making Harry feel even more sorry for him.
Lucius and Harry walked into an old cemetery, which Harry instantly remembered seeing before. He looked around and gulped when he spotted the place where Cedric Diggory’s body fell to the ground. He could remember that night just like it was yesterday. He was still haunted by the memories, believing it was his fault for Cedric’s death.
Draco could sense Harry’s thoughts about Cedric and knew it had to be rough for him to always have that vision in his head. “You have to get over it, Harry. It wasn’t your fault,” he tried to reassure him.
Harry nodded, but knew it was easier said than done. He looked to his other side and noticed a group of hooded men off in the distance. His body began to shake at the thought of what was about to happen to him.
He followed Lucius closely from behind. Lucius gripped his son’s shoulders and leaned down close to him. “What have I told you before? You must never let them see your weakness,” he whispered.
Harry tried to follow his words by relaxing his face and pretending to be calm, but the whole sight still frightened him. As they neared closer to where the majority of Death Eaters stood, he could feel his whole body tense up. One by one, the men surrounding them took off their hoods.
Harry turned and saw Blaise standing on one side, giving him a nod of assurance. He then looked toward the front and saw Voldemort, with Snape standing next to him on his right side.
Voldemort grinned as the two reached him. He first looked over at Lucius and nodded, which Lucius in turn bowed and retreated to the outer circle of Death Eaters. Voldemort then turned his attention to the youngest Malfoy and placed his hands on his shoulders.
“Where do your loyalties lie?”
“I am forever yours,” Harry replied.
Voldemort nodded and grabbed his wand from underneath his robes. “Before you can join, you must solely be of one mind. Do you come here freely?”
Harry nodded. “Yes, my Lord.”
“Do you have any doubts about my leadership?”
“No, my Lord.”
Voldemort stared into his eyes, wondering if he was really telling the truth. He glared for a few seconds, making Harry nervous.
Harry peeked over at Snape, and although Snape was very good at keeping his expressions hidden, when Harry saw him bite his lower lip for a split second, he knew there was something to be nervous about.
“Damn it,” Draco suddenly said, seeing Voldemort’s eyes stare into Harry’s. “It’s the look. Harry, perform Occlumency.”
I can’t, Draco. I’ve never been able to do it correctly, he thought.
“You have to, or he’ll figure it all out. Just clear your mind. Let go of all emotion,” he coached.
Voldemort continued staring and Harry finally felt flashes of memories start to move toward the front of his head.
“Focus,” cried Draco, sensing the memories as well.
Harry listened to Draco and focused very hard at the task, struggling to keep his mind clear. He knew if Voldemort found out who he really was, then it would all be over. He could feel his memories push forward, but as he continued to focus, he could feel them stop just before breaking the barrier. He couldn’t believe he was finally stopping someone, especially Voldemort, from entering his memories.
Voldemort snapped out of his mind and nodded in appreciation, happy to see the boy was truthful and not hiding anything. He lifted his wand over Harry’s left arm and stared once more in his direction. “Draco Malfoy. You have decided to join me and become a Death Eater. I have seen inside your mind and am pleased to know you have no qualms about following my leadership. Once you have been marked, you will obey all of my commands and come whenever asked. You will never be able to leave my circle, for this is a lifetime commitment.”
Harry glanced over at Lucius and saw him glowing with pride. He returned his focus on Voldemort, watching the wand move closer to his arm.
“Do you accept these terms?” Voldemort asked.
“I do,” Harry boldly replied.
Voldemort smirked. “By my own powers, you are officially a Death Eater and will forever be by my side when needed,” he announced, grazing his wand over the boy’s arm.
The wand painfully cut into his skin, slowly moving into the desired shape of a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. Harry stood frozen, feeling his eyes water, as he felt the mark slowly creep in his skin. He bit his tongue and remained silent, trying to hold back any signs of weakness.
“I know it hurts, Harry. Just stay with me,” Draco comforted, feeling the pain Harry was enduring.
It hurts so badly, Draco, and I’m feeling very weak. I think I may pass out from the pain, Harry painfully responded, as he watched some blood seep from his arm.
“It’ll be over soon. You can do it, Harry. I know you can. Remember you’re a Gryffindor.”
Harry continued to focus on Draco’s comforting words, until the blood from the cuts changed to black. He instantly fell to his knees after the mark took form. He was frantically trying to stand back up, not wanting Voldemort to see his feebleness, but a strong force kept him low on the ground.
He lifted his head slightly and saw Snape lift his hand to the back of his neck, pretending to rub it, and subtly shake his head. Harry suddenly realized he was supposed to stay on his knees and stopped resisting.
Voldemort walked closer to Harry and placed his hand on his shoulder. “I had my doubts about you, young Malfoy. Ever since you couldn’t kill that pathetic excuse for a wizard, Dumbledore. But, I’m glad to know you finally made the right decision.”
Harry bowed his head. “Thank you, my Lord.”
Voldemort patted his shoulder and then turned to look at all of the Death Eaters. “The time is getting closer, my faithful friends, and war we will have. My sources tell me that it is not an impossible task for us to get on the grounds of Hogwarts,” he expressed, turning toward Snape for reassurance.
Snape nodded. “When the sun and moon are directly aligned, all charms and spells surrounding the school disappear for those few moments.”
Harry still remained on his knees, as he listened to both Snape and Voldemort converse. Why does he want to come to Hogwarts? he curiously wondered.
“Probably to reign over the students once he has defeated you and everyone else who stands in his way,” Draco answered.
How long do you think we have?
“If my calculations are correct, the next eclipse will be exactly three months from today,” Snape continued, answering Harry’s question for him.
“Then that’s the day we fight,” Voldemort smirked.
Snape nodded and lowered himself into a bow, as he retreated back to where he originally stood.
Voldemort looked around the cemetery and clapped his hands in amusement. “Why are we all just standing around? A new member has joined our ranks and we must celebrate.”
He looked over at Harry and grinned. Harry could feel the weight lift off his shoulders and tried to stand once more, finding it much easier this time around. He realized that Voldemort must have lifted the spell, allowing him to rise off his knees. Voldemort took one last look at the boy and then retreated to a few Death Eaters on the side.
Lucius walked closer to Harry, still beaming with pride. He again wrapped his arm around Harry, pulling him closer into a loving embrace. “Your life will definitely be different now, Draco. You’re one of us, which means you’ll be very well-protected.”
“Even from you?” Harry spat, not wanting to feel this man’s attempt at love.
Lucius tightly gripped his son’s shoulder, digging his nails deeper into his skin. Harry winced a bit from the nails cutting into him. He looked up and saw Lucius staring off into the distance.
“Don’t forget that your loyalties still lie with me, too,” Lucius quietly retorted.
Harry rolled his shoulder, releasing Lucius’ hand from it. “How can I, when you remind me every day with your blatant curses?” he whispered.
Lucius looked down at his son and smirked. “We’re on the same team now, Draco. You remember that.”
Lucius walked away, frustrated by his son’s manners. He immediately wanted to show him who was still in control, but knew better than to do anything in front of the others. He made a mental note to deal with his impudent son once they returned home, but for now, he would let his son enjoy the rest of the evening.
A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter. I'm sorry if the ritual wasn't as good as one would like, but when you don't have much to go on with how they become a Death Eater, you pretty much have to make do with what you do know.
Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! You keep me going, which I appreciate so much! :)
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