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Chapter 5 : I'll take your nightmares away
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A/n: The rhymes were invented by me, just so you know. :] Oh, and the end bits of her dream (most of it, honestly) is from Impact.
I’ll take them away
And never let them come again.
Just remember I’ll be here every day
For you until all nightmares are ashen.
Remember I’ll take them away, my flower;
Chapter: I’ll take your nightmares away
A dead father, a despicable sister, and a shock-struck mother was all that circulated in my mind. I couldn’t let go of that day. I simply could not do it.
Father was laughing at the joke he’d made, Mother and a few friends of theirs laughing along. That was until the laughing went to straight forward gags of air. His face had gone incredibly red – a color never seen on his face – let alone, killing him.
He was suffocating and pleading with his eyes.
How could I when I was frozen with fear and shock in place? Mother clung to him, her face ash white, pleading someone to call an ambulance.
I only watched even though someone kept nudging me to firm to a consciousness.
“She’s under shock.”
I only stared at my suffocating Father. I only wondered how could a piece of cheek have caused so much to him to bring him directly to Death’s door?
I only stood there watching.
I didn’t do anything.
I only watched him die…
“AHHHH!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, waking abruptly.
Shivering I recalled – no, I saw his eyes and his face pleading to stay alive…
And it was all my fault.
“Lily, flower, calm down, I’m here,” a velvet voice whispered repeatedly out of no where.
Was I so into my dream - nightmare to not notice James here trying to calm me? Was I that distracted and terrible?
“Shh… I’m here,” he repeated into my hair. “I’m here.”
I only sobbed in his arms as he said, “Shh… it was just a nightmare.”
“Bu-but it was real,” I gasped, letting more tears roll down my cheeks. “I didn’t – save him…”
His hazel eyes gazed at me and I looked down. I didn’t deserve this bloke. I just didn’t.
“Things like that happen you know. Everything’s been written down – he had to go,” James whispered as he tried to soothe me. “He had to go because it was his time to leave.”
“B-but I didn’t do anything… to save him,” I blurted out again.
James, my Romeo, why won’t you just berate it in my face and stop lying to me? I did kill my Father.
“Petunia was right.”
“No, she wasn’t, Lils, you didn’t kill him. You didn’t do anything to cause his death-“
“I got turned into a Head Girl – that’s why he died! I did – I killed him!” I wailed, letting my seeping heart drag me with it.
James negated me again, “No, you didn’t, Lils. You didn’t kill him.”
“Yes, I did, and you know it so please stop lying to me!” I cried, balling up my fists against him.
He held the sides of my arms, bending down to my face.
“You didn’t kill him,” he whispered, his hazel eyes more grave than before.
I only nagged, “Stop lying to me… tell me that I did it.”
There was a deep silence.
“If that’s what you want,” he said as he let go of my arms and sat back on my bed. “You killed your Father and made your Mother the most saddened woman of all time and you made your sister hate you.”
I watched him and he gazed at me, his arms crossed to his chest. Another silence placed itself between us.
What he said sounded false; feigned. I wonder why I wanted him to tell me. I only stared at him, my sobs terminated by his words. How could he accomplish so much in less than a minute?
I smoothed out my lips as he looked down at his arms. I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom that we shared, but came back to get a batch of clean clothes to wear for the day. After I showered and dressed in the bathroom, I went back to my room to notice that he was still there, watching from afar.
“I heart you,” I told him.
“You heart me?” he wondered blankly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I rolled my eyes and replied with as much sarcasm as was possible (enough to outwit Severus), “It means that your words helped me a bit. I feel a bit better now to know that I’m my Dad’s murderer - assassin.”
“Hmm… You know that you really aren’t, don’t you?” he asked, now holding my arms again.
I looked else where as I sighed.
“Never mind,” he sighed. “Well, at least remember that I’m here, my flower.”
Then he added, “I’ll take your nightmares away.”
“Yeah, right. The thing is that the so called nightmare is real. It really happened, James,” I broke out hopelessly. “My Father died.”
I felt a pain rip through my chest and the pain brought me tears again. My mind berated me.
You killed him! You killed your own Father! Tuney was right, it is your fault!
James held me to him and I was glad that I had his warmth around me, but the words continued to circle in my head.
How does one get rid of the old memories in such little time? How does one forget that a loved one has died and it’s your entire fault?
You killed him! You killed your own Father! Petunia was right, it is your fault!
“I’m here, Lily,” he told me in my ear again, “I’m here.”
God! I wanted to hear that again and again so that it could take away my weakness… so it could take away the pain that I felt for not helping my Dad.
He then kissed me without letting me know. I let go of one sob and soon the memory had ran away to the back of my mind. I could only think about how his lips were on mine and how much healing his warmth had made on my aching soul.
Once he finished, he traced my cheek with his right hand whilst his other kept me up against him. I think that I’m smiling weakly, but I don’t know. I think he made my lips numb…
God! I wanted to kiss him again!
“I’m here, Lils, and I’ll do my best to take your nightmares and fears away,” he told me with a warm smile.
Then his lips brushed against mine. He kissed me again, fulfilling what he had just said: taking my nightmares and fears away.
The Valentine’s Hogsmeade weekend had been postponed due to the snow that was piled up outside.
“And here I thought that it didn’t snow in February!” cried Marlene, throwing her hands up in mock agony. “And I really wanted to go!”
Alice closed her eyes as she wondered, “I thought that you didn’t really want to go to that date with Black…”
I snorted. “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, Alice. What has gotten into you, Mar?”
“No comment,” she answered, swiping her hair out of her face and fixing up a pony tail.
I smirked, “Oh, I know what’s gotten into you, Mar… and its name is Sirius Black.”
“N-“ she was caught off mid-word because of a boy’s entrance.
Sirius Black, in all his glory, was walking down the large table down to where Marlene was. I raised an eyebrow at her and she raised hers back. Alice still had her eyes closed.
“What, what happened?” she asked anxiously.
I only whispered to her, “Open your eyes and see!”
She did so and gaped when Sirius appeared at our part of the table.
“Marlene… mind if we talk?” he pondered quietly.
She stood up. “No, I don’t mind.”
Then she followed him out of the hall. I glanced at Alice with a worried glance. What if he was going to break things off (even when they hadn’t even gone out together after that dance)?
“Oh Merlin… I wonder what he’s going to tell her…” Alice whispered worriedly.
I bit my lip. “I hope he doesn’t… you know, do what he does with those poor girls that fall for him…”
“Well, hopefully he won’t do anything unforgivable like breaking things off. He hasn’t really had many girls, you know. Just a few, if you count the numbers right,” Alice said matter-of-factly.
Then suddenly, they came back; Marlene looking very smug and Sirius smiling weakly. Well, you could call his “smiling weakly” a sloppy smile, but still… I want to know what happened!
Then Alice speculated, “Lily, you won’t believe me if I tell you this, will you?”
“Of course I would believe you, Alice. What is it?” I asked.
She answered, “They’re holding hands.”
“How did I miss that?”
“Oh, you can’t see from where you are,” Alice informed. “Let’s wait for what she’s going to say about it though.”
I nodded. Then in few seconds, they arrived at the table.
“See you, Sirius,” she smiled up at him.
He nodded. “See you later then.” Then… Oh my God… he kissed her.
“What’s up with the public display of affection around here?” Elaine asked cheekily from beside us.
From Sirius’ raised eyebrow she added, “Sirius, you know I’m playing with you, right?”
“Sure, Elaine,” he answered suspiciously.
“Where’s Remus?” she wondered meekly.
Sirius answered with a shrug, “He said that he was going to visit that Mother of his again.”
“Aw… poor thing. I wish that I could have gone with him. Tell him that I asked where he was,” Elaine informed him with sympathy showing on her face and in her voice.
Sirius nodded and then told me, “James said that he won’t be able to patrol with you today.”
“Thanks, Sirius, but can you ask him why?” I asked politely.
He nodded again. “Sure. Now if you permit me… I must go.” He bowed and left, but not after giving Marlene another kiss.
She smiled and waved good bye to him.
Alice then questioned, “What were the two of you up to in that hallway?”
To our surprise she answered truthfully and honestly, “Oh, nothing, just me now being his girlfriend.”
I then whispered to Alice, “Are you sure that this is our Marlene?”
“I don’t know…” she answered just as quietly.
We turned to look at Marlene, whom was nibbling off of a blue berry muffin. She looked too innocent to hurt anyone, but she also looked too innocent to be true. Usually she’s up to something, so I must be on my guard…
After rounding the halls, I felt so tired and weary that in the instant that I sat down in my favorite couch of our Common Room… I fell asleep.
I just wish that I hadn’t…
I was in the restaurant again. He was sitting with Mum and a few of their friends.
I felt the same heart wrenching feeling that I had like when Dad died. I knew the same facts: that too much emotion would kill him. The doctors had said that his blood pressure was immensely high. They told him and gave him instructions on what to and not to eat. The doctors also told him that he should take more care of his emotional part of the body, because he would end up having a cardiac (heart) stroke.
He had forgotten about what they said as he ate without minding what he was eating. He even ignored Mother’s warnings. He had made a joke and was laughing and crying at the same time. That was when he stopped moving and was heaving for air. His face was red and gaping at me again, pleading to live – to be saved.
Everyone jumped up and ran to him. My Mother was scared and was holding on to him.
I only stared like I had been hit with an immovable curse. Someone nudged me in the side. I was too afraid to move, still.
“She’s in shock,” someone said.
Someone had called an ambulance. Once it had arrived, my Mother was staring down at my Dad. He had just fainted, his eyes were closed and his mouth was open trying to gain air. His chest was heaving up and down. Mother snapped out of it and grasped me and shook me until I came back to the real world. She then guided me to the ambulance after the paramedics had put Dad inside safely, without a singe word being told.
I was staring at my feet the whole way. I didn’t want him to die.
Only moments later Petunia had come right away after he was put in the emergency room. She looked shocked and was bombarding Mum about what was happening with Dad. Mum was holding a handkerchief to her eyes as she explained what happened at the party. After Petunia had heard everything she turned and glared at me. I felt the flames even when I turned around to face the emergency room door.
I know that she hated me more than ever now. I had to admit that I hated myself a little for becoming a Head Girl and having the stupid party after finding out. Why did Professor McGonagall choose me when she could have chosen someone else?
“Lily!” I heard from one side of the waiting room.
Alice and Marlene were running toward me. Alice looked very grim and Marlene looked very anxious.
My turn to be bombarded by questions. I thought warily as they reached me.
“What happened? I was in the back of the room and I couldn’t see what happened to your Da,” Alice asked quietly.
Marlene frowned, “Are you okay? Is there anything that you need?”
I felt a strange feeling of adrenaline as I closed my eyes tightly. My tears spilled from underneath my eyelids. Marlene and Alice stared. Marlene put a warm arm around me, her dark brown eyes watering up as mine were a while ago.
“Don’t talk about it if that makes you feel worse. Let’s just pray that he’ll be okay,” Marlene whispered.
Alice looked very confused, but did not say a word. I sobbed quietly as the minutes flew by in front of my face. My sister hates me more and I’m about to loose my Dad.
What else do I have left? My Mum’s always been here when I need her, but she was probably going to wear black for the rest of her life. From the old black and white photographs I could see the love that was between my parents. He was my Mum’s first love. I knew that if Dad died Mum would loose her soul, just like a Dementor sucked it out of you.
We sat and waited excruciating hours and minutes. Petunia was busy glaring at me as her dull boyfriend held her. Mum was staring at the floor and at her hands. She was crying more tears than I did. Alice and Marlene were sitting down around me. Marlene had bought me a cream doughnut and snuck me some of her pumpkin juice (which she had in a black water bottle) and I gradually took it with thanks in reply.
I when I was draining the black bottle of its last contents and nibbling on the last piece of doughnut, a doctor came to us. I stood up so fast that the back of my calves hurt. My Mum, Petunia and her boyfriend, and my friends stood up too. The doctor walked up to my Mum and began to talk to her in a low voice. I couldn’t hear, but I could tell that it was bad news. He looked grimmer than Alice or Marlene did when they came to my sides.
The doctor excused himself from us and left to his other patients. I knew what was headed towards me when my Mother walked towards us, her eyes making more tear rivers on her cheeks.
“You both have to be strong,” She paused to dab at her face furiously, “Yes, you have to be. He’s – he’s – he’s –“
Petunia screamed with anger and agony, “He’s dead! Why don’t you just say it?”
I braced by self when Petunia spat with remorse and threat, “It was her fault.” She pointed at me with an accusing finger.
I felt like my life was over when I flinched at her pointing. She looked satisfied, but I could tell that she still felt terrible about our Father’s loss.
“She’s a freak and she killed him. It was her fault,” She repeated.
Mum was about to reach out and hold me. I stepped away from her and I ran.
I ran into the void, into the darkness, and away, away from all of them. I ran away from it all, but Dad’s pale face still was there. I could still see him gagging as I heard the same verse all over again:
She’s a freak and she killed him. It was her fault.
I woke up, drenched in sweat and surprised that it was still the middle of the night, or so the clock on the wall said.
I could barely see the numbers, but I knew that it was that time of day. I stood up, feeling all sore in my legs and arms. I felt as if I had really gone for a mile run. I walked around the sofa before stopping in my tracks.
There was a lone dark figure in the room, walking toward the couch opposite my favorite. I reached for my wand and pointed it out.
“Lumos,” I hissed and my wand ignited at the tip.
It was James and he looked weary and tired.
“Where have you been?” I wondered, holding my right hand at my hip so as to stay standing. “Why couldn’t you go patrolling the halls?”
He answered, “I was sort of under detention with Professor Slughorn…”
“But, James, you’re Head Boy!” I gaped at him.
He game me a weak smile, “I told McGonagall that I took part in that food fight from the Ball…”
“Oh, James,” I sighed, but I smiled. “At least you told her the truth. So this means that you can’t be the Quidditch Captain anymore-“
“Actually, according to McGonagall… I still can and I’m eligible since Sirius already bombed his second chance as being the Captain for the team-“
I ran over and threw myself on him and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Whoa… I wasn’t expecting this to happen just because of giving myself up to McGonagall’s tortures in Detention,” he joked.
I looked up into his eyes and grinned, “At least you told the truth.”
“Yeah, I did, but please tell me what happened to you. A moment ago you looked all peaky and sort of sweaty-“
“Nightmare,” was my simple answer.
He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Well, at least I’m here to take your nightmares away, love. And I know the best way to do that.”
He carried me away to his room and snuggled up next to me. In few minutes, to my surprise, I fell asleep. And true to his word, I had no nightmares.
They didn’t do anything okay??? Oh well, here’s the next chapter and I’m scared of the thorns that are popping up out of no where in front of me. What should I do??? I’m sort of stuck at the moment, but I will keep adding on to this until I get satisfied with the outcome.
Reviews are always welcome, since they make a fic grow healthy and strong. :D
Lots of [imaginary] Hershey bite-size bars to my reviewers from:
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