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The Marauders and the Harry Potter books by theatrechick
Chapter 1 : The Marauders and the Harry Potter books
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The Marauders and the Harry Potter books.
By: Jenna Blake

Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters and books belong to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: I have read several of these, but no one has ever finished one, at least, no to my knowledge. Please let me know if I am wrong. Anyway, please review after you read. I combined Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 because 1 is so short… Enjoy…

The Marauders and the Harry Potter Books
Chapter 1: A boring summer…

James flopped down on his bed. It was only one week into the summer holiday and already James was bored. He could normally look forward to visits from his friends, but this summer there would be no visits. Peter Petigrew was overseas with his family, Remus Lupin was participating in some sort of clinical test with his werewolfness…, and Sirius was grounded, like always, be even more so this summer.

James thought about getting up to go through his quidditch stuff, decided it was strait enough, though about writing a letter to Lily Evans, it would annoy her, but would involve thinking, then he decided to take a nap. Just as he was settling down amidst his mountain of pillows, there was a knock at his window. It was Sirius Black!!!

"SIRIUS!" James yelled as he jumped out of bed and ran to the window to open it.

Sirius Black climbed through the window, followed by Remus Lupin. "Hey James! Remus here showed up at my pad, and said that he was being tortured and wanted to bust me out of the prison so we could come stay over here the rest of the summer!"

Remus looked about uncertainly, "So, what are we going to do?"

James opened his mouth to say something, when there was a loud crack and a dark hair girl was standing in James's room. Sirius stared, "James, I didn't know you had a girlfriend…"

The girl laughed, "I'm not his girlfriend! I'm from the Future and my name is Jenna Blake. I heard you saying that you were bored, so I came to give you this," she hands the entire Harry Potter series to James, "Be careful what you wish for..."

With another loud crack, Jenna was gone!

Remus picked up one of the books, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone, year one. JK Rowling… What is this?"

Sirius looked at the cover, "It kinda looks interresting…"

James nodded in agreement, "Let's read it! Mooney, you read the bestest of us all, so you read!"

Remus nodded wondering what he was getting into.



The Marauders and the Harry Potter books
Chapter 2- Chapter 1 'The Boy Who Lived'

Remus- Let's see, "Chapter 1, The Boy Who Lived"

Sirius- Great beginning!

James- Shut-up! It's just the chapter title!

Sirius- Oh…

Remus- Ahem… "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense." Something abnormal is going to happen to them…

Sirius- Why is that?

Remus- Classical element of literature.

James- Sirius, let's go wreck these 'normal' people's lives!

Remus- James, you can't. They don't exist.

Sirius- See James is stupid. Ignore him Moony, please read on.

Remus- "Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills."

James- Like owning a drill company named Grunnings is normal.

Sirius- My dad owns a business that specializes in… never mind…

Remus- I think that to Muggles, that must be 'normal'. "He was a big, beef man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors."

James- I don't believe it! The book is supposed to be about HARRY POTTER and not the DURSLEYS of #4 PRIVET DRIVE!!!

Sirius- They are way to 'normal' for their own good. This book is boring. Let's go and play quidditch.

Lupin- Give the book a chance! "The Dursleys had a small son called…"

Sirius- Harry Potter!

James- Vernon Jr.!

Remus- PETER?!

Peter- Hey guys.

Sirius- I thought you were in America.

Peter- My parents decided to go to China, and could only go if I didn't go with them. So they dropped me off here.

James- … err… ok…

Sirius- Peter, we're in the middle of story time. There are these 'normal' people who have a son named, get this, Peter!

Remus- Sirius, we don't know what the boys name is, Peter walked in and I said his name.

Sirius- I'm confused…

James- Keep reading Moony.

Remus- "… Dudley…"

Sirius and James roll around on the floor laughing hysterically.

Peter- … Did they take the medication?

Remus- I know that Sirius left his behind at 12 Grimauld Place…

James- I don't need medicine.

Peter- Read on.

Remus- "… and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere."

Sirius- 'Then James Potter and Sirius Black arrive with Harry Potter…' James, maybe this book is about your son!!!

Peter- It can't be about James's son.

Remus- Yeah, cause that means that James would be married, and we all know what James thinks of girls…

Sirius- EWWW!!! GROSS!!! GIRLS!!!

James- *Hits Sirius with one of his pillows* I do not!

Peter- Maybe it's-

Sirius- Lily Evans!

James- *Hits Sirius again* No way! She hates us!

Sirius- Yeah, she's the only Gryffindor who does…

Remus- May I continued?

Peter- Please!

Remus- "The Dursleys had everything they wanted," *Louder so James and Sirius can't interrupt* "but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it."

Sirius- 'They were related to James Potter!'

James- *Hits Sirius yet again. * *Pins him to the ground then mutters a gluing spell* Continue Remus.

Sirius- *muffled* Help!!!

Remus- "They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters."

Peter- Yeah, they are the most guarded family in the wizard world.

James- No we aren't!

Remus- "Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursely's sister, but they hadn't meet for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be."

James- I object! 'unDursleyish' is not a word!

Sirius- *finally uses his head and mutters the counter-spell* Well, we know one thing for sure! The book is talking about James's son.

James- Why, pray-tell, do you say that?

Sirius- 'Good-for-nothing husband…' 'The Potters…'

Peter- We get it!

Remus- "The Dursely's shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters showed up in the street."

Peter- Get out of the road!

Sirius- Hey. That's what I was going to say!

James- Shut-up!

Remus- "The Dursleys knew the Potter's had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that."

Sirius- Who would want their kid around on of James's offspring?

James- You will! Because you'll be my kid's godfather!

Sirius- Not if you wife has any say. She'll probably hate me…

Remus- If I can continue…

Sirius- Sure… Peter's asleep…

James- Who cares?

Remus- "When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country." Uh-oh…

Sirius- The Marauders strike the 'normal' Muggles!

James- We are now open for suggestions…

Peter- *waking up at James and Sirius's yelling* We all take naps?

James- Pranks…

Remus- We keep reading to find out…

James- ok.

Remus- "Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair."

James- I swear that this book should be called Dudley Dursley and the Sorcerers Stone!

Sirius- No, remember, they are 'normal' and 'don't hold with nonsense'

Remus- The book said nothing about that last part, Padfoot.

Sirius- 'It's a classical element of literature!'

Remus- Don't mock the only one of us with a brain!

James- Sirius is sorry, read on Remmie, the story is finally beginning to start!

Remus- Okay, "None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window."

James- Our suspicions are comforted Padfoot!

Sirius- Indeed they are Prongs!

Peter- What suspicions?

James- That

Sirius- the

James- Dursleys

Sirius- are

James- Muggles!

Remus- Good grief!

James- Go back to sleep, Wormtail. Moony, please read on.

Remus- *sighs* "At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the check, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls."

Sirius- Spoiled. Rotten. Brat.

James- Yeah, he's worse than me…

Remus- " 'Little tyke,' chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive." He is worse than you are James. When you act like that, you get grounded.

Peter- Give him a break. He's only what, one-year-old?

James- No, I was grounded at that age too.

Sirius- I'm always grounded.

Remus- Why does that not surprise me? Allow me to continue, "It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar-"

James- 'Peculiar'… Not 'abnormal', or 'unusual', but 'peculiar'…

Sirius- Unnatural!

Remus- Good word!

Sirius- Peter sleeps more than you do Remus…

James- Anyway, read on Remmie!

Remus- " a cat reading a map."

Sirius- McGonagall.

Remus- Sirius, this book is fiction. It doesn't really happen. Like you turning in your homework on time…

Sirius- I'll go get my medicine if it isn't McGonagall.

James- Deal!

Remus- "For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen- then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight."

Sirius- McGonagall.

Remus- *shacks head sadly* "It must have been a trick of the light."

James- Muggles. They go to great lengths to ignore magic.

Sirius- To true Prongsie.

Remus- Hey guys, Peter's gone…

James- I don't care. My room's bigger now that he's gone.

Sirius- James that's an awful thing to say! I was just about to say it! Line stealer!

Remus- "Mr. Dursley blinked and started at the cat. It stared back."

Sirius- It's *so* McGonagall!

James- No it's not!

Remus both of you shut-up!

James- Remus! Watch your language!

Sirius- My poor virgin ears!

Remus- Poor babies… "As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive- no, ~looking~ at the sigh; cats couldn't read maps ~or~ signs."

James- You're just scarred of the truth!

Sirius- Yeah, it's really Minerva McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House, Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!

Remus- "As he drove toward the town he thought of nothing but a very large order of drills he was hopping to get that day."

James- Don't count your chickens before they hatch!

Sirius- Yeah, McGonagall's at your house, I'd be really worried.

Remus- Knock it off Sirius!

Sirius- Well, innocent until proven guilty…

James- Who gives a care!? Read on!

Remus- Come on Padfoot, let's settle this once and for all!

Sirius- Name the time and place!

Remus- Here and Now!

Sirius- You're on!

James- Fine! I'll do the reading!

Sirius- *Caught in Remus's headlock* Wha?

Remus- *drops Sirius* James can read?

James- … "But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else."

Remus- Not a word Sirius…

Sirius- But…

Remus- Ah!

Sirius- *sulks*

James- Both of you stop! "As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about."

Sirius- Yeah, they were wearing interesting ties!

Remus- I'm serious! Stop the noise this is interesting!

Sirius- But… you're Remus J. Lupin, I'm SIRIUS Black…

James- Of course you are mate… "People dressed in clocks."

Sirius- …

Remus- …

James- Muggles… know… about…

Sirius- …

Remus- …

James- …

Sirius- …

James- …

Remus- … us…

James- Maybe… these people are from the circus…

Sirius- …

Remus- … yeah, that must be it…

James- Let's keep reading… *nervous laugh*

Remus- *laugh nervously too* Yeah…

Sirius- …

James- "Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dress in funny clothes- the getups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some new fashion."

A sigh of relief is heard from everyone.

James- "He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why that man had to older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak!"

Remus- … Maybe they are… you know…

Sirius- …

James- Must be…

Remus- Sirius, what do you think?

Sirius- …

Remus- Oh well, might as well read on James.

James- Right… "The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt… yes, that would be it."

Remus- See Sirius, nothing to be worried about!

Sirius- *shakes his head, no* …

James- *sighs* "The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills."

Remus- That was strange.

James- I'm sure 'Mr. Dursley' would agree. Do you notice that they never use their first names…

Sirius- Hogwarts…

Remus- Yeah, that's right Sirius, just like at Hogwarts…

James- Let's read on shall we? "Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window of his office on the ninth floor."

Sirius- Except for today.

Remus- I liked it better when you were quiet…

Sirius- To bad!

James- Hem hem… "If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. ~He~ didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had seen an owl even at nighttime."

Remus- This is getting kinda creepy…

Sirius- See what I mean?

Remus- Yeah, now I do.

James- Remember you too, this is fiction. I can't believe I just said that…

Remus- Neither can we…

Sirius- Hurry up and read the book Prongs!

Remus- Yeah. Sirius and I might start to wrestle again…

James- Okay! I'll read, just settle down… "Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road and buy himself a bun from the bakery."

Sirius- Speaking of bakery's, I'm hungry.

Remus- No, you're not you're Sirius.

Sirius- I know, I'm serious!

James- Remus, you'll hurt his head. Give him a dog treat.

Sirius- Just because I transfigure into a dog doesn't mean that I like dog food!

James- Sorry…

Remus- Keep reading!

James- "He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's."

Sirius- How do you forget weirdos in cloaks?

Remus- …

James- "He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy."

Sirius- Muggles make me feel that way…

Remus- Only you…

Sirius- What?

Remus- Never mind. The story?

James- if you'd stop interrupting… "This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words they were saying."

Sirius- …

Remus- …

James- Uh-oh…

Sirius- …

Remus- This can't be good…

James- Nope…

Sirius- …

Remus- Read on… I guess…

James- I hope this isn't bad… "The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard-"

Remus- James, you're back in the story again…

James- "- yes, their son, Harry-" Hey, we finally meet my kid! And he's already famous!

Remus- He's not even one yet…

Sirius- …

James- So? Let's see what he did! "Mr. Dursley stopped dead."

Sirius- *snapping out of 'it'* Call the medi-wizards! He died!

Remus- It's an expression…

Sirius- …

James- "Fear flooded him."

Sirius- Hurry pump him out!

Remus- Sirius,-

Sirius- I know, I know, but this is supposed to be funny…

James- "He looked at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it."

Sirius- To bad.

Remus- I wonder what he would have said…

Sirius- I don't know…

James- Let me at least finish a paragraph before you interrupt me again! "He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his homes phone number when he changed his mind. HE out the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking… no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name."

Sirius- Nope it sure isn't!

Remus- Shhhhh…

James- Ahem… "He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry."

Sirius- I'm so sure..

Remus- Sirius…

James- QUIT INTERRUPTING ME!!! "come to think of it, he wasn't even sure if his nephew ~was~ called Harry. He'd never seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold." Idiot.

Sirius- What?

Remus- James means is that Harold can be shortened to Harry…

Sirius- Oh…

James- "There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her- if he'd had a sister like that… but all the same, those people in cloaks…"

Remus- These people need some serious marriage counseling…

Sirius- But if I counseled they, the marriage would probably end sooner…

Remus- Never mind…

James- I'm tired of reading. Sirius, it's your turn.

Sirius- I… can't read that well…

Remus- It's a very simple book.

Sirius- Well… okay… "He found it harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked strait into someone just outside the door."

Remus- How rude!

James- Bet he doesn't apologize…

Sirius- You're wrong… " 'Sorry,' he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell."

James- You cheated! I get to read again.

Sirius- Remus should read!

Remus- I enjoy arguing with you…

James- *grabs the book from Sirius* "It was a few seconds before mr5. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. HE didn't seem all that upset at being almost knocked to the ground."

Sirius- It's Flitwick…

Remus- Don't spoil it for us!

Sirius- But I'm not… I'm just guessing that the old man is Flitwick…

Remus- Whatever you say…

James- Let's consult the book! "On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passersby stare,"

Remus- …

James- He was right…

Sirius- I win!

James- " 'Don't be sorry , my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who is gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!' "

Sirius- …

Remus- …

James- Did… he… just… say… that… Vol-…


Remus- Was…

Sirius- …

James- … gone…


Sirius- PARTY!!!

The group breaks out the butterbeer and Honeydukes's chocolate.

Remus- What else does it say?

James- "And the old man hugged M. Dursley around the middle and walked off."

Sirius- HAHAHAHAAAA!!!! Dursley was hugged by one of the weirdoes!!!

James- Yeah… "Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought that he had been called a Muggle, Whatever that was. He was rattled."

Sirius- I used to have a rattle… Then my snake died and my dad burned it…

Remus- You had a very weird childhood…

Sirius- No, it was fun…

James- "He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination."

Remus- Glad I'm not his kid…

James- Sirius, we'd be dead…

Sirius- Why?

James- Mr. Phepfer, Ms. Tlimswood, Mortymer…

Sirius- NO!!! Don't take Mr. Fluffles!!!

Remus- Breath Sirius! In… Out… In… Out… In… Out… good, keep it up…

Sirius- In… out… in…out…in… out…

James- *sadly shakes his head* "As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he- and it didn't improve his mood- was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes."

Sirius- Told you so!!!

Remus- So, maybe it's…

Sirius- What? Maybe it's… WHAT?

Mrs. Potter- BOYS!!! DINNER IS READY!!!

James- How'd she know you guys were here?

Remus- Someone had to let us in the gate…

James- Ohhh… Let's go eat then!

Sirius- FOOD!!!

A/N: Harry is glaring at me… I know, it's disgraceful, and it's short. I wanted to do the whole first chapter, but this takes sooo long… When I get 5 reviews, I'll post the next chapter. I've got it done, by the way… Please review!!!

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